Today's Hoot!

Mark Steyn:

The great European thinkers have decided that instead of doing another four years of lame Bush-is-a-moron cracks they're going to do four years of lame Americans-are-morons cracks. Inaugurating the new second-term outreach was Brian Reade in the Daily Mirror, who attributed the President's victory to: "The self-righteous, gun-totin', military-lovin', sister-marryin', abortion-hatin', gay-loathin', foreigner-despisin', non-passport-ownin' rednecks, who believe God gave America the biggest dick in the world so it could urinate on the rest of us and make their land 'free and strong'."

Well, that's certainly why I supported Bush, but I'm not sure it entirely accounts for the other 59,459,765.

Me too, Mark! So now it's down to 59,459,764, I guess.

So you think Hollyweirdos are clueless?

Andrew Bolt provides a glimpse of the artistes Down Under - I'd swear this chick talks foul:

The editor of the Sunday Herald Sun warns that some readers may be offended by the language quoted in this column.

AS MARIEKE Hardy swore through her speech on good writing, I wondered how it is we're sliding so fast into barbarity.

After all, isn't Hardy typical of a generation of activists that backs fashionable moral causes?
...
Now she's an admired scriptwriter, working not only on Neighbours, Blue Heelers, Always Greener, Short Cuts and Something in the Air, but on Channel 7's new Last Man Standing, being made with the help of government cash.

In fact, she's so admired that she was flown last weekend to the Sydney Writers' Muster -- also backed by taxpayers' money -- to discuss: "What happened to all the risky writing?"

Here's excerpts from her published speech:

"Hello. I f...ing hate speaking in public . . . I am currently working with Ewan Burnett on [Last Man Standing] . . . and when I asked him what I should say today he suggested I read one of my old spoken-word pieces about my parents sticking pepper grinders up each other's a...s. . . .

Ah, a spicy family life! It gets better (or worse depending on your point of view and sense of humor) but you'll have to follow the link. As for her politics:

Despite this, Hardy is an activist with a social conscience. She and a friend own Polichicks, which sells Bob Brown cushions, "Sorry" necklaces and Gough Whitlam handbags. Part of the profits, she says, goes to the far-Left Refugee Action and the National Sorry Day Committee.

Ed. note: This is a local Australian variant of the universal leftoid Sorry meme.

On her website, she notes how The Age attacked the editor of the student newspaper Farrago, Miranda Airey-Branson, 20, whose social sin is to vote Liberal. [i.e. conservative in Australia - ed.]

"Is there some slutty sweary ladybird on-line who is an out and proud Liberal," Hardy jeers, before describing how she would sexually abuse Airey-Branson, whom she calls an "ugly ignorant c..." -- wrongly I should add. "Then I'm going to p... on her."

She must be a lot of fun at parties! Maybe we could hook her up with Margaret Cho?

"Paris Tells Palestinians to Remove Arafat"

I know it's DEBKA, but still:

What happened next was that Christian Estripeau, spokesman of the French military health services, informed Mrs. Arafat that he would issue no more bulletins on Arafat’s condition; neither would Percy hospital. She was given to understand that the hospital had kept her husband artificially alive as long as it intended to. The conversation followed a decision by a top-level conference of French officials, attended also by the president, to disengage from the pretence that Arafat was still alive. They realized it was no longer tenable without compromising the military hospital’s ethical position and medical credibility.

As I recall, Suha resides in an entire floor of a French hotel. Just call room service and have them fill up a room with ice!

Just trying to help!

(Credit: Bootyist Monk)

Another angst report starring one of our favorites!

The NY Times has a fairly standard People Magazine-style article on Hollywood angst over the election - The Gurus of What's In Wonder if They're Out of Touch. But the best part is that they let our old pal, Lawrence O'Donnell, flap his piehole:

"There's a mournfulness going on - people are talking about secession, and they're not completely joking," said Lawrence O'Donnell, a writer on "The West Wing" and a political commentator. "The intensity of disappointment is so enormous. I haven't experienced or witnessed anything like it since 1972," when George McGovern lost to Richard Nixon.
...
Mr. O'Donnell said he could not imagine changing "The West Wing" to conform to the competing sensibility of more than half the electorate.

"I don't see any way to write 'The West Wing' for current Bush voters," he said. "I couldn't possibly write a heroic president who goes to war for an announced reason that turns out to be false and changes his story about how he went to war. There's nothing in the Bush presidency that holds up for a 'West Wing'-style presidency, which is a fundamentally honest and honorable administration. That's the notion of it."

Snort. But Larry, think of the dialogue you could write!

FEARLESS POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar. LIAR!

There's an Emmy in it for you!

I'll be gobsmacked!

Representative-elect's son arrested in tire slashings:

The 25-year-old son of newly elected congresswoman Gwen Moore was arrested Friday by Milwaukee police and later released in connection with the election day slashing of tires on 20 vans and cars rented by the Republican Party, according to police records.

Sowande Ajumoke Omokunde, also known as Supreme Solar Allah, arrived at the Milwaukee police administration building Friday morning with his attorney, was arrested at 9 a.m. and held in the police holding facility for several hours before being released, according to records.

I wonder if his friends call him "Supe"? In any case, according to the article, Mr. Allah apparently still lives with Momma so one can't help but wonder if she'll be taking him to Washington with her.

At least some of the wingnuts are humorous!

Hunter S. Thompson, Nov. 2, 2004 - Kerry will come through:

Kerry will win big today. I guarantee it. The evil Bush family of central Texas is about to suffer another humiliating failure on another disastrous election day.
...
The sun has come up over the Rockies and the time has come to drive into town and vote aggressively for my man, who will win this election handily. And the Democrats will regain control of both houses of Congress. That is all I know right now, and all I need to know.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. We will march on a road of bones.

Hunter S. Thompson, Nov. 2, 2004 in Election with Hunter by Troy Hooper:

It was Bailey's Irish Cream and Royal Salute Scotch Whiskey at the Thompson household on Election Night.
...
Actor Sean Penn, presidential historian Douglas Brinkley, Kerry press secretary David Wade and others checked in with Thompson who sat on a chair inhaling cigarettes and stiff drinks in between bites of breakfast, which wasn't served to the late-awakening writer until after the sun went down.

Hey, I thought he was up at dawn to drive into town? I guess they must have tucked him in later if the old souse didn't vote absentee in the first place.

Asked for a candid assessment of the election, Thompson put it plainly to Penn.

"I've got the worst possible news. Colorado has gone to hell like all the other states," Thompson said into the speakerphone. "They must have all voted the same way they prayed."
...
"The news is getting logarithmically more horrible," Thompson told another caller as the night wore on. "They're all committing suicide up in Boston."

He means exponentially, but he's a lot less foolish than Dan Rather or Judy Woodruff.

He deemed the election "another failure of the youth vote."

"Yeah, we rocked the vote all right. Those little bastards betrayed us again."

Bwahaha! At least he's devoted to his delusion.

The latter article relates Kerry's visit to the inebriated guru but there's no mention of Teresa. Teresa Heinz Kerry meets Hunter S. Thompson - that I'd pay to see.

Let it all hang out!

A Best of the Web reader has some fun with suggestions on Whither the Dems?

Dear Democrats,

While you think about how to do better next time, please stay true to your core values and feelings. Don't restrain your anger; part of your problem in this election was that you didn't put it out there enough. If other Americans understood how truly mad you are it would make more of an impression.

James Taranto mentions Krugman and Smiley, but heck, why settle for second best?

Paging Deano!

And then there's "P. Diddy"

MTV breathlessly informs us P. Diddy Exhausted After 'Running Wild' On Election Day:

P. Diddy says he got off on the wrong foot when it came to his political endeavors in 2004. If he could do things over again, he wouldn't have yelled for folks to get George W. Bush's "ass out of office."

"I was a little reckless with my comments, to be honest," Diddy said on Tuesday (November 2). "I realized I relinquished my power too early after I educated myself. I shouldn't have said that until I felt that there was somebody that could be better for my people. ... I learned a lot in this process. I learned that my power could be used better. Instead of attacking Bush, it would be better to light a flame under young Americans and let them make the decisions."

The rest of the article seems to be a puff piece for ole P that's even more mindless than he is.

"[Voting] gave me a lot of butterflies. It felt like my vote counted. It really felt when I pulled that lever that my 'ching' went in. The vibe with all the kids [voting], it looked crazy. I know it never happened with so many young people, with minorities, it was crazy. You could tell we were making history. A young lady came up to me and [said] this was her first time voting, and that's because of the Vote or Die campaign. She was taught by us, she got interested in voting, and it wasn't that difficult.

My fears of a rocket scientist shortage were unfounded!

Well, at least the Daily Recyler has a video.

And while we're talking embarassment

Joan Baez and Me:

She gwine tell de folks how dat ol' missuh prez'dent be a debbil!

Joan's never been the sharpest tool in the drawer, but this seems to be a "personal best" for her.

In a similar vein, catch the video of Captain Dan Rather saying "doze ol' bloggers be debbils too!"

Whoa! That's some dynamite angst, Janie!

Jane Smiley is the author of many novels and essays. She lives in California. She's also barking mad.

Fun with Moonbats (a neverending story)

Donald Luskin at NRO:

On Election Day, Paul Krugman was all choked up. Now, he’s just choking. And I won’t kid you — I’m loving it.
...
How easy it was for him to get all misty-eyed and magnanimous, and wish for nothing more than a clean election, when he thought that it was his candidate who would benefit from a large voter turnout. But his predictions for Tuesday proved to have been as absurdly wrong as near everything else he has written in his Times column over the last four years.
...
For all of us who have been wondering what a defeated Krugman would do if Bush were reelected, now we know: Like Scarlet O’Hara, he’s retiring to the fainting sofa:

I’ll be starting a long-planned break next week, to work on an economics textbook. I’ll be back in January.

I didn’t think my joy Tuesday night could be made any more complete, but it has been. Just think — two months of Krugman-free Tuesdays and Fridays. Oh, by the way, I hereby volunteer to proof-read Krugman’s textbook before it is published. He’s been known to make mistakes, and I’ve been known to catch them.

More hilarity at the expense of the usual suspects by following the link.

I thought the chorus was awfully loud!

Michael J. Totten - Zombie Hordes of Theo-cons:

Andrew Coyne utterly demolishes the silly idea that Bush won his re-election campaign by unleashing an army of fundamentalist Christians across the red heartland. I mean, he really blows that theory to pieces. Read it.

Then he asks:

When a candidate draws increased numbers of votes from groups not traditionally identified with his party, we usually call that "broadening the base." So why the fascination with zombie hordes of theo-cons?

That’s real easy. It’s emotionally satisfying. The crazies are taking over is a lot easier to swallow than we f*cked up and lost.

They're living in a fantasy world, much like their candidate.

Sheesh!

They just got to work on the West Coast and hit the big knife switch to get Blogspot working again.

Isn't that special?

Poor little rich boy, Chris Heinz, issues a valedictory to his fellow fever swamp dwellers at the "Democratic Underground":

Hello DU,

Chris Heinz here, newly minted casualty of the Bush economic plan.

Someone took his trust funds? Who knew? Well I guess that means Gwyneth Paltrow's going to dump him. Oops! She already has.

More bizarre juvenile ranting by following the link which leads one to the conclusion that he takes after Teresa's side of the family. On the other hand, that lets him fit in quite well at DU.

(Via FR)

Nobody does it like the New York Times!

Liberal angst that is - A Blue City (Disconsolate, Even) Bewildered by a Red America. A few choice excerpts:

"I'm saddened by what I feel is the obtuseness and shortsightedness of a good part of the country - the heartland," Dr. Joseph said. "This kind of redneck, shoot-from-the-hip mentality and a very concrete interpretation of religion is prevalent in Bush country - in the heartland."

"New Yorkers are more sophisticated and at a level of consciousness where we realize we have to think of globalization, of one mankind, that what's going to injure masses of people is not good for us," he said.

How about a chorus of Kumbaya for the Doc, everyone?

Ms. Camhe, the film producer, frequents Elaine's restaurant with friends and spends many mornings on a bench in Central Park talking politics with homeless people with whom she's become acquainted.

Must maintain. Must. Not. Laugh. Uproariously.

She spent part of Tuesday knocking on doors in Pennsylvania to rustle up Kerry votes then returned to Manhattan to attend an election-night party thrown by Miramax's chairman, Harvey Weinstein, at The Palm. Ms. Camhe was also up much of the night talking to a son in California who was depressed at the election results.

When it became clear yesterday morning that the outlook for a Kerry squeaker was a mirage, she was unable to eat breakfast. Her doorman on Central Park West gave her a consoling hug. Then a friend buying coffee along with her said she had just heard a report on television that Mr. Kerry had conceded and tears welled in Ms. Camhe's eyes.

"Woman of the people" and sensitive too!

Ms. Camhe explained the habits and beliefs of those dwelling in the heartland like an anthropologist.

"What's different about New York City is it tends to bring people together and so we can't ignore each others' dreams and values and it creates a much more inclusive consciousness," she said. "When you're in a more isolated environment, you're more susceptible to some ideology that's imposed on you."
...
But she said that a dichotomy of outlooks was bad for the country.

"If the heartland feels so alienated from us, then it behooves us to wrap our arms around the heartland," she said. "We need to bring our way of life, which is honoring diversity and having compassion for people with different lifestyles, on a trip around the country."

Don't call us - we'll call you.

About those bogus exit polls

The Washington Prowler offers a new theory:

According to at least three sources, one inside the Kerry campaign, and two outside of it, but with ties to senior Kerry advisers, some of the "early polling numbers" were in fact direct reports from Kerry campaign or Democratic Party operatives on the ground in such critical states as Pennsylvania, Ohio, North Carolina, Virginia, Florida, Iowa, Michigan, and Wisconsin. According to a Washington lobbyist with knowledge of the numbers, the numbers were packaged together so as to appear to be exit poll results. They were then scrubbed through several sources to land in the lap of sympathetic bloggers who these operatives believed would put the numbers up with little question.

Some of the numbers claimed to be exit polling data that showed Kerry with a 8-1 voter ratio. As soon as the numbers hit the Internet, panic set in.

"It was awful," says a Republican House staffer. "You just felt sick when you saw the numbers."

Within an hour, the real exit poll numbers began to leak out, and while they were considerably better for Bush, they continued to show him lagging three to four percentage points behind the Democrats across the major electoral map, with a two-point disadvantage in the national, popular vote.

Is it phony BS or real BS? Quite a choice.

Campaign Dirt Alert!

Newsweek is doing a heck of a PR job for their "inside the campaign" expose articles as I mentioned in the previous two posts where Evan "15%" Thomas was flogging them on the Today Show and Imus with Teresa gossip. Portions are online now at the Newsweek web site, but the NY Daily News has a selection of anecdotes in Dish on campaign trail follies. Excerpts:

"I can't believe I'm losing to this idiot," the Massachusetts Democrat sighed to a staffer when President Bush's poll numbers surged in April.

"Why the f--- didn't he take it?" he wondered when Republican Sen. John McCain refused to be his running mate a half-dozen times.

"It's a pack of f---ing lies, what they're saying about me," he shouted at an adviser as a group of Swift boat veterans stepped up attacks on his Vietnam War record while his team refused to let him respond.

Those are some of the behind-the-scenes stories from the year-long race for the White House revealed in a special Newsweek report out today.

Who's the idiot now, 'Effin? And how was the weather in Cambodia?

Supposedly the Newsweek team had "special access" to the Kerry team and if they can be believed, something similar with the President's team:

Meanwhile, in the Bush camp, chief strategist Karl Rove was baffled that Kerry managed to snag the Democratic nomination.

By the fall of 2003, he was focused on the threat posed by former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean, saying Kerry had "pissed away every advantage of the front-runner."
Rove started betting hamburgers with other White House staffers that Dean would win - and stuck to his guns even when the campaign flamed out after his screaming Iowa concession.

"Want to double your bets?" Bush needled his adviser, who insisted Dean still had the money to pull out a primary victory.

Also cool:

After it was clear Kerry would be Bush's challenger, the Republicans set about attacking him, hoping he would overreact - and got their wish.

An ad mocking Kerry for voting against the $87 billion appropriation was prepared as the Democrat headed to West Virginia to speak to a veterans' group.

That led a heckler to start hammering at Kerry's vote during his speech, and the candidate fell for the bait, infamously explaining he voted for the funds before voting against them.

"The second we saw it, we knew we had a new ad," Bush ad man Mark McKinnon gloated.

Since it's Newsweek, who knows how much is true, but think of it as similar to looking at the front page of the Enquirer in the checkout line. It's good for a laugh.

Today Show Mourning Alert!

Some of the folks on FreeRepublic share my fascination with perky Katie Couric, her flying monkey, Matt Lauer, and the rest of the characters on the Today Show. She's the network answer to "evil right-wing talk radio", I guess, and she's so darn perky!

Anyhow the Freepers love to document each show and noted on Tuesday that besides drumming up support for the Democrats,

Let's close on a Couric fashion-watch note. Katie was dressed in a very neutral beige. Let's hope she has the black number back from the cleaners for tomorrow!

Lo and behold on Wednesday, black was exactly what she and Matt were wearing (see above) as they tried a brief "Fight team, fight" cheer before descending into "What went wrong?" Notice that it's not "What went right for the President."

Well, it's hard to keep a spunky lass down and today (while still dressed in black) she was in a fighting mood. There was a problem though:

If there's one place where Democrats know they'll receive a warm reception, it's The Today Show. So take it as a sign of the depths of Dem depression that Katie Couric had to admit this morning that "with Dems licking their wounds" it was difficult for the show to find a Dem willing to come on!

You'd think that it would have been a cinch to find a leading Republican insider to talk about W's plans for the second term. So who did Today choose? Gillepsie, Frist, Hastert, maybe even Cheney? Nope, they went to a guy firmly on the outside, Today's favorite Republican, John McCain.

Even that didn't work out that well:

McCain took a huge swipe at Kerry's notoriouly lackluster record as a Senator. "Speaking personally, If you work at it you can really enhance your effectiveness in the Senate," advised McCain!

Bwahaha! More typical Katie hijinks by following the link, but look who else showed up!

At the beginning of the second half-hour, Evan Thomas of Newsweek appeared to tout a special Newsweek edition telling the inside story from the campaign. By far the most interesting comments were his absolute massacring of Teresa Heinz Kerry. I couldn't type fast enough to keep up, but among his blasts at her:

"A negative for the campaign, a bad campaigner, all about her, very demanding, a drag on her husband."

Since he also was flogging the same stuff this morning on the Imus show (previous post), I guess the long knives are out for the Empress. Ouch! Catch Newsweek at the checkout next to the Enquirer!

Dirty Laundry Alert!

Evan "15%" Thomas of Newsweek spills his guts on the Imus show:

First, Thomas admits that Kerry's staff took his cell-phone away from him twice, in order to prevent him from calling hundreds of people to decide what he should think about a particular issue. Imus adds that Kerry called him, Imus, on more than one occasion asking for advice.
...
Next, Thomas candidly describes Teresa Heinz-Kerry as a self-absorbed hypchondriac.

We did need a Department of Wellness! And thanks for telling us now, Evan.

More Biscuits and Gravy

I need to build up my strength, so here's a second helping.

If America is 'a nation divided,' what the heck does that make Canada?

A nation divided. That was the tag line the CBC used in its run-up to Tuesday's U.S. presidential election. Even now that the election was won with a real majority by U.S. President George W. Bush after John Kerry conceded defeat following a tight race, commentator after commentator and interviewee after interviewee keeps saying Bush's majority is so slim he doesn't really have a strong mandate.

Compared to Canada, though, Bush does indeed have a majority -- a real one -- something Canadians have not seen since 1984, when Brian Mulroney won the first one in Canada since 1958.

Newsday seems to be specializing in liberal angst. First there was yesterday's laugher and now the endlessly amusing Sheryl McCarthy provides Many NYers discover it's not easy being blue.

It was the image of the election night map - with a tiny cluster of blue states on the East Coast, a small cluster on the West Coast, a handful in the middle and all the rest a yawning sea of red - that stuck in the mind.

And it caused quite a few New Yorkers to wake up in a state of shock yesterday, aware that there's a huge gulf between the way we think and the way the rest of the country thinks.
...
In New York, where about 60 percent of the voters went for Kerry, his supporters were feeling a highly emotional sense of loss. The hope and optimism they felt about the prospect of the country's taking a new direction with Kerry and Edwards in the White House has suddenly vanished.

"I'm totally depressed," said Manhattan Borough President C. Virginia Fields, a longtime Democrat and a Kerry supporter. "I'm hearing that from other people too."

Sheesh, in our little rural county we had 65% for the President although the bigger county next door showed us up with 68%. Of course, that's nothing compared to Madison County, Idaho which went 92% for the President. Think how badly us benighted folks would have felt if the Lurchster had won, Sheryl!

And don't forget Hollyweird! Stephanie Mansfield enlightens with Producing a Hollywood flop:

Long decried as out of touch with "the real America," Hollywood woke up to its worst nightmare on Main Street.
...
One can only imagine the despair of the Hollywood stars over the specter of glittery state dinners and policy lunches that could have been: Barbra and Moby, Uma Thurman and Viggo Mortensen, Meryl Streep and Robert De Niro, Bette Midler and George Clooney. Directed, perhaps, by Rob Reiner and Steven Spielberg.

Who knew "moral values" voters could triumph over production values?

Not to mention Euro Angst! I'll need a whole post for the Guardian later.

Biscuits and gravy

(Via Hoystory) For Sale on eBay - Michael Moore's Relevance:

After the Kerry/Edwards election failure tuesday, Michael Moore's relevance is one of the rarest items available on E-Bay today. This auction is for whatever relevance Mr. Moore has seven days from now. I do not anticipate there will be much left, but there just might be enough to give to the highest bidder. I am positive that once his relevance is gone seven days from now there will be no more to be found anywhere, at any price.
...
Q: Do we get the entire Michael Moore? And if so, how much will shipping be.. I'd imagine quite alot because of the weight of the package.

A: The entire Michael Moore would cost way too much to ship. I am selling his relevance because it is the 2nd smallest part of him....

(Via Captain's Quarters) CNN's Netscape Network Election 2004 page has more news than it intends. It provides a photo with the URL http://cdn-channels.netscape.com/cppops/features/n/ne_election5/i/asshole.jpg. Guess who's in the photo? The link still works as of 6:18 EST today, but they now have a renamed version appearing in the page.

Ace has the two obligatory liberal media stories which always get trotted out after a Republican victory. They're so predictable, it's comedic.

Don't miss the Little Green Football's features: Gloat Watch and Choice Moonbat Quotes.

Iowahawk provides grief counseling: Let the healing begin

A sad but uplifting letter from MoveOn as reported by Claire at SondraK's place.

This lady definitely drank the Kool-Aid

All upset, Bunky?

Election news got you down?

The announcement came over the loudspeakers at the Park Slope Food Co-op shortly before noon: Sen. John Kerry was conceding. People looked at each other stricken over the soy milk and organic vegetables.

"Fair Trade" coffee and tofu too, I bet!

Pilates instructor Rachel Priebe ran weeping from the store.

In case you're not au courant, Pilates is tai chi for the terminally trendy.

"I'm heartbroken," said Priebe, 30, sobbing gently as she loaded her bicycle on a Brooklyn sidewalk. "The rest of the country must be pretty out of touch with reality."

While Democrats mourned nationwide Wednesday, the mood among liberal New Yorkers was particularly dark and foul as some of the country's most Democratic precincts digested the results of the election. From Park Slope to Harlem, there was despair, dismay and cynicism over President's Bush's re-election.

Upper middle class Brooklynites called red state voters misinformed and self-interested. And outside the Apollo Theater in Harlem, residents cried that the fix was in and Bush had stolen another election.

"I see IQ's haven't increased while I was away."

"I'm devastated," writer Emma Starr said as she left the nation's largest member-owned and -operated food co-op. "I have proposed that we should have two distinct nations. Why should we be forced to live together under the rule of an evil dictator?"

Ming the Merciless won't be pleased, Emma!

Leonard Lopate, the liberal host of a morning talk show on public radio station WNYC, described left-leaning New Yorkers on Wednesday as stunned, despairing and alienated from the rest of the country.
...
"We are the symbol of the United States to everybody except the rest of the people in the United States."

Poor babies! But there is a solution that all your pals are talking about. You can hit the road!

Conveniently, Harper's has A reader’s guide to expatriating on November 3. But after reading the part on France, I suspect they may be kidding:

Should one candidate win, those who opposed the Iraq war might hope to find refuge in France, where a very select few are allowed to “assimilate” each year. Assimilation is reserved for persons of non-French descent who are able to prove that they are more French than American, having mastered the language as well as the philosophy of the French way of life.

It seems to be an essay test, so proof of sitting around in sidewalk cafes isn't likely to make the grade.

And there's bad news from the Great White North too. Unhappy Democrats Need to Wait to Get Into Canada:

Disgruntled Democrats seeking a safe Canadian haven after President Bush (news - web sites) won Tuesday's election should not pack their bags just yet.

Canadian officials made clear on Wednesday that any U.S. citizens so fed up with Bush that they want to make a fresh start up north would have to stand in line like any other would-be immigrants -- a wait that can take up to a year.

"You just can't come into Canada and say 'I'm going to stay here'. In other words, there has to be an application. There has to be a reason why the person is coming to Canada," said immigration ministry spokeswoman Maria Iadinardi.

(Slate has a "How to move to Canada" today as well.) Don't believe 'em though, folks. Just show up in Canada and claim to be a refugee and you'll get the keys to the city plus welfare and medical care.

But there aren't any such problems for whining resident aliens:

Steffi Dippold, another international graduate student, was not in a laughing mood as results came in.

“We’re shocked and disgusted with the results,” she said. “Now I’ve seen the real face of America and I’m thinking about leaving the country.”

So what's stopping you, Steff?

Feeling better now? I certainly am!

Unfinished business

Hey whiners! We've got something for you.

Ace beats me to it:

Other sites have banned gloating.

So: Is it cool to do here?

Let me answer that question with another question:

Are you f*cking kidding me?!

I don't plan on doing anything except gloat until Thanksgiving.

Damn straight.

Actually, it isn't gloating as much as delivering some well deserved thrashings to the pernicious buttheads that insist on afflicting us. And there are plenty of them to go around. Charles Gibson makes a start in Four More Years:

There is no doubt they will recover from Wednesday's shocked silence and resume telling us we're stupid and we're wrong and we're warmongers. They really can't help themselves.

With nearly 100 percent of the rest of the world shouting at us that we should not, not, not re-elect Bush, it now appears Americans have shouted back: shut up.

Good. Somebody needed to say it. And better 59 million Americans than just me all by myself.

But since Charles has a paying gig as a journalist, he can't say it like it needs to be said. I don't have that problem. Ain't we got fun?

When I'm awake, I'll rant more

In the meantime:

(Hat tip: dead. Click to supersize.)

Jim Lingren at The Volokh Conspiracy has as good a summary of Ohio as any of the media. Excerpt:

At 4am Wednesday, with 100% of the Ohio precincts reporting, Bush leads Ohio by 145,000 votes (51.1% to 48.4%)--very different from the effective tie in Florida in 2000 (just a few hundred votes difference then). People were so strongly expecting a razor thin result in Ohio that they haven't yet fully adjusted to the fact that it wasn't too close. Wins by more than 2% are completely ordinary and--absent special evidence that I am not privy to--not the sort of situation that should merit special scrutiny.

If I were Kerry, I would wait to see how many provisional ballots there are in Ohio (just to be reasonably cautious), assess whether Bush won any one of Iowa, Nevada, or New Mexico, and then make a quick decision. By the way, as I go to bed, Bush is leading by 3% in Nevada with 100% of the precincts reporting (and CNN just called Nevada for Bush).
...
3d UPDATE (5:25am): The Ohio website still has 10 counties outstanding, but Cuyahoga has come through with a plausible number of provisional ballots. The total is now 135,000 but is likely to stay low enough that a Kerry concession on Wednesday is likely--perhaps with the slightest of reservations on his part just in case the count comes out shockingly in his favor.

Last night the Donk spinners were hypothesizing huge numbers of provisional ballots.

And on my favorite topic, Fox news has a rather tepid article, but it's a start - Egg On Face of Exit Pollsters.

Update (8:44 AM): Thanks Guardian! - Clark County, Ohio moves toward the Republicans.

Update (9:32 AM): 1) MarKos' dirty dozen go down in flames, 2) Dan Rather in denial and cranky about the "blogging machine which the White House and the Bush-Cheney campaign has used for any number of purposes over their four years." Better type that one up, Captain Dan!

Update (10:45 AM): Dick Morris says EXIT-POLL OUTRAGE.

Update (10:54 AM): Fat Boy bugs out of Florida - Election So Smooth, Michael Moore Packs Up, Leaves. Actually it looks like he's headed to Ohio to try to stir up trouble.

Update (11:43): Kerry has called President Bush to concede. Speeches this afternoon.

Are we having fun yet?

Someone is:

Tradesports.com has shot up for Bush at 60.0. I bought in at 32.7! Anyone else get in on this?

Tomorrow's big story

I think there are going to be a lot of recriminations over the "new" exit poll system. Here's one of many:

Larry Sabato was just on one of the DC-area local stations, and just said something shocking - the reason it took forever to call Virginia, South Carolina, and North Carolina is that the exit polls had them for Kerry.

For Kerry!

Sabato also said that the exit polls also had at least two other states "wrong" — which is not to say they had the wrong winner, but that they had results that were immediately detected as out of whack.

How weird is this?

Kerry Sticks to Lucky Election Day Routine:

Upon his return to Massachusetts after more than five weeks of nonstop campaigning, Kerry bent over and touched the ground. He ate his traditional election-day lunch of littleneck clams and a dark beer at his lucky restaurant, Boston's historic Union Oyster House.

He was loaded down with other charms - a four-leaf clover, an Ohio buckeye, Bruce Springsteen's guitar pick, his hat from Vietnam, a Bible from former Sen. Max Cleland, rosary beads, a cross and a medal of St. Christopher, the patron saint of travelers. He had been to church three times in the two days before the election.

The magic hat from Vietnam! I'm going to tear up.

Guess Who!

Which prominent American politician is that in the fetching pose above? The answer is here, but you really didn't need it, did you?

More from the guy who never falls down

Brokaw: Kerry Blamed Low IQ Score on Drinking:

John Kerry told NBC newsman Tom Brokaw last week that the reason President Bush outscored him on military intelligence tests was that he had likely been drinking the night before his exam.

Brokaw revealed Kerry's off camera excuse in an Election morning interview with radio host Don Imus.

Tell me, is Lurch a canonical dork or what?

Stuff it

Tim Blair reminds us of some unfinished business:

Why does Ohio always attract stupid meddling Europeans?

About 60 mainly European election observers have taken up their posts in six states, including Florida and Ohio, saying they hope their presence will serve as a "preventative to the shenanigans" during voting tomorrow.

"We will tell the people of Ohio whether their election is free and fair," said one of the observers, Hugo Coveliers, a Belgian senator who plans to monitor voting in Cleveland.

What part of "bite my butt" don't you understand, Hugo?

Captain Ed has much more including John Kerry promising to change US election law to satisfy some Finnish guy's whine.

All of this comes about because of US membership in a international organization for bureaucratic expense account padding. No, not the UN - the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE). Never heard of it? Well, all you need to know about it is that well known crook, Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-FL), is the "President of the Parliamentary Assembly". Time to save the taxpayers some money and ditch this turkey. I'm sure Alcee can find another way to line his wallet.

This will get overshadowed by the election, but...

Check out this story at London Calling:

A Dutch filmmaker who dared to produced a flim critical of Islamic culture has been assassinated today in Holland.
...
There are three possible responses to this murder and intimidation: to fight the murderers and their evil ideology at home and abroad; to ignore the fanatics and pretend that they are not engaged in an organised and effective assault on democracy; or to capitulate to their demands and criticise those who criticise them as "racists" and "warmongerers."

Europe is already well down the road of capitulation. The United States has the opportunity to take a giant step down that road today.

Ah, someone else who is insufficiently nuanced.

And the fun is just starting!

That malignant dwarf, Tom Daschle, apparently had an election eve panic attack and decided to to go to court because, er, well here's a Live Report From Courtroom:

A Mr. Jordan was just testifying at the hearing in Daschle's lawsuit to stop poll watching. He worked for Howard Dean in Iowa. He said that poll watchers would "roll their eyes" and make a "negative face" at times and that, in his opinion, this constituted "intimidation" of voters. See SDP for a look at the complaint.

UPDATE: Another report on Daschle's first witness, the Howard Dean worker. He's a lawyer from Virginia who works for Lexis-Nexis and has been in South Dakota for 48 hours. He testified to "note-taking" and "faces" being made. He said nothing was said to voters and nobody was disenfranchised. They are taking a short break before the next witness. Lawyers in the courtroom think this is an absurd joke. SDP calls it "The Death Rattle of Daschle's Political Career."

This goober turned out to be the only witness to the dastardly deeds. More by following the links and from Ryne McLaren.

Which reminds me of this startling news - Kerry: GOP Plans to Suppress Lawyer Turnout:

In the closing hours of campaign 2004, John Forbes Kerry today charged the Bush-Cheney campaign with efforts to suppress the election day turnout of yet another minority group--America's trial lawyers.

Mr. Kerry said he's heard rumors that Bush-Cheney operatives plan to stage a series of minor automobile accidents in battleground states hoping to draw lawyers away from the polls.

"Whether it's African-Americans, Hispanics or America's trial lawyers, we need to ensure that these oppressed minorities get to the precincts tomorrow," said Mr. Kerry. "My fellow attorneys, don't let your compassion for the injured sway you from your duty to the nation."

It's ScrappleFace, of course, but these days it's hard to tell.

All the usual suspects

Today's NY Post editorializes.

THE MEDIA LIES . . .:

If President Bush is re-elected tomorrow, the victory will have come despite the best efforts of two erstwhile American journalistic icons — the Grey Lady of Times Square and Edward R. Murrow's Tiffany Network: The New York Times and CBS News.

If nothing else, the notion that "objectivity" animates America's media elite has been exposed this year for what it truly is — at best, a quaint myth; at worst, a pernicious lie.

. . . AND SOROS SWEARS TO IT:

Is there a fatter cat in the political bestiary than Hungarian-born, loopy-lefty currency speculator George Soros — or one more inclined to use his dubiously acquired dough to affect regime change in America?

Nope.

Never forget. Never forgive.

You ever get the feeling you're being conned?

Thomas Lipscomb in the NY Sun explores the mysterious case of John Kerry's discharge from Navy service and the cover-up of exactly what kind of discharge he actually got. Based on all available evidence, it was less than honorable.

Follow the link for the details, but my favorite part is:

One of Mr. Kerry's first acts of office as he entered the Senate on January 3, 1985, was making sure what was still in the Navy files. A report was returned to Mr. Kerry by a Navy JAG on January 25, 1985, and appears on the Kerry Web site. There is an enclosure listed that may have contained a list of files, according to David Myers, the JAG who prepared it, that is not on Mr. Kerry's Web site. It could have provided an index for all of Mr. Kerry's Navy files.

That Lurch is sure a tidy fellow! Always checking to make sure everything has gone down the memory hole.

Capt. Ed has more including:

With a day to go before the election, Kerry managed to skate by without releasing his complete service records, even admitting it on NBC before NBC decided to "sanitize" the records and remove the admission from its interview with Kerry. It follows a pattern of complicity in the mainstream media to cover up John Kerry's even while hypocritically demanding transparency on George Bush's honorable discharge, received normally and on time for his service.

Gosh, I'm astounded at the mainstream media not questioning ole Lurch! As far as Lurch's admission, I mentioned it at the time, and Silent Running describes its strange disappearance from the official transcript. (Hat tip to LGF where the disappearance was first noted.)

What do Lurch and his media enablers have to hide? Plenty, apparently.

Osama is an even bigger tool than we thought

Mama! Look who dropped by!

MEMRI digs a little deeper into the latest tape:

The tape of Osama bin Laden that was aired on Al-Jazeera(1) on Friday, October 29th included a specific threat to "each U.S. state," designed to influence the outcome of the upcoming election against George W. Bush. The U.S. media in general mistranslated the words "ay wilaya" (which means "each U.S. state")(2) to mean a "country" or "nation" other than the U.S., while in fact the threat was directed specifically at each individual U.S. state. This suggests some knowledge by bin Laden of the U.S. electoral college system. In a section of his speech in which he harshly criticized George W. Bush, bin Laden stated: "Any U.S. state that does not toy with our security automatically guarantees its own security."

The Islamist website Al-Qal'a explained what this sentence meant: "This message was a warning to every U.S. state separately. When he [Osama Bin Laden] said, 'Every state will be determining its own security, and will be responsible for its choice,' it means that any U.S. state that will choose to vote for the white thug Bush as president has chosen to fight us, and we will consider it our enemy, and any state that will vote against Bush has chosen to make peace with us, and we will not characterize it as an enemy. By this characterization, Sheikh Osama wants to drive a wedge in the American body, to weaken it, and he wants to divide the American people itself between enemies of Islam and the Muslims, and those who fight for us, so that he doesn't treat all American people as if they're the same.

If Ozzie only spoke more clearly, he probably could have had some of the usual suspects trying to organize surrenders in their states by now. Not too likely around here, though.

UPDATE: On Monday morning, the NY Post picked up the story.

Always with the nuances

Cheney: Kerry Took Poll on bin Laden Tape:

"The thing that I find amazing about it is that John Kerry's first response was to go conduct a poll," Cheney told supporters in Iowa. "He went into the field ... to find out what he should say about this tape of Osama bin Laden."

"It's as though he doesn't know what he believes until he has to go and check the polls, his finger in the air, to see which way the wind is blowing and then he'll make a decision," said the vice president, who offered no evidence to back up his claim. "George Bush doesn't need a poll to know what he believes, especially about Osama bin Laden."

Kerry's handlers aren't denying it.

Halloween costume suggestions for the usual suspects!

Don't cry, little girl! It's Halloween and the usual suspects are no more scary in fancy dress than they are normally. Of course, that's real damn scary.

Here is a collection of costume suggestions I have collected over the years from various sources - none are original to me. Click on a photo to supersize at least some of them.

Some choices are obvious:

(Owwww! My eyes!)

(I love Science Fiction themes!)

(Argghh!)

(Where's the pixie dust?)

Some choices are more obscure:

(If he only had a brain!)

(Looking for another waitress sandwich, I guess.)

But the biggest problem is choosing costumes for the Empress and her consort (and other hangers-on) from the many worthwhile suggestions:

(A traditional favorite!)

(Novel, but a trifle nuanced)

(OK, I get it now.)

(I don't think so)

(Hobos! Always a good choice!)

(Clowns are good, too!)

(That would be real easy to carry off!)

It's too hard to choose! Maybe John Kerry could just go as himself?

Or maybe not. But it does arouse a strange feeling!

And on the way to church in his "Sunday go to meeting" clothes...

The Lurch caravan made an unscheduled stop. Well, it gives the rest of us something to pray for.

I'm shocked, I tell ya!

Osama Not So Cocky After All:

The New York Post reports that Osama's videotape last Friday may have been more than just an attempt to swing the American elections. The full tape, of which Al-Jazeera played only a small part, turns out to be an al-Qaeda State of the Gang speech, and Osama isn't very pleased with its present condition.

Seems that the bearded one is all atwitter about his pals getting their butts kicked. But not to worry, Islamofascist fans!

However, even if the entire tape had been available for American audiences, do you think that our media would have treated it any differently than Al Jazeera? Before you answer, consider the recent track record of the MSM in the run-up to the election.

Indeed.

An "investment in well-being" with the Empress!

TeresaCare: Department of Wellness:

Here in America, Teresa has invented for herself a life story in which she depicts herself as liberator of the oppressed African masses, vanquisher of apartheid and reigning authority in world health and disease. Karen Tumulty of Time describes an alternative reality in which a young Teresa was to be seen in the Mozambican capital "playing tennis on the grass lawns of private clubs and spending her days sipping tea and coffee with her friends." Dennis B. Roddy of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette paints a portrait of a life with" servants, boarding schools and a big, rambling house near the water in the capital."

Liberation's a tough job, but someone's got to do it!

But here's the fun:

Already back in 2003, Heinz Kerry’s words left no doubt in the mind of Boston Herald’s Andrew Miga that she would be the true power behind the health care policy throne if her senator husband is elected president. Reported Miga, "She predicted she would be an activist first lady, lobbying for a Department of Wellness that would stress preventive health."
...
Bowing to his wife’s assertion of superior wisdom on matters medical, Kerry dutifully announced to the nation, "I intend to have not just a Department of Health and Human Services, but a Department of Wellness."

It is crucial in understanding Teresa Heinz Kerry and her public policy ambitions to grasp the fact that bodily health is at the very center of her thinking not only about personal physical and mental health but about human life and human behavior in general. At the root of her psychobiblical worldview is the notion that New Age Medicine and other marginal "holistic" practices will guarantee us all a utopian healthy, intelligent and moral society. New Ageisms infuse her speech and suffuse her thinking to such a degree that, as David Halbfinger of The New York Times reports, "She talks to bewildered audiences about tai chi, about 'embracing the tiger'." The would-be First Lady often drones on with Teresaisms such as, "I like to nurture people, I like to enable." Teresa's odoriferous brew, according to Deborah Orin of the New York Post, consists of a jumbled amalgam of "feminism, globalism and New Age lingo." As the Daily News' Helen Kennedy observes, Teresa "speaks slowly and quietly, often saying heartfelt New-Agey things that sound alien on the stump, like predicting a coming 'time of wellness'."
...
This is what Teresa Heinz Kerry has in mind when she promulgates her "holistic" health plans and practices. Not merely that they allegedly help this or that person, or might assist in preventing this or that disease. Rather that holistic healing has transcending, even transcendent value. TeresaCare has the transforming power of religion, the religion of Teresianity. New Age Medicine conceived as a low calorie religion substitute is the basis for her notion that our deficiencies in health care are responsible for preventing Americans from being "smart, well and happy." The health care plan designed by Teresa Heinz Kerry for a prospective Kerry Administration, she tells us, will immediately make "investments in our well-being" and prevent the many social and personal pathologies that restrain the individual and engulf the nations of the world.

Teresa's not just another Botox'd face! Much more by following the link.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

Offspring of the Empress, Chris Heinz, took time off from his busy schedule as one of the wingnuts at Democratic Underground to share some of his wisdom:

John Kerry's stepson, Chris Heinz, 31, displayed his mother Teresa's famous lack of rhetorical restraint at a recent campaign event with a group of Wharton students. Philadelphia magazine reports: "Heinz accused Kerry's opponents - 'our enemies' - of making the race dirty. 'We didn't start out with negative ads calling George Bush a cokehead,' he said, before adding, 'I'll do it now.' Asked later about it, Heinz said, 'I have no evidence. He never sold me anything.'" Heinz also reminded writer Sasha Issenberg of Pat Buchanan by saying, "One of the things I've noticed is the Israel lobby - the treatment of Israel as the 51st state, sort of a swing state." Buchanan was blasted as an anti-Semite years ago when he cited Israel's "amen corner" in Congress.

Why are they hiding this guy? We need to see more of him immediately! Hmm, maybe he and Teresa could to a standup comedy routine.

I don't need 3 guesses

SON WONDERS HOW PARENTS IN NURSING HOME VOTED. And the best part is that they can continue voting for years after they have gone.

Man of the People Alert!

David Frum:

I arrived home late last night after a day in Miami doing a panel for BBC’s “Question Time” with Sidney Blumenthal, a Miami area lawyer who specializes in voting issues, the British columnist and TV personality Richard Littlejohn, and the notorious Michael Moore.

Moore arrived late in his trademark jeans, shirt, working man’s jacket, and baseball cap. One of the BBC producers made a joke about the contrast between his outfit and my own Washington-standard-issue blue suit and red tie. I replied that I’d noticed that Moore was wearing a watch that cost at least fifteen times as much as every article of clothing on my body. I learned later that he’d arrived by private jet. Ave et salute, tribune of the plebs!

Being a "Man of the People" must pay well!

The debate was lively, but I must credit Richard Littlejohn with the best line of the afternoon. Littlejohn is an amazing life force: Probably Britain’s best-read political columnist, absolutely savagely fearless in debate, and a passionate supporter of George W. Bush and the Anglo-American relationship. Anyway, he got off the best line of the evening: He called Michael Moore the “Lord Haw-Haw of the war on terror.”

Or maybe it's being a traitor that pays well.

(Photo credit: unknown)