Sunday, June 17, 2012

Father's Day: The most confusing day of the year in the Obama family

What's more confusing than Barack Obama's family with all the various half-siblings and other relatives sired by his polygamous father and grandfather? What we really need to sort it out is a reality TV show:

With the Dunham-Hawaiian/Obama-Kenyan/Soetoro-Indonesian family tree, over the past few years it's become hard to keep track of all the president's Kenyan paternal cousins, step-grandmothers, half-brothers, half-sisters, aunts, and uncles.

To remedy that confusion, America may be willing to explore the exotic and agree to overlook molestation, DWIs, and illegal status for a couple of months, invite the Obama clan to a huge mansion in the style of the Bachelor Pad, and before the 2012 election really get to know what ancestral dysfunction shapes Barack's behavior. 

The premise of the "Yes We Kenya Clan" reality show would be to see which family members can ingratiate themselves to the president to the point where he actually acknowledges that they're blood relatives. 

Whoever survives for the duration will get to move out of his or her respective housing project, be granted amnesty, or be excused from jail time or probation.

On the finale, the president, under duress, will "share the wealth" by either inviting the winner to the White House for Thanksgiving, pulling some strings with the INS or British law enforcement, or volunteering to finance their living expenses by doubling his/her income from $1 to $2 per month. 

Let's face it: for a president supposedly so concerned with fairness, there is a glaring inequity when it comes to relatives.  Heck, Marian Robinson lives in the White House, eats kale from the organic garden, and globe-trots with daughter Michelle on the taxpayers' dime.  Yet Barry's Aunt Janie hasn't even attended a backyard BBQ or slept over once in the Lincoln bedroom.

Come on, Barry! Man up for your father's family. After all, it is Father's Day. Still, I wouldn't let Uncle Samson be alone with the kids.

Taxpayers give Michelle Obama another trip to visit her brother in Oregon

Today Michelle Obama is visiting her brother Craig Robinson, the basketball coach at Oregon State University again. Oh sorry, the nominal reason for her visit is to give the keynote address at the OSU graduation so that the taxpayers will pick up the tab for the family get together. After all, who wouldn't want to chip in for Michelle to see her newest nephew? Besides, Barack probably complained about the nominal airfare they had to pay on her secret visit to Craig last year. Hey, times are tough when you have a high maintenance wife.

By the way, I know these two beauties are hard to tell apart, but Craig is the one without the wig and makeup.