Saturday, December 04, 2004

Where's Peter Sellers?

French Police Misplace Explosives on Jet
PARIS (AP) - Police at Paris' top airport lost track of a passenger's bag in which plastic explosives were placed to train bomb-sniffing dogs, police said Saturday. Warned that the bag may have gotten on any of nearly 90 flights from Charles de Gaulle, authorities searched planes upon arrival in Los Angeles and New York.

French police said the explosives were harmless ...
... and there was no chance of their going off, since no detonators were connected to them.
I feel so much better now! And how would you like to be the passenger with the mystery gift in his bag?
"Indeed, it's possible that someone will have a surprise when he opens his bag."
No excrement, Sherlock!

More Inspector Clouseau details:
French police at Charles de Gaulle deliberately placed up to five ounces of plastic explosives into a passenger's luggage Friday evening, police spokesman Pierre Bouquin said.

But a "momentary lack of surveillance" led to the bag being lost on a conveyor belt carrying luggage from check-in to planes, he said.

Authorities immediately alerted the relevant airlines that one of between 80 and 90 planes that left the French capital from 5:30 p.m. to 7 p.m. Friday could be carrying the explosives, Bouquin said.
Maybe they were busy asking an organ grinder about his "minkey?"

Who says Blue Staters don't know how to have fun?

Rear-ender ends man's display of rear end
We probably all deserve a spanking now and then, and state troopers say Nathan Allen McClain was getting his as he rode in a car while mooning motorists on Interstate 5 during rush-hour traffic Thursday morning.

Witnesses said the driver of the white Acura, Dwayne Crandall of Vancouver, was paddling McClain's bare posterior as McClain displayed it to other motorists.
Besides spanking McClain's rear end, Crandall also rear-ended a spanking-new 2004 Dodge car driven by another motorist who had stopped for a traffic back-up approaching the I-5 Bridge, March said.
The incident came to light about 6:15 a.m., March said, when motorists saw the spectacle as they were driving south on I-5 near Ridgefield.

"He and the driver also were making obscene gestures to other people," March said.

If the other motorists didn't stare and appear shocked, March said, Crandall would swerve the Acura toward their cars, apparently to get their attention.

"He was driving so erratically that he almost caused a collision with a semi," March said.

Witnesses, who called authorities on their cell phones, tried to box the Acura in with their cars, apparently hoping to keep it from escaping before police arrived.

Dispatchers didn't call out the SWAT team, but they did notify Trooper March.
As March was patting down McClain for possible weapons, McClain's pants fell to his mid-thigh, March said.

As if being ticketed for not wearing his pants while mooning wasn't bad enough, McClain also was ticketed for not wearing a seat belt, March said.
I think the reporter was having too much fun with this one.

Biscuits and Gravy - Dec. 4, 2004

[NY State] Senate Balks at U.N. Project
But as they returned for a special legislative session next week, the Senate Republicans questioned how they could authorize $600 million in bonds to pay for the project, particularly since it would be backed by fees from United Nations member nations who reportedly owe more than $195 million in fines from violations of city parking laws.

"How can we trust the U.N. nations to pay the fees to pay off this debt when they don't even pay their parking fines?" said Joseph L. Bruno, the Senate's Republican majority leader.
Is this the world's least effective UN peacekeeping force?. Nope. Sounds like most UN peacekeeping forces.

Small Town Blues
When your school is that small, and that rural, you miss out on a lot. There aren't a lot of sports, and consequently, not a lot of cheerleaders. And of that very small pool, the chances of having several hot cheerleaders is pretty slim.

Especially hot, drunken cheerleaders.
Context by following the link. Us benighted folks in the sticks miss out on all the good stuff!

A federal jury has stripped Hooters waitresses...
... of any legal protection their skimpy uniforms may have afforded, allowing a rival Florida wings chain to continue to dress its waitresses in equally skimpy outfits.
Hooters tried to bar Winghouse waitresses from wearing their skimpy black shorts and T-shirts by claiming the orange-and-white-clad female staff was the company's Ronald McDonald icon.
Must. Maintain. Composure.
But during the three-week trial, defense lawyer Don Conwell got a Hooters marketing executive to admit on the stand that the busty wait staff were more of a marketing concept used to lure 25- to 49-year old-men into the eateries than any sort of trademark.
In the battle of the so- called "breastrants," Hooters also attempted to convince the jury that its success was tied to its wood-weave plates and that Winghouse was copying the plates, thus confusing patrons as to which restaurant they were in.
Yeah, it was the wood-weave plates! And don't they mean "breastaurants"?

Something to ponder
Today's female stars reveal 59% of their bodies to media flashbulbs - up from only 7% in the 1970s. So what will they be wearing on the red carpet in 2010?
If you loathe political debate, join the faculty of an American university
Academia is simultaneously both the part of America that is most obsessed with diversity, and the least diverse part of the country. On the one hand, colleges bend over backwards to hire minority professors and recruit minority students, aided by an ever-burgeoning bureaucracy of “diversity officers”. Yet, when it comes to politics, they are not just indifferent to diversity, but downright allergic to it.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Today's Hoot!

BREAKING HARD - U.N. Money-for-Peace Scam May Force Annan to Resign:
U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan today vigorously denied allegations that he has overseen a complex, fraudulent scheme to pilfer billions of dollars from 191 nations under the guise of providing "global peace services."
Mr. Annan brushed off suggestions that he should step down, and insisted he has fulfilled his role of fostering global peace by "holding meetings, eating in fine restaurants and speaking very softly in a charming accent."

I didn't know that!

Fun Facts about the United Nations:
* The U.S. created the United Nation in 1945 in an effort to centralize pointless squabbling.
* The U.N. has expanded its job to getting kickbacks for their members and hating Israel.

* Most of the voting in the U.N. is for non-binding resolutions that hold no weight. It's like internet polls with more Jew-hating.
* While the U.N. never actually stops massacres and genocide, they do have endless debate about them. And isn't that better than nothing?
* The U.N. headquarters in N.Y. and is technically not U.S. property. If you beat up some U.N. guy, the U.N. police would be the ones to try and arrest you. All you would have to do is then step out of the building and they wouldn't have jurisdiction over you. Then you could tell a NY cop, "I just beat up a U.N. guy!" and he'd be like, "Cool!" Then the U.N. police would yell from their front door, "He beat up some guy here. You extradite him back into this building!" And the cop would answer, "No." Heh, that's funny.
Many more obscure tidbits by following the link.

A fetching snap of the bosom chums

Kofi and Friends

France, Germany back UN chief
The leaders of France and Germany yesterday gave United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan their full support as he continued to resist the suggestion that he resign over the oil-for-food scandal.
French President Jacques Chirac, who counts Mr Annan among his close friends, yesterday offered his full support to the Secretary-General.

Speaking after meeting Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder in Germany, Mr Chirac said: "Germany and France reiterate their full support for Kofi Annan whose commitment to the aims of the United Nations is total."
Since the aims of the United Nations seem to be to enrich the bureaucrats infesting the place and their special pals, you can see why ole Jacques might say that.
Mr Schroeder also pledged his support for Mr Annan.
Isn't he the red fuzzy one?

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Just thought I'd help out

Unfortunately, it's just a quick effort as I am rather busy today with gainful employment.

Irony Alert!

The United Nations knows all about corruption!

(Via Betsy's Page) Break out your party duds! The United Nations has declared December 9 to be International Anti-Corruption Day! I can hardly wait until International Anti-Flatulence Day!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Biscuits and Gravy - Dec. 1, 2004

Captain's Quarters
The fundamental problem with the UN comes from its constituency of oppressors and kleptocrats. Any structural changes in their committees and regulations only amount to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
Kofi Annan isn't Kojo's keeper, but he can't shirk responsibility for the U.N.
Not that one would expect the secretary-general to spend long nights poring over details of every contractor hired by his own Procurement Division. But it is reasonable to expect that somewhere in the multibillion-dollar procurement operations of the United Nations there would be a functional mechanism to require disclosure by all U.N. contractors of such details as, say, a stream of payments to the immediate family of a top U.N. official.
Hey, that would cut down on the fun!

It's their job description
Denis MacShane blasted Brussels yesterday for trying to “punish” Britain over its buoyant economy.

The Europhile minister accused eurocrats of trying to strangle Britain’s job market with bureaucracy.
Betsy's Page
Maybe Canadians don't despise Bush as much as advertised. Or maybe they're just too busy or lazy to take to the streets to protest his presence on their soil. Their planned protests were a big nothing.
Brian Williams: Another talking hairdo
When a fellow panelist mentioned that bloggers had had a big impact on the reporting on Election Day, Williams waved that point away by quipping that the self-styled journalists are "on an equal footing with someone in a bathroom with a modem."
Most mainstream "journalists" are on an equal footing with someone who spends their time in the bathroom with a jar of Vaseline and pictures of Janet Reno and/or Yasser Arafat.

One of our favorite pissants
I thought it interesting when George Soros and co. gave $2 million to a self-confessed liar to be the "liberal'" media watchdog. David Brock's site 'Media Matters" doesn't disappoint. It is just what one would expect from a man who has made a career out of sleaze, the betrayal of friends, an alarming lack of scruples and a generally contemptuous attitude towards the facts.
It's BOtulism TOXin, brainiacs - BOTOX DOC POISONED BY OWN SHOT

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Lipstick on a pig

Multimillionaire cinematographer Michael Moore showed up on the Leno show last night with a snazzy new look! I'm a little suspicious that it's only a trick, but I hope his valet took the opportunity to burn his "simple working man" costume.

Ignore the man behind the curtain!

My ISP and Blogger are apparently staging a Sucking Slap-down today, so please overlook any oddities. I will fix 'em when I can.

Headline Writers Attack!

Top billing has to go to "Hand Pulls Groin" which features this gem:
"I didn't know big guys had groins," he told Newsday. "I'm finding out today that I actually have one."
The FReepers are having predictable fun here.

Speaking of predictable, how about "Snow White Fired for Posing Nude"? Then there's the intriquing "MAHER: EX IS NAKED LIAR" describing Bill's attempt to avoid excessive pay for play. And for greatest unrealized potential what can beat "HILLARY'S BIG NAVAL INSPECTION"?

Monday, November 29, 2004

Someone please tell me this is a joke

From the Telegraph (UK) - The policeman found my penknife. 'You're going down, mate,' he said:
The community support officers reacted immediately. They behaved as if they had never seen a penknife before, pulling out the bottle-opener, the corkscrew, the thing that gets stones out of horses' hooves. "This device has a locking blade," said the constable. My goodwill towards the police began to give way to alarm. I reached for my mobile to call the lawyers and explain that I was going to be late but the constable stopped me. "Turn that phone off," he said. "You're about to be arrested for possessing offensive weapons and carrying a bladed instrument in public. You'll be allowed one call when we get you to Charing Cross police station."
Later he calls the constable in charge of this farce a wanker. Seems pretty mild to me. On the other hand, it would be cool to show the "community support officers" what the folks around my neck of the woods carry in their vehicles. If the officers didn't have weak hearts.

Biscuits and Gravy - Nov. 29, 2004

A rather late breakfast today since my ISP was having problems.

Great White North: The Most Surreal Scandal Ever:
In 1986, Defence Minister Robert Coates was hounded out of office after he visited a strip club in Germany. Eighteen years later, the immigration minister - a Liberal female, no less - is defending a policy which allows women to emigrate to Canada to work as exotic dancers. I leave it to you to determine whether this should be considered progress.
Especially noteworthy is:
Ms. Sgro maintains the federal program is needed to fill a labour shortage of native-born exotic dancers
Urine may lead to collapse of major bridge in Indonesia's Sumatra. I know it's AFP, but when did "take a leak" become accepted usage in news articles?

Sacre bleu! Court rules French film too American. That's odd. Most American films are too French.

Al Goldstein is SCREWed.

William Safire
This marks the end of the beginning of the scandal. Its end will not begin until Kofi Annan, even if personally innocent, resigns - having, through initial ineptitude and final obstructionism, brought dishonor on the Secretariat of the United Nations.
That's coals to Newcastle.

"This is life-and-death stuff. To see U.N. officials involved in a program that was used to pay off families of Palestinian suicide bombers, to discover that money from this program is now being used to fund the people killing our troops in Iraq is very troubling," Rep. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) told The Post. "I definitely feel that people are fed up." Flake has sponsored legislation that would reduce U.S. funding to the United Nations by 10 percent, and claims the bill already has 75 co-sponsors. A companion bill has been introduced in the Senate.
Why not 100%?

Will Democrats steal the Washington governorship? I'm reminded of Hugh Hewitt's book, If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat.

Where are they now?
Bob Graham
A former cattleman, real estate developer and Senator, Graham knows about starting over. He will teach government at Harvard and, drawing on 10 years' experience on the Intelligence Committee, start up spy-training centers in Florida

Al Sharpton
The reverend is offering career advice to men on Spike TV's I Hate My Job who are hoping to land a dream job. People seeking his help on the reality show have included a Harvard lawyer with comic ambitions and a manure shoveler who wants to be a supermodel
Howard Dean
The man behind the legendary howl in Iowa parodies himself in a new radio ad promoting Yahoo. "Next week I'm doing a book signing in OHIO!" he shrieks and then goes on to yell the names of other states. Can this man run the Democratic Party?

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Biscuits and Gravy - Nov. 28, 2004

Ukraine Journalists Drop Bias, CBS to Study Idea
Inspired by a public pledge from Ukrainian TV journalists to provide unbiased reporting from now on, CBS News has launched an internal investigation to assess the potential impact of such a move.

"If it tests well in our focus groups, you can bet that Dan Rather will break the story," said an unnamed spokesman for CBS.
Michelle Malkin spots MORE B.S. FROM CBS NEWS
Yes, believe your eyes! It's the latest publication from the trustworthy narrators of history at CBS News--who are cravenly attempting to cash in on President Reagan's death in time for the holiday book-buying season.
So long, Dan: We are rather glad you’re going
Americans abandoned this sinking ship for good reason. Rather was more than an inept interviewer, lobbing ridiculous softball questions to the likes of Fidel Castro. He was the most blatantly partisan and politically biased anchor of them all, and that is saying a lot.
Some Democrats still suffering the post-election blues: Escaping reality is becoming a way of life after loss
The first sign that something might be different about these post-election blues was the click of hundreds and hundreds of televisions being switched off.

Well-known local environmentalist Cynthia Plockelman tuned out.

Real estate attorney Mark Garret went cold turkey, too. Upon learning Bush had won, he uttered an oath favored by Harry Truman, went to the phone and canceled his New York Times subscription.

"I have also completely stopped watching television except C-Span's Book TV on the weekends," Garret said.
There's a reason Democrats are taking the loss of the White House personally. This time, it is personal, Dashev said.

"The big difference between 2000 and now is that, if you were given the choice between having your wallet stolen or losing your wallet, you would choose to have your wallet stolen," he said.

"Clearly, if it is stolen, it has nothing to do with you. If you lose it, well then you feel like you are just a bumbling fool."
Before You Flee to Canada, Can We Talk?
The anti-Americanism I experience generally takes this form: Canadians bring up "the States" or "Americans" to make comparisons or evaluations that mix a kind of smug contempt with a wariness that alternates between the paranoid and the absurd.

Thus, Canadian media discussion of President Bush's upcoming official visit on Tuesday focuses on the snub implied by his not having visited earlier. It's reported that when he does come, he will not speak to a Parliament that's so hostile it can't be trusted to receive him politely. Coverage of a Canadian athlete caught doping devolves into complaints about how Americans always get away with cheating. The "Blame Canada" song from the "South Park" movie is taken as documentary evidence of Americans' real attitudes toward this country. The ongoing U.S. ban on importing Canadian cattle (after a case of mad cow disease was traced to Alberta) is interpreted as a form of political persecution. A six o'clock news show introduces a group of parents and children who are convinced that the reason Canadian textbooks give short shrift to America's failed attempts to invade the Canadian territories in the War of 1812 is to avoid antagonizing the Americans -- who are just waiting for an excuse to give it another try.
Hmmm, some of the western provinces would be nice.

A Chia Pet keyboard? And some items better left unmentioned.

The Nationals and the National Anthem
Among the evidence for societal decline during Washington's 33-year absence from the major league baseball scene is this: that many in the area took to rooting for the team at the other end of the Parkway, the Baltimore Orioles. In and of itself, this is perhaps no great travesty, at least until Orioles ownership passed to the horrid Peter Angelos.

Currently attempting to buy a Washington-area racetrack and install slot machines, scumbag Angelos surely finishes dead last among baseball moguls when it comes to patriotism, too. The worst sort of left-wing Squeegee Boy lawyer, he made his megabucks as a veritable pioneer of the litigious society that currently afflicts America. So complete is Angelos' radical ideology that he refuses to sign any Cuban defectors to his roster, lest he upset his friend Fidel Castro, with whom he communed during the home-and-home series he set up between the Orioles and the Cuban national team in 1999.
I may have to restart my series of "Pond Scum" posts.