Wednesday, November 03, 2004

All upset, Bunky?

Election news got you down?
The announcement came over the loudspeakers at the Park Slope Food Co-op shortly before noon: Sen. John Kerry was conceding. People looked at each other stricken over the soy milk and organic vegetables.
"Fair Trade" coffee and tofu too, I bet!
Pilates instructor Rachel Priebe ran weeping from the store.
In case you're not au courant, Pilates is tai chi for the terminally trendy.
"I'm heartbroken," said Priebe, 30, sobbing gently as she loaded her bicycle on a Brooklyn sidewalk. "The rest of the country must be pretty out of touch with reality."

While Democrats mourned nationwide Wednesday, the mood among liberal New Yorkers was particularly dark and foul as some of the country's most Democratic precincts digested the results of the election. From Park Slope to Harlem, there was despair, dismay and cynicism over President's Bush's re-election.

Upper middle class Brooklynites called red state voters misinformed and self-interested. And outside the Apollo Theater in Harlem, residents cried that the fix was in and Bush had stolen another election.
"I see IQ's haven't increased while I was away."
"I'm devastated," writer Emma Starr said as she left the nation's largest member-owned and -operated food co-op. "I have proposed that we should have two distinct nations. Why should we be forced to live together under the rule of an evil dictator?"
Ming the Merciless won't be pleased, Emma!
Leonard Lopate, the liberal host of a morning talk show on public radio station WNYC, described left-leaning New Yorkers on Wednesday as stunned, despairing and alienated from the rest of the country.
"We are the symbol of the United States to everybody except the rest of the people in the United States."
Poor babies! But there is a solution that all your pals are talking about. You can hit the road!

Conveniently, Harper's has A reader’s guide to expatriating on November 3. But after reading the part on France, I suspect they may be kidding:
Should one candidate win, those who opposed the Iraq war might hope to find refuge in France, where a very select few are allowed to “assimilate” each year. Assimilation is reserved for persons of non-French descent who are able to prove that they are more French than American, having mastered the language as well as the philosophy of the French way of life.
It seems to be an essay test, so proof of sitting around in sidewalk cafes isn't likely to make the grade.

And there's bad news from the Great White North too. Unhappy Democrats Need to Wait to Get Into Canada:

Disgruntled Democrats seeking a safe Canadian haven after President Bush (news - web sites) won Tuesday's election should not pack their bags just yet.

Canadian officials made clear on Wednesday that any U.S. citizens so fed up with Bush that they want to make a fresh start up north would have to stand in line like any other would-be immigrants -- a wait that can take up to a year.

"You just can't come into Canada and say 'I'm going to stay here'. In other words, there has to be an application. There has to be a reason why the person is coming to Canada," said immigration ministry spokeswoman Maria Iadinardi.
(Slate has a "How to move to Canada" today as well.) Don't believe 'em though, folks. Just show up in Canada and claim to be a refugee and you'll get the keys to the city plus welfare and medical care.

But there aren't any such problems for whining resident aliens:
Steffi Dippold, another international graduate student, was not in a laughing mood as results came in.

“We’re shocked and disgusted with the results,” she said. “Now I’ve seen the real face of America and I’m thinking about leaving the country.”
So what's stopping you, Steff?

Feeling better now? I certainly am!