Friday, September 22, 2006

Hugo does the Big Apple

Maricon Hugo Chavez goes to New York City

If there's anything good about having the United Nations in New York City, it's that periodically the various Third World dictators take time out from abusing their subjects and drop by to show the American citizenry up close and personal what kind of moonbats they are:
In case you somehow missed it, Venezuelan dictator, Hugo Chavez, provided entertainment for the United Nations body this week. After Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad clearly disappointed the United Nations body with his uncharacteristically (and ridiculously) sappy “we love everyone, even Jews--so why can’t we have nukes” speech, the United Nations was desperate for fireworks and entertainment of some sort from somebody.

Since Ahmadinejad had been muzzled by France, who is hoping to keep Iran’s nuclear ambitions off the U.N. Security Council table, enter Cindy Sheehan’s president of choice, Hugo Chavez, stage right.

Chavez opened the show with a brilliant rendition of Noam Chomsky’s World, calling upon every member of the United Nations to read America's best known socialist at first chance, holding up his favorite Chomsky book as though it were the Bible for good governance, or just proof that he could read. He then ripped into his biggest applause line of the show with "Yesterday, the devil [President Bush] came here. Right here! Right here! And it smells of sulfur still today, this table that I am now standing in front of."

If you listened closely, it wasn’t so much applause he received, but laughter. Even the room full of international thugs and fellow third world dictators were amused by the idea that the dancing monkey from South America would waltz before a world body in New York City with Noam Chomsky in hand and begin to belch such vitriolic spears at the American president, world-wide television audience looking on. It was more like a Richard Prior concert than a speech from a world leader seeking a seat at the U.N. Security Council.

Laughing at Hugo Chavez

I suppose, but at the UN it's mostly comedy anyway, so it's hard to tell. But wait, there's more:

The following day, Chavez appeared again, this time in Harlem. Hollywood socialist big shot Danny Glover crawled out from behind his Beverly Hills security gates to open the show and Chavez returned for a encore performance of his best applause line from the day before, getting an even better response from Harlem residents as he warmed up the cheering crowd who were about to be sold a fat dose of “let the communist save you from the capitalists.”

Then Chavez delivered the death blow as he stood before adoring friends and fans, offering cheap South American oil for the oncoming winter, in a brotherly act of charity towards Harlem’s down-trodden who have been so horribly mistreated by the evils of capitalism. Chavez, the knight in shining armor on silver steed, was in Harlem to save the day and as one might have predicted, Harlem welcomed their new gift-bearing savior with open arms. Not a single person in that room wondered why Harlem was singled out to receive such generous acts of commie kindness--let alone what strings might be attached.

Now I must point out that this man is the leader of a nation of more than 25 million people, 47% of whom live below the poverty line, (and their poverty line is well below that of the United States or even Harlem). Venezuela currently enjoys a 12.2% unemployment rate as opposed to Americas 4.7% rate. The country also has a 16% inflation rate at present and its entire country is completely dependent upon the petrol exports of $2.1 million per day, over 50% of which is bought by the good old USA. For those who need pictures to keep up: America no buy oil, Venezuela no have country, Hugo no have el-job-o.

One might wonder why Chavez is worried about Harlem when he clearly has much bigger problems at home.
In particular, the impoverished Venezuelans must wonder why ole Hugo is giving away their cash, but they still haven't shot him. Yet. Which reminds me:

Dont buy gas from this ass - Hugo Chavez

But I digress, and the best was yet to come: Democrat House leader Nancy Pelosi and representative Charles Rangel from Harlem felt having the dancing monkey parrot their favorite lines was bad for business with an election coming up and of course they're right. Aside from a few moonbats beloved by the Democrat party, Americans don't particularly care to see a puffed-up foreign lunatic running his mouth over the President and if he's reading from the DNC playbook, what does it say about the Donks?

Donk act stolen by Hugo Chavez

Now Chavez, like his pals Castro, Morales, Ahmadinejad, and Mugabe, is looser than lamb poop, but why did he choose this particular time to go off on a bender? I'm surprised that none of the leftoids have come up with the obvious solution:

Rove, you magnificent bastard

Bwahahaha. Thanks, Hugo.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Google is watching you

Dutch TV hounds Google Earth topless sunbather:
Here's a cautionary tale for those of you who like to indulge in a bit of light sunbathing in the privacy of your own patio: make sure you ring Google to see if they're planning a satellite pass-over before whipping off your top.
Dutch TV quickly identified the address and moved in for the kill, dispatching a team armed with grabs from Google Earth to the sun-worshipping resident's domicile. Luckily for her, she wasn't in.
Click through for the photo which I suppose is technically NSFW, but could just as easily be an inflatable. The satellite resolution isn't that good. Yet.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Today's Hoot!

CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) chairman Guy Fournier recently told a French-language radio station that bowel movements are better than sex. [...]

Mr. Fournier recounted a train trip in the early 1960s during which a friend named Michel said going number two was as pleasurable as having sex.

"From that moment, I started paying closer attention -- and I have to tell you, I quickly realized that Michel was entirely right," Mr. Fournier said.
That would also explain a lot of what one sees on the CBC.

The original article also explains that the reason Mr. Fournier was being interviewed by the radio station was to make amends for having previously made the claim (which he found on the Internet) that:
In Lebanon, the law allows men to have sexual relations with animals as long as they are female! Doing the same thing with male beasts can result in the death penalty."

That explains the remainder of CBC content.

Never bet on the weather if you never go outside

Fund Flameout:
Hedge fund giant Amaranth Advisors was clinging to life yesterday as its traders scrambled to sell holdings after a harebrained wager on natural gas cost the firm roughly half of its $9.5 billion portfolio - the second hedge fund disaster this month caused by the volatile energy markets.
After studying weather patterns and other data, Amaranth made an enormous wrong-way bet that a Katrina-like hurricane would cause the difference between summer and winter natural gas prices to widen dramatically.

Instead, a mild hurricane season caused that spread to collapse, wiping out about $5 billion in value.

"I can't believe they bet the whole fund on a hurricane," said one energy trader.

Looks like the city folks' computer told 'em it was going to be a really hot year. I wonder if ole Al Gore was helping 'em out?

Sunday, September 17, 2006

It's the ROPB again

Religion of Persistent Brutality. I bet that really buffed up their their rep down at the madrassa.

Best response yet. How long before folks figure out that you can't reason with mad dogs?

The Nostradamus award goes to Rod Liddle (via Tim Blair's TALIBAN FEELINGS HURT):
You can bet your life that by the time you read this, some Catholic priest toiling away in a godforsaken, dusty hellhole — Sudan, perhaps, or Turkey — will have been smacked about a bit, or had his church burnt down or been arrested without charge. The Pope should have been aware that Islam always reacts to western allegations that it is not a peaceful religion by mass outbreaks of vituperation, denunciation and acts of jihadic violence.

That this is a paradox seems not to be even remotely recognised by many Muslims. Commenting on the Pope’s speech, Tasnim Aslam, a spokeswoman for the Pakistani foreign ministry, came out with this little piece of doublethink beauty: "Anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence."
See, they even foam at the mouth.

Edward R. Murrow should have joined the SS

That way he could have been a "good journalist" like the folks over at the Associated Press.