Friday, August 15, 2008

I confess, I am the father of Rielle Hunter's baby!

Cracker Guy father of Rielle Hunter's baby
I see where John Edward's goofy gofer Andy Young is getting $20,000 a month for pretending to be the father of Rielle Hunter's baby. It's not clear whether that includes the rent on the multimillion mansion in Santa Barbara where he was comically living with his wife Cheri, his 3 kids, and Rielle and her baby until Rielle and Cheri got to fussing and Rielle moved to a separate fully furnished mansion that rented for $9000 a month. It's also not clear whether it includes family cars - Rielle was driving a BMW. Still, it's a nice chunk of change for no work.

Aside from an astonishing criminal record and being unemployed, it's not obvious what Andy Young brings to the job beyond an endearing loyalty to John Edwards. However, for $20,000 a month plus Rielle's $9,0000 housing allowance, I can be very loyal and obviously my studly demeanor

Cracker Guymakes me a much more credible candidate for the role of a philanderer. What's more, I won't have any family trouble since my wife suggested I apply for the job and she's airing out the guest room right now!

I told her, "These young blondes can be mighty flighty, but I'll try my best to handle Rielle if I get the gig."

She said, "Shut up, you old fool! The only thing you'll be handling is dirty diapers. Rielle and I are going to be busy shopping and going to New Age soirees in the BMW. You're going to be taking care of the baby."

I guess I'd have to hire my scary neighbor Skeeter and his hound dog Rex to keep off the reporters, but that way I'd have someone to talk to while I tend to the Pampers and pablum.

So, hey Fred Baron! Give me a jingle. I'm a much better candidate for the job of love child daddy and I might even give you a nice Country Store discount.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Rielle Hunter takes up a career in masonry

Golly, I was beginning to feel kinda sorry for ole Rielle Hunter. First her swain John Edwards throws her under the bus and she had to take it on the lam from the multimillion dollar mansion his friends had parked her in. No one was stepping up to defend her except her family who challenged Johnny Reid to take the paternity test he was prattling on about.

Well, I should have know better - turns out Rielle doesn't want a paternity test because it would "invade her privacy". Of course, her judgment may be affected by the private jet that whisked her and the kid away two days before the big Edwards coverup story was released and the cash that is still coming in from Edwards' pals. Gosh, I wonder if she got a raise?

As for Johnny Reid himself, the Enquirer claims to have evidence that he visited his "brief liaison" and her supposed kid by another man two other times this year besides the last time when he hid in the john at the Beverly Hilton. Yep, it was just a quickie!

Finally, even if you take Edwards' implausible explanation at face value, there's a legal problem with "personal contributions" from his pals to his "old" liaison and kid (and also faithful eunuch Andy Young) while Edwards was running for office. Check this out:

Johnny Reid and his lawyer pals will look great in stripes.