Today's Hoot

Rob Christensen of the Raleigh News and Observer provides some unintended humor with Centrists primary in South Carolina:

COLUMBIA, S.C. -- Former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean knew that he was no longer in the land of Ben and Jerry when the chairman of the South Carolina Democratic Party reached into his desk and whipped out a Beretta .380.

"His eyes got really big when I pulled out the gun," said Dick Harpootlian, a Columbia lawyer who was Democratic Party chairman until last year.

Harpootlian, a former prosecutor, said he brandished the revolver to drive home the point that many Southerners are fond of their guns -- regardless of their politics, or whether they love the ice cream churned out by Ben and Jerry's, Vermont's left-wing ice cream company.

Christensen may have got it wrong, but unless Harpootlian, a famous BS artist, has one of the not very well known Beretta .38 revolvers, he surely means a .380 pistol. But I liked the story anyhow.

Dean is not the only candidate taking a crash course in South Carolina political folkways.

The contest Feb. 3 is the first Democratic presidential primary this year in the Bible Belt, the first primary with many black voters, and the first where many people are more comfortable talking about the Civil War than about civil unions.
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South Carolina is not everyone's back yard. Many candidates have had to learn to eat barbecue, clap rhythmically to gospel music and talk about the Bible, however inexpertly.

Someone mention Howard Dean?

"What is going on in Iowa is so far left of center," Harpootlian said. "It puts candidates at a disadvantage who want to come back to the middle. You can't expect to lurch too far to the left and expect to do well in South Carolina."

The South Carolina Democratic primary was the brainchild of Harpootlian. During the GOP primary in 2000, he saw how the Republicans hogged all the publicity as Bush fought off a vigorous challenge from Arizona Sen. John McCain. And Harpootlian wanted to set up a firewall to prevent liberals from walking away with the nomination.

Since by any standard, Harpootlian is a flaming liberal, I would suggest that the reason is more regional. Or the Donks have gone nuts. Hmm, maybe both.

The setting for the Democrats' south-of-the-border clash is incongruous. South Carolina has become such a Republican stronghold that only the most diehard Democrats believe they have a chance against Bush here in the fall. Democratic officials elected statewide are becoming an endangered species.
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The state is one of the most heavily Republican in the country. There were 573,000 voters in the 2000 GOP presidential primary; Democrats expect there might be half that number in the Democratic primary.

There has even been a bit of suspense concerning whether the Democratic primary will happen at all. South Carolina and Utah are the only two states in which the political parties rather than taxpayers must foot the bill for the primaries.

South Carolina Democrats have not been flush. At one point, state Democratic Chairman Joe Erwin, a Greenville advertising executive, floated the idea that Democrats might want to find a corporate sponsor. One person suggested a "Chick-Fil-A South Carolina Democratic Primary."

OK by me. Why should the taxpayers pay for either party's hijinks?

Coming up with volunteers might be more difficult. In 2000, the South Carolina Republicans had a difficult time finding the 5,000 volunteer poll workers to man the nearly 2,000 polling places. At one point they were planning not to open polls in heavily Democratic black neighborhoods.

That brought a suit from the Democratic Party, arguing that the GOP was violating the federal Voting Rights Act. So now Republicans are watching closely to make sure the Democrats open polling places in GOP areas.

Other than spite, which should never be underestimated, why would one care where the other party had its primary polling places?

Another quirk to the South Carolina primary is that it is open to anyone -- Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Libertarians or whoever.

This has led to the possibility of mischief. Republicans complained that South Carolina Democrats helped fuel McCain's challenge to Bush in 2000.

Now I understand!

For seven months, a conservative radio talk-show host in Greenville, S.C., has been urging Republicans to vote in the primary for the Rev. Al Sharpton, one of two black candidates.

"He is a fun guy," said Peter Thiele, program director of WORD-AM. "People thought the Democratic Party is taking the African-American community for granted and marginalizing Sharpton's campaign."

Bwahaha!

South Carolina politics has always been filled with racial land mines.
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Among the obstacles facing the candidates has been the NAACP's boycott of the state because it continues to fly the Confederate battle flag on the Capitol grounds in Columbia.

The NAACP has provided special dispensation to candidates, campaign workers and reporters through the primary. But at least two candidates, Edwards and Lieberman, a civil rights activist in the 1960s, are showing solidarity with the NAACP by staying only in private residences.

Among the homes where Edwards stayed was that of the Rev. Willie Given, a Baptist minister who lives in the Charleston suburbs.

"He came, he ate, he slept," said Given, when asked to describe the experience.

Asked whether Edwards stayed in a guest room, Given deadpanned: "I didn't put him in my room."

I hope you let him use the john too!

Appealing to white voters can be equally tricky.

In November, Dean promised to reach out to "guys with Confederate flag decals on their bumpers." Edwards immediately criticized Dean for condescending to Southerners.

"I have learned my lesson," Dean said later. "You will never hear those words pass my lips again."

Howie, if we wait long enough, just about anything will pass your lips!