Garlic is not a perfume!

See what I mean at PaveFrance.

Ruh Oh!

Man gets "spam rage" over penis ad

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Call it spam rage: A Silicon Valley computer programmer has been arrested for threatening to torture and kill employees of the company he blames for bombarding his computer with Web ads promising to enlarge his penis.

In one of the first prosecutions of its kind in the state that made "road rage" famous, Charles Booher, 44, was arrested on Thursday and released on bail for making repeated threats to staff of a Canadian company between May and July.

Booher threatened to send a "package full of Anthrax spores" to the company, to "disable" an employee with a bullet and torture him with a power drill and ice pick; and to hunt down and castrate the employees unless they removed him from their e-mail list, prosecutors said.

C'mon Chuck, don't be shy! Tell us how you really feel!

But wait - there's more!

The object of the Californian's anger was Douglas Mackay, president of DM Contact Management, which works for Albion Medical, a firm advertising the "Only Reliable, Medically Approved Penis Enhancement."
...
He said his firm does not send spam but blamed a rival firm which he said routes much of their unsolicited bulk e-mail through Russia and eastern Europe. Mackay said such firms gave a bad name to the penis enhancement business.

Whew! That would be tough to do!

And the party's just getting started

The media and the Donk candidates have their panties tightly knotted now that the Republican National Committee has started firing back. Helen Kennedy at the NY Daily News delivers Dem fury over GOP attack ad:

WASHINGTON - The 2004 battle for the White House was joined yesterday when the GOP opened fire on Democrats with an ad calling them terrorist lovers.

Good start, Helen! Your future in Big Media is secure.

After months of Democratic attacks on President Bush's decision to attack Iraq, the Republican National Committee decided to fight back.

"Some are now attacking the President for attacking the terrorists," the GOP ad says over pictures of Bush speaking soberly about global threats at his last State of the Union address.

The ad - a taste of the national security battle that will help decide the election - made the Democratic candidates crazy.

Most were crazy long before that. Check out the reaction from General Jack D. Ripper (ret) from Burpelson Air Force Base:

"We're not concerned because he's attacking terrorists - we're concerned that he's not!" retired Gen. Wesley Clark told reporters. "He promised us Osama Bin Laden dead or alive. We have neither." Like most of the Democratic candidates, Clark argued Al Qaeda should have been the key target, not Iraq.

"The party that stole the election in 2000 now wants to steal patriotism from us," he added.

He's still oblivious to the international brotherhood of Islamofascists and all the connections between al Qaeda and the Saddamites. But at least there was no mention of "precious bodily fluids".

However, some of the candidates kept their eye on the ball:

Campaign aides of former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean, noting that every time their candidate is attacked his supporters send more money, turned it into a fund-raising tool.

"Our goal is to raise $360,000 by Tuesday - $5,000 for every hour they are going to lie to the American people with their ad," Dean campaign manager Joe Trippi said.

Woohoo! Ernst Blofeld already gave at the office!

Shall we dance?

Can you say dysfunctional? I knew you could!

U.N. report shows sad chapter for Arab books

CAIRO -- According to the holy Quran, the first message delivered to the Prophet Muhammad was a command: Read.

But walk the empty aisles of Cairo's old book bazaar, or visit the weary guardians of the Arabic literary tradition, and the conclusion is unanimous: For titles other than the Quran, that command is largely ignored today.

While writers everywhere complain that nobody reads anymore, Arab analysts now provide startling evidence. Grasping the poor state of Arab information industries such as publishing and journalism, they say, is critical to understanding the alienation, isolation and malaise roiling the modern Middle East.

"There is simply no readership," publisher Ibrahim al-Mowallem says bluntly. "We think of this as part of a pan-Arab depression. People are not reading because they have lost hope."

That's one possible explanation, but not a particularly good one. Ibrahim must be unacquainted with Spengler's Decline of the West.

Across the Arab world, a region of 280 million people, a best seller is a book that sells just 5,000 copies. Translation of foreign works into Arabic lags far behind the rest of the world -- one-fifth the number translated each year into Greek, a language spoken by just 11 million people. Some of Cairo's most storied old booksellers have given up entirely and been replaced by cell phone vendors, clothing shops and shoe stores.

The sorry state of Arab publishing is detailed for the first time in a U.N. report released last month that outlines how reading and writing are impaired by censorship, poor education, religious fundamentalism and war.

Those are better explanations as the rest of the article describes.

And in related news, check out Best of the Web's (scroll down to "Muslim Moon Moan") review of the Council on American Islamic Relations' discovery of the big conspiracy over at Johnny Hart's B.C. comic strip to besmirch Muslims. Who knew what crescent moons on outhouse doors really meant?

Cruel and Unusual!

Colgate Kicks Out Fraternity for Hazing

HAMILTON, N.Y. (AP) - Colgate University has kicked a fraternity off campus because of hazing new members, college officials said.

The Kappa Delta Rho chapter house in Hamilton, 45 miles southeast of Syracuse, will be closed at the end of the semester.

In the first reported incident, about 11 p.m. Sept. 24 off-campus in nearby Eaton, Madison County deputies reported finding a group of men in a field, some blindfolded and others reading poetry to them.

That's pretty tough hazing fer sure!

College officials said it was preceded by underage drinking.

Ya think?

Time for a checkup from the neck up

German Sept 11 theory stokes anti-US feeling

A former German cabinet minister is drawing huge crowds and stoking the fires of popular anti-Americanism with a book arguing that the US government mounted the September 11 attacks in a plot to win global domination.
...
Mr [Andreas] von Bulow, 66, a former research minister in the German government, believes that September 11, when more than 3,000 people died, was staged to justify the subsequent wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.
...
In more than 271 speculative pages, full of "ifs", "buts" and "maybes", the lawyer weaves his own version of the world-changing events. In it the Arab hijackers were creations of the CIA and were not even told that the planes were to be used as weapons.

The World Trade Centre collapsed due to explosives, not the impact of the Boeings; no planes flew into the Pentagon or crashed in Pennsylvania; and mobile phone calls made by those on the latter flight were simulated by the CIA.

Mr von Bulow also argues that the Israeli intelligence service, Mossad, was involved in the attacks, warning Israelis to avoid the Twin Towers in the preceding days.

I'm afraid to ask who Andy thinks is responsible for the bombings in Indonesia, Turkey, Israel, and elsewhere. Or when his saucer is coming to pick him up.

Here's big news!

I never see People magazine except in dentist's waiting rooms, so I'm indebted to Kathryn Jean Lopez for noting that People has determined that James Carville is one of the "Top 10 Sexiest Men in America". Personally, I like the stories about the Ragin' Cajun that appear in that other weekly better.

It's those wacky UN diplomats again!

U.N. DIPLOS GET A KICK IN ARREARS

November 21, 2003 -- Some permanent missions to the United Nations aren't so permanent after all.

A group of deadbeat diplomats from the West African republic of Guinea-Bissau were booted from their East Side offices yesterday morning after a multiyear battle over nonpayment of rent.

It is believed to be the first such eviction of a U.N. mission - which, like embassies and consulates, are considered sovereign territory.

According to court papers, the mission owes its landlord, Eastgate Realty, $186,162.04 dating to the mid-1990s. Phone and electricity service had been shut off years ago for nonpayment.

No phone or electricity must have made them feel right at home.

Can you spot the wingnut?

Don't worry, any choice is fine.

Schroeder "desperate and depressed" by Istanbul attacks

NEW YORK, Nov 20 (AFP) - German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder, arriving here on a trade mission, said the suicide bombs against British targets in Istanbul that killed 27 people Thursday had left him feeling "desperate and depressed."
...
"This shows once more that the fight against international terrorism has not been won," he told reporters at his hotel. "The fight has to be pursued with all strength and determination."
...
"This shows that there has to be a division of labor in the transatlantic alliance in the fight against terrorism," he said. "Everybody has to participate. Istanbul is not so far from Europe."

No word if his nose grew any longer.

But then there's that deep thinker, Weasley Clark - U.S. candidate Clark wants 'Greater Middle East' plan

NEW YORK - Presidential hopeful Wesley Clark contrasted his foreign policy on Thursday with President George W. Bush's occupation of Iraq and said if elected he would extend U.S. and European military and security partnerships to countries of the "Greater Middle East."

The retired general and former NATO commander told a foreign policy think-tank that his plan would adapt NATO's post-Cold War Partnership for Peace and the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe to foster democracy and economic reform in the Middle East.

I always love the latest from Burpelson Air Force Base! Keep 'em unpolluted, Weasley!

These fellas are just another illustration of the "reputable left" being all for a War on Terror as long as no one actually does anything. Unfortunately, that's rather cold comfort when some knuckle draggers are trying to blow you up for watching Britney Spears. Then there's the disreputable left - they're egging the bastards on.

Ruh Oh!

It's another dang protest! This one has a Botox bimbo and a dwarf!

Who's got the Kool-Aid?

The Patio Pundit spots something really bizarre amongst the Deanie Weenies:

Former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean: "He's definitely hot right now. It's like his supporters are a cult. At the Jefferson and Jackson dinner in Des Moines last weekend, it was tons of screaming kids, but they weren't from Iowa. They'd been bused in from across the Midwest, and they didn't clap for anyone else - only Dean. Afterward, there was a party at the Fort Des Moines and they acted out Dean's stump speech, waving their arms and mouthing the words, like it was 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show.' Dean was there, and at first he was smiling, but after a while he looked pretty freaked out.

Sheesh, they're going to need tank cars full of the stuff.

More protest snaps!

Here's one in Paraguay by children for child labor. I'm so confused!

And here's a novelty, fashion photography with a riot police backdrop.

Half Naked Protestor Alert!

Sorry London lefties - all the action was in Miami. Actually there wasn't much going on there either, but the press had hopes. Also present were an alien from an old Star Trek Show and some sort of large parrot.

Ruh Oh!

We gave pig meat to halal sheep, say activists

Sydney - Animal rights activists claimed yesterday to have fed pig meat to 70,000 sheep awaiting shipment to the Middle East in an effort to render them unsuitable for consumption by Muslims.

Er, how can you tell? I guess it's the thought that counts.

Trouble in Donk paradise alert!

Gainful employment beckons, so I don't have time for a rant about the AARP, socialized medicine, cross border drug pricing, and yadda yadda. But I have to laugh at Candidates chastise AARP for backing Medicare reform:

BEDFORD — Five would-be Presidential nominees, including Howard Dean, opened an AARP pre-primary event at the Wayfarer Inn yesterday by chastising the 35 million-member (210,000 in New Hampshire) group’s leadership for backing a GOP Medicare prescription drug bill.

Many in the crowd of nearly 1,000 didn’t like it, either. They booed when the moderator announced the AARP, a national advocacy group for people 50 and older, will spend $7 million to support the bill, including a television ad that calls the plan imperfect but “a good first step.”

So why are their panties in a knot? Take it away, Dickie Gephardt:

“This is a bad bill. It’s a Republican bill. Therefore, it’s a bad bill,” said Missouri Rep. Richard Gephardt.

There's an incisive analysis! To be fair, Joe Lieberman was the voice of relative sanity, as usual:

Connecticut Sen. Joseph Lieberman refused to criticize the bill or the AARP. “Too soon to say,” he said. “The fact is it will provide 10 million senior citizens, more than 80,000 in New Hampshire, who don’t have any prescription assistance, with those benefits. I’m not going to give a knee-jerk, reflex reaction and say, ‘no way.’”

Joe's clearly not with the Donk program.

Much more whining from the rest of the dwarves by following the link, but the best part was when Howie Dean said "Let's play doctor!".

John Burton leads trump and it's the race card

Senate leader contends effort to kill license law is `racist'

SACRAMENTO (AP) - Senate leader John Burton charged Tuesday that attempts to overturn a new law allowing undocumented immigrants to obtain drivers' licenses were being fueled by racism, but he stopped short of saying that was Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's motivation.

"I say the issue is racism," the San Francisco Democrat told reporters. "Do you think if these people were white and not brown skinned we would be talking about it? I don't.

I think Johnny just said that membership in selected races should be a "Get Out of Jail Free" card.

And in related news - Northwestern Student Charged With Faking Racist Attacks: Suspect Says He Wanted To 'Motivate' Minorities On Campus.

David Frum does the London protests

Why this protest is deeply shameful

As slogans go, "Hands Off Nepal" has a lot to recommend it: it's simple, direct - and yet at the same time, touched with a certain exotic romance.

"What's going on in Nepal?" I asked one of the two compact men carrying the banner on which the slogan was painted.

From behind the cloth stepped a good-looking young man in a long blue coat. "A people's resistance movement is battling the Nepalese government." What's that got to do with Iraq and President Bush, I asked him. The United States, he replied, was backing the government.

Oh, I said: "Are you from Nepal?" He replied that he was from Turkey. What about him, I asked, jerking my thumb at one of the banner holders. "He's from Turkey, too."

"Are there, in fact, any Nepalese here at all?" I asked him. "Not as yet, but" - he hastened to assure me - "we are expecting some Nepalese friends later."

Whew, that's a relief! Good to see that the wingnuts showed up though.

The anti-Bush demonstration in Lincoln's Inn Fields was called for six o'clock, but at the appointed hour, journalists and camera crews substantially outnumbered protesters.

I joined a line of 14 journalists to interview a shapely woman dressed as a beauty contestant: "Miss Flaming Planet".

Yum!

More hijinks by following the link, but here's the best line:

But not as good a point as this one I heard from a young member of the Socialist Workers Party, standing underneath a clutch of red banners. I goaded him a little: "Wouldn't Trotsky describe your allies in this coalition as religious obscurantists? And isn't the history of the Middle East that religious loyalties count for a whole lot more than ideology?"

Mike (the name he gave) shrugged me off. "People in the Middle East are fighting because their own governments are repressing them. They come to feel that they have no alternative - and the mosque is always open.

"But I can't help thinking that it's just not very realistic that people are going to kill each other because they say my God is better than your God. Give people freedom and an opportunity for something better: that's what they really want."

I said: "You know, you sound exactly like Paul Wolfowitz." He flinched.

Ooops!

People, listen up!

Spelling out words with your bods is all very well, but for it to count you have to take your clothes off!

And speaking of birds...

Did you see the Guardian article in which prominent British citizens wrote welcome notes to President Bush? Surprisingly for the Guardian it wasn't exclusively wing nuts, but there was certainly a good crop of them. How about Harold Pinter?

Dear President Bush,

I'm sure you'll be having a nice little tea party with your fellow war criminal, Tony Blair. Please wash the cucumber sandwiches down with a glass of blood, with my compliments.

Harold Pinter
Playwright

Sounds like Antonia has been hiding Harry's meds again!

And don't forget Mickey, age 12:

I would just like to say how much I hate you. You have done nothing positive in your whole time as president. You are the reason for the poverty in the Middle East. You have no idea what you are doing. You're killing loads of people, and that is not excluding your own nation too. There are still lots of very poor people in America, and they are getting poorer.

The kid's ready to be a Democrat presidential candidate!

Much more manure by following the link.

Hadi Misban gets the bird!

Click quick before they change it.

Via Best of the Web.

Memos, we've got memos!

First a memo surfaces that reveals how the Donks on the Senate Intelligence Committee are playing politics with Iraqi intelligence information. The Donks are outraged that their "clever plan" was revealed, but won't disavow it.

Then we find out that there's a memo that lays out the connections between Osama and Saddam and which is known to all the usual Donk suspects, who blithely ignore it as they rant on. That doesn't make the front page, but now we get to hear all about the big investigation to find out who spilled the beans.

Then some memos turn up that reveal that the Donks are merely sock puppets for a motley collection of pressure groups when it comes to minority judicial nominees. Not to worry - Sen. Dick Durbin has got the posse all saddled up and ready to ride to find out who turned them in.

Can you say pond scum? I knew you could!

You can't make this stuff up!

Ted? I wonder how much the consultants got paid for that idea?

Higher Education?

Double-meanings deep-six U of I officials' nicknames

IOWA CITY, Iowa (AP) - A creative idea to make meetings between University of Iowa officials and students more fun...

I have a bad feeling about this!

...quickly changed directions when jazzy nicknames chosen for top administrators were found to have undesirable multiple meanings.

The goal was to make Thursday night meetings between students and President David Skorton and Phillip Jones, vice president of student services, more interesting.

The administrators and student government leaders came up with the idea of a reality show format. Nicknames were chosen for Skorton, who was called Pizzle, and Jones, known as Dizzle.

Say what?

It turns out that pizzle is a term sometimes used to refer to a bull's sex organs and that dizzle - according to one dictionary on urban slang - refers to an alcoholic redneck.

"That's why we won't be emphasizing Pizzle and Dizzle anymore," said university spokesman Steve Parrott. "It'll just be P and D."

Anyone care to assess the maturity level of everyone involved?

What a hootenanny!

Kevin at ninedwarfs.com hit the big Donk shindig in Iowa:

Now, it was time for the big show. After dispensing with the formalities, including the Governor leading the crowd in The Pledge of Allegiance, in which he left “under God” in (boy that really got the lefty crowd out of sync), it was time to introduce the guests of honor. One by one the dwarfs came down the aisle to cheers and handshakes. Then it came time for Howard Dean to make his entrance. Of course Dean wouldn’t be outdone. Rather than walk the aisle, Dean was in the crowd, in the upper deck, shaking hands and waving. Once again, Dean appeared as the outsider and upstaged everyone. After Howard was some former Ambassador who is apparently running for the nomination as well.

Then, the moment that everyone had been waiting for, Hillary. Making her entrance to U2’s Beautiful Day (Who Let the Dogs Out would’ve been more appropriate), she strode to the podium and let loose with the most annoying screechy voice I’ve ever heard. TV just doesn't convey what it sounds like in person. Dogs several counties away were howling in pain. Also, it seems as though Hillary isn’t aware that you don’t have to scream when you have a microphone.

Much more by following the link.

Wing Nuts Come Together

Braun Hires Ireland to Head Campaign

Democrat Carol Moseley Braun has hired former National Organization for Women president Patricia Ireland to head her presidential campaign amid questions about the future of the long-shot bid.

Now there's a dynamic duo. Maybe the deck chairs will look better on the other side of the Titanic.

Wing Nuts Fall Out

Al-Jazeera fires Ridley

Yvonne Ridley, the former Express journalist who was kidnapped by the Taliban in Afghanistan and subsequently converted to Islam, has been sacked as editor of al-Jazeera's English-language service.
...
Angry at her dismissal, Ridley is said to have "declared jihad on al-Jazeera".

Yeehaw!

School Daze

Students' kiss not just a kiss

You've seen Britney and Madonna. Now a US high school has seen two 17-year-olds, Katherine Pecore and Stephanie Haaser, lock lips on top of a lunch table.

The result? Two-day suspensions, a school protest and 15 minutes of fame.

"It wasn't an affection thing. It was really just a statement," Katherine said.

The girls say the kiss was staged to protest against homophobia. It happened in the middle of lunch at River Hill High School in Maryland.
...
The pair climbed on top of a lunch table and shouted, "End homophobia now!" Then the girls, both heterosexual, made out for an estimated 10 to 15 seconds.

"It was intense," Katherine said.
...
Stephanie's English teacher had asked his students to perform a "nonconformist act" as part of a course on transcendentalist authors such as Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau.

Good ole Henry David! He still gets the juices flowing in jaded English teachers after all these years. No word on what the teacher will ask the tykes to do when they read Macbeth.

Who the hell is Laura?

No, I don't know what's the matter over at Blogrolling.com but Laura seems to be getting lots of links. C'mon Laura and Tim, put up something worth reading! Strike while the iron is hot!

Nostalgia News

An Open Message for Bill Clinton: Your Neighbors in Harlem Miss You Like Crazy

Consider this an open letter from the citizens of 125th Street to former President Bill Clinton. Its message is simple: Mr. Clinton, please come home.

Anthony Rembert, 39, says he misses Mr. Clinton in the neighborhood: "Come back to the area, please. We want you to be part of the community."

Rebecca Pacheco, 23, says that if Mr. Clinton were around more often, he might be able to help her find a job: "Maybe you could have your people's people's people help me out."

Ali Shama, who runs the coffee cart outside Mr. Clinton's office, says he is somewhat tired of covering for the well-traveled former president: "Many people come around to ask about you, sir. It has happened maybe 10 or 15 times. I have to tell them that you are not around."

When Mr. Clinton moved into 55 West 125th Street in July 2001, it was hailed in certain parts of Harlem as the first installment of the Second Coming. A crowd of 2,000 — chanting "We love Bill!" — gathered on the streets to greet Mr. Clinton, who appeared before the masses to a violin rendition of "We Shall Overcome."

Violins no less! And presumably Kool-Aid for all.

The former president and Harlem seemed the perfect match. Both were in the early stages of a renaissance. Both loved soul food. Both had ties to the South. Speaking to his adoring audience that day more than two years ago, Mr. Clinton made a promise. "I want to make sure I'm a good neighbor in Harlem," he said.

In the past two years, however, Mr. Clinton, like many neighbors in New York, has been a passing, rather than a palpable, presence in the neighborhood.
...
His absence has been noticed on 125th Street, where people say they have occasionally seen him, under Secret Service guard, ducking through the back door of his office — if, that is, they have seen him at all.

Bubba has lots of experience ducking in back doors, but if he hasn't been at the office, what has the beamish boy been up to?

This year alone, he has traveled to Los Angeles to campaign for Gov. Gray Davis, to Kosovo to visit American soldiers serving with the United Nations peace-keeping force and to China to press its government to confront a growing AIDS crisis.

And piping up from the peanut gallery whenever he gets a chance.

A spokesman for Mr. Clinton's office pointed out that while Mr. Clinton has certainly been on the move, he has still had time to visit Jimmy's Uptown (three times), the Sugar Hill Bistro, the Bayou restaurant, Londell's restaurant, the Studio Museum in Harlem, Dance Theater of Harlem, Roberto Clemente Elementary School, the Frederick Douglass Academy, the Apollo Theater (three times), Sylvia's restaurant and Dee's Card Shop (for some Christmas shopping), to name more than a few.

When Mr. Clinton is not on the road, the spokesman said, he splits his time between his Harlem aerie and his home in Chappaqua, in Westchester County, where he is said to be working on his memoirs. "When he's in town, he comes by maybe once every couple of weeks," said Robert Collins, the chef at Lang's Little Store and Deli, one of Mr. Clinton's haunts in Chappaqua. "He's here a lot on weekends."

Ah yes, the memoirs. I can hardly wait.

Over all, 125th Street still remains a thriving chapter of the Bill Clinton fan club, and there are those on the street who consider themselves lucky to actually have seen the man in recent weeks.

Kinda like me and Elvis.

Sharon Alexander, 43, rode in the elevator with the former president last month as she was heading to work at the Department of Veterans Affairs.

Her message now is the same she had for him that day as they stood side by side: "I love you, Bill, but I need to see you more."

Don't disappoint them Bill! And don't bother the rest of us.

Front Group alert!

Cynthia McKinney to speak in Gainesville

Former Georgia Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney - a lightning rod of controversy while a member of the State House of Representatives and the U.S. Congress - will speak in Gainesville next Saturday, November 22.
...
She will be the keynote speaker at a banquet at the Gainesville Civic Center marking the 53rd anniversary of the Newtown Florist Club.

I didn't know wingnut Cindy was a gardener! Well, she's not:

The florist club began in 1950 as a place where people in the Newtown community could turn for flowers in times of illness or death in their families, but has evolved over the years into a civil rights/environmental justice organization.

"We are very excited to have Ms. McKinney join us as we celebrate our 53rd anniversary, as she is the embodiment of the spirit that guides us," said Newtown Florist Club President Faye Bush. "In addition, we will also recognize a number of individuals who battle tirelessly for social and economic justice, but go overlooked."

I'm sure they'll have plenty of Kool-Aid to go around.

At last, some good news!

Guinness good for you - official

The old advertising slogan "Guinness is Good for You" may be true after all, according to researchers.

A pint of the black stuff a day may work as well as an aspirin to prevent heart clots that raise the risk of heart attacks.

Drinking lager does not yield the same benefits, experts from Wisconsin University told a conference in the US.

Guinness were told to stop using the slogan decades ago - and the firm still makes no health claims for the drink.

The researchers claim that Guinness helps out with hardening of the arteries - in dogs, at least.

Whatever happened to "Miracle on 34th Street"?

Rod Dreher at The Corner:

HOLLYWEIRD

Just read Drudge's dispatch about "Bad Santa," a Disney movie (actually, from its Miramax subsidiary) in which Billy Bob Thornton plays a Santa who drinks, smokes and has sex. There's reportedly a scene in which Thornton, as Santa, has sex with a barmaid in his car, with her screaming, "F--- me, Santa!" Charming.

Caught a commercial for the live-action version of Dr. Seuss' "The Cat in the Hat." That's another one to miss, looks like. I figured as much when the voiceover promised, "From the people who brought you 'The Grinch.'" That scuzzy film was littered with sexual double entendres. Don't they care what they show kids? Anyway, the "Cat in the Hat" commercial showed the Cat, played by Mike Myers, looking at a photograph of a woman, and suddenly acquiring a tumescent tail. Then one of the children says the woman in the photo is "Mom," which causes the excitable kitty to lose his erection. Is this a great culture, or what?

It's Wing Nut Marching Time, Kids!

I guess I missed the big hoedown in Paris:

Tens of thousands of opponents of war, discrimination and corporate greed from more than 60 countries paraded through Paris Saturday in a show of grassroots force to Europe's power elite.

Winding up a four-day European Social Forum that drew some 50,000 participants and more than 200 organizations, according to organizers, the marchers blew whistles, sang and played music under the banner of "For a Europe of rights in a war-free world".

Woo hoo!

But they'll be out in force in London for the visit of President Bush. Andrew Sullivan:

It's lockdown time in London. The anti-war left, who let the visits of Mugabe and Assad pass without much protest, is galvanizing to bring the country to a standstill during Bush's visit. The BBC is in the vanguard of anti-Bush hysteria.

I knew there was a reason that NPR hired the BBC to provide news on our "public" radio stations.

But as it's November, our hopes for naked protestors will likely be dashed. Here are some partial substitutes:

Naked sushi kicks up stink in US northwest

SEATTLE, Washington (AFP) - A US restaurant that boasts a house special of sushi served on a naked woman has sparked furious protests by Asian women's groups, but eager diners are jostling for seats.

Dozens Sign Up To Strip Naked And Sing

Call it freedom of expression, or just the booze talking, but so far, dozens of patrons have signed up to sing nude at a karaoke event proposed by a local bar.

"Seventy five and counting," Berlin Station Café regular James Blackey said Friday night as he watched a woman become the 75th person to sign up for the nude songfest.

Prolonged Whine-a-thon Alert!

Some Chicago Tribune reporters have coughed up a new entry in the Illegal Alien Angst category:

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan -- The 75 passengers on the Icelandair jet sat strapped to their seats, cloth bands cinching their arms to their waists for all but the final descent of the three-leg, 20-hour flight.

Struggling to feed themselves, they spilled rice and meat onto the floor of the cabin. A trip to the bathroom required the escort of a federal agent.

After the plane screeched to a halt in the sweltering July heat, U.S. officials herded the men off the jet and onto the soil of their native Pakistan. The purpose of the flight: deportation. Why them? Their nationality.

Sounds like the average plane trip in economy class.

I'll save you the time to read the article: lots of "good hearted" illegal aliens are kicked out of the USA every year and since 9/11, the number from Islamic countries has increased. Some people in Islamic countries are grumpy.

You can follow the link for more bathos, but here's the nut:

In fact, while three of the Sept. 11 hijackers had overstayed their visas, a sweeping, bipartisan congressional probe later cited shoddy intelligence work, not poor immigration enforcement, as being at the root of the nation's vulnerability that day.

While that conveniently obscures the incredibly slipshod nature of the USA's legal "immigration programs" (student visa anyone?), how does it imply that immigration laws shouldn't be enforced?

Exactly what part of "illegal alien" don't they understand?

Shocking News Alert!

College students chug big mugs

College students drink much more alcohol than they realize, a new study suggests, raising questions about the validity of widely cited surveys on campus drinking.

The reason: Students tend to pour much more than standard servings of alcohol into cups, says the study, published in the November issue of Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research.

I'm waiting for the study that reveals that respondents to surveys might er, lie.

It's Her Heinous! She's here to help!

Candidates Feel Hill Prez-ence in Iowa

DES MOINES - Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton had the look, the message and even the campaign theme music for a White House run, but last night she was content to merely slam President Bush.

Same old tune, but what were the words this time?

Clinton, speaking before thousands of Iowa Democrats, said she was "embarrassed" by Bush and charged him with draining the reservoir of good will America held after the horror of Sept. 11, 2001.

"The president instead when the rest of the world opened its heart to us, he turned his back," said Clinton.

You really have to be sh*tting me.

And in a subtle dig at the nine declared Democratic wannabes seeking to unseat Bush, Clinton advised them to offer voters something more than just complaints about the way things are.

Pot, kettle, black.

But here's the best part - Hillary has dueling groupies!

Prior to the dinner, Clinton's two competing backers sold buttons and greeted some of the 7,000 people who attended the event as they walked into the auditorium.

Andy Parkhomenko and Bob Kunst, who do not like one another and are waging dueling battles over the Internet to line up support to draft Clinton as a candidate, both declared the night a success.

"A lot of people were really excited to see us here," said Parkhomenko, a community college student from Virginia who is financing his draft Clinton movement mostly on his own.

Meanwhile, Kunst sold scores of stickers and buttons, complaining all the time about how cold it was compared to his native Florida.

Iowa Democratic officials refused to let either draft-Hillary effort into the auditorium where the established candidates handed out literature and stickers.

That's OK, they had a big pitcher of Kool-Aid.

And one more thing:

Each candidate picked different music to blare as their theme song; Clinton had her own, choosing U2's "It's a Beautiful Day," which is one of her favorite songs.

I wonder how long it took the focus group to come up with that one?