It's Happy Hour!

Actually, it's a tad early, but it's too late for my usual breakfast or lunch titles for this collection of tasty morsels:

Don't show up unarmed at a gnome fight

Maybe If Sandy Berger Had A Texas Oil Connection More People Would Know What He Stuffed In His Pants. Not to worry though - they've got time for John Bolton's haircut - REMIND US AGAIN WHY NO ONE RESPECTS THE PRESS?.

Lebanon captures canine infiltrators from Israel

Bummer!:

Nowadays, however, everything's changed. The good vibrations are nicht so gut anymore. The scene is dominated by the bleakness twins -- Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer. Those Sisters of Mean can put a downer on everything, know what I'm sayin'? Well, maybe not the bank account of a half dozen or so Beverly Hills plastic surgeons, but everybody else. And this has been going on for too long. It's getting so serious I'm in danger of having my Frank Zappa MP3s erased.

John Kerry will be the official starter of the wheelchair division race at the Boston Marathon on Monday. Gosh, I wonder if he's going to wear one of his cool outfits? And who knew ole Lurch pretended to be a marathon runner too?

There Is No Such Thing As "Jobs Americans Won't Do"

One phrase you often hear tossed around during immigration debates is, "Illegal immigrants do jobs Americans won't do."

However, that's totally untrue. There is no such thing as a "job Americans won't do;" there are only "jobs Americans won't do at a certain price."

For example, how many people out there would be interested in shoveling elephant crap at the circus? It's likely that very few of you would. However, what if I said you were going to be paid 10 million dollars a year to shovel elephant dung? In that case, it would be likely that a very high percentage of you would suddenly become quite willing to grab a shovel and get ankle deep in "elephant leavings" if it meant you could become rich.

Where's my shovel? Actually, based on the example of NY Times, some folks are willing to shovel manure for considerably less.

Must be another Zionist plot! Has Manischewitz gone meshugah?:

The 117 year-old company best known for its matzah, canned kosher chicken soup and jarred gefilte fish preserved in goo is setting its sights on a new demographic: Heavy metal enthusiasts.

Click through for the photo.