Bereft and clueless alert!
The AP keeps a straight face as it reports Puerto Rico Gov. Wants U.S. Base to Stay:

Puerto Rico's government hopes the U.S. Navy won't close its Roosevelt Roads Naval Station on Vieques Island after it halts bombing exercises there in May, the U.S. territory's governor said.

Gov. Sila Calderon, who had pressed for a halt to the training, said Wednesday that her government will lobby for the base to remain open. With some 4,800 employees and temporary contractors, Roosevelt Roads is one of Puerto Rico's largest employers.

"The people of Puerto Rico don't have any interest in the closing of the Roosevelt Roads base," Calderon said. "The government of Puerto Rico is interested in that base staying in Puerto Rico, for all the economic benefits."

Translation: "just send cash!"

Hey, maybe they could have professional shuffleboard tournaments?

Once the Navy leaves Vieques, all operations at Roosevelt Roads associated with Vieques will be discontinued, Navy officials have said. Adm. Robert Natter, commander of the Atlantic Fleet, went further last week, saying: "Without Vieques there is no way I need the Navy facilities at Roosevelt Roads — none."

Nope, no shuffleboard. Tough noogies, Sila. Be careful what you wish for.