Another Clue Shortage!
Ralph R. Reiland in Captalism magazine reports on McDonalds Made Me Fat!

Aside from the Democrats predictably complaining that President Bush's tax cut proposal is too pro-rich, the big economic news is that doctors are on strike and McDonald's isn't making a dime.

It probably doesn't matter much to Gregory Rhymes that the world's largest restaurant company is posting its first-ever quarterly loss. Rhymes, 15, of the Bronx, just wants his money and is taking McDonald's to court, claiming that the beleaguered burger giant made him fat.

Super-sized at 400-plus pounds and standing only 5-foot-6, Rhymes says he ate at McDonald's nearly every day, sometimes several times a day, ever since he started first grade --- about 3,300 days straight. "I normally order the Big Mac, fries, ice cream and a shake," Rhymes explained in his affidavit. "I like to Super Size my orders."

Variety is the spice of life! And where were the parents?

Gregory's mother, Ruth Rhymes, thinks it's only fair that her porky kid should now try sinking his teeth into the Golden Arches. "I had no idea that he was destroying his self," she said in papers filed in Manhattan federal court. "I had no idea."

No clue either.

No idea! Little Gregory just ran up to bed one night at a nice 90 pounds and --- SHAZAM!!! --- the next morning he came floating down the steps looking like the Goodyear blimp.

She just wasn't keeping up with current events.

But there is a solution!

Short of halting all promotions or switching to a menu of grilled vegetables, I'm not sure how McDonald's is supposed to fix things. One answer, I suppose, might be to get rid of those drive-through ordering machines and make people come inside to order. Like good bartenders, McDonald's order takers could be trained to keep a sharp eye out for people who look like they've had too much. When someone like Gregory Rhymes rolls in, or one of sizeable Bradley girls, they could be told, nicely, for their own good, "I'm sorry, but I think you've had enough."

You tell it to the 400 pound customer first, Ralph!

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