Friday, September 03, 2004

I should be Photoshopping Vampire Lurch...

But unfortunately gainful employment beckons. How creepy is it that Lurch and his staff decided that his big response to the Republican Convention should be a midnight rally in Springfield, Ohio? Things were bad on the scene:
I was at Kerry's Midnight Rally in Springfield Ohio. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. And I was able to stay awake!!!! Barely.

Poor showing for Kerry supporters. Lots of empty space in main area. And they advertised free tickets in all sorts of places including a local Beauty Parlor.

Good show for Bush supporters. They had to bring up a big sign to hide the Bush supporters from the TV cameras. They did that right after the Bush supporters all started chanting "Flip Flop" and waving their arms.
Really poor turn out. That parking lot was only 2/3 full - and that included some curious Bush supporters. I suspected that they were getting a poor showing when they advertised ticket locations up to the last minute. We got there after Kerry started talking. Found an easy parking spot within sight of the podium. Stood on a railroad track and could see Kerry and Edwards. Traffic jam afterwards was quickly dispersed. In fact I've been to movies with slower traffic dispersal.
The cable networks cut away when it was clear it was a snoozer and aside from the question of whether his new slogan
"“I have five words for Americans: This is your wake up call!”
is really six words or five, he also thrilled the fans with:
In the opening statement of his response to President Bush's GOP convention acceptance speech, Sen. John Kerry claimed the Boston Red Sox moved to within 2.5 games of the division-leading New York Yankees.

He was wrong. The Red Sox began the night 3.5 games behind the New York Yankees and ended the evening in the same place as both teams won.
It's the gang that couldn't shoot straight.

Anyhow, besides his usual stump speech, the Lurchster decided to trot out the Donk's favorite bromide when someone questions their abilities:
At the midnight rally with his vice presidential running mate, Sen. John Edwards, Kerry cited "the anger and distortion" at the GOP gathering in New York where a long line of speakers, including Cheney, said the Massachusetts senator was unfit to serve as commander-in-chief because of his Senate record and recent statements.

"They attacked my patriotism and fitness to serve" as president.
Zzzzz. He went on to attack Bush and Cheney personally for not serving in Vietnam. They didn't call American soldiers "war criminals" either, Lurch. Don't forget to mention that.

Get your party hats on, folks, the fun is just getting started.