More John Edwards hijinks revealed!

Yep, it's Wednesday and so it's time for the Enquirer's JOHN EDWARDS BLOCKBUSTER NEW EXPOSE! It looks like they saved the really hot stuff for the paper edition, but there are still plenty of naughty bits. For instance, the day before Edwards gave his faux confession, Rielle took the Love Child for a $50,000 private jet ride and:

THE ENQUIRER tracked Rielle to St. Croix where our reporters discovered Rielle and the baby stayed in a luxurious oceanfront home owned by controversial trial lawyer Lee Rohn, another close friend of Edwards.

When visited by an ENQUIRER reporter on August 15, Rohn snapped a terse “No comment!” when questioned about Hunter.
...
After the ENQUIRER discovered Rielle’s hideaway with Rohn, she was moved to a motel on the island before returning to Santa Barbara on August 17 according to another source.

An ENQUIRER reporter then saw Rielle back in her California home, which is being paid for by Edwards’ former finance chairman Fred Baron.

And Rielle now has an off-duty police officer guarding her house.

None of this is paid for by Rielle. The money continues to come from Edwards’s network of loyal supporters, with no explanation from Edwards why he is having his friends continue to support Rielle now that the affair has been made public.

Edwards is not only aware of the hush money payoffs but orchestrated it with his team of former campaign advisors and now The ENQUIRER has discovered that a team of six more lawyers have been involved in the coverup and are funneling payments to Hunter, who has no money and no means of support.

I guess she just relies on the kindness of strangers. Heck, I said I was willing to help!

Anyhow, I promised naughty:

A friend of Rielle’s told The ENQUIRER that when Edwards and Rielle met, “She wanted to pick him up. According to her, the chemistry was instant.

“They ended up sleeping together that night!”

Rielle told her friend that she was hired to shoot behind-the-scenes video for the Presidential campaign because Edwards wanted them to be together.

“A friend kidded her she was actually shooting ‘between-the-sheets’ videos!”

Johnny Reid, you devil, you!

I confess, I am the father of Rielle Hunter's baby!

I see where John Edward's goofy gofer Andy Young is getting $20,000 a month for pretending to be the father of Rielle Hunter's baby. It's not clear whether that includes the rent on the multimillion mansion in Santa Barbara where he was comically living with his wife Cheri, his 3 kids, and Rielle and her baby until Rielle and Cheri got to fussing and Rielle moved to a separate fully furnished mansion that rented for $9000 a month. It's also not clear whether it includes family cars - Rielle was driving a BMW. Still, it's a nice chunk of change for no work.

Aside from an astonishing criminal record and being unemployed, it's not obvious what Andy Young brings to the job beyond an endearing loyalty to John Edwards. However, for $20,000 a month plus Rielle's $9,0000 housing allowance, I can be very loyal and obviously my studly demeanor

makes me a much more credible candidate for the role of a philanderer. What's more, I won't have any family trouble since my wife suggested I apply for the job and she's airing out the guest room right now!

I told her, "These young blondes can be mighty flighty, but I'll try my best to handle Rielle if I get the gig."

She said, "Shut up, you old fool! The only thing you'll be handling is dirty diapers. Rielle and I are going to be busy shopping and going to New Age soirees in the BMW. You're going to be taking care of the baby."

I guess I'd have to hire my scary neighbor Skeeter and his hound dog Rex to keep off the reporters, but that way I'd have someone to talk to while I tend to the Pampers and pablum.

So, hey Fred Baron! Give me a jingle. I'm a much better candidate for the job of love child daddy and I might even give you a nice Country Store discount.

Rielle Hunter takes up a career in masonry

Golly, I was beginning to feel kinda sorry for ole Rielle Hunter. First her swain John Edwards throws her under the bus and she had to take it on the lam from the multimillion dollar mansion his friends had parked her in. No one was stepping up to defend her except her family who challenged Johnny Reid to take the paternity test he was prattling on about.

Well, I should have know better - turns out Rielle doesn't want a paternity test because it would "invade her privacy". Of course, her judgment may be affected by the private jet that whisked her and the kid away two days before the big Edwards coverup story was released and the cash that is still coming in from Edwards' pals. Gosh, I wonder if she got a raise?

As for Johnny Reid himself, the Enquirer claims to have evidence that he visited his "brief liaison" and her supposed kid by another man two other times this year besides the last time when he hid in the john at the Beverly Hilton. Yep, it was just a quickie!

Finally, even if you take Edwards' implausible explanation at face value, there's a legal problem with "personal contributions" from his pals to his "old" liaison and kid (and also faithful eunuch Andy Young) while Edwards was running for office. Check this out:




Johnny Reid and his lawyer pals will look great in stripes.

Lying John Edwards tries a coverup

Looks like John Edwards is at it again. Here's his full statement with a translation for those of you that don't understand lying ambulance chaser lingo:

In 2006, I made a serious error in judgment and conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my family and to my core beliefs.

Tr: I was boinking the help whenever and wherever I could and I finally got caught with Rielle Hunter. 2006 is the only date I will admit because it makes me look like less of a schmuck.

I recognized my mistake and I told my wife that I had a liaison with another woman, and I asked for her forgiveness.

Tr: Are you kidding? I didn't tell the wife anything until I got caught at the Beverly Hilton by the National Enquirer. I then told her she had better keep her pie hole shut if she ever wanted to see Blair House from the inside.

Although I was honest in every painful detail with my family, I did not tell the public.

Tr: I did not want to miss my chance to be President or VP so I stonewalled and said it was all lies.

When a supermarket tabloid told a version of the story, I used the fact that the story contained many falsities to deny it. But being 99% honest is no longer enough.

Tr: I was never good at math.

I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices, and I had hoped that it would never become public.

Tr: I didn't plan on getting caught.

With my family, I took responsibility for my actions in 2006 and today I take full responsibility publicly. But that misconduct took place for a short period in 2006. It ended then.

Tr: Try to prove it didn't!

I am and have been willing to take any test necessary to establish the fact that I am not the father of any baby, and I am truly hopeful that a test will be done so this fact can be definitively established.

Tr: If the dumb slut lets that brat out of her sight for even a minute she's never getting another nickel from me or my pals.

I only know that the apparent father has said publicly that he is the father of the baby.

Tr: That little wimp, Andy Young, better not say anything to the contrary either or he is off the gravy train too!

I also have not been engaged in any activity of any description that requested, agreed to or supported payments of any kind to the woman or to the apparent father of the baby.

Tr: I know nussing about what those wild and crazy pals of mine have been up to though!

It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry.

Tr: I'm only sorry I got caught. The jungle sex on our African trip together was great.

In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic.

Tr: I am the studliest guy in the whole world - just check out my hair!

If you want to beat me up – feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.

Tr: Are you sobbing yet?

I have given a complete interview on this matter and having done so, will have nothing more to say.

Tr: I won't say anything more unless you can beat my coverup. Then I'll lie some more.

It certainly was nice of ole Johnny Reid to throw Rielle under the bus. Stay tuned for the Revenge of Rielle:

New excuses needed for Johnny Reid Edwards

Since the National Enquirer is now featuring a snap of John Edwards with his love child, our previous attempt to provide an excuse for ole Johnny Reid needs a bit of an update. How about trotting out Johnny's favorite whine about poverty?



Hmm, at $15,000 a month for Rielle and offspring, that may not fly. OK, here's one that's sure to work!

Help John Edwards make up an excuse!

Fox News reports it has confirmed the National Enquirer story of the John Edwards midnight visit to the Beverly Hilton:

A Beverly Hills hotel security guard told FOXNews.com he intervened this week between a man he identified as former Sen. John Edwards and tabloid reporters who chased down the former presidential hopeful after what they're calling a rendezvous with his mistress and love child.

The Beverly Hilton Hotel guard said he encountered a shaken and ashen-faced Edwards — whom he did not immediately recognize — in a hotel men's room early Tuesday morning in a literal tug-of-war with reporters on the other side of the door.

"What are they saying about me?" the guard said Edwards asked.

"His face just went totally white," the guard said, when Edwards was told the reporters were shouting out questions about Edwards and Rielle Hunter, a woman the National Enquirer says is the mother of his child.

....

A former campaign staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity, told FOXNews.com he wishes he were "more surprised" to hear reports Edwards was visiting Hunter. "I'm definitely upset by it. I wish I was more surprised, though."

Looks like ole Johnny Reid has some 'splaining to do if he wants to avoid his wife hiring Jesse Jackson to give him an "Obama makeover." That's so sad, I think we all have to pitch in and help him out! Here's my contribution:

He was just a poor millworker's son with a sickly wife

And then he met the captivating blonde bombshell.

A match made in Heaven

John Edwards and Rielle Hunter

The National Enquirer catches John Edwards with his pants down er, with his love child and mistress Rielle Hunter at the Beverly Hilton. The best part is where John hid in the john.