Friday, August 08, 2008

Lying John Edwards tries a coverup

Lying John Edwards says it isn't his kid
Looks like John Edwards is at it again. Here's his full statement with a translation for those of you that don't understand lying ambulance chaser lingo:
In 2006, I made a serious error in judgment and conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my family and to my core beliefs.

Tr: I was boinking the help whenever and wherever I could and I finally got caught with Rielle Hunter. 2006 is the only date I will admit because it makes me look like less of a schmuck.

I recognized my mistake and I told my wife that I had a liaison with another woman, and I asked for her forgiveness.

Tr: Are you kidding? I didn't tell the wife anything until I got caught at the Beverly Hilton by the National Enquirer. I then told her she had better keep her pie hole shut if she ever wanted to see Blair House from the inside.

Although I was honest in every painful detail with my family, I did not tell the public.

Tr: I did not want to miss my chance to be President or VP so I stonewalled and said it was all lies.

When a supermarket tabloid told a version of the story, I used the fact that the story contained many falsities to deny it. But being 99% honest is no longer enough.

Tr: I was never good at math.

I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices, and I had hoped that it would never become public.

Tr: I didn't plan on getting caught.

With my family, I took responsibility for my actions in 2006 and today I take full responsibility publicly. But that misconduct took place for a short period in 2006. It ended then.

Tr: Try to prove it didn't!

I am and have been willing to take any test necessary to establish the fact that I am not the father of any baby, and I am truly hopeful that a test will be done so this fact can be definitively established.

Tr: If the dumb slut lets that brat out of her sight for even a minute she's never getting another nickel from me or my pals.

I only know that the apparent father has said publicly that he is the father of the baby.

Tr: That little wimp, Andy Young, better not say anything to the contrary either or he is off the gravy train too!

I also have not been engaged in any activity of any description that requested, agreed to or supported payments of any kind to the woman or to the apparent father of the baby.

Tr: I know nussing about what those wild and crazy pals of mine have been up to though!

It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry.

Tr: I'm only sorry I got caught. The jungle sex on our African trip together was great.

In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic.

Tr: I am the studliest guy in the whole world - just check out my hair!

If you want to beat me up – feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.

Tr: Are you sobbing yet?

I have given a complete interview on this matter and having done so, will have nothing more to say.

Tr: I won't say anything more unless you can beat my coverup. Then I'll lie some more.

It certainly was nice of ole Johnny Reid to throw Rielle under the bus. Stay tuned for the Revenge of Rielle:

Revenge of Rielle Hunter