Fun with Opie!

Mark Steyn provides much goodness in The Tearjerker. Sample:

Where Senator Kerry's biography is full of problematic phrases like "Swiss finishing school", Edwards's is a classic American story - if one overlooks some of the details. According to Sidney Blumenthal, Clinton-stain-mopper-turned-Guardian-columnist, "He bears the memory of his father taking the family to a local restaurant after church only to leave when he realised he could not afford anything on the menu."

Really? Robbins was a town of just over 1,000 people, so presumably it was, if not the only restaurant, one of only two or three. In small towns, folks generally know what the local eateries charge. And, while the Edwards family was poor by comparison with John Kerry, dad was in fact the mill's production manager (though the son tends to leave that bit out). So, in a mill town, at a restaurant presumably priced to cater for mill workers, the management of the mill couldn't afford to eat?

They couldn't if you're telling fish stories, which Opie seems to be mighty good at. And I wonder how all the organized labor droids feel about it? "Opie's dad wasn't a millworker - he was one of the bosses!"

Rule 1 for gigolos - never forget who's paying the bills

That's OK - Opie's rich too.

Hat tip: FR.

Limousine Liberals Gone Wild!

If you want a complete review of Thursday's Lurch and Opie Fest, Matt Labash provides The Bon Jovi Advantage: John Kerry makes time with '80s hair bands. Sample:

Kerry kicked off last week's concert by mounting the stage with new sidekick John Edwards, who has managed to transform himself into Mr. Electricity since the primaries, when many of us in the vulture class thought the too-smooth-by-half Edwards was less suited to sell us his vision of America, more suited to sell us an extended power-train warranty on a Camry. There they stood, two well-tailored, half-windsored Monsters of Rock, before they plunged into the audience.
...
Taking the night's first-of-many whacks at the Bush piñata, Newman mocked trickle-down tax cuts, saying rich coots like him hide their money in a sock. "Why, when the tax cuts were announced," he said by way of proof, "did the sock market go up 60 percent?"

Praise Ja that Wyclef Jean soon followed to put him out of his misery. Numerous reporters have noticed that Kerry and Edwards have jeopardized the platonic nature of their relationship since getting politically hitched, what with all the arm-touching, hair-mussing, and trapezius-squeezing. Some hoped that Wyclef would croon something suited for the budding romance, such as his song, "I'm the Only Gay Eskimo" (I go out seal hunting with my best friend Tarka / But all I wanna do is get into his parka).
...
John Mellencamp took the stage to sing "I was born in a small town," John Edwards's longtime campaign song. Unconfirmed reports have it that Edwards is the son of a millworker who actually hails from a small town. At one point, while Bon Jovi held down lead-vocal duties on Mellencamp's "Pink Houses," Mellencamp actually trekked to Edwards's seat for some sort of huggy/chest-bump. With so many blue-collar poseurs keeping company, it left one feeling sorry for Bob Seger and Bruce Springsteen, who must have been unable to knock off early from the factory.

But performers didn't just provide the gift of song, they also provided the gift of laughter, or tried. Many organizers would've opted to hire someone who was, say, funny. Kerry organizers thought it would be better to go with Chevy Chase and Whoopi Goldberg.

And as we all know, things went downhill from there. I sure wouldn't have passed that up for a briefing on terrorist threats, would you?

On Friday, the hangover set in and the campaign went into damage control mode:

The Kerry campaign's response evolved as the day went on -- from refusing to criticize the remarks to distancing the candidate from them.

You can follow the link for the blather track, but you know you're in trouble when Tinfoil Teresa is the most sensible of the bunch:

While the candidate did not directly address the issue, his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, told reporters traveling aboard the campaign charter that "some of the words were ones I would not have used."

C'mon folks, share the good times with the little people - release the tape!

If you snooze, you lose

When I saw this picture of Lurch and the Empress window shopping, I was going to lay a caption on it, but one thing led to another ... you know how it goes. Anyhow, In DC does it it up nicely:


"Oh goodness gracious, mother; can we buy it? Can we, can we, can we?!!"

Plus, maybe it's the post that got him disinvited from the Democrat Convention. No worries here though - I didn't apply for credentials because I was afraid Whoopi might hit me with a wine bottle.

The latest episode of "Boris and Natasha"

From Ace of Spades HQ - Joe Wilson: Liar. But then we knew that, didn't we? Meanwhile, at Ipse Dixit, we have a report on activities across the pond - I Hate To Say, "I Told You So!" - Actually, No I Don't. Don't hold your breath waiting for this show up at your local big media outlet.

As I've said previously, the biggest indictment of the current sad state of the CIA is that they employed Joe Wilson and his wife in any capacity.

UPDATE: Instapundit - JOE WILSON LIED, REPUTATIONS DIED

I'd sure like to see the tape!

Who took my wine bottle?

Apropos of the item below, Lurch doesn't want to release the videotape. C'mon, Lurch we could all use a good laugh! Besides, I'm sure us little people would like a little uplift too:

Edwards said it was "a great honor" to be there and insisted, "This campaign will be a celebration of real American values."

Kerry thanked all the performers for "an extraordinary evening," hailed the "great producers" - Harvey Weinstein of Miramax and Jann Wenner - and said "every performer tonight ... conveyed to you the heart and soul of our country."

And hold the presses, Opie's genius spouse weighed in:

"A lot of people are going to be angry - there's a lot to be angry about," she told reporters at a fund-raising breakfast on Manhattan's west side. "It's a free country and people are going to express that anger."

So why not share it with the proles, Liz?

Dumber than a bag of hammers

Sen. Barbara Boxer has always been one of the leaders in the contest for Stupidest Senator. Hugh Hewitt demonstrates why:

Today, on the floor of the United States Senate, Barbara Boxer referred to the Madrid bombings as a "rail accident." Honest. A rail accident. Boxer is a Senate accident. What an embarrassment.

I posed the question to my audience: How much money could Boxer lose in a Jeopardy game, assuming that, in her typical fashion, she obnoxiously buzzed in first every time and, also in typical fashion, she got everything wrong. The best calculation seems to be $58,000.

Note that Hugh has a new book, "If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat: Crushing the Democrats in Every Election and Why Your Life Depends Upon It." True indeed.

How appropriate!

Lurch and Opie fly Million Air!

Always a class act!

The Hollyweirdos had a hoedown for Lurch and Opie last night and Whoopi Goldberg was the star attraction:

Whoopi Goldberg delivered an X-rated rant full of sexual innuendoes against President Bush last night at a Radio City gala that raised $7.5 million for the newly minted Democratic ticket of John Kerry and John Edwards.

Waving a bottle of wine, she fired off a stream of vulgar sexual wordplays on Bush's name in a riff about female genitalia, and boasted that she'd refused to let Team Kerry clear her material.

"I Xeroxed my behind and I folded it up in an envelope and I sent it back with a big kiss mark on because we're Democrats - we're not afraid to laugh," she said.

She addressed fresh-faced vice-presidential candidate Edwards as "Kid," and "young Mr. Edwards" and cracked, "He looks like he is about 18 "

"I'm going to card his ass tomorrow."

Lurch gallantly defended his "campaign partner" however:

The North Carolina senator's high-wattage smile seemed to fade a bit more each time Goldberg called out to him. When Kerry later spoke, he took pains to make it clear he had no kid on his team.

"I have a man, Whoopi," the Massachusetts lawmaker said.

Indeed, as the news photos Drudge and others have been featuring illustrate (click to supersize):





I'd been seeing stories that Lurch and Opie were being touted as the most "gay-friendly" candidates in history. I took that to mean they were supportive of the usual crowd of professional homosexuals, but now I'm beginning to wonder. Andy Borowitz attempts to elucidate:

EDWARDS ASKS KERRY TO STOP GRABBING HIS ASS
Public Displays of Affection ‘Distracting,’ Says Kerry’s No. 2

After a mere two days on the campaign trail, the first signs of tension between John Kerry and running mate John Edwards emerged today as Sen. Edwards requested, firmly and unequivocally, that Mr. Kerry stop grabbing his ass.

“I think Sen. Kerry has made it very clear in our joint appearances that he is happy to have me on the ticket,” Mr. Edwards told reporters. “He really doesn’t have to prove it by repeatedly grabbing my ass.”

At a campaign stop in Pennsylvania today, Mr. Edwards was in the middle of a speech when he emitted a high-pitched yelp, apparently in response to yet another unexpected display of affection from Sen. Kerry.

“Jesus, John,” a visibly annoyed Mr. Edwards said to Mr. Kerry, who merely stood behind him smiling mischievously.

In a sign that Mr. Kerry’s unwanted embraces may be taking their toll on the newly-minted vice-presidential candidate, Mr. Edwards departed from his prepared remarks, telling hs audience, “There are two Americas – one that gets to grab ass, and one that gets its ass grabbed.”

Intriguingly, a source confirmed that Mr. Kerry’s penchant for ass-grabbing was the principal reason Rep. Dick Gephardt (D-Missouri) did not make the Democratic ticket: “The whole idea of it grossed Dick out.”

Sheesh, what next? Last time they had Big Weird Al Gore stuffing rolled up socks in his pants to prove he was an "alpha male." Come to think of it though, it would have been cool to see FDR smooching John Nance Garner.

UPDATE: Terspboy has some new snaps.

UPDATE 2: Instapundit says, "Roll the Videotape!"

Tracking the Moonbats

Damian Penny has the goods on a couple of prime specimens, although I suppose that in my usual taxonomy, they're delusional pond scum. First, Matthew Parris:

The Spectator has hit rock bottom. (I believe I expressed similar thoughts when they printed an article titled "Iraqis were better off under Saddam," but I mean it this time.) After returning from Russia, Matthew Parris praises the "hope and decency of Soviet communism".

Follow the link for much more on Matt's epiphany, but I liked his great insight about St. Petersburg:

Tsar Peter the Great, whose vision and creation this city is, would not have been a neocon.

Hopefully Matt's not planning a career in rocket science. But if you really want to plumb the depths, there's Helen Caldicott who apparently never met a old fashioned, Stalin-Brezhnev style Commie she didn't like.

Better stay out of Ft. Marcy Park, Opie!

Kevin at Wizbang spots a beauty:

Clinton couldn't restrain a triumphant grin at the plight of a clear rival - in fact, one who is seeking the 2004 nomination. She spoke to him in a near shout - loud enough for the galleries to hear. “Just stand there and look pretty, John,” she said.

Fat, lying, and obnoxious is a heck of a way to go through life

James Lileks takes crapsack Michael Moore to the woodshed. I can't begin to excerpt it, but I liked this part in reference to the new book, Michael Moore Is A Big Fat Stupid White Man:

It unpacks the assertions made by his books and movies. It’s not a flame-throwing rant. It’s the brief for the defense - the client in the dock being America. Fans of Mr. Moore would be advised to read it, if only to get a head start on refuting its innumerable refutations. Plus, it has an essay by Tim Blair, who is crueler and funnier than Moore can ever hope to be. If Moore had Blair’s talent, Ralph Nader would not only be elected president but elevated to Global Pope-Emperor by a deafening national voice-vote.

Whew! Good thing Tim isn't on the Dark Side!

It's a typical government program without the pretense

From Down Under (in more ways than one) - Aunty's got wind and MPs cry foul:

THE ABC has come under fire for wasting taxpayers' money on a new website which encourages children to "make better farts".

The Federal Government is outraged that the national broadcaster axed the popular children's show Behind The News because of a lack of funding, but managed to find money to teach kids how to break wind more effectively.

Respected scientist Dr Karl Kruszelnicki has written a column for the site called Begone With The Wind, telling children that "the average fart is a wondrous event". Children are also encouraged to take part in a "Great Fart Survey", a "Great Baked Beans Fart Experiment" and to submit poetry about bodily functions.

"What are the farts of Australia's kids really like?" the survey asks. "Are we a nation of silent and deadlies or machine gunners? And how much do baked beans really increase your farting ability?"

Another section titled "celebrity farts" asks high-profile Australians to recall their fondest farting memory.

Well, there was the time I had "5 alarm chili" for dinner and then ... .

But wait, I'm not a celeb. Maybe we could get Ted Kennedy to play? That ought to clear the room. Lurch would be cool too, but he would likely blame it on a Secret Service agent - "I never fart - it was that SOB!"

Geeks Gone Wild!

Gadget Geeks Unite In Techno-Sexual Movement

Is it that important for a guy to have a stylish vacuum cleaner? It is apparently if you are a techno-sexual.

Ricky Montalvo is a techno-sexual who will help you get chic from your coffeepot to your stereo system.

Montalvo leads a team of Silicon Valley Tech workers who started the techno-sexual movement.

They say it is about style, culture and, of course, a lot of technology.

"You know, back in the day a woman wanted a guy who can change the oil, rake the leaves, and clean the rain gutters. We're saying the new ideal male is a guy who can set up her wireless DSL configuration at her home," Montalvo said.

Woohoo! The story seems big on technology and short on sex, but who knows? Maybe WiFi setup will replace "long walks on the beach" in singles ads. Then again, maybe not.

It's the room temperature IQ vote!

Don't ask me why the Houston Chronicle is doing Ohio "man on the street" stories, but Ohio voters view Edwards as practical and engaging:

Sheila Piner was so disillusioned with the presidential contenders that she considered not voting in November. But that changed this week when Democrat John Kerry named John Edwards his running mate.

"I love him. He's so damn cute," Piner, 38, said Wednesday as she ate at the Golden Nugget Pancake House, a popular breakfast spot in the suburbs of this industrialized city.

Maybe he'll drop by your place for some quality time, Sheila!

I guess he's just a regular guy!

Kim Jong Il Introduces Hamburgers to North Korea as 'quality' Food:

North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has introduced hamburgers to his reclusive, communist country in a campaign to provide "quality" food to university students, media reported Wednesday.

The hamburgers were introduced in 2000 and dubbed "gogigyeopbbang," Korean for "double bread with meat," according to the June 29 edition of the North Korean state-run newspaper Minju Joson.

Easy for them to say, I'm sure. But what did ole Wingnut have to do with it? Run around in a Hamburglar outfit?

Although reports from the isolated country have in recent years mentioned the introduction of the American fast food classic, the latest announcement seems to credit the country's leader for their advent.

The news marks a curious development for North Korea, where U.S. consumerism is routinely reviled in the official media and people refer to the soft drink Coca Cola as the "cesspool water of American capitalism."

Wednesday's report cites leader Kim Jong Il as saying at the time of the hamburger's introduction: "I've made up my mind to feed quality bread and french fries to university students, professors and researchers even if we are in (economic) hardship."

I hope there was a burger in there somewhere!

The government then built a hamburger plant and Kim Jong Il ordered officials to pay close attention to modernizing mass production, the report was quoted as saying by Yonhap.

Hamburgers from the factory were first provided only to students at the elite Kim Il Sung University in Pyongyang, but were later provided to other schools, the daily said.

Well, yeehaw! Although a glance at ole Kim's profile makes one suspicious he has been quality testing the product himself. Alot.

Some things you just can't make up!

Lurch has an eructation:

"We've got better vision, better ideas, real plans, we've got a better sense of what's happening to America and we've got better hair"

And in related news of the bizzare - UN: We Can Beat Spam in Two Years.

More Nuanced Hijinks with Lurch!

Mickey Kaus notices an oddity with the big Lurch announcement of Opie as his VP pick:

Kerry managed to choose John Edwards Tuesday without getting the traditional money shot of the both of them holding their hands aloft. NBC's Tim Russert told Brian Williams this was "very deliberate"--a carefully planned "rollout" designed to dominate the news for most of the week. They'll hold hands tomorrow! ... Aren't Kerry's strategists severely overestimating the excitement surrounding this ticket? They're also failing to take into account the public's increased ability to swiftly process a less-than-shocking story which will be yesterday's news--an hour and a half ago, actually. Today, the Kerry-Edwards money shot would surely have led all the networks. Tomorrow it might well air after the commercial break in a quotidian campaign story covering both sides. ... When do they kiss? This isn't Friends, where the suspense can be dragged out as the nation wonders when Joey and Rachel will hook up!

I, for one, am overwhelmed by the suspense!

Over at the American Spectator, the Prowler has a different take on the odd rollout of Opie:

Surprisingly, Kerry was adamant about making the announcement without Edwards being present, an oddity in modern politics, even for a man such as Kerry obsessed with public image. The Kerry campaign spun Edwards' absence from the Tuesday morning announcement by first claiming that it was no big deal (Edwards did a phoner with reporters immediately after the announcement), and then, when that didn't fly, by claiming that the announcement was supposed to be on Wednesday, but fear of leaks pushed the announcement up.

In the end, though, say Kerry insiders, they believe it had everything to do with keeping Edwards in his place.

"This selection was not entirely the senator's to make," says a former Kerry adviser. "Despite everything that has been said about a one-man decision, he was getting lots of pressure from outsiders to get Edwards on the ticket. And let's be honest, everyone has known from day one that Edwards was campaigning for this slot throughout the primary season. Kerry knows this is a good pick, but there is unease there that he has picked a man who will overshadow him as a personality and as a speaker. I am not surprised that he left Edwards in Washington and kept the spotlight on himself. That is so John Kerry."

Ruh Oh! And things weren't helped by Teresa's dislike for the pretty boy based on some his comments about the Lurchster during the primaries.

Developing!

Today's Hoot!

The talking heads on MSNBC's Hardball observed tonight that Lurch did not make up his mind on his VP candidate until last night. It seems he really wanted Florida's Sen. Bob Graham, but he "failed the vetting process." That's why at the big announcement ceremony this morning, the campaign workers' signs said Kerry Graham on one side and Kerry Edwards on the other!



Just the kind of decisive leadership one would expect from Flipper.

It would be like Disneyland for wingnuts!

Iranians want to bury their war dead in London:

British officials were taken aback yesterday by a plan to unearth the remains of Iranian soldiers and rebury them in the grounds of Iran's London embassy.

If Teheran gets its way, Kensington could feature a new memorial to Iran's "unknown martyrs" alongside such landmarks as the Albert Memorial and the new Diana Memorial Fountain.
...
In an initiative privately regarded in Whitehall as "absolutely bizarre", Iran's Sacred Defence Preservation Foundation, which preserves the memory of soldiers who died in the 1980-88 war with Iraq, wants to send an unspecified number of "unknown martyrs" to London to create a weekend attraction for Iranian expatriates.

"Iranians across Europe told us that they wanted to commemorate those who defended Iran, and they wanted a place to go on Sundays," explained Daoud Ghiasirad, the head of public relations for the foundation.

Boy, that really ought to pack 'em in! But I bet they'll get all grumpy about hot dogs at the refreshment stand.

He said there was nothing unusual in the request, pointing out that there were several hundred Commonwealth graves of soldiers from two world wars in a British diplomatic compound in Teheran.

The operative criterion is generally that they are buried more or less where they fell. I must have missed out on the fighting on the London front of the Iran-Iraq war.

Look at what just crawled out from under the rock!

It's the Mad Mullahs of Iran - Iranian Intel Officers Captured in Iraq:

American and Iraqi joint patrols, along with U.S. Special Operations teams, captured two men with explosives in Baghdad on Monday who identified themselves as Iranian intelligence officers, FOX News has confirmed.

Senior officials said it was previously believed that Iran had officers inside Iraq stirring up violence, but this is the first time that self-proclaimed Iranian intelligence agents have been captured within the country.

The Defense officials also confirmed to FOX News that in recent days there has been significant success in tracking down "known bad guys" based on information from local citizens. While those captured aren't from the list of former regime members or from terror leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's network, they are "active" bombers and organizers of recent violence.

The arrest of the two Iranians suspected of attempting to carry out a vehicle bombing has focused new attention on how Tehran is trying to protect its interests in the country it fought for eight years in a devastating war.

Er, "protect its interests" seems to involve wholesale murder. Hang 'em high!

Meanwhile, back at the loony bin:

Syrian President Bashar Assad, at the end of a two-day trip to Iran on Monday, said developments in Iraq are "the most important issue" for Syria and other neighbors of Iraq, including Iran.

If a cruise missile with your name on it is important, you're probably right, Bashar.

Life Imitates Television

What a duo!

Hold the presses!

Click the strip to enlarge. More of Captain Rib Man here.

It's the billionaire boys' big hair club!

Despite the NY Post's putative Gephardt scoop, all the newsies are now claiming that Lurch has selected the Breck Boy as his Veep candidate. Thank goodness, the suspense was simply awful! Zzzzzzz.

Aaron has the scoop on the latest Time mag cover!

And what a scoop it is!

More Half Assed Democrat "Triangulation" Attempts

On Saturday, the Democrats released a draft of their 2004 platform:

The Democratic Party pledges an unrelenting struggle against terrorism and a commitment to seeing Iraq succeed, according to a statement of election principles shaped heavily by national security crises.
...
The document is predictably critical of President Bush and the manner in which he "rushed to war" in Iraq. But it does not call the war a mistake, saying people of good will can disagree on that.

Yup. Sure. We believe you. But it's a tad puzzling that if you're all so even-handed, why all the Donk bigs are busy sucking at Mikey Moore's ample teats not to mention the dung flies of the Donk establishment hanging around his butt.

Aside from the "big" committment to national security, the platform has the usual Donk bromides, but a few surprises too:

On the environment, the platform pledges Democrats will "restore American leadership on global issues such as climate change." It does not mention the Kyoto treaty rejected by Bush.

Kerry has talked in favor of a global "climate change strategy," avoiding an explicit endorsement of the Kyoto deal as negotiated.

The ecoweenies will be all atwitter!

But they couldn't resist some new foolishness:

It drops any reference to support for the death penalty — a feature of the past two Democratic platforms when Clinton and Al Gore moved the party toward the center on crime. Kerry opposes capital punishment except for terrorists.

Support for a constitutional amendment on the rights of crime victims is gone, replaced by vague language saying victims should be heard and compensated for their suffering.

"Victims should be heard" - that's really swell.

This article doesn't mention it directly, but others note that the platform is calling for 40,000 more active troops and better equipment for the military. Not a bad idea, but all this whining from the usual suspects about their newfound support for the military has brought back an updated version of an item that was hot around election time in 2000:

Guess What Country This Is?

Can you name this country?

709,000 REGULAR (ACTIVE DUTY) PERSONNEL.

293,000 RESERVE TROOPS.

EIGHT STANDING ARMY DIVISIONS.

20 AIR FORCE AND NAVY AIR WINGS WITH 2,000 COMBAT AIRCRAFT.

232 STRATEGIC BOMBERS.

19 STRATEGIC BALLISTIC MISSILE SUBMARINES WITH 3,114 NUCLEAR WARHEADS ON 232 MISSILES.

500 ICBMs WITH 1,950 WARHEADS.

FOUR AIRCRAFT CARRIERS AND 121 SURFACE COMBAT SHIPS AND SUBMARINES PLUS ALL THE SUPPORT BASES, SHIPYARDS,AND LOGISTICAL ASSETS NEEDED TO SUSTAIN SUCH A NAVAL FORCE.



IS THIS COUNTRY:

RUSSIA? NO

CHINA? NO

GREAT BRITAIN? NO

FRANCE? WRONG AGAIN

MUST BE USA? STILL WRONG

GIVE UP?



THESE ARE THE AMERICAN MILITARY FORCES THAT WERE ELIMINATED DURING THE ADMINISTRATION OF BILL CLINTON AND AL GORE.

Hey, Bubba had to pay for all those swell programs and services somehow! It's funny though - I can't remember any of them.

A glorious 4th of July

More Campaign Hijinks with Lurch!

It isn't what it looks like!


Lurch is still on his tour of the flyover states with predictable results. More grimacing action here. Of course, he's not likely to drop by anyplace where they are firing some of those evil "assault weapons" or even worse - machine guns!

And here's a shocker - it turns out that Lurch is really a country boy at heart! Reuters provides the predictable 'Kid from the East' Kerry Feels Farmers' Pain:

John Kerry, veteran senator from Massachusetts, New England blue blood and Democratic White House hopeful, learned to swear from a farmer, loved to drive a tractor and once had a passion for plowing.

"When I was a kid, this kid from the East, I had an aunt and uncle who owned a dairy farm," Kerry told a town hall meeting on Saturday in Independence, midway through a 546-mile July 4 weekend road trip across America's heartland to win over rural voters.
...
"I've been out here a lot over 20 years plus," he told about 150 invited guests at the Dejno family farm, where he toured the aromatic calving shed and milking center. "And we actually have farms in Massachusetts."
...
"I was driving down here ... and I was saying, 'Look at the power of that land.' You can just feel it, you see it. I know what you love, I know why you're here, I know what you feel about this and we've got to help," he said.

Kerry's schedule has been packed with all-American activities to celebrate the Independence Day holiday, from the name of the town chosen for Saturday's forum, to throwing a football, eating barbecue and watching fireworks from a boat on the Mississippi, a far cry from the posh New England sailing meccas of Cape Cod and Nantucket where he said he normally spent the Fourth of July.

"I just do what I normally do," Kerry told reporters who asked whether an outdoorsman image was important to his campaign. "This is stuff I've done all my life."

During the discussion of agricultural issues, the senator said he lived on a farm when he was very young and had "learned my first cuss word sitting on a tractor with the guy who was driving it."

"When I was 12 years old, my passion was being allowed to go out and sit on the John Deere and drive it around the fields and plow. And I learned as a kid what it was like looking back and see those furrows, and see that pattern and feel a sense of accomplishment, and end up dusty and dirty and tired, but feeling great, looking back at that field that you'd plowed," Kerry said.

Around here. we'd say he was full of more crap than a Christmas goose. And he stepped in one of those "aromatic" meadow muffins when he had to defend his support for the Northeast Dairy Compact.

Anyhow, it sure is swell that Lurch is dropping by to visit the country folks before he gets back to civilization:

John Kerry may be only a candidate for president, but he and his entourage travel like kings. A month ago, his campaign began chartering a gleaming 757, packed with first-class seats, fine food, sleeping accommodations - even a stand-up bar. They hardly shy away from fancy hotels, like the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and the St. Regis in Los Angeles.

Maybe he lets the country cousins look in the windows of his bus!