Whoopi Goldberg delivered an X-rated rant full of sexual innuendoes against President Bush last night at a Radio City gala that raised $7.5 million for the newly minted Democratic ticket of John Kerry and John Edwards.Lurch gallantly defended his "campaign partner" however:
Waving a bottle of wine, she fired off a stream of vulgar sexual wordplays on Bush's name in a riff about female genitalia, and boasted that she'd refused to let Team Kerry clear her material.
"I Xeroxed my behind and I folded it up in an envelope and I sent it back with a big kiss mark on because we're Democrats - we're not afraid to laugh," she said.
She addressed fresh-faced vice-presidential candidate Edwards as "Kid," and "young Mr. Edwards" and cracked, "He looks like he is about 18 "
"I'm going to card his ass tomorrow."
The North Carolina senator's high-wattage smile seemed to fade a bit more each time Goldberg called out to him. When Kerry later spoke, he took pains to make it clear he had no kid on his team.Indeed, as the news photos Drudge and others have been featuring illustrate (click to supersize):
"I have a man, Whoopi," the Massachusetts lawmaker said.
I'd been seeing stories that Lurch and Opie were being touted as the most "gay-friendly" candidates in history. I took that to mean they were supportive of the usual crowd of professional homosexuals, but now I'm beginning to wonder. Andy Borowitz attempts to elucidate:
EDWARDS ASKS KERRY TO STOP GRABBING HIS ASSSheesh, what next? Last time they had Big Weird Al Gore stuffing rolled up socks in his pants to prove he was an "alpha male." Come to think of it though, it would have been cool to see FDR smooching John Nance Garner.
Public Displays of Affection ‘Distracting,’ Says Kerry’s No. 2
After a mere two days on the campaign trail, the first signs of tension between John Kerry and running mate John Edwards emerged today as Sen. Edwards requested, firmly and unequivocally, that Mr. Kerry stop grabbing his ass.
“I think Sen. Kerry has made it very clear in our joint appearances that he is happy to have me on the ticket,” Mr. Edwards told reporters. “He really doesn’t have to prove it by repeatedly grabbing my ass.”
At a campaign stop in Pennsylvania today, Mr. Edwards was in the middle of a speech when he emitted a high-pitched yelp, apparently in response to yet another unexpected display of affection from Sen. Kerry.
“Jesus, John,” a visibly annoyed Mr. Edwards said to Mr. Kerry, who merely stood behind him smiling mischievously.
In a sign that Mr. Kerry’s unwanted embraces may be taking their toll on the newly-minted vice-presidential candidate, Mr. Edwards departed from his prepared remarks, telling hs audience, “There are two Americas – one that gets to grab ass, and one that gets its ass grabbed.”
Intriguingly, a source confirmed that Mr. Kerry’s penchant for ass-grabbing was the principal reason Rep. Dick Gephardt (D-Missouri) did not make the Democratic ticket: “The whole idea of it grossed Dick out.”
UPDATE: Terspboy has some new snaps.
UPDATE 2: Instapundit says, "Roll the Videotape!"
