Friday, March 19, 2004

Things aren't going well on Lurch's Spring Break

I thought I had already had my Spring Break laughs at Lurch's expense (and here too), but Drudge tips us off to a NY Times piece that suggests more hilarity is in store:
On his first full day off, though, Mr. Kerry awoke determined to hit the slopes of Mount Baldy.

The image-conscious candidate and his aides prevailed upon reporters and photographers to let him have a first run down the mountain solo, except for two agents and Marvin Nicholson, his omnipresent right-hand man.

His next trip down, a reporter and a camera crew were allowed to follow along on skis — just in time to see Mr. Kerry taken out by one of the Secret Service men, who had inadvertently moved into his path, sending him into the snow.

When asked about the mishap a moment later, he said sharply, "I don't fall down," then used an expletive to describe the agent who "knocked me over."
A really classy guy fer sure! Don't forget to apply for a Purple Heart, Lurch.
Ms. Heinz Kerry, for her part, stuck to a pair of skis and was taking her time down the slope, accompanied by two old friends, one a former Olympian, the other a ski school instructor.

"I'm going tentatively, but prettily," she said, wearing tight black pants and a flaming red jacket.
So's Lurch, Teresa!
Still, Mr. Kerry could not entirely escape the hazards of the arena he had left behind. He had just sat down for a bite to eat on the crowded patio near the lift line when a waiting skier, John Norris, shouted: "Hey, John! What foreign leaders talked to you?"

Mr. Kerry beat a retreat back into the lodge, to an upstairs, out-of-the-way dining area where he would be sure to draw even less attention.
Bwahaha! But not to worry, Lurch's palace in Sun Valley is actually located among friends.
Idaho, to be sure, is very much a red state, but Ketchum is actually a dot of deep Democratic blue on the political map. Many stop signs here have "Bush 2004" spray-painted underneath, and the rebellious teenagers tend to be "hard-core vegans," said Barrett Cincotta, 13.

"Everyone in this town is anti-Bush," Barrett, a Junior Olympic skier, said between runs. "He's trying to destroy our planet."
It's a flock of limousine liberal wingnuts! The thought of the "hard-core vegan" contingent must set Lurch's heart atwitter.