Leisurely Lunch Alert!
Cynthia R. Fagen in the NY Post stuns with French Prez Offers Bush Surrender Tips:

French President Jacques Chirac warned that a U.S. invasion of Iraq would only inflame terrorism by giving rise to "little bin Ladens" - and also offered President Bush "friendly advice" how to back off from war.

What are they going to do that they aren't already doing, Jackanapes? I guess he's been spending too much time at lunch.

"I really like the United States," said Chirac, drawing on his years working as a forklift operator in St. Louis and a soda jerk at a Howard Johnson's.

"I love junk food, and I always come home with a few extra pounds. When I hear people say I am anti-American, I'm sad - not angry, but really sad."

How do you feel when they say you're a corrupt asshat?

He also offered Bush "friendly advice" how to bow out gracefully if Saddam comes clean with U.N. weapons inspectors.

"Mr. Bush can say two things: First, 'Thanks to my intervention, Iraq has been disarmed,' and second, 'I achieved all that without spilling any blood.'"

Chirac also said he didn't think Iraq was in possession of nuclear weapons.

"Are there other weapons of mass destruction? That's probable. We have to find and destroy them," he said.

In fact, U.N. resolutions require Iraq to destroy such arms itself.

Jackanapes thinks it's all a big game of Clue. Hey, maybe it was Uday in the library with the anthrax.