PMs get Web site stipend

I'm sure that my British readers will be glad to know that MPs pay themselves £10,000 website allowance:

MPs have voted in favour of a government proposal to give each of them £10,000 to spend on websites to give the public more of an idea of what goes on in Parliament, the BBC reports.

House of Commons leader Jack Straw told MPs: "The purpose of this allowance is to contribute to better public understanding of what this Parliament is about and what it does. It's important for the health of our democracy for the public to know more about what we do."

Er, hold a on a sec, that was a snap from US Rep. John Murtha's "Pretend You're a Sheik" party.

The BBC reports that Mr Straw said websites funded by the extra £10,000 must not promote a party or politician, or raise funds, and must carry a message saying they are publicly paid for.

"not promote a politician" - They have to be kidding!

Speaking of which I was interested to see that Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., finally broke down and accepted some public funds for an official Web site at http://www.house.gov/jackson/. Of course, he has still kept his old Web site at http://www.jessejacksonjr.org/ (which is still number 1 on Google), but even there he has killed the old book club link (where he sold screeds to those of his fans that could read) although he is still peddling Monarch VoteTech software. Hmm, he's also lost the scruffy beard and is looking more Obamaesque in his publicity snaps. Maybe he figured it was time to clean up his act and try for higher office! If a cheapjack hustler like Obama can do it, why not Jesse Jr.?

Baby! Let's get it on!

Senator Barack Hussein Obama was spinning one of his yarns again:

As another example, consider Obama's stirring tale for the Selma audience about how he had been conceived by his parents, Barack Obama Sr. and Ann Dunham, because they had been inspired by the fervor following the "Bloody Sunday" voting rights demonstration that was commemorated March 4. "There was something stirring across the country because of what happened in Selma, Ala.," he said, "because some folks are willing to march across a bridge. So they got together and Barack Obama Jr. was born. So don't tell me I don't have a claim on Selma, Ala. Don't tell me I'm not coming home to Selma, Ala."

Woohoo! Unfortunately, what really was stirring was mostly Obama's ne'er-do-well father:

Obama was born in 1961, and the Selma march occurred four years later, in 1965. The New York Times reported that when the senator was asked about the discrepancy later that day, he clarified: "I meant the whole civil rights movement."

Yeah, right. Read a little about Obama pere and see what you think. Hmm, maybe Dad thought it was a sit-in at the free lunch counter.

I guess I'm just not keeping up with current events

Apple TV Licked by Olivia Munn:

Fans of Attack of the Show will recognize Olivia Munn and her Munness, but those of you unfamiliar with Olivia will undoubtedly have her face (if not tongue) etched into your head after you watch this clip.

I have never previously heard of either Attack of the Show or Olivia Munn. Does the former involve a lot of licking of previously handled objects by the latter? If more detail is required there's a video available by following the link.

Woman German judge says sharia is swell

German judge rules Koran allows wife abuse:

A German woman judge has refused a Moroccan-born woman permission to file for divorce by interpreting the Koran as allowing husbands to beat their wives.
...
The woman had filed for immediate divorce on the grounds that the husband, also of Moroccan origin, regularly beat her and threatened to kill her. The claims were backed up by a police report.

But the female judge, who has not been named, made clear in a letter that the wife's bid had little chance of approval because, according to her, Islamic law allowed a man to strike his wife.

Maybe the judge's husband should give her a smack too?

"Where are we living? Woman judge allows beating in marriage... and invokes the Koran," said a front-page headline in Germany's top-selling Bild newspaper, reflecting the widespread angry reaction on Thursday.

"This Moroccan woman has the same right to protection from a violent husband as any German woman. Anything else would be misconceived sensitivity to the benefit of the husband and would amount to racist discrimination against the wife," said the Tageszeitung daily.

The Central Council of Muslims in Germany also condemned the decision.

Now I am shocked!

German politicians from all parties were united in disgust at the judgement.

Now I'm even more shocked! Maybe the Germans haven't surrendered after all.

Shamu blubbers, but it gets better

We all knew Rosie O'Donnell was more than a few fries short of a Happy Meal, but now she confirms it:

Rosie O'Donnell says she began being treated for depression after the Columbine school shootings and hangs upside down for up to a half-hour a day to improve her mental state.

It's got to look like one of those sport fishing photos where they hang up the tuna at the dock, but hold on:

When gunmen killed 13 people at Columbine High School in Colorado in 1999, O'Donnell said she felt as if it had happened to her children.

Sounds less like depression and more like delusion.

"I couldn't stop crying," she said on an episode taped for ABC's "The View" and due to air Friday. "I stayed in my room. The lights were off. I couldn't get out of bed and that's when I started taking medication."

They just delivered the stack of pizzas bedside I guess, but I don't want to know about the chamberpot. Must have been the size of wash tub.

When she began taking antidepressants, O'Donnell, 44, said she began yoga and "inversion therapy," where she hangs upside down by a swing for 15 to 30 minutes a day. She demonstrates it on "The View." [on Friday]

Hot dang! Is that "Must See TV" or not? Maybe she'll do the whole show upside down!

But wait, there's more:

O'Donnell said she also has seasonal affective disorder, often called SAD, the wintertime blues that can strike when the days grow short. SAD is characterized by recurrent major depressive episodes during the fall and winter.

Being trapped indoors with Rosie makes everybody sad I guess.

She's "instantly happy" on sunny days but feels as if she's being tortured when it's cloudy. She feels the most important thing to do when you're feeling depressed is to get up and move.

Move faster, Shamu. Preferably far away.

Tell us how you really feel about your cell phone

I'm not a fan of the Guardian, but I always enjoy a good flame like that penned by Charlie Booker after he took advantage of an offer by his cell phone provider (Orange - a big UK brand) to get a new Samsung E900 cell phone free (whitespace added):

When you dial a number, you have a choice of seeing said number in a gigantic, ghastly typeface, or watching it moronically scribbled on parchment by an animated quill. I can't find an option to see it in small, uniform numbers. The whole thing is the visual equivalent of a moronic clip-art jumble sale poster designed in the dark by a myopic divorcee experiencing a freak biorhythmic high.

Worst of all, it seems to have an unmarked omnipresent shortcut to Orange's internet service, which means that whether you are confused by the menu, or the typeface, or the user- confounding buttons, you are never more than one click away from accidentally plunging into an overpriced galaxy of idiocy, which, rather than politely restricting itself to news headlines and train timetables, thunders "BUFF OR ROUGH? GET VOTING!" and starts hurling cameraphone snaps of "babes and hunks" in their underwear at you, presumably because some pin-brained coven of marketing gonks discovered the average Orange internet user was teenage and incredibly stupid, so they set about mercilessly tailoring all their "content" toward priapic halfwits, thereby assuring no one outside this slim demographic will ever use their gaudy, insulting service ever again.

And then they probably reached across the table and high-fived each other for skilfully delivering "targeted content" or something, even though what they should really have done, if there was any justice in the world, is smash the desk to pieces, select the longest wooden splinters they could find, then drive them firmly into their imbecilic, atrophied, world-wrecking rodent brains.

Ah, I feel much better now.

Some things you just can't make up

The Register conveniently provides a copy of an online article from Galway First that apparently has clobbered their server - Irish donkey sex case shocks net. I know - it sounds like another "Day in the Taliban" article except in Ireland, but it's a lot better than that:

A man who was found dressed in latex and handcuffs brought a donkey to his room in a Galway city centre hotel, because he was advised "to get out and meet people," the local court heard last week.

Thomas Aloysius McCarney, with an address in south Galway, was charged with cruelty to animals, lewd and obscene behaviour, and with being a danger to himself when he appeared before the court on Friday. He was also charged with damage to a mini-bar in the room, but this charge was later dropped when the defendant said that it was the donkey who caused that damage. Solicitor for the accused Ms Sharon Fitzhenry said that her client had been through a difficult time lately and that his wife had left him and that his life had become increasingly lonely.

"Mr McCarney has been attending counselling at which he was told that he would be advised to get out and meet people and do interesting things. It was this advice that saw him book into the city centre hotel with a donkey," she said. She added that Mr McCarney also suffered from a fixation with the Shrek movies and could constantly be heard at work talking to himself saying things like "Isn't that right, Donkey?"

Supt John McBrearty told the court that Mr McCarney who had signed in as "Mr Shrek" had told hotel staff that the donkey was a family pet and that this was believed by the hotel receptionist who the supt said was "young and hadn't great English."

Receptionist Irina Legova said that Mr McCarney had told her that the donkey was a breed of "super rabbit" which he was bringing to a pet fair in the city. The court was told that the donkey went berserk in the middle of the night and ran amok in the hotel corridor, forcing hotel staff to call the gardai.

McCarney was found in the room wearing a latex suit and handcuffs, the key to which the donkey is believed to have swallowed. He was removed to Mill St station after which it is said he was the subject of much mirth among the lads next door in The Galway Arms.

He was fined €2,000 for bringing the donkey to the room under the Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act 1837. Other charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

I don't even know where to start with all the rich TGIF goodness in this tale, but there's a lesson here for Bill Clinton. If Hillary takes him back to the White House, he can always use the Donkey Defense when he inevitably gets caught.

Global Warming breakthrough!

Bristol boffins answer Branson's challenge:

Somebody call Al Gore and tell him he can leave the lights on in his house for as long as he likes: some academics in Bristol have solved the climate change crisis. Oh yes, and they want their $25m prize money from Richard Branson, thankyewverymuch.

Branson and Gore joined forces at the beginning of the month to offer the cash to the person who comes up with the best way of reducing the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. The winner, should there actually be one, will have to find a way of removing a billion tons of the gas from the atmosphere.

Now researchers at the University of Bristol have put forward their suggestion: stop breathing.

This also has the benefit of no flatulence either since methane is a greenhouse gas too.

This idea, while drastic, has the advantage of not costing anything, and requiring no significant investment in developing new technologies. The side effects are pretty messy, though, so the researchers offer a second suggestion: stop breathing so much.

Dr Mark Steer (in the background of the photograph above, in which he is accompanied by his colleague Dr. Andrew Impey) explains: "If we merely cut out one breath in three, we could decrease the amount of CO2 entering the atmosphere each year by a staggering 0.63 gigatonnes. That's the same effect as saving five million acres of land (an area the size of Wales) from deforestation."

Dang! Someone page the ecoweenies!

As well as averting the mass suicide of the planet's entire human population, this also means heading to the gym is a no-no.

In their press statement, the researchers explain that "the average person exercising at the recommended level of 30 minutes five times a week could be adding as much as 1.3kg of extra carbon dioxide to the atmosphere each year".

Just as well - most ecoweenies don't believe in soap and showers either. My only quibble: Does this mean we don't get to have any virgin sacrifices to appease the angry weather gods?

The original research report is here where one of the commenters claims precedence for a publication with additional suggestions like:

- Reduce sexual activity as much as possible. Even telephone sex can be responsible for terrestrially damaging heavy breathing.

Bad news for Bill Clinton!

- Fit your young children and pets with Envirohale ® (available directly from Trend Laboratories Inc of California). This simple device responds to excessive respiration and applies a mild electric shock to the genitalia.

You can see a snap of an early model of the Envirohale by following the link. Insist that all the Global Warming believers prove their seriousness by wearing one immediately!

Today's Hoot!

From Jay Leno:

Al-Qaida released another video tape from their No. 2 man. This one had a
shocking revelation: "The great Satan will soon taste unspeakable suffering from
our hands . . . Oh, and by the way, I am the father of Anna Nicole’s baby.”

Osama would have jumped in too, but he's taking an Afghanistan dirt nap and, of course, he was a well known goat botherer.

Yet more global warming fun

When your political party's highest endeavor is legislating the weather, you have to be prepared for surprises. Of course, we know that the weather isn't really what it's about:

Thank you, Vaclav Klaus. In the sanest statement on global warming to issue from officialdom anywhere on the planet, Czech President Vaclav Klaus has called this latest sky-is-falling movement what it really is: “A new incarnation of modern leftism.”

My translation: When you hear “Global Warming,” think “Central Planning.”

In an interview with a Czech financial newspaper, Hospodarske Noviny, picked up in translation by the Drudge Report, Klaus calls global warning a “false myth,” and explains — correctly — that the UN’s IPCC (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change), which issued the latest alarmist report, is “not a scientific institution” but “a sort of non-government organization of green flavor.”

Klaus has top credentials for sniffing out central planning schemes, of any flavor. He knows them all too well from Czechoslovakia’s decades behind the Soviet Iron Curtain, when the tint was red. It needs saying again and again. The drumbeat over global warming comes from the UN (here’s a link, again, to some background on the godfather of this movement, Maurice Strong). It is accompanied at every turn by schemes to transfer wealth, with the UN and its affiliates positioning themselves as toll collectors and traffic cops — promising somewhere down the line to reform the weather, but putting a hand out now for the money.

Seprating the marks from their cash and living the high life is what they do best at the UN.