Global Warming breakthrough!

Bristol boffins answer Branson's challenge:

Somebody call Al Gore and tell him he can leave the lights on in his house for as long as he likes: some academics in Bristol have solved the climate change crisis. Oh yes, and they want their $25m prize money from Richard Branson, thankyewverymuch.

Branson and Gore joined forces at the beginning of the month to offer the cash to the person who comes up with the best way of reducing the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. The winner, should there actually be one, will have to find a way of removing a billion tons of the gas from the atmosphere.

Now researchers at the University of Bristol have put forward their suggestion: stop breathing.

This also has the benefit of no flatulence either since methane is a greenhouse gas too.

This idea, while drastic, has the advantage of not costing anything, and requiring no significant investment in developing new technologies. The side effects are pretty messy, though, so the researchers offer a second suggestion: stop breathing so much.

Dr Mark Steer (in the background of the photograph above, in which he is accompanied by his colleague Dr. Andrew Impey) explains: "If we merely cut out one breath in three, we could decrease the amount of CO2 entering the atmosphere each year by a staggering 0.63 gigatonnes. That's the same effect as saving five million acres of land (an area the size of Wales) from deforestation."

Dang! Someone page the ecoweenies!

As well as averting the mass suicide of the planet's entire human population, this also means heading to the gym is a no-no.

In their press statement, the researchers explain that "the average person exercising at the recommended level of 30 minutes five times a week could be adding as much as 1.3kg of extra carbon dioxide to the atmosphere each year".

Just as well - most ecoweenies don't believe in soap and showers either. My only quibble: Does this mean we don't get to have any virgin sacrifices to appease the angry weather gods?

The original research report is here where one of the commenters claims precedence for a publication with additional suggestions like:

- Reduce sexual activity as much as possible. Even telephone sex can be responsible for terrestrially damaging heavy breathing.

Bad news for Bill Clinton!

- Fit your young children and pets with Envirohale ® (available directly from Trend Laboratories Inc of California). This simple device responds to excessive respiration and applies a mild electric shock to the genitalia.

You can see a snap of an early model of the Envirohale by following the link. Insist that all the Global Warming believers prove their seriousness by wearing one immediately!