Today's Hoot!

From Jay Leno:

Al-Qaida released another video tape from their No. 2 man. This one had a
shocking revelation: "The great Satan will soon taste unspeakable suffering from
our hands . . . Oh, and by the way, I am the father of Anna Nicole’s baby.”

Osama would have jumped in too, but he's taking an Afghanistan dirt nap and, of course, he was a well known goat botherer.

Yet more global warming fun

When your political party's highest endeavor is legislating the weather, you have to be prepared for surprises. Of course, we know that the weather isn't really what it's about:

Thank you, Vaclav Klaus. In the sanest statement on global warming to issue from officialdom anywhere on the planet, Czech President Vaclav Klaus has called this latest sky-is-falling movement what it really is: “A new incarnation of modern leftism.”

My translation: When you hear “Global Warming,” think “Central Planning.”

In an interview with a Czech financial newspaper, Hospodarske Noviny, picked up in translation by the Drudge Report, Klaus calls global warning a “false myth,” and explains — correctly — that the UN’s IPCC (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change), which issued the latest alarmist report, is “not a scientific institution” but “a sort of non-government organization of green flavor.”

Klaus has top credentials for sniffing out central planning schemes, of any flavor. He knows them all too well from Czechoslovakia’s decades behind the Soviet Iron Curtain, when the tint was red. It needs saying again and again. The drumbeat over global warming comes from the UN (here’s a link, again, to some background on the godfather of this movement, Maurice Strong). It is accompanied at every turn by schemes to transfer wealth, with the UN and its affiliates positioning themselves as toll collectors and traffic cops — promising somewhere down the line to reform the weather, but putting a hand out now for the money.

Seprating the marks from their cash and living the high life is what they do best at the UN.

Today's Hoot!

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "he works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

I love a good musical!

Even if the language is a tad strong as in My Fair Blogger:

Book by Iowahawk
Music by Frederick Loewe and Alan Jay Lerner
Based on "Fascist Pigmalian" by the Reality-Based Community Dinner Theater

SENATOR JOHN EDWARDS
I tell you why there are two Americas, my dear Dr. Dean. Man is a product of his environment.

HOWARD DEAN
Balderdash! "So bententh the tree," say I. Take the insane Bush cabal that plotted 9-11, for instance, genetically rotted from root to branch.

EDWARDS
This is where you are wrong my friend, and I shall prove you so. Take the young woman over there, banging on the keyboard.

HOWARD DEAN (sniffing)
The one who reeks of cat urine? Ghastly! What of her?

EDWARDS
I am prepared to wager my indoor squash court that I can train her to be a proper presidential campaign representative.

AMANDA MARCOTTE
F*cking s*ckwad c*cks*ck fundy f*ckwit godbag c*nt!

HOWARD DEAN
Ha-ho! I will gladly indulge your in your foolish wager, Senator!

EDWARDS
I say, good woman... what is your name?

AMANDA
Amanda f*cking Marcotte... Pandagon to you, you motherf*cking c*cks*cking tool of the Southern f*cking white f*cking racist patriarchy!

EDWARDS
Young woman, how would like a job as my official blog master!

AMANDA
No sh*t?!!

More hilarity by following the link and in the previous Pandagon Papers.

Queen Nancy won't be amused

It seems Queen Nancy Pelosi's request for a big party plane to ferry Her Highness, family, and pals back and forth to her district in San Francisco was denied. She did get a plane though:

I think I'll start a church!

Heck, why not? I've always wanted folks to call me "the Rev." Since, unlike today's mainstream Protestant denominations, I'd want the church to stand for something, I worked long and hard and came up with the following precepts:

We believe in the following 12 precepts and covenantal statements. These White Ethics must be taught and exemplified in homes, churches, nurseries and schools, wherever Whites are gathered. They must reflect on the following concepts:

1. Commitment to God
2. Commitment to the White Community
3. Commitment to the White Family
4. Dedication to the Pursuit of Education
5. Dedication to the Pursuit of Excellence
6. Adherence to the White Work Ethic
7. Commitment to Self-Discipline and Self-Respect
8. Disavowal of the Pursuit of "Middleclassness"
9. Pledge to make the fruits of all developing and acquired skills available to the White Community
10. Pledge to Allocate Regularly, a Portion of Personal Resources for Strengthening and Supporting White Institutions
11. Pledge allegiance to all White leadership who espouse and embrace the White Value System
12. Personal commitment to embracement of the White Value System.

What's that you say? You think these are too edgy? Sound a little racist, maybe? The "disavowal of Middleclassness" seems a bit like the more fervent Nazis in 1930's Germany? Well, I'll have you know that I merely borrowed these tenets from Barack Hussein Obama's church, the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago and changed all the "Black" to "White" so it's got to be OK. Of course, ole Barack doesn't have to worry about disavowing Middleclassness since in addition to his Senator's salary and perks, his wife hauls down over 300 grand as a community liaison expert.

(Hat tip: Brothers Judd)

Update - Darn, I see that someone on Free Republic wants to use the same list for the Senator Byrd Recognition Committee. That's OK, we can share.

Fish out of water

(Via Rightwing News) David Broder hangs out with the Donk presidential candidates as they put on a dog and pony show for the party moonbats and spots some fun:

One of the losers in the weekend oratorical marathon was retired Gen. Wesley Clark, who repeatedly invoked the West Point motto of "Duty, Honor, Country," forgetting that few in this particular audience have much experience with, or sympathy for, the military.

Forget the military, today's Democrat party has no experience with, or sympathy for the entire concept of "Duty, Honor, Country." Not that Weasley does either, of course.

Count on the New York Times for the party line on every page

In the bad old days before Ronald Reagan kicked the Russian commies' butts, it was always amusing to read the English version of Pravda. Since it was the official paper of the Soviet Communist party it had to toe the party line, but you never actually knew how the most ordinary daily events would translate in light of the wacky wisdom of prevailing Marxist-Leninist norms.

The reason that I mention it is that reading the New York Times these days produces a similar effect. If you doubt it, just check out apparatchik Stuart Elliott's protracted whine from today's New York Times' purported "Business" section entitled Super Bowl Ads of Cartoonish Violence, Perhaps Reflecting Toll of War:

No commercial that appeared last night during Super Bowl XLI directly addressed Iraq, unlike a patriotic spot for Budweiser beer that ran during the game two years ago. But the ongoing war seemed to linger just below the surface of many of this year’s commercials.

Er, how's that exactly, Stu?

More than a dozen spots celebrated violence in an exaggerated, cartoonlike vein that was intended to be humorous, but often came across as cruel or callous.

Gosh! I guess no Kumbaya, tofu, or PBS pledge drive in sight at the Superbowl has ole Stu's panties tightly knotted over his perceived brutalization of the American people defending themselves from Islamic thugs.

For instance, in a commercial for Bud Light beer, sold by Anheuser-Busch, one man beat the other at a game of rock, paper, scissors by throwing a rock at his opponent’s head.

In another Bud Light spot, face-slapping replaced fist-bumping as the cool way for people to show affection for one another. In a FedEx commercial, set on the moon, an astronaut was wiped out by a meteor. In a spot for Snickers candy, sold by Mars, two co-workers sought to prove their masculinity by tearing off patches of chest hair.

I'm sure that's heap bad mojo for "sensitive guys" like Stu but sobbing over his delicate nature isn't an overly convincing argument. Unfortunately there's lots more wimpy whining before ole Stu finally approaches the vicinity of what appears to be his point and brings us the word from Party Chairman Pinch Sulzberger and KGB honcho Bill Keller:

Those who wish the last four years of history had never happened could find solace in several commercials that used the device of ending an awful tale by revealing it was only a dream.
...
Then, too, there was the unfortunate homonym at the heart of a commercial from Prudential Financial, titled “What Can a Rock Do?”

The problem with the spot, created internally at Prudential, was that whenever the announcer said, “a rock” — invoking the Prudential logo, the rock of Gibraltar — it sounded as if he were saying, yes, “Iraq.”

Cue the Twilight Zone music and the guys in the white coats. I guess there'll be something extra in Stu's holiday bonus envelope this year if the Times doesn't go belly up by then or suffer a coup from irate shareholders. Best line from the latter:

"The Times company does not want to open its doors to the kind of turmoil that really rips apart an organization," says Janet Robinson, CEO of the New York Times Co., referring to recent shareholder uprisings at Knight Ridder and Tribune Co. "This is a very important institution not only to the media community but to the nation at large."

That's what the Soviet Communist Party thought too.

Where's all that darn global warming?

I ventured down to the lower 40 today to cut up a fallen tree and I have to tell you that it was a tad chilly here in the Southland with even worse promised for tonight. I'm surely grumped - I'd planned on wearing a monokini along with my Santa beard and hat next Christmas what with all the Global Warming the ecoweenies have been promising lately. Of course it makes me feel a whole lot better to see that some Donk loving locales are feeling the bite too:

Below-Zero Temps Close Schools:

A bone-chilling Arctic cold wave with temperatures as low as 38 below zero shut down schools for thousands of youngsters Monday, halted some Amtrak
service and put car batteries on the disabled list from the northern Plains across the Great Lakes.

The cold was accompanied by snow that was measured in feet in parts of upstate New York.

With temperatures near zero and a wind chill of 25 below, school districts across Ohio canceled classes. "We have a lot of kids that walk to school. We didn't think it was worth the risk," Sandusky City Schools Superintendent Bill Pahl said.

Wisconsin's largest school district, Milwaukee Public Schools, also shut down, idling some 90,000 children, and in upstate New York 34,000 kids got the day off in Rochester because of near-zero temperatures. Schools also closed in parts of Michigan. Even in Minnesota, where February cold is the norm and people are accustomed to coping, some charter schools closed.

The temperature crashed to 38 below zero Monday morning at Hallock in
northwestern Minnesota, and to 30 below at International Falls, the weather
service said.

But wait there's more! Bitter Cold Grips Northern States:

From Minnesota to New York, some schoolchildren are getting an extra long weekend because of the bitter chill that has spread over the eastern half of the country.

Wind chills are minus 25 degrees or lower and some high temperatures today aren't expected to climb above zero.

Experts say exposed skin can get frostbite and school officials didn't want kids outside waiting for buses.

Maine is getting hammered with wind chills forecast as low as minus 45 by tonight in the western mountains.

In Michigan, there could be insult added to injury with winter storm warnings for most of the eastern Upper Peninsula and the northwest Lower Peninsula.

Amtrak shut down passenger train service in upstate New York west of Albany and numerous schools closed due to whiteouts from lake-effect snow and below zero wind chills.

Yeah, I know it's all anecdotal. But heck, the way the usual suspects get all squishy every time some of their underclass "clients" get hit by bad weather we might as well get a laugh before they explain that it's all somehow due to Global Warming, and if not, that it's all George Bush's fault.

On a more utilitarian note, has anyone seen Al Gore? Sleds work much better if you grease the runners and who's more oleaginous than Big Weird Al?

Today's Hoot!

Tim Blair reports the astonishing news that the Sunday Age's clueless columnist and hapless looney Terry Lane has condemned Australian PM John Howard for not caring that Australia lacks " mighty mountains and great lakes." Actually Lane's screed is mostly an even more bizarre tale involving an vast joint American and Syrian conspiracy plus cat urination, but that just doesn't have the feel good theme of missing mountains. I wonder if the Age's medical plan covers check-ups from the neck up?