Fun with Opie!

Mark Steyn provides much goodness in The Tearjerker. Sample:

Where Senator Kerry's biography is full of problematic phrases like "Swiss finishing school", Edwards's is a classic American story - if one overlooks some of the details. According to Sidney Blumenthal, Clinton-stain-mopper-turned-Guardian-columnist, "He bears the memory of his father taking the family to a local restaurant after church only to leave when he realised he could not afford anything on the menu."

Really? Robbins was a town of just over 1,000 people, so presumably it was, if not the only restaurant, one of only two or three. In small towns, folks generally know what the local eateries charge. And, while the Edwards family was poor by comparison with John Kerry, dad was in fact the mill's production manager (though the son tends to leave that bit out). So, in a mill town, at a restaurant presumably priced to cater for mill workers, the management of the mill couldn't afford to eat?

They couldn't if you're telling fish stories, which Opie seems to be mighty good at. And I wonder how all the organized labor droids feel about it? "Opie's dad wasn't a millworker - he was one of the bosses!"

Rule 1 for gigolos - never forget who's paying the bills

That's OK - Opie's rich too.

Hat tip: FR.

Limousine Liberals Gone Wild!

If you want a complete review of Thursday's Lurch and Opie Fest, Matt Labash provides The Bon Jovi Advantage: John Kerry makes time with '80s hair bands. Sample:

Kerry kicked off last week's concert by mounting the stage with new sidekick John Edwards, who has managed to transform himself into Mr. Electricity since the primaries, when many of us in the vulture class thought the too-smooth-by-half Edwards was less suited to sell us his vision of America, more suited to sell us an extended power-train warranty on a Camry. There they stood, two well-tailored, half-windsored Monsters of Rock, before they plunged into the audience.
...
Taking the night's first-of-many whacks at the Bush piñata, Newman mocked trickle-down tax cuts, saying rich coots like him hide their money in a sock. "Why, when the tax cuts were announced," he said by way of proof, "did the sock market go up 60 percent?"

Praise Ja that Wyclef Jean soon followed to put him out of his misery. Numerous reporters have noticed that Kerry and Edwards have jeopardized the platonic nature of their relationship since getting politically hitched, what with all the arm-touching, hair-mussing, and trapezius-squeezing. Some hoped that Wyclef would croon something suited for the budding romance, such as his song, "I'm the Only Gay Eskimo" (I go out seal hunting with my best friend Tarka / But all I wanna do is get into his parka).
...
John Mellencamp took the stage to sing "I was born in a small town," John Edwards's longtime campaign song. Unconfirmed reports have it that Edwards is the son of a millworker who actually hails from a small town. At one point, while Bon Jovi held down lead-vocal duties on Mellencamp's "Pink Houses," Mellencamp actually trekked to Edwards's seat for some sort of huggy/chest-bump. With so many blue-collar poseurs keeping company, it left one feeling sorry for Bob Seger and Bruce Springsteen, who must have been unable to knock off early from the factory.

But performers didn't just provide the gift of song, they also provided the gift of laughter, or tried. Many organizers would've opted to hire someone who was, say, funny. Kerry organizers thought it would be better to go with Chevy Chase and Whoopi Goldberg.

And as we all know, things went downhill from there. I sure wouldn't have passed that up for a briefing on terrorist threats, would you?

On Friday, the hangover set in and the campaign went into damage control mode:

The Kerry campaign's response evolved as the day went on -- from refusing to criticize the remarks to distancing the candidate from them.

You can follow the link for the blather track, but you know you're in trouble when Tinfoil Teresa is the most sensible of the bunch:

While the candidate did not directly address the issue, his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, told reporters traveling aboard the campaign charter that "some of the words were ones I would not have used."

C'mon folks, share the good times with the little people - release the tape!

If you snooze, you lose

When I saw this picture of Lurch and the Empress window shopping, I was going to lay a caption on it, but one thing led to another ... you know how it goes. Anyhow, In DC does it it up nicely:


"Oh goodness gracious, mother; can we buy it? Can we, can we, can we?!!"

Plus, maybe it's the post that got him disinvited from the Democrat Convention. No worries here though - I didn't apply for credentials because I was afraid Whoopi might hit me with a wine bottle.

The latest episode of "Boris and Natasha"

From Ace of Spades HQ - Joe Wilson: Liar. But then we knew that, didn't we? Meanwhile, at Ipse Dixit, we have a report on activities across the pond - I Hate To Say, "I Told You So!" - Actually, No I Don't. Don't hold your breath waiting for this show up at your local big media outlet.

As I've said previously, the biggest indictment of the current sad state of the CIA is that they employed Joe Wilson and his wife in any capacity.

UPDATE: Instapundit - JOE WILSON LIED, REPUTATIONS DIED

I'd sure like to see the tape!

Who took my wine bottle?

Apropos of the item below, Lurch doesn't want to release the videotape. C'mon, Lurch we could all use a good laugh! Besides, I'm sure us little people would like a little uplift too:

Edwards said it was "a great honor" to be there and insisted, "This campaign will be a celebration of real American values."

Kerry thanked all the performers for "an extraordinary evening," hailed the "great producers" - Harvey Weinstein of Miramax and Jann Wenner - and said "every performer tonight ... conveyed to you the heart and soul of our country."

And hold the presses, Opie's genius spouse weighed in:

"A lot of people are going to be angry - there's a lot to be angry about," she told reporters at a fund-raising breakfast on Manhattan's west side. "It's a free country and people are going to express that anger."

So why not share it with the proles, Liz?

Dumber than a bag of hammers

Sen. Barbara Boxer has always been one of the leaders in the contest for Stupidest Senator. Hugh Hewitt demonstrates why:

Today, on the floor of the United States Senate, Barbara Boxer referred to the Madrid bombings as a "rail accident." Honest. A rail accident. Boxer is a Senate accident. What an embarrassment.

I posed the question to my audience: How much money could Boxer lose in a Jeopardy game, assuming that, in her typical fashion, she obnoxiously buzzed in first every time and, also in typical fashion, she got everything wrong. The best calculation seems to be $58,000.

Note that Hugh has a new book, "If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat: Crushing the Democrats in Every Election and Why Your Life Depends Upon It." True indeed.

How appropriate!

Lurch and Opie fly Million Air!

Always a class act!

The Hollyweirdos had a hoedown for Lurch and Opie last night and Whoopi Goldberg was the star attraction:

Whoopi Goldberg delivered an X-rated rant full of sexual innuendoes against President Bush last night at a Radio City gala that raised $7.5 million for the newly minted Democratic ticket of John Kerry and John Edwards.

Waving a bottle of wine, she fired off a stream of vulgar sexual wordplays on Bush's name in a riff about female genitalia, and boasted that she'd refused to let Team Kerry clear her material.

"I Xeroxed my behind and I folded it up in an envelope and I sent it back with a big kiss mark on because we're Democrats - we're not afraid to laugh," she said.

She addressed fresh-faced vice-presidential candidate Edwards as "Kid," and "young Mr. Edwards" and cracked, "He looks like he is about 18 "

"I'm going to card his ass tomorrow."

Lurch gallantly defended his "campaign partner" however:

The North Carolina senator's high-wattage smile seemed to fade a bit more each time Goldberg called out to him. When Kerry later spoke, he took pains to make it clear he had no kid on his team.

"I have a man, Whoopi," the Massachusetts lawmaker said.

Indeed, as the news photos Drudge and others have been featuring illustrate (click to supersize):





I'd been seeing stories that Lurch and Opie were being touted as the most "gay-friendly" candidates in history. I took that to mean they were supportive of the usual crowd of professional homosexuals, but now I'm beginning to wonder. Andy Borowitz attempts to elucidate:

EDWARDS ASKS KERRY TO STOP GRABBING HIS ASS
Public Displays of Affection ‘Distracting,’ Says Kerry’s No. 2

After a mere two days on the campaign trail, the first signs of tension between John Kerry and running mate John Edwards emerged today as Sen. Edwards requested, firmly and unequivocally, that Mr. Kerry stop grabbing his ass.

“I think Sen. Kerry has made it very clear in our joint appearances that he is happy to have me on the ticket,” Mr. Edwards told reporters. “He really doesn’t have to prove it by repeatedly grabbing my ass.”

At a campaign stop in Pennsylvania today, Mr. Edwards was in the middle of a speech when he emitted a high-pitched yelp, apparently in response to yet another unexpected display of affection from Sen. Kerry.

“Jesus, John,” a visibly annoyed Mr. Edwards said to Mr. Kerry, who merely stood behind him smiling mischievously.

In a sign that Mr. Kerry’s unwanted embraces may be taking their toll on the newly-minted vice-presidential candidate, Mr. Edwards departed from his prepared remarks, telling hs audience, “There are two Americas – one that gets to grab ass, and one that gets its ass grabbed.”

Intriguingly, a source confirmed that Mr. Kerry’s penchant for ass-grabbing was the principal reason Rep. Dick Gephardt (D-Missouri) did not make the Democratic ticket: “The whole idea of it grossed Dick out.”

Sheesh, what next? Last time they had Big Weird Al Gore stuffing rolled up socks in his pants to prove he was an "alpha male." Come to think of it though, it would have been cool to see FDR smooching John Nance Garner.

UPDATE: Terspboy has some new snaps.

UPDATE 2: Instapundit says, "Roll the Videotape!"

Tracking the Moonbats

Damian Penny has the goods on a couple of prime specimens, although I suppose that in my usual taxonomy, they're delusional pond scum. First, Matthew Parris:

The Spectator has hit rock bottom. (I believe I expressed similar thoughts when they printed an article titled "Iraqis were better off under Saddam," but I mean it this time.) After returning from Russia, Matthew Parris praises the "hope and decency of Soviet communism".

Follow the link for much more on Matt's epiphany, but I liked his great insight about St. Petersburg:

Tsar Peter the Great, whose vision and creation this city is, would not have been a neocon.

Hopefully Matt's not planning a career in rocket science. But if you really want to plumb the depths, there's Helen Caldicott who apparently never met a old fashioned, Stalin-Brezhnev style Commie she didn't like.