Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Aren't his 15 minutes up yet?

It's Big Weird Al again - Democrats unleash Gore on Bush:
Al Gore will try to boost his party's chances of regaining the White House by criticizing President Bush's Iraq policy in a speech today, in which he will call for the resignation of five Bush administration officials and one military leader.
You know you're in trouble when you go to roll out the big guns and all you find is a loose cannon. Who's so thick as to think this is a smooth move?
The event, sponsored by the political action committee of the liberal group, seeks to motivate the Democratic base.
Should have known - George Soros' Dung Beetles - Berkeley branch. But they better be careful of the feared "tonsil hockey of death" effect:
In December, Mr. Gore endorsed presidential hopeful Howard Dean, a vocal critic of Mr. Bush's Iraq policy. Many viewed the endorsement as a mistake, and Mr. Dean lost the presidential nominating contests to Sen. John Kerry, Massachusetts Democrat.
Speaking of Al and the wingnuts at MoveOn, Al seems to be joined at the hip to them. He just got finished endorsing their big global warming scare effort based on the movie, The Poseidon Adventure, or something like that. Joyce Wadler covers the NY kickoff:
The film shows LADY LIBERTY up to her neck in tidal waves, and New York City in the grip of an ice age so intense that the grid of Manhattan is turned into a giant ice cube tray. So, in keeping the mood alive, the film's promoters judiciously decided to bank the arrival line with piles of snow.

The red carpet in front of the American Museum of Natural History was white and banked by piles of the stuff; green oak leaves had been painted white. All very lovely, of course, but tragically, this global warming thing is more advanced than even the filmmakers thought: The snow was melting, the Astroturf carpet drenched.

"Who do we sue if we get electrocuted?'' asked the Reuters television reporter SAMIRA NANDA, who periodically stepped off the carpet to try to dry her feet.

Then, just as the chilly, wet scene couldn't get much more uncomfortable, three black limos pulled up in front of the museum, the cue for the snowblowers to be turned on. A collective groan from the press corps, as cameramen rushed to their vehicles for lens caps and soapy, white wet blobs hit reporters' notebooks.
Sounds like a real hot time. But the fun was just starting:
But frivolous us. Here we were about to natter in our usual fashion about movie stars when we should be telling you about "A Town Hall Meeting on Global Warming" with AL GORE, ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR. and AL FRANKEN. It had been planned to coincide with "The Day After Tomorrow" - the film's director ROLAND EMMERICH attended - and was presented by MoveOn.Org and Environmental Media Services on Monday afternoon at the Fourth Universalist Church on Central Park West. We saw Mr. Gore speak, accompanied by a slide show of charts and graphs.

How exciting was it?

Next to us, a man with an American flag on his lapel was dead asleep despite the Starbucks cup near his feet. Mr. Gore and a slide show - not even a supershot of espresso is going to keep you awake.
"This is what happens to the soil moisture in the continental United States,'' Mr. Gore was saying, as a graph came up on a giant screen. "Up to 30 to 35 percent loss of soil moisture! And if we go barreling right through a doubling of CO2? Most of the growing areas of the United States become parched. Parched. So where are the ethics for somebody who says this is not a problem?" (Oh, excuse us a minute. Medic! We've got somebody who was reading the National edition who's collapsed face first in Apple River, Ill. Take old Route 20 out past Stockton on to Scout Camp Road.)

Golly, if only we didn't have that dreary premiere to go to later.
If only we didn't have Big Weird Al ranting on.

Hmm, maybe it would help if Andy Borowitz scripted his lines?
Former Democratic presidential nominee Al Gore raised a warning flag about the candidacy of John Kerry today, telling reporters that the Massachusetts senator "is not sexy enough to be president."

Speaking to reporters in Washington, Gore said, "There are only three things that get you elected president—sex, sex, and sex—and John Kerry, I believe, lacks all three."

Attempting to place his remarks in an historical context, the former Democratic standard-bearer continued: "To be successful in a run for the White House, you need to have raw, almost animalistic sexual power. JFK had it. I have it. I'm not sure that John Kerry has it."
That would get the troops fired up!