Wednesday, July 28, 2004

It just gets better

The heartbreak of terminal flatulence

How could you, Bubble Boy?:
Humorist Andy Borowitz insisted last week that officials had found Osama bin Laden in the pants of Sandy Berger, Clinton security czar.

Well, maybe not.

In FleetCenter hallways yesterday speculation reigned that Osama bin Laden was instead found crawling out of a Cape Canaveral test tube Monday, disguised as John Kerry.

``I'm telling you,'' insisted one DNC hanger-on. ``Look at Osama's beard. Draw it on `Bubble Boy' here. It's a dead ringer. The litmus test? Ever see the two of them in the same room?''

Other leading theories on why in the world our would-be president, this week of all weeks, would ever let himself be photographed in a silly suit on hands and knees?

``Looking for weapons of mass destruction,'' said John Rooney, Norwood.

``He was being born,'' said Boston cop Bob Fitzsimmons.

``Imitating a giant prophylactic,'' said Carol Fitzgerald at South Station. ``No, no. He's a test tube tot,'' said a New Jersey delegate who wouldn't be named.

Some saw an ET-phone-home resemblance. Or Oompa Loompahs from ``Willy Wonka.'' Others thought this was but another attempt by Mr. Aloof to De-loof himself and show his madcap side.
The guy's a laugh riot!