Queen Nancy won't be amused

It seems Queen Nancy Pelosi's request for a big party plane to ferry Her Highness, family, and pals back and forth to her district in San Francisco was denied. She did get a plane though:

I think I'll start a church!

Heck, why not? I've always wanted folks to call me "the Rev." Since, unlike today's mainstream Protestant denominations, I'd want the church to stand for something, I worked long and hard and came up with the following precepts:

We believe in the following 12 precepts and covenantal statements. These White Ethics must be taught and exemplified in homes, churches, nurseries and schools, wherever Whites are gathered. They must reflect on the following concepts:

1. Commitment to God
2. Commitment to the White Community
3. Commitment to the White Family
4. Dedication to the Pursuit of Education
5. Dedication to the Pursuit of Excellence
6. Adherence to the White Work Ethic
7. Commitment to Self-Discipline and Self-Respect
8. Disavowal of the Pursuit of "Middleclassness"
9. Pledge to make the fruits of all developing and acquired skills available to the White Community
10. Pledge to Allocate Regularly, a Portion of Personal Resources for Strengthening and Supporting White Institutions
11. Pledge allegiance to all White leadership who espouse and embrace the White Value System
12. Personal commitment to embracement of the White Value System.

What's that you say? You think these are too edgy? Sound a little racist, maybe? The "disavowal of Middleclassness" seems a bit like the more fervent Nazis in 1930's Germany? Well, I'll have you know that I merely borrowed these tenets from Barack Hussein Obama's church, the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago and changed all the "Black" to "White" so it's got to be OK. Of course, ole Barack doesn't have to worry about disavowing Middleclassness since in addition to his Senator's salary and perks, his wife hauls down over 300 grand as a community liaison expert.

(Hat tip: Brothers Judd)

Update - Darn, I see that someone on Free Republic wants to use the same list for the Senator Byrd Recognition Committee. That's OK, we can share.

Fish out of water

(Via Rightwing News) David Broder hangs out with the Donk presidential candidates as they put on a dog and pony show for the party moonbats and spots some fun:

One of the losers in the weekend oratorical marathon was retired Gen. Wesley Clark, who repeatedly invoked the West Point motto of "Duty, Honor, Country," forgetting that few in this particular audience have much experience with, or sympathy for, the military.

Forget the military, today's Democrat party has no experience with, or sympathy for the entire concept of "Duty, Honor, Country." Not that Weasley does either, of course.

Count on the New York Times for the party line on every page

In the bad old days before Ronald Reagan kicked the Russian commies' butts, it was always amusing to read the English version of Pravda. Since it was the official paper of the Soviet Communist party it had to toe the party line, but you never actually knew how the most ordinary daily events would translate in light of the wacky wisdom of prevailing Marxist-Leninist norms.

The reason that I mention it is that reading the New York Times these days produces a similar effect. If you doubt it, just check out apparatchik Stuart Elliott's protracted whine from today's New York Times' purported "Business" section entitled Super Bowl Ads of Cartoonish Violence, Perhaps Reflecting Toll of War:

No commercial that appeared last night during Super Bowl XLI directly addressed Iraq, unlike a patriotic spot for Budweiser beer that ran during the game two years ago. But the ongoing war seemed to linger just below the surface of many of this year’s commercials.

Er, how's that exactly, Stu?

More than a dozen spots celebrated violence in an exaggerated, cartoonlike vein that was intended to be humorous, but often came across as cruel or callous.

Gosh! I guess no Kumbaya, tofu, or PBS pledge drive in sight at the Superbowl has ole Stu's panties tightly knotted over his perceived brutalization of the American people defending themselves from Islamic thugs.

For instance, in a commercial for Bud Light beer, sold by Anheuser-Busch, one man beat the other at a game of rock, paper, scissors by throwing a rock at his opponent’s head.

In another Bud Light spot, face-slapping replaced fist-bumping as the cool way for people to show affection for one another. In a FedEx commercial, set on the moon, an astronaut was wiped out by a meteor. In a spot for Snickers candy, sold by Mars, two co-workers sought to prove their masculinity by tearing off patches of chest hair.

I'm sure that's heap bad mojo for "sensitive guys" like Stu but sobbing over his delicate nature isn't an overly convincing argument. Unfortunately there's lots more wimpy whining before ole Stu finally approaches the vicinity of what appears to be his point and brings us the word from Party Chairman Pinch Sulzberger and KGB honcho Bill Keller:

Those who wish the last four years of history had never happened could find solace in several commercials that used the device of ending an awful tale by revealing it was only a dream.
...
Then, too, there was the unfortunate homonym at the heart of a commercial from Prudential Financial, titled “What Can a Rock Do?”

The problem with the spot, created internally at Prudential, was that whenever the announcer said, “a rock” — invoking the Prudential logo, the rock of Gibraltar — it sounded as if he were saying, yes, “Iraq.”

Cue the Twilight Zone music and the guys in the white coats. I guess there'll be something extra in Stu's holiday bonus envelope this year if the Times doesn't go belly up by then or suffer a coup from irate shareholders. Best line from the latter:

"The Times company does not want to open its doors to the kind of turmoil that really rips apart an organization," says Janet Robinson, CEO of the New York Times Co., referring to recent shareholder uprisings at Knight Ridder and Tribune Co. "This is a very important institution not only to the media community but to the nation at large."

That's what the Soviet Communist Party thought too.

Where's all that darn global warming?

I ventured down to the lower 40 today to cut up a fallen tree and I have to tell you that it was a tad chilly here in the Southland with even worse promised for tonight. I'm surely grumped - I'd planned on wearing a monokini along with my Santa beard and hat next Christmas what with all the Global Warming the ecoweenies have been promising lately. Of course it makes me feel a whole lot better to see that some Donk loving locales are feeling the bite too:

Below-Zero Temps Close Schools:

A bone-chilling Arctic cold wave with temperatures as low as 38 below zero shut down schools for thousands of youngsters Monday, halted some Amtrak
service and put car batteries on the disabled list from the northern Plains across the Great Lakes.

The cold was accompanied by snow that was measured in feet in parts of upstate New York.

With temperatures near zero and a wind chill of 25 below, school districts across Ohio canceled classes. "We have a lot of kids that walk to school. We didn't think it was worth the risk," Sandusky City Schools Superintendent Bill Pahl said.

Wisconsin's largest school district, Milwaukee Public Schools, also shut down, idling some 90,000 children, and in upstate New York 34,000 kids got the day off in Rochester because of near-zero temperatures. Schools also closed in parts of Michigan. Even in Minnesota, where February cold is the norm and people are accustomed to coping, some charter schools closed.

The temperature crashed to 38 below zero Monday morning at Hallock in
northwestern Minnesota, and to 30 below at International Falls, the weather
service said.

But wait there's more! Bitter Cold Grips Northern States:

From Minnesota to New York, some schoolchildren are getting an extra long weekend because of the bitter chill that has spread over the eastern half of the country.

Wind chills are minus 25 degrees or lower and some high temperatures today aren't expected to climb above zero.

Experts say exposed skin can get frostbite and school officials didn't want kids outside waiting for buses.

Maine is getting hammered with wind chills forecast as low as minus 45 by tonight in the western mountains.

In Michigan, there could be insult added to injury with winter storm warnings for most of the eastern Upper Peninsula and the northwest Lower Peninsula.

Amtrak shut down passenger train service in upstate New York west of Albany and numerous schools closed due to whiteouts from lake-effect snow and below zero wind chills.

Yeah, I know it's all anecdotal. But heck, the way the usual suspects get all squishy every time some of their underclass "clients" get hit by bad weather we might as well get a laugh before they explain that it's all somehow due to Global Warming, and if not, that it's all George Bush's fault.

On a more utilitarian note, has anyone seen Al Gore? Sleds work much better if you grease the runners and who's more oleaginous than Big Weird Al?

Today's Hoot!

Tim Blair reports the astonishing news that the Sunday Age's clueless columnist and hapless looney Terry Lane has condemned Australian PM John Howard for not caring that Australia lacks " mighty mountains and great lakes." Actually Lane's screed is mostly an even more bizarre tale involving an vast joint American and Syrian conspiracy plus cat urination, but that just doesn't have the feel good theme of missing mountains. I wonder if the Age's medical plan covers check-ups from the neck up?

Today's Hoot!

Iowahawk keeps us up to date on Fidel Castro's excretory outlook:

According to the Spanish newspaper El Pais, Cuban doctors have performed a number of experimental ass treatments on the 79-year old president-for-life since he first fell ill in July 2006. These treatments have reportedly included cork blockage, cork removal, high-pressure steam cleaning, violent stomach-punches from the Cuban national boxing team, Santaria chicken sacrifice, and mandatory public anti-constipation rallies.

Seeking to reassure citizens that El Jefe remained in control, a photo in Havana's official newspaper last week showed him relaxing and chatting with visiting Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez while receiving a colonoscopy. This appeared to be administered via an auger bit attached to the rear axle of a 1953 Plymouth.

However, the latest US intellegence reports indicate that these measures have been thusfar unsuccessful, and that Castro faces an uncertain prognosis.

"Unfortunately, it appears he remains totally full of shit," said Dr. Gregory Shaw, chairman of the Johns Hopkins University Department of Gastroenterology.
...
"Normally this diagnosis would indicate the need for an immediate colostomy, but this is an extremely tricky case," said Shaw. "It's nearly impossible to determine where the Castro ends and the asshole begins."

Reminds me of the old joke about the three farmers trying to win the state fair prize for largest hog. Of course in this case the punch line would be, "The last thing I remember is the look on Hugo Chavez's face as he tried to stick the cork back in."

Who knew Hillary Clinton was half black?

Chris Matthews interviews Hillary Clinton on SNL:

Today's Hoot!

From David Letterman's Top 10 Messages Left on Fidel Castro’s Answering Machine:

10. "Yo, it’s Raul . . . Where’s the key to the humidor?”
9. "It’s Blockbuster. Please return ‘Girls of the Revolution Gone Wild.’”
8. "Which fatigues would you like to be buried in, the olive green ones or the slightly darker olive green ones?"
7. "It’s Kim Jong Il. When you die, can I have your PlayStation?”

And the biggies:

2. "It’s Saddam Hussein — see you in hell!”
1. "Wow! Congratulations on having Cuba’s only answering machine!”

I knew there was something fishy about Queen Nancy!

Pelosi's Fishy Deal:

When news broke that the House hourly minimum-wage increase to $7.25 did not include the territory of American Samoa, home to large employers StarKist Tuna and Chicken of the Sea, Speaker Nancy Pelosi assured reporters that the bill would be changed. It would include American Samoa, as well as the Northern Mariana Islands, before it is sent to the president.

American Samoa may initially have escaped the minimum-wage increases because the San Francisco-headquartered Del Monte Foods, owner of Star-Kist Tuna, is in Ms. Pelosi's district. But now Speaker Pelosi has been shamed into backing down.

It must be that Queen Nancy only cares for the little people and Samoans are famously big and burly. Of course, here's the best part:

There should be general rejoicing in American Samoa on hearing that everyone would get a raise. But not so. The governor of American Samoa, Togiola Tulafono, stated that increasing the minimum wage "would kill the economy," and the Samoan congressional delegate, Eni Faleomavaega, said that it would devastate the local tuna industry.

A quick look at American Samoan local wage rates tells us why. The current hourly minimum wage for fish canning and processing is $3.26. The minimum wage for government employees, who undoubtedly have an easier job than tuna canners, is $2.91. Shipping has the highest minimum wage, at $4.09. Garment manufacturers get the lowest, at $2.68 an hour.

Fans of minimum-wage increases say the hikes have no effect on the economy or on jobs, but American Samoans are smarter. They know that industries are going elsewhere if they have to pay $7.25 an hour. With higher unemployment in American Samoa, the American taxpayer will be called upon to come to the rescue.

It's hard news for the folks in Samoa and Pelosi's district, but Queen Nancy can try for a win with the ecoweenies who don't really like tuna fishing anyhow, just like they don't like logging, factory farming, oil drilling, and just about everything but nut and berry gathering in isolated thickets. Personally, I'm waiting for the Donks to declare that everyone in the US (legally or illegally) should get as much per year as Teddy Kennedy does from his trust funds just by staying home and watching PBS! Where's my check, Nancy?