Ewwwwwww!

The Sun astonishes with I've got Blaine's trousers:

DAVID Blaine fan Caroline Roney holds up the smelly trousers the 30-year-old magician wore in his glass box — which she hopes to flog for £20,000.

Caroline, 24, caught the grey woollen pants when Blaine hurled them into the crowd at the end of his 44-day London stunt.

She has already turned down a £5,000 offer.

Waitress Caroline, of Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk, said: “I’m not going to wash them — that will destroy their value.”

Lest you think Caroline is more weird than she actually is, "flog" is British slang for "sell".

Which brings to mind the old Benny Hill skit in which Benny plays Dad sitting in a chair reading the paper when his teenage son comes to him and says, "Dad, there's a woman at the door and she wants to flog something." When Benny gets to the door, you can guess how the woman is dressed.

Dancing in the streets! Or something like that.

The LA Times entrances with Ordinance Bans Public Urination, but all are not happy in La La Land:

Some advocates for the homeless were outraged.

Er, that's what they do. That's all they do.

They accused elected officials of criminalizing an act that many homeless people often have no choice but to commit because of the lack of public toilets in Los Angeles,

That must be it!

... and said officials should instead spend their time trying to solve underlying social problems that cause homelessness.

Good luck, although I'm sure a large infusion of cash to the "advocates" will make them stop whining.

Council members, on the other hand, said the law is necessary because human waste is a problem from downtown to West Los Angeles.

What's especially puzzling to officials is that people seem to be relieving themselves outdoors, even in areas such as Venice Beach, where clean public toilets abound.

Charming.

Friday's action is the latest in a flurry of quality-of-life ordinances enacted by the council over the last few months. They include increased regulations for taco stands and ice cream trucks, and seizing the cars of those who illegally dump sofas, try to buy drugs or solicit prostitution.

Those pesky sofa dumpers again!

UPDATE: The Curmudgeon has his own pictorial take (natch) on this one and the observation:

All kidding aside, let them piss on on Barbra Streisand's lawn; she won't care.

And maybe she'll toss them a few bucks if they help her hang the wash on the line!

Thanks Gray!

Immigrant license law to tax DMV:

The state office that just about every Californian must visit, the Department of Motor Vehicles, is preparing for an unprecedented rush of business at the same time it copes with serious budget cuts.
...
At about that time, a new law -- which may be challenged in a referendum -- could go into effect allowing as many as 2 million undocumented immigrants to apply for driver's licenses.

The one-two punch is expected to lengthen lines at DMV offices, delay telephone and mail responses, and present the department with a host of logistical complications.

"My estimate is that during the first three months, it's going to be an all-day wait in line if you don't have an appointment," said DMV Director Steve Gourley.

The DMV is trying to ward off chaos at its 166 offices by reaching out to potential new applicants, especially through the Spanish-language media.

Hmm, here's a "outreach" thought - require that each illegal alien talk with Matthew Engel first. He'll explain why American consumerism and automobiles are bad for the environment.

He might even have a lead on a donkey cart!

The Angst is Palpable

Over at the Guardian, Matthew Engel is having a big sad over the environment. Gee, what could that be about, you ask coyly? Yep - "Matthew Engel reports on how America is ravaging the planet".

Same old sh*t, right? Goofball Euroweenie tours the USA and reports back on the dolorous conditions there. Well sort of, but there's some really satisfying boohooing over the nefarious "Bush Administration", the general American public, and even erstwhile tree huggers and tofu eaters. Here are a few of my faves:

Those of us without a degree in climatology can have no sensible opinion on the truth about climate change, except to sense that the weather does seem to have become a little weird lately. Yet in America the subject has become politicised, with rightwing commentators decrying global warming as "bogus science". They gloated when it snowed unusually hard in Washington last winter (failing to notice the absence of snow in Alaska). When the dissident "good news" scientist Bjorn Lomborg spoke to a conservative Washington thinktank he was applauded not merely rapturously, but fawningly.
...
In the meantime, all American consumers have been asked to do is to buy Ben & Jerry's One Sweet Whirled ice cream, ensuring that a portion of Unilever's profits go towards "global warming initiatives". Wow!
...
But, in truth, despite the Soviet-style politicisation of science, serious national debate on the issue ceased years ago.
...
"We're waging a war on the environment, a very successful one," says Paul Ehrlich, professor of population studies at Stanford University. "This nation is devouring itself," according to Phil Clapp of the National Environmental Trust. These are voices that have almost ceased to be heard in the US.
...
Why has the leader of the free world opted out? The first reason lies deep in the national psyche. The old world developed on the basis of a coalition - uneasy but understood - between humanity and its surroundings. The settlement of the US was based on conquest, not just of the indigenous peoples, but also of the terrain.
...
This brings us to the third factor: the Bush administration, the first government in modern history which has systematically disavowed the systems of checks and controls that have governed environmental policy since it burst into western political consciousness a generation ago.
...
But the Bushies have perfected a technique of announcing regular edicts (often late on a Friday afternoon) rolling back environmental control, usually while pretending to do the opposite.
...
What is really alarming is the intellectual atmosphere in Washington. You can attend seminars debunking scientific eco-orthodoxy almost every week.
...
Out in the west, words such as enviro-whackos are popularised by rightwing radio hosts such as the ex-Watergate conspirator Gordon Liddy, who passes on to his millions of listeners the message that global warming is a lie. "I commute in a three-quarter-tonne capacity Chevrolet Silverado HD," he swanked in his latest book. "Four-wheel drive, off-road equipped, extended curb pickup truck, powered by a 300hp, overhead valve, turbo supercharged diesel engine with 520lb-feet of torque... It has lights all over it so everyone can see me coming and get out of the way. If someone in a little government-mandated car hits me, it is all over - for him."
...
In this country, green-minded people can't even trust the good guys. The Nature Conservancy, the US's largest environmental group with a million members - with a role not unlike Britain's National Trust - was the subject of an exhaustive exposé in the Washington Post in May, accusing it of sanctioning deals to build "opulent houses on fragile grasslands" and drilling for gas under the last breeding ground of the Attwater's Prairie Chicken, whose numbers have dwindled to just dozens.
...
Americans still have a presumption of infinite space. But I have made a curious and mildly embarrassing discovery. In states such as Maryland and Ohio, the pattern of settlement in supposedly rural areas is such that it can actually be quite difficult to find a discreet spot away from housing to stop the car and have a pee.

I better stop before I wet myself too. I guess if you don't want a high pitched whine, you don't give a Guardian writer an expense account and send him to the USA.

Beyond satisfaction at Matthew's discomfort, I was amazed at his "second reason":

There is a second reason: the staggering population growth of the US. It is approaching 300 million, having gone up from 200 million in 1970, which was around the time President Nixon set up a commission to consider the issue, the last time any US administration has dared think about it. A million new legal migrants are coming in every year (never mind illegals), and the US Census Bureau projections for 2050, merely half a lifetime away, is 420 million. This is a rate of increase far beyond anything else in the developed world, and not far behind Brazil, India, or indeed Mexico.

Careful Matthew, this is dangerous ground for a lefty. The talking point on this issue is that uncontrolled immigration is swell, because they are just seeking a better life than they had in Elbonia and we Americans should be big-hearted enough to help out.

Yet extra Americans are not just a problem for the US: they are, in the eyes of many environmentalists, a problem for the world because migrants, in a short span of time, take on American consumption patterns. "Not only don't we have a population policy," says Ehrlich, "we don't have a consumption policy either. We are the most overpopulated country in the world. It's not the number of people. It's their consumption." Ehrlich may be wrong. It is, though. somewhat surprising that the federal government's four million employees do not appear to include anyone charged with even thinking about this issue.

Say what? It's not a problem that our borders are completely porous. The problem is that once the 3rd world people get across the border, they want a better life than they had in Elbonia?

Hey, maybe the boy has really clever plan for stopping illegal immigration! I'll tell you what, Matthew. You explain to the Mexican peasant farmers that once they get across the border to the USA, they should continue to live like Mexican peasant farmers! But environmentally correct peasant farmers of course. I'll bring the tofu and granola.

As for the federal government hiring someone to "think" about the problem. Why should we bother when we get free help from geniuses like you?

Time flies when you're having fun

Arkat Kingtroll reminisces a bit:

My goodness, time does fly.

I remember two years back. Oct. 7, 2001. Twenty days after the war began, and we had just started bombing Afghanistan. We had no idea what would happen—for all we knew, we might be in the bloodiest fighting since Iwo Jima.

Yep and all the handwringers were whining and wringing their hands to help out the war effort. Then there was the fifth column:

Out in San Francisco, the communists were protesting. The Worker’s World Party, AKA the International Action Center, AKA the newly-formed International ANSWER, managed to rally a few dozen people in downtown San Francisco to protest against America’s counterattack against al-Qaeda.

I was there, with a fairly moderate sign—it read “Our Dead Will Be Avenged”.

Well, it’s been over two years. We’ve gone from success to success—some more alloyed than others, but on the whole, everything’s gone far better than I expected. And, well, the anti-America Left is hating life.

I'd break out a violin, but they mostly do that anyhow.

They’ve held a lot of protests. Some got big crowds, some got small ones. Our soldiers keep winning battles, and keep failing to die or kill in large numbers, and that makes it tough for the WWP to get the numbers out there. But they keep trying!

In fact, they’ll be out tomorrow.

Some people like football, some like to march with their wingnut pals. Maybe it's a neat way to pick up vegetarian hotties? Although if it's the WWP, I suspect they look more like Mother Bloor or Rosa Luxemburg.

In any case, Arkat has made his own signs so he can join in the festivities and he shares them with us. Follow the link for a preview.

Who's got the hot toddies?

(Via Best of the Web) Brian McCabe at New Hampshire Public Radio warms the cockles of our heart with Snow and Global Warming:

The Lieberman campaign's lack of traction isn't so surprising after observing their tactics today in Concord. In the middle of a cold, windy day -- with the first snow of the year falling all around them -- a team of young Lieberman supporters were promoting the fact that their man fights global warming. Apparently oblivous to the large white flakes around them, an observer noted, "It's snowing!" Unabashed, one young supporter replied, "That's because of global warming!"

Hey, they just like the part where you throw the virgins in the volcano to appease the weather gods.

The Solons Plan a Road Trip!

Our crack Senators (and previously our Representatives) say it's party time in Cuba!

The Senate joined the House on Thursday in striking at the four-decade-old policy of making travel to Cuba a criminal act, putting Congress on a collision course with Bush administration efforts to step up enforcement of travel restrictions.

The travel ban does nothing to hurt Fidel Castro," said Sen. Byron Dorgan, D-N.D. "It only harms Americans." He was co-sponsor of the measure, passed 59-36, that bars use of government money to enforce current travel restrictions.

If it doesn't hurt the old rogue, why is he always whining about it? Maybe because he wants his fair share of all the tourist bucks? And I do mean all tourists:

Castro appears to be contributing to prostitution and the increase in prostitution tourism by his own tolerance. He remarked that Cuban women are prostitutes not because they needed to be but rather because they liked to make love, and that they are the most educated and the healthiest prostitutes on the market.

Woohoo!

But I've got a solution that will make everyone happy. Just knock off Fidel and open the floodgates. I know he's hard to catch, but that's half the fun.

Today's Hoot!

John Derbyshire at The Corner provides insight into ENGLISH LIKE SHE IS TEACHED:

My daughter Nellie is a fifth-grader at a public school in the outer suburbs of New York City. Last night she asked me to help her with her homework. It was a "special" exercise, one of those propagated by New York State to all its schools (so this is my State assigning this problem, not Nellie's teachers). The exercise consisted of a short prose passage on a sheet of paper, with ten blank spaces. There is an accompanying list of words. You have to find the word most suitable for each blank. Here is our solution--a joint effort by father and daughter. The capitalized words are the ones from the list that we thought best fitted the text. All the rest of the text--and I have reproduced it PRECISELY as printed--is from New York State.

"When the day came for me to set a DESTINATION to travel, I knew that I had to plan my COURSE carefully. I was so ecited and nervous, I felt as though I would SEVER in two.

I know that I am very ACCURATE when it comes to finding my NAVIGATION.

I felt REVIVED when I started the engine. After this test, I would be able to fly by myself. I took off into the wind. My plane was unsteady due to the strong GALE.

Suddenly my plane's left wing started to chip off. I was in great DESPAIR. When I looked at the wing, I noticed that it had started to DETERIORATE. Thankfully, the wind started to clamed down and I flew safely to the ground. I felt great JUBILATION when I got my wings."

We got the exercise done as best we could, but it took me a while to clame down afterwards.

And as usual, the laugh's on us.

If you ever examine an old McGuffey Reader or facsimile thereof, you'll discover that 19th century students were held to a rather higher standard than today's students. Hell, higher than today's "educators".

Don't let the garage door hit you on the butt, fellas!

Pop-up ad pusher X10 files for bankruptcy:

The notorious Internet pop-up ads of scantily clad women being viewed from miniature wireless cameras might be gone forever.

Bummer!

X10 Wireless Technology, which sells the cameras mainly through the Internet, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy Tuesday in U.S. District Court, seeking a voluntary reorganization.

Chapter 7 would have been better.

X10 may have been one of the first companies to take full advantage of pop-under and pop-up technology. It used splashy, colorful ads to draw attention to its Web site from such Web sites as The New York Times.

At its height two years ago, X10.com was the fourth-most visited Web site — ahead of well-known names like eBay and TerraLycos, according to research firm Jupiter in Darien, Conn.

The strategy may have backfired. Jupiter found that nearly two-thirds of the people who saw the ads closed the browser within 20 seconds.

And said "#*&!@ popup bastards"!

Well, Duh!

An editorial from the NY Daily News - Straight shooting from Rumsfeld:

Well, certainly Iraq is going to be a "long, hard slog." This is a shocking disclosure? Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has been saying exactly this all along. Anybody who thinks he has ever suggested otherwise hasn't been listening.

Still, the bluntness of an internal memo, apparently leaked by some Pentagon unfriendly to embarrass Rumsfeld, is bound to bring aid and comfort to those souls - Democratic presidential candidates and others - who wish desperately to believe that the U.S. intervention in Iraq has been built of smoke and doublespeak and flat-out lies.

There's been nothing of the sort, of course, and the plain-talking Rumsfeld need feel no embarrassment. Out-loud acknowledgment of a "long, hard slog" is nothing more and nothing less than a reaffirmation that the good guys are in this thing for the duration - until they don't need to be there anymore.

And that has been said all along, as well.

It isn't that they haven't been listening - it's that they're lying asshats.