"It's rock hard, it doesn't smell and it's certainly not squishy"
The BBC sets our minds at ease with Experts to repair 'faeces fossil':

Archaeologists are carrying out one of their most delicate projects to date - the careful restoration of 1200-year-old human faeces.

Measuring 20cm by 5cm, the exhibit is thought to be the largest fossilised human excrement ever found.

But despite surviving for well over 1,000 years, the Viking relic was broken into three pieces during a recent school visit to its home, the Archaeological Resource Centre (Arc) in York.

OK, who let the tykes play with the poop!

Museum chiefs are desperate to see their star exhibit glued back together because it is popular with the schoolchildren that make up a large percentage of their visitors.

"The kids loved it," Ms Snape added.

"We've even had thank you letters saying 'thank you for showing us the poo'."

After it is delicately glued back together, Ms Snape said the fossil would be mounted on perspex for visitors to "fully appreciate its glory as the centrepiece of the Arc".

And she had a message for anyone who doubted the impressive stature of the item, which was discovered in 1972 on land now occupied by Lloyds TSB Bank in York.

"It's huge - and bear in mind it's shrunk since it was deposited," she added.

20cm by 5cm is roughly 8" by 2".

Hitchens Alert!
(Via The Corner) Ludovic Hunter-Tilney profiles the unique Christopher Hitchens in the Financial Times (!) - The Preacher: Christopher Hitchens. It's all worth reading, but here's a snip about the Vichy Chicks:

At the debate a few hours earlier, he lost his temper when someone asked about country band the Dixie Chicks and the flak they copped for criticising George W. Bush's Iraq policy.

"Each day they dig up dead bodies in personal death camps run by a Caligula dictator," Hitchens shouted, "and I'm being asked to worry about these fucking fat slags - do me a favour!" The debate broke up soon after.
...
"The reason I like P.G. Wodehouse and Oscar Wilde is that they teach you to take frivolous things seriously and serious things frivolously," Hitchens replies. "It's all a complete farce, you understand, we're born into a losing struggle. In the meantime, I think, I must show some contempt and defiance and the best means of doing that that I know are irony and obscenity."

Laughter, applause. "Which is why it was a mistake for that man to ask me about those slut Dixie Chicks," he adds.

Bwahahaha! I may have to change the quote in the blog header.

Today's Hoot!
Al Batt remembers Skinny Dipping in The Country Today:

"There is no one else around," said Deputy Doug in a pleading sort of a way.

"Yeah? Well, I can't help you. What do you need help for anyway?"

"I need a witness. There are three young women a few years older than you, skinny dipping down by the beach. I need you to be a witness to my proper behavior while I arrest them. We need to nip this kind of activity in the bud!"

"Young women skinny dipping? Well, why didn't you say it was a national emergency?" I said while hanging the "Closed" sign on the door. "Let's get going before those criminals are able to make their escape."

I ran to Deputy Doug's old pickup and honked the horn to encourage him to hurry.

"Come on, come on!" I begged. "We can't let those scofflaws get away with this."

We drove to the beach. Deputy Doug was nearly hyperventilating. We got out of the truck and walked toward the three young women swimming in their birthday suits.

"Get out of that water right now so I can arrest you!" hollered Deputy Doug in a statement severely lacking in tact. He was sorely lacking in the area of people skills. The women responded with cries of derision.

I watched the proceedings intently, looking for clues.

The full story by following the link.

Such a deal!
Nathan Gorenstein reveals all in the Philadelphia Inquirer - Milton Street lands contract:

Mayor Street's brother, T. Milton Street Sr., has been given a contract worth more than $1 million a year for equipment maintenance at Philadelphia International Airport.

He also has been given a trained staff to perform the work. And he won't be held financially responsible for the work or how it gets done day by day.

That was the agreement reached between the city managers of the airport and a private firm, Philadelphia Airport Services, that hired Milton Street and that will set the former street vendor up in business.
...
Mark Pesce, a spokesman for the city airport, said Philadelphia Airport Services subcontracted the work to Notlim (Milton spelled backwards) in part to expand minority participation in airport businesses.
...
Asked whether Notlim had any experience maintaining airport equipment, Pesce said, "Not to my knowledge. The experience is with the workforce.

"[Philadelphia Airport Services] will retain full management responsibility," Pesce said. "The employees will remain under direct supervision of [Philadelphia Airport Services, which] will provide day-to-day supervision."
...
Asked how hiring Notlim could be considered a real expansion of minority business, given the extensive responsibilities remaining with Philadelphia Airport Services, Pesce said, "Notlim is the actual company that employs these individuals to provide the services, and it is a minority-approved company. They have all the qualifications that are necessary from the city."

Wow, quite a promotion for a hot dog vendor:

Like the man in the blue suit, the kids walk away with a bad taste in their mouths, even though they hadn't ingested any of Milton's death rods.

"Man, I thought this stuff was free," says one.

"Why'd they say the event will include refreshments?" asks another, learning an early and unfortunate lesson about politics American-style.

There really is no such thing as a free lunch.

But there is such a thing as a profitable lunch.

If you know the right people.

Milton Street, the man once fired from his $30,000-a-year traffic court job for failing to pay $2,000 in parking tickets, is one of those people.

Indeed.

Even more naughty bits!
Time for more highbrow culture - this time from Australia! Howard Shapiro astounds in the Philadelphia Inquirer with Art from down under - literally:

One of the most bizarre shows popping up on main stages around the world will premiere in Philadelphia next month. Puppetry of the Penis - whose name defines the show precisely - will compete head-on for audiences with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, the Philadelphia Orchestra, Evita, and other vaunted cultural attractions.

Given its track record in other cities, the show will probably hold its own. Puppetry of the Penis features two men who contort their privates into different items, without strings, props or costumes, amid a flurry of comic patter. The show's handlers call the performance "the ancient Australian art of genital origami," although it is clearly more original than aboriginal.

"We're very, very excited to finally bring Puppetry of the Penis to Philadelphia," producer David Foster told a roomful of reporters and other guests yesterday at 32º, a club on Second Street where two highly flexible puppeteers held a revealing news conference to demonstrate the routine.

Uh Oh!

The origin of the show is a heartwarming family story, sort of. Morley is one of four brothers, the youngest of whom figured out, in childhood, how to make his penis and testicles look like a hamburger sandwich - one of the staples of the current show's menu.

Morley got the hang of it, and so did his other two brothers. All four boys were soon competing with one another for the best shtick. What to do with all these discoveries? Morley took matters into his own hands and put out an artsy calendar, a gesticulation for every month.

He then teamed with Friend, who, according to the show's material, "began his current career in the bath and developed his skills further when he discovered beer at university." The two opened their show in Australia in 1998, and when they took their "installations" - their term for each puppet trick - to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2000, they became huge.

Howard is extracting full value on this one. More japery by following the link, but here's the closer:

The logistics leading to yesterday's news conference were, in themselves, a drama. It had been scheduled for the Hotel Sofitel, near Rittenhouse Square, but was nixed. It could not be held at the most logical place, the Wilma, because the theater's current production, Red, was scheduled for a Wednesday matinee; those who ambled in early for a play about a Chinese American novelist and the Red Guard would not necessarily expect to see two men pulling their penises every which way to make a point.

But these guys would have fit right in at the "Take Back America" conference in the previous post.

The Kool-Aid drinkers have a hoedown!
Marc Morano at Cybercast News Service amuses with Right Wing Radio 'Drunks' Decried by Liberal Activists

Washington (CNSNews.com) - Talk radio and cable news outlets were blasted by liberal activists during a seminar in Washington, D.C. Thursday, with one speaker describing the followers of conservative-dominated radio programs as "drunks."

The three-day "Take Back America" conference is being sponsored by the Campaign for America's Future, which states as its goal pushing the Democratic Party to the left. Several Democratic presidential candidates addressed the group Thursday - but noticeably absent was Connecticut U.S. Sen. Joseph Lieberman, who is trying to appear more moderate than his rivals for the party's 2004 nomination.

Activists pulled no punches in attacking not only conservative-dominated media outlets, but also the Bush administration.

Jeff Faux, distinguished fellow at the liberal Economic Policy Institute, lashed out at the culture of talk radio during a panel discussion entitled "Shrubbed: The Radical Project of George Bush."

"I turn on the radio, and I hear these talk shows with right wing drunks calling in, and I ask myself, where are our drunks?" Faux said. But, he added: "The advantage of being a progressive is that you don't have to get drunk to make your speech."

Apparently an IQ above room temperature isn't required either. Following the link for more whines.

Naughty bits alert!
Anatomy of a penis pill swindle:

Giving Americans a first glimpse of an industry flourishing at the intersection of larceny and libido, authorities in Arizona are seizing the assets of a Scottsdale company that sold more than $74 million worth of pills that it claimed would enlarge penises or breasts, make the consumer taller or hairier — even sharpen his or her golf game. But despite such audacious claims, the company — C.P. Direct — would likely still be gouging the gullible if its founders hadn’t decided to also illegally charge consumers’ credit cards, industry insiders say.

I'm in the wrong business. Follow the link for more than you want to know about the "enlargement" industry.

Viagra Madonna:

Madonna is in talks to make a film based on the town in Ireland which manufactures the member-straightening drug Viagra. Her company, Maverick Films, wants to make a film based on a true story of locals in the small town of Ringaskiddy, County Cork, made famous by Pfizer, the company that makes Viagra. Provisionally entitled Something In The Air, the film will be about locals going sex mad after breathing in fumes from the factory.

Not too much butter on the popcorn, thanks!

Freeway flasher: 'I felt neglected by my wife':

EASTON (Pennsylvania) -- Richard James Clader felt neglected by his mother and wife, and Tuesday in Northampton County Court, he admitted he had an unusual way of dealing with those feelings.

Police said the 38-year-old Wilson Borough man repeatedly drove on Routes 22 and 33 blaring his horn so other drivers would see him masturbate while he drove.

Perhaps he drove past a Pfizer factory, although the contortions necessary to drive and provide such a show for other drivers would seem rather difficult.

No real naughty bits, but Police hunt failed pants thief:

"He was not the most well-prepared robber we have come across," said a spokeswoman for South Wales Police.

"He walked into the shop with a pair of underpants over his head - but he could see through two eyeholes.

"But at the crucial moment they slipped down so he couldn't see a thing."

The pants were described as blue and white.

And undoubtedly lent a festive air to the proceedings!

Like, Scott Ritter never had a chance
Phuong Ly at the Washington Post amuses with Teens tutor FBI in cyber-slang:

As undercover assignments go, posing as a teenage girl online to catch pedophiles has its share of challenges for the typical FBI agent. Should he ever capitalize words in instant messages? Is it okay to say you buy your clothes at 5-7-9? And what about Justin Timberlake? Is he still hot or is he so two years ago?

For those investigative details, the FBI calls on Karen, Mary and Kristin — Howard County eighth-graders and best friends.

During the past year, the three have been teaching agents across the country how to communicate just like teenage girls, complete with written quizzes on celebrity gossip and clothing trends and assigned reading in Teen People and YM magazines. The first time the girls gave a quiz, all the agents failed.

“They, like, don’t know anything,” said Mary, 14, giggling.

“They’re, like, do you like Michael Jackson?” said Karen, 14, rolling her eyes at just how out of it adults can be.
...
The girls were recruited after one of their fathers, an agent involved in the pedophile investigations, watched her instant messaging a friend and couldn’t understand what she was typing. He realized that FBI training wasn’t enough.
...
One agent kept insisting that he was right when he answered on a quiz that Justin Timberlake was more popular than Destiny’s Child. Another was miffed when the girls told the class that Led Zeppelin was just not cool. Some kept wondering why “l2m” in instant messaging couldn’t be “love to meet,” instead of “listen to music.”

And the younger female FBI agents assumed that teenage girls would think actor George Clooney is cute.

“We’re, like, no,” said Mary, making a face.

“He’s, like, 50,” Karen exclaimed.

More pop culture by following the link. All of which reminds me of an item I saw on Gizmodo - Teenagers, cellphones, and the new digital divide:

Incredibly obvious story in Wired News about a new study on how teenagers, surprise, surprise, are using cellphones as yet another way to form cliques and exclude the uncool.
...
It's the same as what's happening with AOL Instant Messenger, which is a huge part of how teens socialize after school. If you aren't on AIM, you're probably not going to be a part of the social world of a teen who spends their afternoons that way.

Whatever happened to the malt shop?

I didn't break it!
Comments will be turned off until Squawkbox recovers from its "casters up" condition.

And speaking of crying towels
Bill Zecker in the Chicago Sun Times asks Did liberal-bashers cost Garofalo her sitcom? Bill mispelled "idiotarian-bashers", but let's see what else he had to say:

Is the ghost of Sen. Joe McCarthy alive and well in Hollywood? That is certainly on the minds of many outspoken liberals in Tinsel-town these days. The latest conspiracy theory focuses on the just-announced axing by ABC of very vocal anti-Iraq war activist Janeane Garofalo's new sitcom, ''Slice o' Life.''

Though the alphabet network had given Garofalo and Universal Television a thumbs up on the show for next season, network execs changed their minds, telling Daily Variety and other industry outlets it was ''the direction of the series story line'' that led to the dumping of ''Slice''--just days before the show's pilot was scheduled to be taped in Vancouver, British Columbia.

A source close to Garofalo tells this column the actress and comedian was furious by the last-minute change and believes it's yet another example ''of a network bowing to the perceived power of the Bush administration. ... Janeane is convinced her politics and all the hate mail the right-wing lobby stirred up during the war is what is behind all this.''

An ABC spokeswoman denies that, saying this was a decision based strictly on the artistic merits (or lack thereof) of the show--with Garofalo's politics ''never coming into the decision-making process whatsoever.''

For the pilot, Garofalo would have played an unwilling segment producer assigned to come up with corny feature pieces to run at the end of a TV newsmagazine show.

Oh yeah - that would have been "must see TV." As for the VRWC, grab yer tin foil beanies, kids, it's going to be a noisy one!

Hmm, wasn't it Janie who recently waxed lyrical

"Boycotters are welcome to keep giving me tons of publicity," she dared before reiterating, "There will be no apologies."

Just trying to help ya out, Janie!