They're all bozos
Lloyd Grove astounds in the Washington Post with The Ungaggable Teresa Heinz:

Fabulously wealthy Teresa Heinz, wife of Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry, dishes an earful to writer Lisa DePaulo in the upcoming issue of Elle magazine ...

Her financial arrangement with Kerry: "Everybody has a prenup. You have to have a prenup. You've got to have a prenup. You could be as generous or as sensitive as you want. But you have to have a prenup."

I'll have a prenup on rye with Swiss. But wait there's more:

Her regular Botox treatments: "In fact I need another one. Soon." As for cosmetic surgery, "when I need it, I'll get it." She confides that she'd like to fix her nose, which has gotten "bulbier" with age.

Her views on marital fidelity: "I don't think I could have coped so well" with a mate's philandering as Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) has. "I used to say to my husband, my late husband, 'If you ever get something I'll maim you. Not kill you, just maim you.' And we'd laugh, laugh, laugh." Heinz adds that she has never had any reason to suspect either of her husbands. "Not for one day, because what I expect of them, they have a right to expect of me. Maybe I'm into 18-year-olds." At which Heinz's campaign handler, former political journalist Chris Black, cautioned bleakly: "That was a joke."

Mr. Black is having a lot of Maalox moments.

But what does big John say?

The candidate, meanwhile, praises the prospective first lady as "nurturing and incredibly loving, and fun, zany, witty. . . . Definitely sexy. Very earthy, sexy, European. She knows how to speak with her eyes."

Sho 'nuff! Don't forget to lay a huge honking liplock on her at the convention!

But be careful of her tin foil beanie.

Behind the Iraq card deck
Niles Lathem in the NY Post gives some ink to the guys who thought up the ubiquitous Iraqi "most wanted" card deck:

When they first came up with the idea of putting the list of the 55 most-wanted Iraqi regime figures on a deck of playing cards, a group of obscure analysts for the Defense Intelligence Agency had no idea they were creating a media sensation.

"It was supposed to be a training tool for the soldiers in the field. We were surprised to see it on eBay and all over the media. We did not intend to create a firestorm, and we are amazed that it has gotten this cult following," one of the deck's creators, Army analyst Staff Sgt. Shawn Mahoney, told The Post.

The five are Lt. Hans Mumm, Sgt. Andrei Salter, Staff Sgt. Shawn Mahoney, Sgt. Scott Boehmler and Spc. Joseph Barrios.

All but one member of the group are Army reservists who were called up to a special Iraq task force during the war.

One member of the group is a Philadelphia cop. Another works in the marketing department of a company that manufactures robotics.
...
"The idea is to get these pictures out there to the troops without forcing them to read another training manual," said group member Lt. Hans Mumm.

It worked.

Electoral hijinks alert!
George Will comments on the upcoming presidential primaries:

Coming immediately after the Jan. 19 Iowa Caucuses and the Jan. 27 New Hampshire primary, South Carolina's Feb. 3 primary will the be first time African-American voters - perhaps almost 40 percent of the turnout - will be so important so early in the nominating process. But Delaware, Missouri, Arizona, New Mexico and Oklahoma also may vote that day, and Michigan votes four days later. The nominee almost certainly will be known no later than the evening of March 2, when California, New York, Maryland and perhaps Ohio will vote.

This is perilous. If such a compressed schedule had existed in 1984, when Gary Hart acquired astonishing momentum by upsetting Walter Mondale in New Hampshire, Hart would have won the nomination before Mondale had time to regroup and grind him down. The potential for volatility among Democrats is suggested by a poll conducted April 10-16 by the Pew Research Center showing that 69 percent of Democrats cannot name any of the nine candidates. Kerry, the most frequently named, is named by just 9 percent of respondents. Nine percent think Al Gore is running.

Decide in haste, repent at leisure.

More UK vigilantes!
So was it eggs or stones or both? Ananova reports that it was stones, er, objects including eggs:

Anti-war MP George Galloway claims he was pelted with stones when he spoke at a May Day rally.

The Glasgow Kelvin MP was speaking at a workers' festival in Wallasey, Merseyside, to a crowd of around 200 supporters.

When he began his speech, a shaven-headed man threw three objects including eggs and shouted: "You are up Saddam's a...."
...
The egg thrower was arrested by police to prevent a breach of the peace.

Follow the link for candid snaps.

But Sky News has another Georgie explanation:

"I was not pelted. Two known members of the far-right BNP threw a couple of eggs at me but because I am a Scotsman and they are far-right activists I managed to avoid them," he said.

Makes about as much sense as the rest of Georgie's patter. I wonder how much he paid the yobs?

Who was that masked man?
Reuters reports Caped crusader saves the day in English town:

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- A masked and caped do-gooder has been sweeping through an English town, performing good deeds and scattering terrified bad guys, a local newspaper reported on Friday.

The Kent and Sussex Courier said it had received letters from "stunned residents" of the town of Tunbridge Wells, southeast of London, who saw the man in a brown mask and cape scare off hooligans and return a woman's dropped purse.

"To my great surprise," the paper quoted 21-year-old psychology student Ellen Neville as saying, "a masked man wearing a brown cape rushed past me to assist a woman who was having a bother with a group of youths.

"He swept in, broke up the commotion and ran off, leaving myself and the woman in a state of shock," she said.

A man wrote to say he was being chased by some youths when the hero appeared and "shocked the gang so much they ran off."

Another woman wrote to say the crusader had tapped her on her shoulder to return her purse.

"If only there were more people around with this kind-hearted spirit," she said.

OK, but a brown cape?

Celebrity news from Down Under!
Tim Blair notes the incredibly acute sensitivity of actor Laurence Fishburne who describes an Australian racist "vibe" that is "similar to the US in the 1950s".

Tim also caught Liz Hurley at the submarine races in first class on British Air. The BA astounds with:

A BA spokeswoman said: "We're delighted to see that British Airways' spacious flat beds in first class are being put to good use. It is a welcome example of how our unique flat beds offer not only great comfort, but room enough for two."

Meanwhile Professor Bunyip, while deconstructing Phatty Adams' recent bloviations, observes that Bobby Fisk has a like minded girl friend. A truly shocking thought! Let's hope they don't breed.

(All the above links seem to be bloggered. Just head directly to Tim's place or the Billabong and scroll down.)

Everyone needs a hobby
But a satirical religious newsletter web site? Check out Man hospitalized for Dylan-related exhaustion:

CARSON CITY - Terry Landau, 53, was taken to Fillmore Hospital in this Nevada city after he hyperventilated and lapsed into exhaustion. His wife says he was over-speculating about Bob Dylan's religious views.

"He does this all the time," Lisa Landau said. "He sits there on the couch surrounded by albums, reading liner notes and lyrics. He's got a closet full of charts and graphs. If he hasn't figured it out by now, maybe this will be a wake-up call. It's starting to affect his health."

After nurses administered oxygen and an IV, Terry perked up.

"His first request was for a copy of 'Slow Train Coming,'" the nurse attending him told reporters. "But we felt it wise to not re-introduce any aggravants."

Landau oversees a web site and chat group called All Things Dylan, where many messages of support were posted. He and Linda have two sons, Zimmy and Jokerman.

And then there's Casino-church lights up Vegas Strip and Woman upset by persistence of local Mormons.

Ravages of time
N.H. Old Man of the Mountain Collapses:

New Hampshire awoke Saturday to find its stern granite symbol of independence and stubbornness, the Old Man of the Mountain, had collapsed into indistinguishable rubble.

The fall ended nearly a century of efforts to protect the giant mountainside landmark from the same natural forces that created it. Only stabilizing cables and epoxy remained Saturday where the famous ledges had clung.

Joseph W. McQuaid in the Union Leader has an epitaph - The Old Man is gone: New Hampshire has lost its profile.

No news is good snooze!
I tried, I really tried. But there isn't much of anything else worth blogging in the news. The NY Post rehashed the UN HQ looting (see below), there was more on Jesse Jackson's NASCAR protection racket, the two-faced Democrat party rejoiced over the campaign funding law court ruling, and another teachers' union local HQ has been raided by cops investigating financial fraud.

Ho-hum!

But there was some uplifting news:

But medical evidence is mounting that moderate beer consumption - one to two beers daily - does a body good.

Yee-haw! And amongst the evidence is bad news for spammers:

Forget about Viagra. Have a beer instead. "Moderate amounts of beer lessens arterial sclerosis, one of the causes of erectile dysfunction," Dr. Pavel Zemek said last year after announcing results of clinical studies on beer’s healthful properties at the Czech Center of Gerontology in Prague.

Actually, there is never any bad news for spammers - now they'll be hawking beer.

I must have missed it
Charles Hurt in the Washington Times on yesterday's Democrat party presidential candidate debate - No Democrat bolts from pack:

The nine Democratic candidates for president debated last night for the first time in a post-war environment, but no surprising differences emerged.

The event, which was moderated by George Stephanopoulos, at times appeared amateurish because of microphone problems and a stage that looked thrown together by a high school drama class.

It was sponsored by ABC, but the television network decided against airing it live. The Washington affiliate opted to air "Gladiator," the movie about great battles in the Roman Coliseum.

But in Columbia, there were no such great battles.

Well, that's certainly a snoozer. But there were some lighter moments:

Mr. Kucinich, who is widely regarded as a long shot, argued for raising taxes, ending free trade and, later in the debate, said that bankrupting the city of Cleveland as its mayor was a "badge of honor."

Way to go Dennis - that'll get the voters lined up!

And then:

Several candidates waded into the controversy of the flying of the Confederate flag on the Statehouse grounds by agreeing to honor the NAACP's economic boycott of the state during the debate trip. They slept and ate at the homes of supporters instead of patronizing restaurants and hotels.

Unless these candidates brought all their food and supplies with them, it isn't clear to me how merely staying at a supporter's home qualifies as a boycott. But hey, it's Democrat Wonderland.

Meanwhile, protesters outside the party convention waved Confederate flags and signs that read, "Yankee go home."

Bwahaha!