The Super Bowl may be a crowd pleaser, but it can't beat Shaolin Soccer

   

Hang on until the end where the goalie loses his clothes. No word on the cheerleaders, but they have the all important gay demographic covered.

Obama comes out of the closet

We all had our suspicions. The rumors, the effeminate gestures, the kids that look like Jeremiah Wright.

Yes, inside Barack Obama was a woman trying to get out.

So Barack called together his crack team of advisors who made the political calculations:

Given the fact that Obama is the gayest straight man ever to hold the office of the president, I fail to see what the problem is in his coming out of the closet on a rocket.

Oh, wait, can it be that African-American church ladies and gentlemen do not support the idea of homosexual marriage? Why would Obama care? Those groups are doomed to vote for him no matter what. In addition, those groups do not, as groups, have a lot of money after years of record Obama-induced African-American unemployment. In contrast the amount of money gay groups are expected to pony up for his campaign coffers is, in Hollywood alone, gigantic. When has money not trumped spirituality in Obama's career? Short answer, never.

And the result:

Obama's only worry now is what his Imam will say.

Better skip the trips to Muslim countries, Barry.

Another tale of the early Barack Obama

All the recent revelations from Barack Obama's apparently mostly unread bestseller, Dreams of My Father, like his dog eating and composite girl friend that strangely resembles Bill Ayres' girl friend remind me of my favorite Barack Obama story :

"So I said to my mother, 'How come I'm black and you're white?' She replied, 'Don't even go there Barack! From what I can remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark!'"

Who knew they had toga parties at the University of Hawaii?

NEWS FLASH: Joe Biden sworn in as new President

Joseph Robinette Biden becomes 45th President of the United States

Joseph Robinette Biden was sworn in today at noon as the 45th President of the United States. This succession follows the theft of President Obama's teleprompter. This resulted in Obama's inability to discharge the Powers and Duties of the said Office as outlined in Article II, Section 1 of the U.S. Constitution. When asked about the succession Obama was quoted as saying, "um..er..um..I..bill..pass."

Here's an audio clip of the Obama statement:

Easy for him to say.

Today's Hoot: Bob Etheridge Meets John Wayne

Congressman Bob Etheridge doesn't mind roughing up a boy, but I wonder how the mean, babbling drunk would do with a man. Find out as he meets the Duke.

Here's another thought - do you think Bob Etheridge just likes to rough up boys or does he do girls too?

Defenders say that Max Baucus always sounds drunk

The video of the stumbling and slurred health care rant (complete with flailing arm gestures) by Montana Senator Max Baucus on the Senate floor is certainly good for laughs

but even better is that his defenders say that Baucus always sounds drunk. I guess ole Max never needs to dress up warmly in those cold Montana winters even when Baucus' well-paid (by the taxpayers) girl friend isn't around! Here's an earlier clip of Max Baucus back when he had a beard and appeared on a popular talk show:

Marketers get into the spirit of the Obama presidency

Marketers flogging information on how to get government grants have been around for years, but now that the economy is in the tank since the Democrats made the banks give mortgages to illegal aliens and deadbeats and Barack Obama is on his way to the White House, they seem to be coming out of the woodwork. Consider (all links via tinyurl, visit at your own risk):

• Receive FREE government money that you will NEVER HAVE TO REPAY!
  
• CONGRATULATIONS! Did you know you were eligible to receive FREE MONEY from the government?
  
• Don't miss out on government grant money that may you need and deserve!
  

However, the prize for best encapsulation of the Obama spirit goes to "Chedda" of Chedda's Bling Blog (tinyurl again) whose pesky Google ads have been everywhere:

If you hop over to the "blog," you will find that Mr. Chedda's tale is a marvelously compelling one:

"Chedda's" Bling Blog

Written by Russel aka 'Chedda' | Date: October 7, 2008 4:15 pm

How I Hustled A $12,000 Check From The Government and got $5,000 a Month From the Man

Yo, my name is Chedda and I made this site to let my boys know how I went from being a broke-ass nigga to paying off all my debt and banking 5 gs a month by filling out some forms online.

My Quick Story:

In about 30 days I got a $12,000 check from the government which I never got to pay back, and started an banking a cool $5k a month with about 12 hours of work each week. No joke. All I did was fill out 2 forms online for free grants (government money):

Step 1: Free Grant Kit - Costs $1.99 for shipping.

Step 2: Government Grant Connect - Costs $3 for shipping.

It was pretty much a cakewalk. I got my grant money within 30 days and paid off all my debt, and between both of these sites I get like $5,000 a month from the government. The thing is, the government is all about giving away grant money to brothers and sisters, and most of them know nothing about it. All I did was sign up and pay for the shiping (like $5 bucks total for both of em) and they got back to me within a few days with their decision (this was the initial $12,000 check). It's like scholarships or something. Affirmative action, baby!

Indeed. If we can have an affirmative action President who never did an honest day's work in his life and whose supporters believe he is going to gas up their cars and pay their mortgages, I suppose anything is believable, even Chedda. There's much more of the marketer's art at the "Bling Blog," but here are a few more snips that I liked:

So over the past couple a years, I ended up running up a ton of debt (partying, girls, clothes, ya know) and didn't have a good job to pay this off. On top of that, I had my rent and car payment to worry about. I was working at Foot Locker making like $10 bucks an hour, so I needed to find a way to get some money.

I started to do some research and found out that a ton of government money is given to 'minorities' each year. The money can be pretty much used for whatever you want as long as you fill out all the info they need (your name and address, what you want to use the money for, any school you been to (i only finished high school)). I told them I wanted to start my own clothing line and needed to pay off my debts first and that was it. After a few weeks I got my first check and since then its been steady chedda for Chedda.
...
My Life Now:

Thanks to the cash I got from the government, Chedda be banging. I quit my job at Foot Locker and am working on setting up my clothing line with the $5 gees Im geting a month. I also, keep my girl pretty happy ;)

Sounds like a regular Horatio Alger to me. The Tiffany watch "Chedda" says he bought for his girl likely doesn't compare to the $30,000 ring Barack bought for Michelle , but it's the thought that counts. Of course, the frightening thing is that this stuff is so believable that it is apparently paying off based on the amount of advertising money spent on it.

Today's Hoot: Blagojevich's eBay auction for Obama's Senate seat

Iowahawk reports: Feds Seize Blagojevich eBay Account and has screen caps of the eBay auction for Obama's Senate seat. Who would have guessed that Blagojevich's eBay userid would be HelmetHair and that he would have 11593 feedback but only a 19.7% positive rating?

Squeaky the ranch pig

A little country humor:



Remember, no one messes with a 400 lbs. watch pig who likes pizza and Dr. Pepper.

Today's Hoot: Iphone snapped my husband's genitals

Nick Farrell at The Inquirer relates a story for the modern age:

The fruit themed Iphone apparently has a glitch that will photograph your genitals, attach it to an email and place it in your sent folder.

We found the glitch reported in an Apple forum and penned by a woman called Susan.

She said she was searching through her husband's mobile, as you do, and found the snap of him attached to an email in the sent email file. The email had been sent to another woman. Obviously, she approached him with the accusation that he might be cheating on her.

The Fanboy's excuse was that he had taken the picture but never sent it to anyone. In fact he was so worried about his Iphone taking the picture that he said had paid a visit to the ironically named Apple Genius Bar. There he swore that a spokesapple had told him that it was a known glitch. Photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent, he swore blind that the Genius told him.

This is likely too "good" to be true, but predictable hilarity ensues when the support forum dwellers weigh in. Hmm, I wonder why no one thought to ask credulous Susan if she was an Obama supporter?

(Photo stolen from Gizmodo)

Obama's Favorite Aunt Zeituni to Become Campaign Poster Girl

Today, the Obama campaign announced that for the closing 24 hours of the presidential campaign, Barack Obama's favorite aunt Zeituni will become the poster girl of the campaign since she embodies all the aspects of Obama's plan for America - most particularly spreading the wealth of selfish people to those less fortunate. Below is Zeituni's statement released by the Obama campaign.

America been berry, berry good to me!

Thass right. I come to America on tourist visa but with high hopes for work and experience in brewery as well as great dancer. No one could give job since I only tourist and selfish people say that illegal. (Actually, dancing bars say I too old.) Not to worry, the People's Republic of Massachusetts beg me to take free housing, free food, free medical care, and free money for doing nothing!

Have I died and gone to heaven? Kenya was nothing like this. I even get extra money for being "health care advocate." No - nothing icky. I just help other people sign up for more free benefits. Is that great or what?

Only bad thing is that four years ago judge say I have to leave country because illegal. I worry, but friends say he just selfish, ignore him - so I do. No one bother me since! I even got to attend ceremony for Barack being sworn in as Senator in 2005. Anyone know why he cross fingers?

Now Barack's friends have me in fancy hotel until campaign over. They say, "Don't worry Aunty. No one will bother you." That OK, I just eat room service lobster and watch election news on all the Barack TV channels.

My advice - ignore selfish people Barack channels tell about. Vote for Barack and you may be able to live as well as I do! Even if you aren't related!

Today's Hoot: Further Evidence of Collapse in South Africa

I guess it's tough being a "chairperson". I especially like the worried look after the first cracking sound from the chair. (Hat tip: Andrew Bolt)

Who says the Germans are dull and boring?

From Berlin, Germany comes 'Manure-Bomb' Thieves Fall Into Dung, Flee Crime Scene Naked:

A woman trying to make "manure bombs" using stockings, slipped into a slurry tank and fled the scene naked, German police said on Friday.

Two women entered a farm in the northern village of Eberholzen on Wednesday evening and started to fill the stockings with manure.

"One of them slipped into the manure tank, right into the cow muck," said a spokesman for local police. "The other one helped her out. We found their clothes in a field. One seems to have run off completely naked, the other in her underwear."

Police said it was unclear what the women had intended to do with the "manure bombs," but added the incident could be linked to victory celebrations surrounding the Euro 2008 semi-finals on Wednesday evening, when Germany beat Turkey 3-2.

I'm a tad puzzled as to why one would fill stockings with manure since I would think they would leak all over the place and I sure wouldn't try to fill them without a ladle. I am similarly bemused by exactly what one does with a "manure bomb" at a victory celebration, but I can think of a few possibilities.