Thursday, June 01, 2006

I thought it was supposed to be over when the fat looney sang?

Barbra Streisand groping Bubba

Today's Cindy Adams column in the NY Post:
STREISAND. Gearing up, as we all know, for yet another another another another of her final and for ever friggin' farewell tours. Or comeback again tours. Or return from the unemployed tours. Or make another few bucks tours. Or this-is-for-sure-my-last-shot-and-after-this-you-won't-ever-have-Yentl-to-kick-around-again-because-then-I'm-off-into-the-sunset-yet-once-more tours. Oy, how many times can people hear her yodel "People."
I think I heard part of it once. Then I began to gag.
Go back a few years. Remember her first heralded farewell schlep around the country where in N.Y.C. she worked the Garden and pocketed millions and guaranteed this was It and she was finished . . . over . . . done . . . history? Then, remember, a few minutes later, yet another positively, absolutely, definitely, final forever and ever bye-bye/ta-ta/so-long/adieu/auf Wiedersehen swan song? Being resurrected more often than Al Gore earns her fortunes. This gambit is the musical concert equivalent of a stock market pump 'n' dump.
Or maybe just a hot steaming dump?
The woman's itching and twitching.
I believe the precise terminology is twitchy.
Misses the action. Just opining on her Web log isn't enough. And you've already heard that she and the husband are possibly not as wildly ecstatic as might've been in ye auld courtship era.
Maybe he found out why Hillary banned her from the White House?
She's had fat injections in the face.
They extracted it from her head.
She's had a face-lift.
With a crane.
Now she's had enough with mulching rosebushes, getting manicures, monitoring the husband and doing ashrams.
She obviously meant "telling the gardeners how to mulch the rosebushes".
She wants back in the spotlight.
It'll take a searchlight to illuminate the whole blimp.
... But here's what you don't know: She'll do 20 nights, 10 cities. They're talking about tickets being - ready? - $750 per seat. That's more than most humans would pay to see The Man From Galilee if he came back.
But she's the secular humanist equivalent!

Be on the alert, the runaway barge may be headed to your town. You can click through if you would like to see a snap of Babs when she was 19.