Friday, October 14, 2005

Friday Funnies

Brothers Judd:
Why not just stop pussy-footing around and give the thing to Saddam? He's an author too.
IowaHawk has another missive from Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, Senior VP, Al-Qaeda In Iraq, who has been on a corporate team building retreat:
Anyway, after tea break we shuffled back to the conference room for Session 3 (“Caliphate? Let’s Motivate!”) and I swear, that shit was so bad it made me wish I was back in the morning session. First up was this middle aged infidel chick Cindy, who droned about how she came to support the jihad after we killed her crusader kid. I mean, this is supposed to be inspirational? We finally get one kaffir mom on our side, and she turns out to be a lunatic hippie egomaniac who won't shut up, and with a voice like nails on a chalkboard. Jeesh.

I guess the high point of the day is when the PR department showed some of our network media coverage from Satanland. That was hella cool, but then they had to follow it with fan mail from the some of the infidel websites, which was a complete buzz kill. Come on, man. Hitler had his Mussolini. The ‘Cong had their Khmer Rouge. Us? We get Michael Moore and a clown car of dipshits from Kos and DU.

Nobody really said anything, but at this point I think everybody was kind of depressed. If anything, the mood got even worse at the “Reward and Recognition Dinner” that night. Due to budget cuts, they didn’t even have gift cards this year – just some cheesy ‘I (Heart) Jihad’ coffee cups and Successories posters. The after-dinner speaker? Good ol’ blowhard George Galloway, like always. I’d been through that movie before, so I sneaked out and went back to my hotel room. I thought about ordering some porn on SpectraVision, but that stuff ends up on your credit card and I'm already in the doghouse with Fatima and the other wives as it is.
Usama bin Laden, the wealthy Islamic theologian, today dispatched hundreds of trained social workers to earthquake-stricken regions in Pakistan and Kashmir, and promised to match U.S. aid contributions "dollar for dollar."
Loads of al Qaeda 'relief munitions' are already in transit, Mr. bin Laden said, and soon thousands of quake victims will each receive a copy of the Koran and "a medical vest that relieves pain almost immediately."