Now we're in real trouble!

You may recall that the United Nations is throwing a big shindig next week with 60 "heads of state", 6,000 attendees, and likely dancing girls and elephants to formulate a grand strategy to have the UN control the Internet. While that's a snoozer, the really bad news is that Kofi Annan has discovered spam as a marketing tool.

From: SophieCannon@un.org To: (recipient) Subject: Are You Big Enough To Really Satisfy? I know how it is. Another hard day around Government House. The populace are sick, starving, and rebellious. Your supporters want a bigger share of the take. The wife wants a new Mercedes AND a new palace. You were only able to execute a few of the traitors passing out the flyers demanding free elections. And the Americans are grumping about where their foreign aid dollars went. WHEW! I bet you thought that's the way it has to be for tinpot dictators everywhere, right? WELL, YOU'RE WRONG! Let Kofi Annan show you the way it should be! Kofi, a long time Third World bureaucrat, has used his vast experience to come up with a surefire plan for tinpot dictator success. He calls it The United Nations, but I call it the best deal ever!  And for a limited time only, he's willing to share it with you with my help! Would you like to: Have a guaranteed excuse every time you want to go shopping in New York City? Attend Summit meetings in tourist hotspots around the globe as an honored head of state? Have the big powers court you for your vote in a welter of organizations and committees? Haul in some heavy loot just for being you, that you can spend on whatever you want? Hang out with other dictators and pick up valuable tips, not to mention enjoying the camaraderie? Have a new source of jobs for your relatives and, even better, the wife's relatives? Be the Bigshot on the world stage that you know you really are? BE BIG ENOUGH TO REALLY SATISFY? If, you're like me you're saying, "Hell, yes!".  And if you're really like me, you're  also asking "What's the catch?"  Well, here's a hint - THERE IS NO CATCH! That's right!  There are no membership fees - we pay you! And there are no requirements for membership other than controlling some benighted pest hole and its residents long enough to run out a press release. You and a few of your heavily armed followers can manage that, can't you? Listen to what a few happy members say: The big boys said I was a wingnut and kicked sand in my face, but now I'm a respected member of the international community. Bobby M., Africa People used to claim I was just a vicious thug, but after I got UN recognition I was able to put away over $1 billion in foreign banks for my retirement! Yasser A., Middle East They even had me run their Human Rights Committee! Bwahaha! Muammar Q., Africa. WHAT'S STOPPING YOU? Reply now to SophieCannon@un.org for all the confidential details. Be seeing you soon in Manhattan! Sophie Cannon