Today's Hoot!
Mohammed's Book of Cheerfulness from Oliver Pritchett in the Telegraph:

This column is immensely proud to announce that, after a fierce struggle, it has acquired the world serial rights to The Little Book of Cheerfulness, written by the Iraqi information minister, Mohammed Saeed al Sahhaf, who has demonstrated over the past couple of weeks the amazing power of positive thinking.

As the following extracts show, this book will help you deal with the stress of everyday living and to conquer the little problems which may beset you:

It is a base falsehood that your girlfriend has dumped you. It is my feeling that the tongues of the rapscallions who have suggested this will explode and their socks will billow forth smoke. I am able to inform you categorically that when she told you she did not want to see you any more this was a pathetic ruse to lead you on. In any case, you are surrounded by a thousand thousand girlfriends who are more comely than the one who has not dumped you. Those who claim they have seen her in the arms of another are deluded.

History will prove that dandruff does not exist and never has existed. Rumours of dandruff are spread to undermine your morale and I am in a position to state that they will fail miserably.

By the way, I get as big a laugh out of "Baghdad Bob" as anyone, but it is worthwhile to remember that he's a nasty little thug:

He was studying to be an English teacher when he got his start in politics in 1963 by joining a violent group led by Mr. Saddam that targeted opponents of the Baath party. After a 1963 coup, he revealed the whereabouts of his brother-in-law, an army general and the country's military prosecutor, who was then killed by Baath Party militias. By handing over his relative, Mr. al-Sahhaf proved his loyalty to the Baath party.

The Baathist regime was overthrown in another coup the same year, but the party came back five years later. Mr. al-Sahhaf was put in charge of securing the radio and television stations and then put at the helm of both. He was known for his temper, even kicking TV and radio employees who displeased him.

He'd be even funnier with an M16 barrel up his butt.