Gore wuz robbed!

Not in Florida, despite the fantasies of the unwashed, but in Italy - Gore wishes he'd had protection:

One in the eye for those of us who tease politicians for self-importantly retaining their security guards long after leaving office.

Al Gore recently went on holiday to Italy, having decided - for the first time since becoming Vice-President in 1992 - to travel without the services of his heavies.

His reward? "The Gores were robbed while staying in a luxurious villa in Castellina," says my man in Chiantishire. "One of the neighbours went in to sympathise, and Al told him that the thieves had taken about £25,000 worth of valuables. Apparently, he was going on and on about what a fool he'd been for leaving his bodyguards behind."

That's a lot of loot to have on a vacation, especially for a guy who until recently never had anything but government job. I wonder if Al was picking up or delivering?

And speaking of the presstitutes

Parsons Takes Shot at Fox:

Time Warner Inc. chairman Dick Parsons Friday described Fox News Channel as "crazy people exchanging views," telling a group of minority journalists in Washington he felt that the channel and his own Cable News Network are two different services.

There's refined journalism for ya. Tell us more, Dickie!

When asked by Univision Anchor Jorge Ramos why CNN was losing the ratings battle with Fox, he was not ready to concede that. He said that Fox was more like talk radio on TV, which meant that its viewers stayed longer because people tended to "come and sit down for an hour or two and listen to crazy people exchange views." CNN actually draws more viewers, he said, but said they were grazers who didn't stay long.

Bwahaha! I think the technical term for that is "sour grapes," but it might be"whistling past the graveyard."

But wait, there's more!

Parsons said he did not feel CNN was liberal, but instead has a bias for the truth.

I guess he's never met Judy Woodruff and most of the rest of his talking hairdos.

He conceded that journalists are often perceived as liberal because they tend to challenge the establishment.

Puhleeze! They are the establishment.

He did not make an overt comparison with Fox, but he did say that his news operation "does not give a corporate slant to its journalism. We don't tell them how to report."

Not to worry, folks. He had his fingers crossed. He also didn't mention how CNN had sucked up to Saddam to keep their bureau in Baghdad.

Looks like Dickie is in serious contention for moonbat executive of the year. Which probably explains the perpetual hole that Time-Warner is in. Keep digging, Dickie!

How predictable is this?

The Boston Globe's Michael Kranish got the flying monkey call and reported for duty. Small problem, his story that one of the Swift Boat veterans was retracting his criticism of Lurch was horsepucky. But that's OK, I'm sure his job is secure at the Globe. Besides he has been making a side career of books canonizing the Lurchster.

I liked the comment from Boston Herald editor, Ken Chandler during the Democrat convention

“The Globe is a Times wannabe, but it can’t quite pull it off,” Chandler said last week, as he sat in his office. “We are just trying to extract some news from an event where there isn’t any. We knew that the Globe was going to give it a big blow job. If I produced a newspaper as boring as the Globe, I’d kill myself.”

The folks at the Globe seem to be good at that Lewinsky stuff. I wonder if Lurch says he will respect them afterward?

So what's next, Flying Monkeys?

Today's Hoot!

Neal Boortz:

John Kerry has finally started to give us the details of what he would have done differently from George Bush and how he would fight the war on terror. If it had been The Poodle instead of Bush talking to those school children in Florida on September 11th, instead of remaining calm while further information was gathered, he would have jumped up and screamed "Holy S__t! We're being attacked" and run from the room.
...
OK ... let's pick this one apart. Here is what Kerry said to the Unity conference: "First of all, had I been reading to children and had my top aid whispered in my ear 'America is under attack,' I would have told those kids very politely and nicely that the President of the United States had something that he needed to attend to." This, of course, was followed by cheers and loud applause from the "journalists."

Cheap Michael Moorish shot. First of all, Bush was not told that "America is under attack." He was told that an airplane had struck one of the World Trade Towers. The second airplane had not yet struck. President Bush had no idea it was a terrorist attack. What good would it have done to run screaming out of the classroom? Even the principal at the time, a Democrat, said she felt it was an unfair attack and that Bush did the right thing. She says she didn't vote for Bush, but on that day she would have.
...
It's the standard line of The Poodle....I didn't like the way George Bush did something, but my only suggestion is that I would do it better. Whatever.

And with French style and better hair!

What a hero!

Of course, Lurch also has the leftoid media on the case - Kerry Corps Plays Defense:

The WashPost headline on the Swift Boat vets ad today is "McCain Criticizes Ad Attacking Kerry on Vietnam War Record." On the Post home page, it's merely "McCain Defends Kerry Again." Not only does this obscure the fact that it's Vietnam veterans who served with Kerry making the charges, it almost completely ignores the charges. Isn't this a second-day headline? It's either that, or a very biased way of telling viewers "Warning! Scurrilous Ad! McCain Denounces! Don't Pay Attention!" The story doesn't even address what the ad says until paragraph 8, and it does not include one statement from the Swift Boat vets and not one quote from the ad itself. A disgraceful performance.

Maybe the WaPo was afraid of the sleazy lawyers?

He's a sensitive guy!

Allah has the details.

Smooth move, Lurch

Jim Geraghty weighs in on Lurch's legal moves [08/05 05:13 PM]:

Horsepucky.

Every vet in the ad says, "I served with John Kerry," but not one of them claims to have been in his boat. Most of the men are other swiftboat captains. They've been open and clear in their statements that they served in other swift boats operating within 50 yards on Kerry's side, and their statements are their observations on serving alongside him, not under him.

NR's own Byron York had the scoop on Louis Letson, the doctor, months ago. The Kerry letter insists that Letson is a "phony" because he didn't sign Kerry's sick call sheet.

The Los Angeles Times looked at the who-signed-the-form controversy back in May:

"Meehan questioned Letson's role, saying a J.C. Carreon signed Kerry's medical report of the wound. "This gentleman is not the man who is on the report," he said. Letson said that Carreon, a lower-ranked "hospitalman," was "present at the time and he, in fact, made the entry into Lt. Kerry's medical record."

Bad move, Team Kerry. The letter from the lawyers turns this into a bigger story, and the argument that these men are "phony" doesn't seem all that strong.

Snort. Can you say "Lurch's lawyers are sleazy crapsacks", kids? Stay tuned for the next episode as the flying monkeys try to think of something else.

Just doing my part

Did you see that Lurch trotted out a couple of lawyers to threaten any station that ran the SwiftVets ad? Read their letter to appreciate the contortions that they had to go through to come up with something to complain about. Good thing the letter was FAXed - the original was probably soggy with panicky flop sweat.

Anyhow, I'm not a TV station and blogspot doesn't make it too easy to host video files, but at least I can post the transcript of the ad the Democrats don't want you to see:

John Edwards: "If you have any question about what John Kerry is made of, just spend 3 minutes with the men who served with him."

Al French: "I served with John Kerry."

Bob Elder: "I served with John Kerry."

George Elliott: "John Kerry has not been honest about what happened in Vietnam."

Al French: "He is lying about his record."

Louis Letson: "I know John Kerry is lying about his first Purple Heart because I treated him for that injury."

Van O'Dell: "John Kerry lied to get his bronze star ... I know, I was there, I saw what happened."

Jack Chenoweth: "His account of what happened and what actually happened are the difference between night and day."

Admiral Hoffman: "John Kerry has not been honest."

Adrian Lonsdale: "And he lacks the capacity to lead."

Larry Thurlow: "When the chips were down, you could not count on John Kerry."

Bob Elder: "John Kerry is no war hero."

Grant Hibbard: "He betrayed all his shipmates ... he lied before the Senate."

Shelton White: "John Kerry betrayed the men and women he served with in Vietnam."

Joe Ponder: "He dishonored his country ... he most certainly did."

Bob Hildreth: "I served with John Kerry ...

Bob Hildreth (off-camera): John Kerry cannot be trusted."

Announcer: "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth is responsible for the content of this advertisement."

I wonder if they plan on threatening me too?

Update: Steve H. weighs in on Lurch's high powered lawyering:

The lawyers are careful not to demand that the ads be pulled. That's because they know they can't. Instead, they "request" that the ad be refused, and they use words like "libelous" to scare the broadcasters. And then they order the broadcasters to call them "promptly" to tell them what they've decided. If I was one of the broadcasters, I'd use the letter for toilet paper and FedEx them a photo of it.

Payback is a bitch

Back during primary season, Lurch was trotting out the laughable theme that his "band of brothers" from Vietnam were fighting on behalf of his candidacy. Well the brothers have arrived, Lurch!

Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans Speak Out Against John Kerry is currently Number 1 on Amazon, despite not being available yet. Human Events has a sample chapter online as well as the new campaign ad from Swift Boat Veterans for the Truth. At their web site, www.swiftvets.com, the ad is available in multiple formats and they have the transcript. I like the intro:

John Edwards: "If you have any question about what John Kerry is made of, just spend 3 minutes with the men who served with him."

Indeed.

While you're there, hop over to the main site and look through the volume of material there and at WinterSoldier.com.

Of course Lurch has run up quite a tab with all the veterans he defamed, all the POW's who had to listen to their torturers play his lies, and all the MIA's whose information he shredded. But it's a start.

Time for full disclosure, Teresa

Teresa's free ride

The time has long past for Teresa Heinz Kerry to end the free ride she has been enjoying ever since she used her immense inherited wealth for the second time in less than eight years to resuscitate her husband's faltering political career. She needs to reveal the details of her finances, which Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry has deftly exploited to his maximum political benefit — first during his tightly contested 1996 Senate race and then during this year's Democratic presidential primaries and caucuses.

In May, Mrs. Heinz Kerry accused Vice President Cheney of being "unpatriotic." This week she asserted that enthusiasts for Bush-Cheney "want four more years of hell." Fair enough. But if Mrs. Heinz Kerry insists on simultaneously playing the three roles of "sugar mommy," pit-bull and speechifying partisan environmentalist, then she ought to play by the same rules to which all the recent spouses of prospective presidents and vice presidents have adhered. Let the voters have access to her financial affairs, including her tax returns for 2002, the latest year for which she has filed.

C'mon Teresa! What do you have to hide?

I have this bridge I'd like to sell ya too!

Ads for (and at No Cost to) Kerry Keep Flowing

In the weeks leading up to the Democratic convention, Senator John Kerry's campaign aides worried that the senator would have to begin spending his $75 million in public financing a month earlier than President Bush. They even flirted with the idea that he would delay accepting the nomination so he could keep raising and spending millions of dollars on advertising throughout August.

But August has brought a spate of what seemed to be Kerry advertisements every day. To a voter's eye, the senator's campaign marches on seamlessly - and usually on message. And the campaign is not a penny poorer for it.

The advertisements introduced this week were not paid for by Mr. Kerry's campaign, but from a newly formed arm of the Democratic Party, which is running a $6.5 million advertising campaign in Missouri and 19 others this week, and The Media Fund, which is running a $2.5 million campaign in five swing states, and the New Democratic Network, which is spending $500,000 on Spanish-language commercials in 11 cities. The advertisements from the campaign and the party are in many ways similar, emphasizing words like "win,'' "strength" and "alliances."

For the second time this campaign season outside groups that are not legally allowed to coordinate with Mr. Kerry's campaign are riding to its rescue at a crucial time in its advertising campaign against President Bush - the most expensive on record.

It smells like "campaign finance reform."

Yet this time around the spots from outside liberal and Democratic groups have dovetailed almost perfectly with the messages of the Kerry campaign - sticking largely to health care, jobs and the Iraq war - prompting occasional accusations of collusion from Republicans.

Democrats and outside analysts said an extraordinary level of party unity against Mr. Bush had prompted the outside groups to toe Mr. Kerry's line, or at least to try their best without directly speaking with his aides.

They're mind readers you see.

Ms. Moran said she had gone so far as to stop socializing with colleagues with the Democratic Party or the Kerry campaign.

"I'm in a bunker,'' she said. "It's a lonely existence, but that's where we are right now.''

Let's have a pity party.

More corn!

Or maybe it's cheese - Campaign takes on a cheesy look:

9:15 a.m. CDT - Sen. John F. Kerry takes a 25-minute bike ride in Milwaukee, where he held a rally the night before. Leaving the hotel, he is accompanied on his ride by two Secret Service bikers, two Secret Service SUVs, about a dozen motorcycle cops and a few police cars with sirens blaring.

Too bad there aren't any snaps of that!

4 p.m. - The Kerry bus tour stops in Monroe, Wis., for stops at a cheese store and tavern and then a tour of the Huber Brewery. Kerry gets some chili, Heinz Kerry has a cheese sandwich and buys some cheese on the way out. They step outside and chat with the brewmaster, then both have some beer - but no more cheese.

6 p.m. - The bus tour rolls along rural roads throughout southern Wisconsin as people watch from their front porches or gather to wave from the sidewalks of small towns. At one point, Kerry sticks his head out the bus window and inexplicably holds out two ears of corn.

Yeehaw! Maybe they grabbed some takeout beer to go with the cheese!

Hix Nix Slix Trix!

Everyone is having lots of fun with Lurch in Iowa. Drudge says "Lend me your ears" and the folks on FR are having a caption contest. I liked "Nothing between the ears." I guess it's just more evidence that the camera loves Lurch.


Seeing Lurch's grasp of both ends of the issue, I think he needs something more to reinforce his "just folks" credentials. How about:



It's a nice representation of Empress Teresa too, since she seems to have picked up a few pounds eating at all those Wendy's.



Update: Allah weighs in.

More magazine ink for a member of the Dynamic Duo!

(click to supersize)

From Flashbunny

Gravitas Alert!

(click to supersize)

From The CouNTeRPuNcH Collection.

"Do you know who I am?"

Mark Steyn in the Telegraph:

As Noemi Emery put it in the Weekly Standard, Kerry is not just "the richest man ever to run on a national ticket", but also "the most self-indulgent in his lifestyle, and the most quasi-royal in his sense of himself".

That gives a whiff of condescension to his chant of "Help Is On The Way", a slogan already a tad too crudely nanny-statish. On the other hand, it's a very good catchphrase for Senator Kerry if he's back at the 15th-century ski chalet in Idaho and Teresa is complaining because she rang for a Scotch five minutes ago. "Don't be so impatient, lovie. The help is on the way."

Good help is so hard to find!

It's all his fault!

Hollyweirdo Sharon Stone shares:

Sharon Stone blames US President George W Bush for the absence of a lesbian kissing scene in Catwoman - because of the current conservative climate in America.

Basic Instinct star Stone, 46, was keen to enjoy an intimate moment with Oscar-winning co-star Halle Berry, but believes a puritanical streak running through the country put an end to any potential girl-on-girl action.

Stone says: "Halle's so beautiful and I wanted to kiss her. I said, 'How can you have us in the movie and not have us kiss? That's such a waste.'

"That's what you get for having George Bush as president."

Sounds more like that's what you get when you have more boobs than brains.

And speaking of the Wingnut Empress

Heinz Kerry: Four More Years of 'Hell' if Bush Wins. Maybe there's been a shortage of caviar and champers for the private jet!

More details in the reliably liberal Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:

"Everything is at stake!" Kerry told thousands of supporters who packed into Pere Marquette Park and lined the opposite side of the river. "Jobs! Health care! Education! Civil liberties! Civil rights! The Constitution! Social Security! Medicare! Our children! The environment! Our future! All of it is on the line."

Who knew?

The high-stakes intensity of the campaign could also be seen Monday in noisy confrontations between Kerry and Bush supporters and the use of bullhorns and air horns by a small group of Bush supporters to try to disrupt the speeches, prompting Kerry and his wife to respond to what the candidate termed "goons."
...
"We don't want to be drowned out," Kerry said. "I want to thank George Bush for sending the goons here tonight to excite us to do a little more work! Thank you!"

We'll see how Lurch describes the thugs planning violence in New York with Teresa's money. I'm betting they'll be "voices that need to be heard".

Today's Hoot!

Headmaster Rodger points us to a Lurch beauty - Blocking Dummy:

If John Kerry loses Michigan, he will probably blame it on his joke writers, then Woody Hayes and the mighty Ohio State Buckeyes. But he only has himself to blame. He should have used that several-decade gap between his job in Vietnam and his job of running for president boning up on his knowledge of sports. The Prowler has documented several examples thus far, and over weekend Kerry really goofed up.

Follow the link for the full story, but the punchline is that he ended up extolling Ohio Buckeye football in Michigan!

At that point, before all the boos began raining down upon him, Kerry seemed to realize his error. In an attempt to silent the angry crowd of University of Michigan supporters, Kerry said, "But that was while I was in Ohio. I know I'm in the state of Michigan and you got a great big M and a powerhouse of a team." Then his face, presumably, the Botox permitting, turned Big Blue.

Smooth move, Ex-Lax!

Meanwhile the Empress has problems of her own:

Very briefly the Kerry campaign considered sending potential first lady Terry Kerry into New York on Monday to visit the New York Stock Exchange or the Citicorp building, both of which were under increased security due to potential terrorism threats.

"We nixed it when we realized she might actually have to interact with real people in an unstaged event," says a Kerry advance staffer.

Yup, that could be a problem all right!

The Kerry camp is looking to pull Mrs. Kerry back after a slew of miscues, including what even the campaign now believes was a potentially disastrous convention speech for the woman who wants to be first lady. That was followed by Mrs. Kerry's claim that a cookie recipe submitted under her name to a "first lady bake off" contest organized by a national magazine was sent in by a possible political enemy.
...
For months there has been internal debate how best to use Terry Kerry in the campaign, and it now appears that the best way may be no way. "She's more willing to appear as the supportive wife than, say, Hillary was on the campaign trail," says the advance staffer. "But it's a limited upside for us. Unless it's in a real controlled setting, I don't think we want her out there too often."

No excrement, Sherlock.

Ruh Oh!

Outsourced call finds Tenenbaum off guard:

Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Inez Tenenbaum held a conference call with reporters Monday to pitch a TV ad that bemoaned the loss of South Carolina jobs overseas.

Oops.

Tenenbaum learned during the call that her own teleconference had been contracted out to workers in Canada.

Even better, it was Terry McAuliffe's ole pals at Global Crossing doing the outsourcing.

The VRWC hired a dog to eat their homework too!

Discriminations is keeping track of all the "tragic accidents" and "dirty tricks" that have befallen the Lurch campaign and a sad story it is. From being tripped on the ski slopes to having an inferior pumpkin spice cookie recipe attributed to Empress Teresa, they are firming up their application for victimhood. However, there's one I hadn't noticed before:

When Kerry bounced the ceremonial first pitch of a Yankees - Red Sox game in the dirt, it was only because he "held back" and "tried to lob it gently" out of concern for the National Guard soldier and Iraq veteran who was standing in as catcher.

And from half way to the plate from the mound, yet. He's truly a caring guy, I guess, and all along I just thought he threw like a girl like the kids interviewed on NPR.

Things must be getting boring on the campaign trail

The AFP photographers have started fooling with their cameras for some arty shots. I imagine listening to Lurch all day would do that to ya!


Legs or Lurch?


Pretty scary, eh kids?

Here's some excitement!

(Click to supersize)

The back of the box is even better.

It's Celebrity Dating Game!

Don't question the Empress, you leetle peepuls!

Colin McNickle of the Pittsburgh Tribune Review fills us in on "Killing the questioner":

A week ago tonight, I asked Teresa Heinz Kerry a simple question here: "What did you mean?" And a wicked firestorm was sparked. Incredibly, most of it was directed against me.

And look what crawled out of the woodwork!

Entertainer Patti Labelle told the Boston Herald that Heinz Kerry "should've pimp-slapped" me.

Patti is likely an expert on being slapped by pimps.

Molly Ivins either repeated or created the myth that I had grabbed the possible future first lady. I didn't touch her.

As anyone who can watch TV can attest. Ole Molly probably can't find the remote.

Bombastic, fact-challenged liberal filmmaker Michael Moore supposedly called me "rude."

The lardass millionaire is so sensitive!

A friend told me that Katrina vanden Heuvel, editor of The Nation, a leftist journal, said the exchange was the result of a long-running personal feud between Heinz Kerry and myself. That's absurd, patently; I don't run in those circles.

Neither do most folks.

Longtime liberal national political columnist Jack Germond -- now retired and a convention "guest" who was shilling for his new book -- told CNN's Judy Woodruff that I was "not a legitimate newspaperman."

Ms. Woodruff allowed the slander to pass without challenge. Mr. Germond's wife, Alice, is secretary for the Democratic National Committee, noted a profile published before the incident in Editor & Publisher, a trade magazine.

I report, you decide.

Indeed. Much more by following the link. Ole Empress Teresa sure has a nice crop of dung beetles hanging around her nether region.

And while we are on the subject

The John Kerry Question Fairy is reporting for duty!

Naked Ambition Lunch

Okay, I can understand wanting to eat something better than Wendy's chili. Heck, even us unwashed Walmart Scum that infest the voting world with our parochial ideas of love and war occasionally lift our eyes to the Wendy's menu and dream of steak instead of chili. But that does NOT mean that we are stupid. Stupid defined as:

if we ordered food for ourselves at a five-star restaurant, we wouldn't stop at a Wendy's to go pretend to order lunch, then interrupt a Marine's meal for a photo-op.

Hell, these boys are going to Iraq, how about you buy THEM the five star meal?

Why of course no! The shrimp vindallo, sea scallops, prosciutto, steak salad and "wrapped stuffed chicken" are for the parties of Mr. Kerry, Mr. Edwards, and Mr. Affleck, you goose. Back to the buses!

More by following the link. The Question Fairy has obviously never heard the ultimate Kerry Question: 'Do you know who I am?"

More fun with Lurch!

From a series at FR.

That's their boy!

He was complacent, arrogant and humourless. How they loved him

His default position is the conventional wisdom of the Massachusetts Left: on foreign policy, foreigners know best; on trade, the labour unions know best; on government, bureaucrats know best; on defence, graying ponytailed nuclear-freeze reflex anti-militarists know best; on the wine list, he knows best.

Mark Steyn, of course. Much more by following the link.

We should have known it was just a photo-op!

Was the real lunch choice Wendy’s or fine dine?

While Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry and his running mate, John Edwards, and their families were having a “lite” lunch at Wendy’s in the Town of Newburgh Friday, drumming up local support right after the national convention in Boston, their real lunches were waiting on their bus.

A member of the Kerry advance team called Nikola’s Restaurant at the Newburgh Yacht Club the night before and ordered 19 five-star lunches to go that would be picked up at noon Friday. Management at the restaurant, which is operated by CIA graduate chef Michael Dederick, was told the meals would be for the Kerry and Edwards families and actor Ben Affleck who was with them on the tour.

The CIA in this case is the Culinary Institute of America, located in nearby Hyde Park.

(Hat tip: FR where they have dug up more info.)