Naughty Lurch!

Kerry's SUV habit fuels a `trust' gap

Now we've truly heard it all. Rising gas prices are the latest John Kerry campaign theme, so naturally the senator was asked this week about his personal vehicle usage.

Kerry insisted, ``I don't own an SUV.''

When pressed about a Chevrolet Suburban, the mother of all SUVs, kept at the Heinz Kerry abode in Idaho, Kerry said: ``The family has it. I don't have it.''

Kerry has now closed the distance between nuance and flat-out deception.

You mean "nuance" doesn't mean "lying through your teeth"? Who knew?

And that's without mentioning the other gas-guzzlers this candidate and his family enjoy, all the while posturing about reducing the nation's dependence on foreign oil and fuel efficiency.

At last count, there were eight ``family'' cars and SUVs, including the 1995 Suburban (15 mpg highway, 12 mpg city), a 1993 Land Rover Defender (12 mpg highway, 10 mpg city), a 1989 Jeep Cherokee (20 mpg highway, 16 mpg city), a 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee (20 mpg highway, 15 mpg city), a 2001 Audi Allroad (21 mpg highway, 15 mpg city), a 2001 Chrysler PT Cruiser (25 mpg highway, 20 mpg city), a 1985 Dodge 600 Convertible (26 mpg highway, 23 mpg city), and a 2002 Chrysler 300M (26 mpg highway, 18 mpg city). Kerry, however, only owns up to the latter two.

Then there's the 2002 Harley Davidson (his), two powerboats (one his, one hers), a power inflatable 2001 Novurania (his), and a Gulfstream II private jet (hers).

President Kerry would have to open his own pipeline in Saudi Arabia just to meet family fuel demand.

Yeehaw! And you learn something new every day - there's a car with worse gas mileage than a Suburban.

Yet there he was yammering on to reporters Thursday about making a hybrid (powered by gas and electricity) his ``campaign car.''

Dang, the High Bogon Flux alarm just went off!

It's probably not politically correct to refer to the senator as the head of the Heinz Kerry family.

Probably not accurate either.

But last we checked, he is a part of it, no? Kerry's prevarication is trivial in the context of terrorism, the war in Iraq, the economy and all the serious issues this country - and its next president - will confront.

But if voters can't trust John Kerry to play it straight on the little things, how can they trust him on the big things?

Bzzzt, thanks for playing, Lurch!

Georgie Porgie Alert!




Saddam's butt boy, former Labor MP George Galloway, is on the list of folks getting oil vouchers under the UN's "Oil for Crooks" program. He famously claims he's never seen a barrel of oil. The folks at the Sun decided to broaden his horizons - Galloway rolls out barrel:

SADDAM-supporting MP George Galloway blew his top yesterday after The Sun sent him a barrel of OIL.

Mr Galloway claims he has never seen one — so we arranged for him to have his own 200-litre drum.

It came as the Glasgow Kelvin MP fiercely denied pocketing £1million from Iraqi tyrant Saddam.

His name was on a list of people allegedly rewarded by the dictator with vouchers for millions of barrels of oil.

We delivered our drum, complete with Sun logos to the front door of his £500,000 home in South London.

It sat in his drive for three hours before he dragged it away and hid it from view in an 8ft privet hedge.

One passer-by applauded our gesture and said: “Good on the Sun for sticking it to Galloway. He’s so oily.”

Several different adjectives come to mind.

When we asked if he would comment on why his name had appeared on the list put before the US congress, he said: “I don’t have to explain myself to The Sun. I’m not going to talk to you. Why talk to guttersnipes?”

Shall we take that as a No then, George?

Georgie sounds a tad bitter that there's no check from Saddam in the mail! Nice snaps of Georgie with his oil barrel by following the link.

Even the New York Times!



In a typically smarmy editorial yesterday, even the NY Times says that Teresa should release her tax returns. Of course, that was before today's news.

Good news for Earth Guy!

From ScrappleFace - Kerry Gets Permission to Drive 'Family' SUV:

Just hours after telling reporters that he doesn't own an SUV but his family does, Sen. John Forbes Kerry announced today that he had gained permission from his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, to drive the family's Chevy Suburban on brief trips to the grocery store or dry cleaner.

"I didn't ask to take it on the campaign trail because it gets lousy gas mileage which is bad for the environment," said Mr. Kerry. "But I was excited when Teresa told me that I could run out to the Piggly-Wiggly in the big rig."

Mr. Kerry's spokesman later explained that, "the family calls the SUV 'the big rig', not Senator Kerry, because it's not his vehicle, so he doesn't need a nickname for it.

More by following the link.

Here's a good scam!

Heinz Kerry delays filing 2003 tax forms:

Teresa Heinz Kerry has filed for an extension on her 2003 US income tax forms, giving her husband John F. Kerry's presidential campaign until mid-August to decide whether to make her tax records public, as some Republicans and newspaper editorial boards have demanded.
...
According to the Internal Revenue Service website, the automatic extension is for four months, which would mean that Heinz Kerry could file her returns anytime between now and mid-August. If she waits until then, it would be after the Democratic National Convention, in late July, and at a time when many Americans will be tuning into the televised 2004 Summer Olympic Games or are possibly on vacation.

I'm sure that Teresa is just burning the midnight oil with a calculator and a bunch of sharp pencils trying to get 'em done too! C'mon Teresa, the accountants are on retainer anyhow - tell' em to work faster!

And by the way, here is her latest excuse for not releasing the eventual returns:

Speaking to reporters in Beverly Hills, Calif., yesterday, Heinz Kerry said she did not want to make her tax returns public because it would violate the privacy of her three sons. "If some god of taxes would want to come in and look at all of my portfolio, I'd let them," she said. "But I don't think I have the right to put my children's privacy out into the open."

Somehow I don't think ole Teresa is just worried about the tykes finding out whether she correctly counted her dependents. Can you say "Trust Fund Babies"? I guess that wouldn't fit in with the "Man of the People" story line.

Also being the Boston Globe, they have to bring in an "expert" dismissal from a "pundit":

One political analyst, Larry Sabato at the University of Virginia, dismissed the matter as a silly distraction from key issues like national and economic security.

"Her tax returns are of interest to a very limited group of people -- almost entirely people backing Bush already," Sabato said. "Whether Teresa Heinz Kerry owns three-quarters of Japan, it just doesn't matter in this election."

Three-quarters of Japan would be unimportant? I wonder what Larry would consider to be important? How about campaign law violations by funneling money to her husband's campaign? How about illicit support of left wing political groups? How about a "rich and shameless" lifestyle replete with tax loopholes while her hubby is going for the wallets of regular people who work for a living? Naw, Larry probably wouldn't consider those important either.

UPDATE: Maybe this is why Teresa is so shy about her taxes - Teresa Heinz-Kerry Loses Fortune and Senatorial Sleeping Privileges:

Teresa Heinz-Kerry, wife of Democrat presidential frontrunner Senator John Kerry and the widow of the late Senator John Heinz, has lost her estimated $600 million fortune due to speculation in commodities futures, according to a report to be published tomorrow in The Wall Street Journal. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist and Minority Leader Tom Daschle have issued a joint communiqué in which they state that Ms. Heinz-Kerry will no longer be afforded sleeping privileges with senators from either party.
...
Senator Kerry told reporters covering his campaign that, while it is regrettable about the $600 million loss, he took a vow to stand by his wife “for richer or poorer” and intends to do so. The Senator also announced that for the next several weeks he will be campaigning exclusively in Las Vegas.

Hoist with their own petard

From Rantingprofs - Which Cliche to Choose?:

Honestly, the mind races. How about, "charity begins at home"? or maybe, "what comes around goes around"? Nah. That gets us dangerously close to "well the chickens have certainly have come home to roost." But it is a little hard to avoid at least thinking about that one looking at this marvelous headline from today's Times, "Saudis Support a Jihad in Iraq, Not Back Home." Gee, really sorry that hasn't worked out y'all. Guess it's dangerous to grab a tiger by the tail. (Oops! There goes another one!) But apparently what's good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander. All right, all right, I'll stop. But you tell me if that isn't exactly what this means:

In Saudi Arabia, a strategic ally of the United States, violence against the occupation in Iraq is seen by many as jihad, or a holy struggle, but virtually no one accepts violence as jihad when it unrolls here at home, in the heart of what is supposed to be the most Muslim of countries.

If you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

The Empire Strikes Back!

Emperor Kofi I flaps his gums - U.N. Chief Rebuts Critics of the Iraq 'Oil for Food' Program:

Secretary General Kofi Annan struck back Thursday at critics of the United Nations and his leadership, saying they were treating unproven charges as facts and ignoring the good that the "oil for food" program brought Iraqis despite its scandal-ridden management.

I guess as long as ALL the money wasn't stolen, it was a good deal! I feel so much better.

But the big news is the answer to my question yesterday, "Where's Bennie?." It seems he's back from the fleshpots - U.N. Big Still Denies Oil Rig: Annan:

The head of the scandal-scarred U.N. oil-for-food program was back at his Manhattan office after more than a month in hiding yesterday and is continuing to deny he took oil bribes from Saddam Hussein, U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan said yesterday.

Annan revealed to reporters that he met Wednesday, with his longtime friend Benon Sevan, the Cypriot undersecretary-general of the U.N, who had dropped out of sight for more than a month after his name appeared on an Iraq Oil Ministry list of figures who received sweetheart oil deals from Saddam's regime.
...
Sevan is due to retire soon, but Annan said he "should and will be available" to answer questions in the investigation being headed by former Federal Reserve Board Chairman Paul Volcker.

"Benon has stated quite clearly that he is innocent, but that doesn't mean he will not cooperate with the investigation, and he has indicated he will cooperate, as I expect all other staff members to cooperate," Annan said.

Fer sure, dude! No word on how fuzzy ole Bennie's memory is. Hey, he's a busy guy and may have forgotten little details! Like where his millions of Saddam bucks went.

Richard Gere disproves rumors!

In a NY Daily News gossip column, we find Gere slams Bush for runaway pride. Egotistical delusions of a room temperature IQ by following the link. But at least Richard has finally laid to rest all the stories about his intimate relationship with gerbils. With his head up his butt, there isn't room for anything else.

That Lurch is a real Earth Guy!

In the Guardian, no less - Kerry Says His 'Family' Owns SUV, Not He. And a Chevy Suburban to boot! Afraid that they might revoke his Birkenstocks, Lurch claimed it was Teresa's. Hmm, the Boston palace is half his and the Adam Willaerts painting was a quarter his. I guess the car wasn't part of his allowance.

But wait a minute! I thought Teresa was a big ecoweenie too! After all, she first hooked up with Lurch at an Earth Summit. I guess this is one of those Barbra Streisand clothesline deals - the little people should do as the bigwigs say, not as they do.

Today's Hoot

James Taranto points to a beauty from Lurch:

"He thinks that empty slogans like the 'Clear Skies' initiative and the 'Healthy Forest' initiative -- that somehow names that would make George Orwell rise up and cheer -- that those names will make people forget what is really happening in our country."

Almost on cue, a dolphin slipped through the water. "There he is over there," Kerry said. "He says, 'help, help, help."'

Better look again, Lurch!

Actually, the caption to the "original" snap was pretty good too:

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry speaks to a gathering of local fishermen during a tour of coastal waterways at Shell Beach, Louisiana April 21, 2004. The Mississippi River Gulf Outlet is a long way from the Mekong Delta, but it brought back memories for the Vietnam vet.

How's that? Were there some war crimes going on?