It's too early for this too

(Via Public Interest) The Sun stuns with Fergie to strip for charity. It's likely not safe for work, depending on where you work I suppose. But there is a petition to "Keep 'em on Fergie!"

It's too early in the morning for this kind of stuff!

(Via SondraK) Cut to the videotape - The Silence of the Domes:

"For a guy who's been known derisively to the Bush crowd as the Breck girl," observes Shearer, vice presidential candidate John Edwards seems "way too interested in his hair."

He certainly has the hair toss down pat!

Maybe she's Amish?

Powerline reveals that Teresa Heinz Kerry is actually a legal resident of Pennsylvania and couldn't even vote for the Lurchster in his last Senate race. Click through to see the phony excuses why the reason isn't that the tax rate is half of that in Massachusetts.

Here's good news!

Criminal Probe Eyes Kofi's Son. It's not as good as if it were Pops, but it's OK:

The son of U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan has been targeted by a federal criminal probe into corruption of the scandal-scarred Iraq oil-for-food program, sources said.

Top U.N. officials said 30-year-old Kojo Annan is among a handful of individuals and companies whose business dealings with the gigantic U.N. humanitarian aid program are now facing the white-hot scrutiny of a federal grand jury in Manhattan.

I hope it has a happy ending!

Still, U.N. critics say the news that the son of the secretary-general is now being investigated has created a political crisis inside the world body's headquarters.

"This could be another devastating blow to Kofi Annan's personal credibility, and already, I believe, the oil-for-food scandal is big enough to bring Kofi Annan down," said U.N. critic Nile Gardiner, a former aide of British ex-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.

Yeah, that's part of the ending I had in mind.

More details by following the link, but:

The younger Annan, a Ghana native who now lives in Nigeria, could not be reached for comment.

Undoubtedly the proper spot for him. I'm expecting an email any day!

I thought their act seemed familiar!

CadetHappy:

Over $2 trillion in new spending without raising taxes? Protect the U.S. from terrorists through U.N. resolutions? Welcome to . . .

Supersize it by following the link and check out the rest of the site for more goodness.

He's Alive!

Artiste Stanley Crouch opines in the NY Daily News:

Now is a good time to observe that John Kerry is beginning to come alive. It has been startling.

Few expected this, because Kerry seemed a professional stiff from every angle. It was impossible to imagine that he could move beyond the Kennedy haircut and the strained imitation of Franklin Roosevelt's tenor voice delivered from a baritone register.

Then there was the burden of the robotic gait that gave strange impressions. He seemed have been assigned to step on caterpillars while attempting to look simultaneously at ease and forceful.

To top it off, close observers became aware of the strange way Kerry had of touching people, of "pressing the flesh." He seemed to step out of his body while that body was left to do the horrific thing of coming in contact with another person.

Not much that had anything to do with the power of life appeared to reside in the unburied carcass of John Kerry, who seemed proof, as they used to say, that "the dead can walk."

Sheesh, with friends like Stanley, who needs enemies?

Anyhow, Stanley is amazed at the revitalized Lurch. I suspect his column is an odd variant of the "Comeback Kid" spin, but maybe the proximity of Halloween has provided Lurch with a jolt to his electrodes.

Chirac, Schroeder, and Kerry Duck Hunting Video!

World Exclusive! Must Credit Country Store!

Sources reveal that the Kerry campaign's duck hunting photo-op, supposedly scheduled for next week, has already been filmed with Jacques Chirac and Gerhard Schroeder joining John Kerry on the hunt with the footage soon to appear in a campaign commercial! Production problems have delayed the airing, but rough cuts of the video are revealed publically for the first time here (Windows Media). Breaking hard!

Today's Hoot!

Ruh Oh! OPERATION GUARDIAN GUERRILLA UPDATE:

Having launched a unilateral attack on Clark County, Ohio, The Guardian now finds itself facing an unexpected uprising from insurgents loyal to their tyrannical president.

The Guardian's campaign of liberation, led by an unprecedented shock and awe letter assault, has become bogged down in a quagmire of hostile e-mails and online mockery. Instead of the flowers they'd anticipated, The Guardian's soldiers are being targeted by the very people they believed they were helping.
...
Fears that weapons of mass destruction would be deployed against the invaders have so far proved groundless, although rumours persist of an alleged postcard-powered Doomsday Device. The device is said to be capable of transmitting fatal images to massed Guardian forces within 45 seconds.

"All Guardian journalists will feel the wrath of postcard vengeance!" a resistance spokesman urged on a website opposed to the imperialist takeover. "Images of the Hatted One shall be upon them! Blog is great!"

Based on the comments, the rumored Doomsday Devices are impacting all over the Guardian offices.

More poseur photo-op fun too!

Lurch's Ohio "supporters" gave him another shotgun, but this time they got it right - it's not the type he voted to ban, like the last time. On the other hand, it's undoubtedly stashed in someone else's closet just like the last one.

Then since he was on a roll, the Lurchster dropped by a local grocery store to buy an Ohio hunting license. Hey, maybe he's going to take time out from the campaign to get his "16 point" buck!

Hmmm, go for it, Lurch! That would be the ultimate photo-op and you've got just the vehicle to take it home to the little lady!

Once again, I'll quote Stop the Bleating:

John Kerry, I dare you to produce a hunting license with your name on it, dated 2003 or earlier, from any state. I'll even settle for a photo of you standing over a deer carcass with a gun in your hand, smiling. But forgive me if I don't hold my breath.

It's not that Lurch lies, it's that he does it so often and so badly.

UPDATE: Bummer - it's going to be another bird busting photo-op! From the Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch:

In Buchanan, a tiny Pike County village, Kerry stopped at the Village Grocery and asked owners Paul and Debra McKnight, "Can I get me a hunting license here?"

Puhleeze!

He plunked down $140 in cash for a nonresident Ohio hunting license so he can go duck hunting in the Mahoning Valley when he returns to the state Thursday.

I guess the base is less chagrined by him blasting Daffy and Donald than Bambi. It'll sure be interesting to see how many photographers he can fit into a duck blind at the crack of dawn.

At the Wakefield rally, Kerry was given a 12-gauge shotgun and told the crowd he would "balance the rights and responsibilities" of gun owners.

Translation: "If I'm elected, they're screwed!"

Fall Photo-op Fun!

Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry holds up the pumpkin he chose at the Garringer Family Pumpkin Patch in Jeffersonville, Ohio October 16, 2004, part of a day-long campaign bus trip through Ohio.

Let's say you're a Presidential candidate and your handlers tell you that you have to have a photo-op picking out a Halloween pumpkin like you're actually going to carve a Jack-O-Lantern and put it in the window of one of your mansions or maybe the campaign bus. What size and shape would you choose?

Well, at least there was time to select a personal gift for Teresa.

(Hat tip: Iowa Presidential Watch for the Hello Weenie.)