I guess Kerry couldn't find his foot

Remember Nimrod Lurch and the shotgun given to him by the United Mine Workers on Labor Day in Racine, WV? Well, here's a surprise from the Charleston, WV Daily Mail - Kerry shotgun remains in state — and in news:

Presidential candidate John Kerry never took home a semi-automatic shotgun that stirred controversy when he accepted it at a Boone County rally, causing critics to claim the Democrat even flip-flops on photo ops.

Kerry's opponents and political Internet sites made hay from pictures of him accepting the gun at a Labor Day rally, saying the Remington 11-87 was one he had voted to ban in the Senate.

But Kerry hasn't been able to keep the gun because he couldn't transport it over state lines to his home in Massachusetts until he has filled out the proper paperwork.

"It's par for the course, John Kerry flip-flopping on the issues," said Ashley Varner, a spokeswoman for the National Rifle Association.

"We knew this was a photo op to confuse hunters and law-abiding gun owners because he has been so anti-gun in his 20 years in the Senate. Now his campaign strategy is to don blaze orange as camouflage of his true voting record against gun owners."

So what's the problem, Lurch?

The United Mine Workers, which presented Kerry with the shotgun that was made by union members who work for Remington, said the candidate knew beforehand he would not be able to take it home immediately.

For Kerry to keep the shotgun, he would have to fill out the proper paperwork through a federally licensed dealer. He also would have to pass a background check.

Now that might be a problem!

"We still have it in our possession," United Mine Workers spokesman Doug Gibson said. "We're waiting for him to fill out the proper paperwork. Senator Kerry has given us every indication he wants to keep the gun. He just has to finish out the campaign."

Sheesh, don't tell me that tedious paperwork has kept the Lurchster from getting his sweaty hands on his gift gobble gun!

The issue was the focus of a recent article in "Gun Week," a publication of the Second Amendment Foundation. Senior Editor Dave Workman wrote that Kerry did not have possession of the gun he accepted in West Virginia.

"It's probably in somebody's closet gathering dust," Workman said in an interview this week. "You wonder if he really will. If he actually does go ahead and get the shotgun, that's news."

Workman said most of his readers believe the gun gift was staged for the image that Kerry is for gun rights.

"My impression was it was a photo op and that's it," Workman said. "That impression is shared by a lot of people in gun community."
...
"It's obvious that he is really trying to present himself as a pro-gun, pro-sport shooting candidate," Workman said. "Unfortunately, his voting record in Washington, D.C., says otherwise."

I'm deeply saddened! I figured the Lurchster wanted to keep it as a treasured memento right alongside his Vietnam Chinese assault rifle and his magic CIA hat.

(Photo hat tip: FR)

Good news, party animals!

The AP's Nedra Pickler reveals that the Empress loves the nightlife:

Last Saturday night, they emerged from a Boston restaurant to face a waiting crowd of media and onlookers. Heinz Kerry, who says she is actually very shy, didn't seem so as she danced a little jig in the glow of the TV camera lights.

Heinz Kerry was wearing high heels, but she still wanted to walk the several blocks of cobblestone to their Beacon Hill townhouse. The couple held hands, and were closely followed by reporters, Secret Service agents, eight police cars and the remaining vehicles in the candidate's motorcade.

The scene attracted onlookers on the sidewalks and some in passing cars who shouted words of encouragement to Kerry. The couple recognized a few young reporters in one passing cab, and Heinz Kerry leaned in the window playfully asking, "Where's the bar? Where's the bar?" as if she were going to join them. Her husband finally pulled her away by the hand with a broad smile on his face.

Last spring, Heinz Kerry had told reporters traveling with Kerry: "I'm too old to get embarrassed."

Hmmm, where's the Girls Gone Wild camera crew?

(Hat tip: FR)

Today's Hoot!

Because America Needs Them Now More Than Ever ... The K Team!

Wait! There's more.

But if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow

Mickey Mao's alliance with China's communists:

Forty-five years ago, during the Maoist era, Chinese people were ordered to kill rats as part of a hygiene campaign.

This week, Walt Disney Co. announced it had entered into a partnership with China's Communist Youth League to promote Mi Laoshu, or Mickey Mouse, whose Chinese name means rat as well as mouse.

The California-based entertainment giant is organizing "outreach programs" through the Youth Palaces run by the Communist Youth League to teach Chinese children about the travails of Daffy Duck and Goofy, how to draw Mickey, and the many other delights of North American consumerism.

The marketing ploy, in advance of the opening of a $1.8-billion (U.S.) Hong Kong Disneyland, is a telling sign of the extent to which China has become more corporate than Communist.

The high pitched whine you hear is the corpse of the Great Steersman passing 3600 rpm.

I may start blubbering!

While doing the "intensive research" required for the previous post I was struck by the lead item at Page Six:

DAN Rather's eyes welled up with tears when Barbara Walters praised "my wonderful colleague" and told him, "You have the support of all of us here."

The crowd Wednesday night at ABC's Times Square Studios who honored Walters on her retirement from "20/20" after 25 years included bigwigs from all three networks, including Rather's boss, CBS News president Andrew Heyward.

It's no surprise to even the most casual observer that he has their support. They're all peas from the same pod. Although by following the link, it doesn't appear that Dan and Andy are exactly bosom chums anymore.

Is this another one of those rural photo-ops?

Looking good!

The Freepers are having fun with an item in the NY Post's Page Six column:

Mad About Cows

AND now for something udder-ly different: John Kerry (above) likes to lubricate his chapped lips with Bag Balm, the Vermont ointment farmers have used on cows for more than 100 years to treat dry and cracked udders and teats. During a recent campaign stop in Greensboro, N.C., Kerry's handlers realized they didn't have a makeup artist to prepare the presidential contender for a televised speech. A Lancome counter girl at a local department store was called in to touch Kerry up. We're told he asked if she had a tin of Bag Balm, but she urged him to pick from a basket of creams and lotions meant for human use.

Maybe that's the reason he's always sticking his tongue out!

It's diplomacy boy showing off more smooth moves!

(Click to supersize)

He already insulted all our coalition allies and his bosom "oil-for-bureaucrats" chums in France have told him they won't help with his secret plan for Iraq, so I guess he thought he'd try for a trifecta. On the other hand, he has the routine down pat - John Kerry does it again:

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry has achieved something that may be unique in the history of our country. He has managed to oppose two wars while they are being fought, undermine the objective of the nation and give aid and comfort to those who are killing American soldiers and kidnapping American civilians.
...
The objective should be victory. It was a word absent from Kerry's speech, because it is a concept foreign to a man who has demonstrated his preference - first with Vietnam and now with Iraq - to help America's enemies in times of crisis far more than helping his own country.

Syphilitic pond scum.

Update: Roger Simon says "shameful," but then he's a classy guy:

By finally adopting the reactionary "Dean Line" (well, not finally, there's no such thing with him) on Iraq, Kerry has placed himself in the position of having to root against the forces of democracy in that country, at least until the November election. He must hope for continued slaughter, beheadings and the like from the rag-tag collection of homicidal sociopaths and paleo-misogynists - Baathist and Islamist - that constitute the "insurgents" in order to defeat Bush, so is acting accordingly.

It's not a new experience for him, Roger.

Update: Now we're talking! Mike at Cold Fury:

Defeatist, arrogant, and ultimately hopeless jerk who couldn’t figure out how to pour piss out of a boot if instructions were written on the heel.

and Lileks also observes that Lurch is back in his Vietnam groove:

At least Kerry has returned to his roots. His recent speech was indistinguishable in tone and timbre from the sonorous recitation of American woe he related before the Senate in 1971. We are losing, the "insurgents" are growing, the Beaujolais is late, and Saigon -- sorry, Baghdad -- does not yet resemble Beacon Hill. We must wash our hands and bow our heads and slump our way back home.

In other words, Kerry has a new strategy: He's Howard Dean without the hoarse, impromptu screeches. New slogans: "Just as anti-war -- but lankier!" Or "Even a fish on the dock stops flipping eventually." He has flopped back and forth on Iraq, but the exigencies of his guttering campaign have forced a final position: He's the bug-out candidate.

I got your support right here

Quoth the BBC - Support for UN reform increases

Support is growing at the UN for a joint bid by four influential countries to increase the number of members of the Security Council.

Germany, Brazil, India and Japan are seeking permanent seats on the council for themselves and one African nation.

Oh yeah, that'll fix it. Here's a better idea for real United Nations reform:

Here's good news!

Naked yoga OK in San Francisco:

SAN FRANCISCO, California (Reuters) -- Nudists, grab your yoga mats and head for San Francisco.

City prosecutors Wednesday said it was not illegal to perform naked yoga in the city -- even at the crowded tourist destination of Fisherman's Wharf.

Prosecutors dropped charges against a limber nudist, known locally as the "Naked Yoga Guy," who made a habit of striking yoga poses in the buff in order to promote a book and his lifestyle.

The Naked Yoga Guy, whose name is George Monty Davis, had stripped to stretch nearby Fisherman's Wharf, prompting a public complaint. But prosecutors decided they had a weak public nuisance case against him because local laws do not bar public nudity.

"Simply being naked on the street is not a crime in San Francisco," said Debbie Mesloh, a spokeswoman for the district attorney's office.
...
Davis could not immediately be reached for comment.

Probably because he had no place to carry his cell phone. Er. no place where he would like to use the phone afterwards.

In possibly related news: Farting dog plots world domination.

Victory has a thousand fathers

So it's not surprising that some of the mainstream media seem to be in danger of hurting themselves trying to pat their own backs over Ra^thergate as Kevin describes at Wizbang in Mainstream Media Carpetbaggers.

Kerry and Tardive Dyskinesia?

A reader observes that Kerry's odd darting tongue movements (previous post) might not just be a strange mannerism, but due to an actual physical problem like Tardive Dyskinesia:

Tardive dyskinesia is a neurological syndrome caused by the long-term use of neuroleptic drugs. Neuroleptic drugs are generally prescribed for psychiatric disorders, as well as for some gastrointestinal and neurological disorders. Tardive dyskinesia is characterized by repetitive, involuntary, purposeless movements. Features of the disorder may include grimacing, tongue protrusion, lip smacking, puckering and pursing, and rapid eye blinking. Rapid movements of the arms, legs, and trunk may also occur. Involuntary movements of the fingers may appear as though the patient is playing an invisible guitar or piano.

This seems rather extreme, but if so, he has my sympathy despite what I think of him generally. However, no one will know about it except Kerry until he releases his medical records, which he still refuses to do. Just like his military records and the family financial records.

And what's with the hand gestures, too?

When non-political folks I talk with mention Lurch, I mostly grumble about what a self-aggrandizing phony he is, but they mostly mention his, er, mannerisms. Over at Daily Recycler they were entranced by his reptilian tongue darting on Letterman and aside from the snaps I grabbed from them above, they created a poster. Click on Roll Over Gene Simmons for the full story.

I wonder if Lurch's handlers are going to try to coach him on this stuff before the debates? It could be a bigger gross out than Al Gore's makeup. On the other hand the reptilian resemblance fits in pretty well with his sleazy attempt to stir up a draft scare. Take it away Betsy Newmark:

Tomorrow's news today.

Yesterday I blogged about an e-mail that was being sent around to college students scaring them with lies that Bush was going to reinstitute the draft. I speculated that either the Democrats or anti-Bush people were behind this and linked to information to show that the only ones pushing for a draft are Democrats.

Now, it seems that this is an orchestrated attack strategy by the Democrats. Kerry today said that Bush probably would have to reinstitute the draft if reelected.

More by following the links. Looks like the flickering tongue is the real Lurch. I guess we knew that, didn't we?

"Another damned, thick, square book! Always scribble, scribble, scribble! Eh, Mr. Ott!"

With apologies to the Duke of Gloucester, Scott Ott's new book Axis of Weasels is now out and available over at ScrappleFace or on Amazon.

Would you hire this man?

Here's good news! The Freepers have discovered that you can Book Dan Rather as your next event speaker: His specialty is "ethics and integrity". Find out more here. Hmmm, they haven't updated his resume lately.

(Hat tip for snap: unknown)

Why are there posters of Terry McAuliffe all over Paris?

(click to supersize, if you dare)

Sorry, my mistake. It looks like Terry, but it's smaller. Damian at Pave France explains why the Parisian authorities think posters like this are a swell idea.

Good citizen Tintin removes Milou's 200g de la crotte from the street but an oversized poster of 2kg of ever-fresh poo remains plastered on a siding or the bus shelter. So La Mairie de Paris takes the problem from underfoot, supersizes it, and puts it level with the Parisian nose. Nice.

Too sophisticated for yahoo-Americans.

Yup.

Raymond Chandler does Rathergate

Or is it Mickey Spillane? My Teleprompter is Deadly:

It was a slow September night in Manhattan. The kind of sweaty summer night where the mean streets of Gotham run wild with the shadowy scum of the Republican National Convention. The kind of night where mysteries are born. The kind of night I live for.

My name is Rather. And I’m a dick.

...

“Gotta light, handsome?” asked the 32-30-41 silhoutte leaning on the frame.

Mapes.

...

Burkett had the gaunt, hollow look of a man who had crossed paths with Bush crew. I knew it far too well. He was scared, and would probably clam up if I didn’t turn the screws.

“Where did you get these memos?” I demanded.

“An Air Force Admiral. She was a, um, Mexican dame… yeah… Lucy Ricardo,” he stammered. “That’s it, yeah.”

It's Iowahawk, of course. Much more by following the link including appearances by well known bloggers!

Abu discovered a new feature of his car

It was a missile magnet - Group's Spiritual Leader Killed in Iraq:

The spiritual leader of a major militant group in Iraq, Tawhid and Jihad, has been killed in a U.S. airstrike and his Jordanian family is preparing a wake, a newspaper and Islamic clerics said Wednesday.

Sheik Abu Anas al-Shami, 35, was killed when a missile hit the car he was traveling in on Friday in the west Baghdad suburb of Abu-Ghraib, said the clerics, who have close ties to the family. They spoke on condition of anonymity.

Al-Shami was a close aide to Tawhid and Jihad's leader, the Jordanian militant [they misspelled terrorist - ed.] Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. The al-Qaida-linked group is blamed for some of the biggest attacks in Iraq, such as the bombing of the U.N. headquarters last year, and the beheadings of foreign hostages. Al-Zarqawi is believed to have personally decapitated the American hostage Eugene Armstrong on Monday.

Al-Shami, a Jordanian of Palestinian descent who was also known as Omar Yousef Jumah, was believed to be the voice on several audio tapes that Tawhid and Jihad released via the Internet. In one such tape in August, a speaker identified as al-Shami said the militants planned to kill Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi, soldiers and police officers.

Now he's spiritual as all get out.

Today's Hoot!

From The Right Coast - Faster than a U-turning Swiftboat ...

It's Professor Estrich, saying it's time to move on! Excuse me for a moment while I roll around on the floor and choke with laughter.

So, I take it the dirty tricks is not such a good idea after all? Am I following you? It's not time for the wrath of Democrats who aren't going to take it anymore? Dare we ask how it got to be time to move on so quickly? Is this a case of "The Blogosphere--she has no memory" or what?

For those of you just joining us, the good Professor only recently penned this now infamous (but still pretty obscure) screed, in which she revealed that she and her Democratic friends were out for blood, hoping to bribe tattlers to tell all about W's inglorious past, everything from AWOL antics to illegally procured abortions, not because it was easy, but because it was the right thing to do. We are mean Democrats, hear us roar. But suddenly, all has changed. Just like that! A new dawn has dawned, a new day has dayed. Now that the dirt from the memo-gate hand grenade has exploded, lodging shrapnel in, to extend a metaphor, the collective Democratic hind-quarters, it's time to move on.

More by following the link. I seem to recall mentioning Susie's prior rant myself. I remember the face.

Lucy Ramirez Found!

And rather fetching too!
(Hat tip: FR)

(Via Ace) Kerry Campaign Touted Forged Doc Info in April

The Kerry campaign made an explicit reference to information in at least one of four forged military documents broadcast 14 days ago by CBS's "60 Minutes" - in a detailed campaign press release attacking President Bush's National Guard service dated months before the Sept. 8 "60 Minutes" broadcast.

Allah has more:

If you read only one DNC/CBS collusion item this year, let it be Geraghty's update to this post. Although you really shouldn't stop with just one. Not when John Cole took the time to put this persuasive argument together.

Their family trees really don't fork!

And Zsa Zsa doesn't even need a gag writer

I see that Lurch showed up on Letterman and Regis and Kelly to try out some of his new material. While it's better than the old routine, who can forget his classic gags? You know - the ones the North Vietnamese played for the POW's while they being tortured.

Can we get a fall girl?

Read Allah's post on USA Today's interview with "unimpeachable source" Bill Burkett. Why would CBS think to use this guy as a source for anything but the weather report on Mars? Allah:

It's not funny. Not with respect to Burkett. With respect to CBS, though, it's f*cking hilarious. Also hilarious is Terry McAuliffe having to eat sh*t on the forgeries today to the point where he actually allowed these words to escape his lips: "Now that we know what's not true, let's focus on the facts." Perhaps most hilarious of all, DU wackbags are so distraught at the fall of the house of Rather that they're talking about leaving the country because of it. Who cares if he suppressed some evidence -- it was all in "good faith", right? I tell you, when they make the movie of this story, the whole soundtrack is going to be calliope.

Indeed.

And Mary Mapes looks like she is cast perfectly for the fall girl. I'm sure Captain Dan is just an aging overpaid newsreader who was let down by his staff. John Ellis has some advice for Mary here and in the following posts. Better give it some thought, Mar'! Especially this one:

Dear Mary Mapes --

Call your lawyer immediately. DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow CBS counsel to represent your interests.

All Best -- Ellisblog

Hmmm. I wonder if ole Mary will take one in the shorts for the home team?

I guess Joe can't say it isn't so

Joe Lockhart
recovering Clinton spinner

(Via Drudge) Kerry Aide Talked to Retired Guard Officer:

At the behest of CBS, an adviser to John Kerry said he talked to a central figure in the controversy over President Bush's National Guard service shortly before disputed documents were released.

Joe Lockhart denied any connection between the presidential campaign and the papers. Lockhart, the second Kerry ally to confirm contact with retired Texas National Guard officer Bill Burkett, said he made the call at the suggestion of CBS producer Mary Mapes.
...
Kerry ally Max Cleland, a former Georgia senator, also said he had a brief conversation last month with Burkett, who told him he had information about Bush to counter charges against Kerry's Vietnam War service. Cleland said he gave Burkett's name and phone number to the campaign's research department.
...
Lockhart said Mapes asked him the weekend before the story broke to call Burkett. "She basically said there's a guy who is being helpful on the story who wants to talk to you," Lockhart said, adding that it was common knowledge that CBS was working on a story raising questions about Bush's Guard service. Mapes told him there were some records "that might move the story forward. She didn't tell me what they said."

Gosh! CBS, a purported journalistic organization, sure seems real chummy with the Kerry campaign. I'm so surprised!

Wait, (via Ace) there's more: (Update: it turns out Coehlo was talking about the 2000 campaign)

Tony Coehlo stated on MSNBC's Hardball that the DNC had the Burkett documents before the CBS broadcast. But that the DNC said they looked fake to the DNC. That was his reason for why the DNC wasn't involved. (This after speculation on the same show that Karl Rove might be behind this fakery.)

This of course begs the question why did Operation Fortunate Son, a campaign to discredit Bush's TANG service produced by the DNC, start the day after the 60 Minutes II ran the bogus documents. Hhmmmm.

And use 60 Minutes footage in their commercial.

Ace also has USA Today weighing in:

Burkett told USA TODAY that he had agreed to turn over the documents to CBS if the network would help arrange a conversation with the Kerry campaign.

The network's effort to place Burkett in contact with a top Democratic official raises ethical questions about CBS' handling of material potentially damaging to the Republican president in the midst of an election. This "poses a real danger to the potential credibility of a news organization," said Aly Colón, a news ethicist at the Poynter Institute for Media Studies.

Ahem. Give Ms. Colon credit for dry understatement.

It's kind of like incestuous, you know? And based on the results, their family trees don't fork.

Always a class act

The New Yorker has a predictable puff piece on Empress Teresa and her "unusual" personality. I especially liked the part where "she says, she washed cloth diapers." I believe ya, Terry! But among the nuances was this beauty:

... in a television interview with a Pittsburgh anchorwoman, employed the word
“scumbags” to describe some of her detractors. I doubt that she knows the
literal meaning of “scumbag,” but perhaps, after forty years in America, nearly
thirty of them as a political wife, observing how the flaws and contradictions
of a personality as complex as hers are melted down for ammunition by the other
side, she should have learned it. Close friends attribute her lapses of discretion to “naïveté.” Heinz Kerry says that they are a form of resistance to enforced conformity. “I don’t like to be told, for told’s sake,” how to behave, she says, “because I lived in a dictatorship for too long.”

The poor tyke! Over at SondraK's, the ever helpful Rodger encourages her self-expression.

Time for another sporting photo-op!

Mighty Nimrod stalks another one!
(Hat tip: FR)

Julie Hirschfeld Davis provides some sport in the Baltimore Sun (via the Boston Globe):

RACINE, W.Va. -- In a few short weeks, just as the clock ticks down on the last days of the presidential race, West Virginia's fall hunting season will begin.

Thousands of people around this important swing state will take their guns and head for its verdant forests and broad valleys in search of fowl and other wildlife, just as their fathers and grandfathers did before them.

And some of John F. Kerry's supporters here hope the Massachusetts Democrat will be among them.

Although the article mentions bird hunting, one can only hope that Lurch will show up with his trusty 12 gauge to stalk "Bambi". (We won't tell his pals in PETA, will you?)

Democrats in West Virginia know that many of their state's voters guard their gun rights jealously, and that their fear in 2000 that Al Gore was out to take their weapons -- stoked by Republicans and the National Rifle Association -- helped seal the former vice president's defeat.

That's why Kerry stood on a stage here last week, proudly hoisting a shotgun and telling a throng of mine workers that he would like to go "gobble huntin' " with them as soon as possible.

Lurch doesn't need to hunt "gobbles." He's got plenty of them already.

The scene boosted Kerry's image with at least one voter attending Kerry's Labor Day rally. "It cleared one problem up for me, with the guns," said Paul Cooper, 62, of Madison, who wore his Navy garrison cap under the hot sun. "He can't be against our guns, or want to take mine, if he's got one of his own."

I guess you can fool some of the people, some of them time. Lurch is easily the most anti-gun presidential candidate in history and a few photo-ops don't counteract his voting record. Aside from wanting to

ban all semi-automatic shotguns, all detachable-magazine semi-automatic rifles and many other guns, calling the whole lot "assault weapons"

my favorite is his voting to ban center-fire rifle ammunition. I guess he won't need it as long as he uses his trusty 12 gauge. But it better not be the evil "assault weapon" shotgun the union members gave him in Racine, not to speak of the Communist Chinese assault rifle that he claims to have brought back from Vietnam. Of course, he could just be funnin' us on the latter. It wouldn't be the first time.

With all those advisors, why can't Lurch's team find anyone to do staff work?

Another tall tale: Kerry again presents a fudged story

UNTIL WE reported it last month, John Kerry had frequently gone on the stump and exaggerated a New Hampshire woman’s story to make her health insurance situation appear worse than it really was. He has since stopped telling that fib. Alas, he found a new one.

At an August 27 event in Daly City, Calif., Kerry was introduced by a woman named Lori Guy. She said that after her employer cut her pay in 2000, she piled up huge credit card bills and was regularly charged late-payment fees. Kerry used her story to attack President Bush for not protecting the middle class. He then claimed he would prevent credit card companies from charging large fees.

Sad story. Except, the San Jose Mercury News interviewed Guy after the event. Her tale is not so sad after all. She told the paper that she is still with the same company, and after several raises makes more money than ever before. Since all of this happened within the span of the last four years, her real story is that during the Bush administration she went from being heavily in debt to being in the best finanical shape of her life. Funny that John Kerry never mentioned that.

Mercury News story here after annoying but free registration.