Obama finds a new "moderate" Taliban Leader to negotiate with

Little Barry Obama has had bad luck negotiating with the Taliban, but that all changed when he got this email:

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

MY MOST DEAR AMERICANSKI INFIDELSKIS, 

FIRST BEFORE I PROVIDE THE DETAILS OF THIS MOST IMPORTANT BUSINESS TRANSACTION PERMIT ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF AND THE NATURE OF MY PREDICAMENT. MY NAME IS MULLAH IOWAHAK MUHAMMADAVI AL-BURJIHAD, TOP MODERATE OFFICIAL OF TALIBAN ARMY. DUE TO THE DEATH OF MY LATE UNCLE GENERAL COMMANDER CHUCK-O AL-BURJIHAD I HAVE BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST THE POSITION OF NUMERO UNO PEACE NEGOTIATOR FOR THE TALIBAN.  I AM IN SEEK OF OVERSEAS PARTNERS FOR MODERATE PEACE AND THE SUM $7.25 BILLION DOLLARS IN EXCHANGE. 

I AM NOW IN POSSESSION OF A FULLY VALID MODERATE TALIBAN PEACE AGREEMENT DOCUMENT WHICH I AM TRULY EAGER TO TRANSFER BY WIRE INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. I AM IN URGENT REQUEST FOR YOUR DIPLOMATIC TREATY ACCOUNT AND U.S. STATE DEPARTMENT BANK ROUTING INFORMATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

MULLA IOWAHAK MUHAMMADAVI AL-BURJIHAD

Good thing Obama is such a negotiating fool or this opportunity might have passed us by.

How do they separate the men from the boys in the Taliban?

With a crowbar:

The Afghan Taliban underwent a major reorganization last Winter. In addition to accepting suicide attacks (previously a no-no), and a more aggressive use of terror tactics against Afghans, a list of 30 "Rules" were issued. The word went out that members of the Taliban were to live and, in some cases, die by, these rules. Most of them have to do with pretty basic stuff. Like obeying orders, not ratting out your buddies to the police, not stealing from each other, not using Taliban assets for personal gain (there are several rules for this one, indicating that there are continued problems in this area), not recruiting existing Taliban members from another Taliban gang, fair distribution of loot captured in battle, and so on.
...
Taliban are also told not to steal from civilians, smoke cigarettes (nothing is said about opium) or sodomize young boys.

No word on goat bothering so morale presumably won't be too severely impacted.

(Hat tip: SondraK)

Hearing their master's voice

Al Qaeda Sends a Message to Democrats:

Al Qaeda has sent a message to leaders of the Democratic party that credit for the defeat of congressional Republicans belongs to the terrorists.

The fuzzy little cretin had two messages for his brown nosing servants:

"The first is that you aren't the ones who won the midterm elections, nor are the Republicans the ones who lost. Rather, the Mujahideen -- the Muslim Ummah's vanguard in Afghanistan and Iraq -- are the ones who won, and the American forces and their Crusader allies are the ones who lost," Zawahri said, according to a full transcript obtained by ABC News.

Zawahri calls on the Democrats to negotiate with him and Osama bin Laden, not others in the Islamic world who Zawahri says cannot help.

"And if you don't refrain from the foolish American policy of backing Israel, occupying the lands of Islam and stealing the treasures of the Muslims, then await the same fate," he said.

The bad news is that John Kerry immediately booked a flight to Islamabad, the good news is that Nancy Pelosi has bought a wardrobe full of burquas. The full face covering variety.