Malibu Poop Patrol Makes a Stink With Celebs:
Health officials plan to use DNA testing to reveal the poopy perpetrators behind the sewage fouling Malibu's famously star-studded coastline, the Associated Press reports.
"This is going to get messy," predicts Mark Pestrella, the public works official assigned to the project.
Humorous too.
There are an estimated 2,400 septic tanks in this city of mansions strung along 25 miles of coast — many of which are buried in the backyards of the estates of environmentally-minded celebs like Tom Hanks, Sting and Barbra Streisand — and authorities suspect these tanks are responsible for the rise in disease-causing bacteria levels in the ocean after heavy rains.
Malibu's famously wealthy residents are notoriously private and defend their right to use the septic tanks, and many deny their tanks are the source of the problem.
But the poopy patrol isn't buying it, and this time they are getting serious. They're going to use DNA testing and court warrants to hunt down the leaky septic tanks — starting with the most flush-happy of the bunch, like restaurants and Streisand's former abode — and identify offenders.
Woohoo! Who knew Babs' palace had a plethora of poopers?
"When the results of these tests come back, I'll bet that once again we'll find that it's people's meat addiction, not their septic tanks, is causing this pollution," Malibu actress/activist Pamela Anderson wrote in an email. "The best thing any of us can do to fight pollution is to adopt a vegetarian diet."
While they're doing the DNA tests, maybe they could do a few other tests.
