Today's Big Snooze!

Cher Flogs Off All Her Old Crap:

When most people redecorate their homes, they'll just bung down any old tatty carpet and the cheapest Ikea sofa they can find, but not Cher. To redecorate her home, Cher first has to sell off 700 bits of old tat just to make room.

That's right - you can be the proud owner of any number of crazy old crap that Cher used to own. Cher is auctioning off more than one million dollars worth of her belongings, like her bed, some of her near-pornographic stage costumes and a 500-year-old Jesus. The Cher auction looks to be the place to pick up the perfect Christmas present for the creepy homosexual or bitter red-eyed divorcee in your life.

Cher's been keeping herself to herself lately - apart from another traditional retirement announcement, or course. But it's generally agreed that a semi-reclusive Cher is preferable to seeing an old woman mong about a stage singing songs 20 years too young for her while wearing a scrap of lycra that barely covers her labia. After all, we've got Madonna for that now.