Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Speaking of Global Warming

There's one thing that you can say about global warming - it's the best scapegoat since Satan became passe:
If the zealots are right, global warming is the cause of just about any earthly ill or phenomenon. Hotter weather? It's caused by global warming. Colder weather? Global warming again. More rain? Global warming. Drought? Global warming.

Even an increase in vampire moths, insects that consume human blood, has been blamed on global warming.

In a tribute to rational thinking, and a welcome repudiation of silliness, John Brignell, a British engineering professor, has compiled "a complete list of things caused by global warming." Each of the more than 600 entries links to a story in which some so-called expert or "researcher" blames global warming for an unusual event, man-caused or no.

Taken individually, the items might seem to have some foundation in reality. It's plausible, of course, that a warmer world could cause glaciers to retreat or trigger an increase in malaria. But taken cumulatively (see, the foolishness quickly comes into focus.

For example, is global warming really causing both more and less rainfall? Larger and smaller harvests? Shrinking and growing ice sheets? How about dying and flourishing coral reefs, or rising and falling fish stocks?

Also attributed to global warming are: riots, nuclear war, frostbite, Earth fever, the Minneapolis bridge collapse, a boom in kittens and sharks, a bust in ducks and geese, struggling brothels, faster ocean waves, higher sewer bills, a spider invasion of Scotland, an end to cremation, and pay raises for lawyers.
Pretty scary, eh kids? Makes you want to dig deep to donate to the UN to sort it all out, right?