Leonard Albin has a clever plan for the haughty French-looking
caged hamster:
Before the presumptive Democratic nominee John Kerry arrives in Boston (the presumptive site of the Democratic Convention), he needs to name his running mate. His campaign staff has spent the last few weeks vetting lists of candidates — probing their tax returns, military records, video rentals, and scheduling prostate exams. No one is exempt — not even Hillary. As you'd expect, this tedious and old-fashioned process has so far produced the tired, old, familiar names — the "usual suspects," like Richard Gephardt and John Edwards. But, in my view, John Kerry's best choice for vice president is...
...John Kerry.
Hmm, is that onanism or narcissism?
The main advantage of Kerry serving as his own running mate is that he could run as a centrist and as a liberal at the same time. The presidential candidate Kerry could use the perennial Democratic ploy of moving toward the center, and position himself as a "moderate." That's the Kerry who voted for the Iraq war. Meanwhile, the vice-presidential candidate Kerry could lurch left and shore up all his liberal followers. That's the Kerry who voted against the $87 billion in funding for the Iraq war. Likewise, the presidential John Kerry could happily drive an SUV, while the vice-presidential Kerry could make speeches fiercely denying that he owned one — even in the same parking lot. In this way, the Democratic party could cover more bases than a utility infielder. And that's a recipe for victory. Best of all, this ultimate "fusion" ticket would be perfectly balanced, while creating the illusion of Democratic unity, always an elusive goal.
...
Historically justifiable or not, the Kerry-Kerry ticket is just the kind of bold and daring move his campaign needs. With one deft stroke, it could change the face of American politics — and without using any Botox, either.
So, while the Republican attack machine (or is it attack dogs?) derides the ticket as "Senator Kerry and his evil twin," it's really a ticket with potential. Say it one time, and let it roll off your tongue: Kerry-Kerry. Catchier than the macarena, as balanced as Pouilly-Fuisse, and as solid as Heinz ketchup.
Wotta plan!
