BUBBA BOOK SNEAK SHOCK!

WORLD EXCLUSIVE - must credit Country Store!



Publishing industry insiders reveal that Simon and Schuster have rushed last minute changes to ex-President Bill Clinton's soon-to-be-published biopic, including a title change! This while the public relations juggernaut promoting the book was getting ready to move out, threw plans into disarray. New opening paragraph:

It was a dark and stormy night. But things were real cozy inside cabin 3 behind the Dew Drop Inn where I was counseling a troubled lounge singer, Tammy Sue Bigguns. We had just started an uplifting game of "Hide the Cocktail Wiener," when all of a sudden there was a hellacious pounding on the cabin door. It sure scared the dickens out of Tammy and me! Above the pounding, there was some fearsome screeching and yelling and I made out a raging voice that I recognized, "Bubba, I know you're in there with some no account floozie! Get your fat ass out here this minute! Just wait 'til I get my hands on you!" It was My Wife.

Breaking hard!

Another episode of Snaggletooth and the Mozambique Hottie

Lurch took some time off from his busy schedule to have his teeth fixed:

Despite a temporary loss of wrinkles, Senator John Kerry denied claims earlier this year that he underwent Botox treatments. But there's no denying the aftereffects of a piece of cosmetic work he had done yesterday. The presumptive Democratic presidential nominee emerged from a morning of seclusion in Washington with two new pearly-white-capped teeth at a airport rally in Atlantic City. The noticeably improved smile is not only bright, it corrects the angled teeth and one prior miscolored cap.
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Other than that, the aides insist he had his teeth cleaned but not whitened. Still, the high-wattage smile was apparent as Kerry headed off by helicopter for a fund-raiser at the home of rock star Jon Bon Jovi, himself the veteran of a canine cap job.

The wags at FR suggest that he's spent more time this year on his appearance than appearing in the Senate. Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney agrees - he's asked Lurch to resign:

The Romney administration called Tuesday for Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry to resign while he runs for president, saying he's had an abysmal attendance record since launching his campaign last year and is not adequately representing his constituents.

Lt. Gov. Kerry Healey, a Republican, said Kerry has missed 64 percent of last year's roll call votes and 87 percent this year, including a vote on banning Internet child pornography.

He also missed a vote on extending unemployment insurance benefits, which was defeated by one vote.

"It's not fair, it's not right and the public is not being well-served," said Healey, who said she was acting on behalf of Gov. Mitt Romney. "I'm calling on John Kerry to resign so that we can fill that office with someone who is 100 percent devoted to the job of representing the people of Massachusetts."

Meanwhile, Lurch's little lady stuns with "I'm one very sexy senior":

Kerry's wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, touts herself as "sexy" and "cheeky" in an interview being broadcast tonight.
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Her comments were sparked by her husband's description of her as "saucy, sexy, brilliant."

Rich too, eh, Romeo?

Mrs. Kerry has spoken publicly of her fondness for Botox injections to smooth her wrinkles, a revelation that fueled rumors that her husband, 60, had used Botox, too. He denied it.

Mrs. Kerry is worth an estimated $550 million as ketchup heiress via her late first husband, Sen. John Heinz (R-Pa.). And she repeats her refusal to release her full tax returns.

Even if she's rich, she ought to ask for her Botox bucks back:



It obviously isn't working too well and then she could afford more websites supporting Hezbollah terrorists.

That's just wrong!

But it has a sort of poetic justice - AMA: Refusing Care To Malpractice Attorneys Unethical.

Reminds me of the good ole days - "If you don't like cops, the next time you're in trouble, call a hippie!".

Today's Hoot!

From Spartacus:

I received an email this morning with a reader's reaction to the news of the latest Al Queda attack against Americans in Saudi Arabia. I found it very helpful:

...

So I'm thinking, oh christ, what is going to happen to this poor guy now... are we going to be treated to another video beheading, or worse?

But then the next paragraph says this:

A purported al-Qaida statement posted on an Islamic Web site late Saturday claimed the terror group had killed one American and kidnapped another in Riyadh. It threatened to treat the captive as U.S. troops treated Iraqi prisoners.

Whew, what a relief!! So they're just going to point at his genitals and laugh, and take some photos of that? Or maybe put a hood on him and make him simulate sex acts? How unbelievably lucky for him.

Want to know how the EU Parliamentary election turned out?

Don't bother checking the Associated Press. From Arthur Chrenkoff - Spinning the Euro-results:

This is how AP sees the new political landscape:

"European voters punished leaders in Britain, Italy and the Netherlands for getting involved in Iraq - but also turned their ire on the war's chief opponents German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder and French President Jacques Chirac over local issues, projections showed Sunday."

Isn't it nice how the pro-war leaders are punished for their pro-war stance, whereas anti-war leaders are punished over "local issues"? There obviously aren't any local issues in Great Britain, Italy and the Netherlands, but plenty in Germany and France.

Follow the link for Arthur's election analysis.

Eco Uh Oh Alert!

Chinese gearing up for SUVs:

When Chairman Mao Tse-tung, author of the little "Red Book" of goofy socialist platitudes, was running Communist China, he could look out contentedly on tens of millions of his countrymen clad in identical gray suits, pedaling silently and docilely to work on identical black bicycles.

For utopian socialists, it didn't get any better than that — and it was environmentally friendly. Nobody bothered to ask what the people thought, but we know now. Freed from the restraints of socialism, guess what the Chinese want? They want SUVs. Big, clunky SUVs.

That'll get the ecoweenies' knickers in a twist.

But they better get 'em untwisted fast because they may need to do the Aztec Two Step - Organic Food Has 'Significantly Higher' Contamination, Study Finds:

A new study on food safety reveals that organic produce may contain a significantly higher risk of fecal contamination than conventionally grown produce.

A recent comparative analysis of organic produce versus conventional produce from the University of Minnesota shows that the organically grown produce had 9.7 percent positive samples for the presence of generic E. coli bacteria versus only 1.6 percent for conventional produce on farms in Minnesota.

The study, which was published in May in the Journal of Food Protection, concluded, "the observation that the prevalence of E. coli was significantly higher in organic produce supports the idea that organic produce is more susceptible to fecal contamination."

In addition, the study found the food-borne disease pathogen salmonella only on the organic produce samples.

Bound to happen when you fertilize with manure. But you can just wash it off, right?

The study found organic lettuce had the highest rate of fecal contamination, with a rate of over 22 percent. And Avery says consumers can't assume they can simply "wash off" the fecal matter from the lettuce.

"Past research shows that E. coli 0157 can enter into the lettuce through the roots and be inside the lettuce, meaning you can't wash it off," Avery said.

Stand by for the incoming from the usual suspects. I suspect the poor professor who did the study will regret it.

I'm so excited, I can hardly keep my pants on!

But then neither could he - Clinton's Memoir Ushers In Different Wave of Nostalgia. Be warned, the brown nosing in the article would choke a goat. And speaking of noses, they apparently airbrushed Bubba's proboscis on the book jacket so he looks less like W.C. Fields.

Dang, the Euroweenies are ahead of us!

Irish Vote to Close Citizenship 'Loophole':

The Irish voted "yes" in a referendum on citizenship, final results showed on Sunday, giving the government a green light to crack down on immigrants it says exploit the law to get into the European Union.

Dublin says non-EU nationals come to give birth in Ireland so they can then claim residency as parents of children who automatically become Irish citizens.

In a decision sure to anger campaigners for immigrants' rights, nearly 80 percent of voters in Friday's referendum backed a government proposal to amend the rules on citizenship in the constitution.
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The government said the number of non-nationals born in Irish hospitals has increased nearly six-fold since 1998 and now accounts for 29 percent of total hospital births.

According to one major Dublin maternity clinic, well over 80 percent of women who turned up late or unbooked to gave birth last year were foreigners.
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The result means Ireland, the last country in the EU to offer citizenship automatically to all children born on its soil, is almost certain to withdraw that right later this year.

Meanwhile in the US, the usual suspects are whining about deporting teenage illegal aliens and are trying to exempt illegal alien high school students from English language requirements.

I think this is supposed to a puff piece, but it sounds more like Lurch needs Ritalin

Behind the Scenes, a Restless and Relentless Kerry:

Like a caged hamster, Senator John Kerry is restless on the road. He pokes at the perimeter of the campaign bubble that envelops him, constantly trying to break out for a walk around the block, a restaurant dinner, the latest movie.

Poor baby! Although the hamster analogy is engaging.

Landing one sunny day in St. Louis, Mr. Kerry wandered off the airstrip to stroll through a grass patch, leaving his security detail trying to keep him in sight while scores of staff members, supporters, police officers and journalists waited without explanation for an hour. Another afternoon on another tarmac, he tossed a baseball, then a football, then hopped on a policeman's motorcycle for a spin, all in the space of 30 minutes.
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He is a relentless polisher, going over and over even well-worn sections of his stump speech until moments before delivery.

He is a diligent greeter, never speeding through a hotel kitchen without handshakes. He is chronically and unapologetically late — for campaign events, for meetings, even for church. And on Memorial Day, he showed up a half-hour into an hourlong parade in Portsmouth, Va., his only scheduled stop for the day.
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There is also the John Kerry who is constantly on a cellphone, seeking counsel from a wide circle or conveying concerns to staff members.
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"I've been on planes with four presidential candidates," Mr. Farmer said. Michael S. Dukakis "would always be reading a policy paper," he said, while "Clinton would always be telling stories."

"John Kerry is always on the phone," he said. (The fourth, the former astronaut John Glenn, he added, "was flying the plane.")
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But he is deeply involved in tiny details on policy, and spends hours fiddling with speech drafts. (This is an improvement; before a speech at Georgetown University that helped open his campaign in January 2003, Mr. Kerry was so preoccupied with the speech that he had to trim his fund-raising activities for three days.)

"Polishing and polishing and polishing until he's satisfied," is how one senior campaign official described the process.
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"He's a weird mix of both the very refined taste of elite schools and all that but also eating Hostess cupcakes and watching dumb comedies on TV," observed Andrei Cherny, who spent more than a year as Mr. Kerry's chief speechwriter and now works for the Democratic National Committee.

It's the twinkie defense! There's more, but I'm afraid of a sugar overdose.

Finally! It's naked protest season!

The naked wingnuts were out in force around the world yesterday - 'It's really fun to ride your bike naked,' protest leader says:

Nearly 200 bicyclists in various states of undress -- some of them wearing only paint or a helmet --flashed through Chicago's North Side on Saturday night to protest myriad issues including the war in Iraq.
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Participants hooted and hollered as they rode through nearby streets, most on bikes but others riding scooters, skateboards and a rickshaw.

The ride was part of an international effort, with about 1,200 people expected to participate in 24 cities, 11 of them in the United States.

The event is an expansion of the eight-year-old annual Vancouver ride, which has attracted participants with any number of agendas, including war protesters, nudists and bicycle enthusiasts who jump at any chance to ride with a group, said Sasha Webb, spokeswoman for World Naked Bike Ride-Vancouver.

"It's to bring attention to oil dependency and to take an outright anti-war stance," she said. "It's to draw attention to the fact that the media wants to draw attention to naked people, but the fact that there's an illegal war going on is not important.

"Plus, it's really fun to ride your bike naked."

Don't fall on your kickstand, Sasha!

Anyhow, to answer the really important question, the best photo seems to be from Scotland, but in Seattle, these senior citizens were having way too much fun.