Everyone enjoys a coverup!

U.N. BIGS 'SEAL' THE OIL DEALS :

The United Nations yesterday threw up a stone wall in the oil-for-food scandal, insisting that contracts between the world body and private companies should not be turned over to investigators.

In a defiant move that has infuriated probers, Secretary-General Kofi Annan threw his support behind a letter from former oil-for-food head Benon Sevan to officials of a Dutch company that inspected Iraqi oil shipments. The letter directed the company not to hand over documents to congressional committees and other "governmental authorities."

I'm shocked! Shocked, I tell ya!

Sevan's shocking April 14 letter sternly reminded the company, Saybolt International, that details of its contract with the United Nations are confidential "and we would not agree to their release."

The letter was especially eye-opening because it came from Sevan, who is under investigation for accepting sweetheart oil contracts from Saddam Hussein and who supposedly was on vacation, pending retirement, when it was written.

That Bennie! You can send him to a luxury casino resort in Australia, but you can't keep him from working!

But yesterday, Stephane Dujarric, spokesman for Annan, told The Post that the letter was written by another official on Sevan's stationery and that the official was following advice of U.N. lawyers.

"The letter follows standard U.N. legal procedure," which mandates that companies cannot give documents about contracts with the United Nations to outside governmental agencies without the approval of the United Nations, Dujarric added.

My dog has more legal standing than the UN. How about sending in the NYPD with a search warrant? Kofi and Bennie doing the "perp walk" would be cool too! Click through for a snap of Bennie practicing his "deer in the headlights" look.

Pop quiz time!

Judith Weizner has a Qualifying Test for Democratic Vice-Presidential Hopefuls. Some sample questions:

I) What is the biggest problem facing the country today?

1. SUV's
2. The high price of Prozac
3. Talk radio
4. Terrorism

II) How would you repair our relationship with France?

1. Appoint Dominique de Villepin to investigate the Oil-for-Food program
2. Give a $92,000. tax credit to every American over 21 who buys a case of Lafite Rothschild 1986
3. Require French sub-titles on all films shown in the US
4. Why bother?

III) How would you safeguard the country from terrorist attacks?

1. Apologize to al-Qaeda for 9-11 and mean it
2. Ask the UN to provide peacekeeping forces in New York, LA and Chicago
3. Stop humiliating Muslims with exaggerated security precautions
4. Make an example of Fallujah

No looking at the other kids' papers!

The irrelevance increases by the minute

U.N. Squawks at Thailand's Rout of Muslim Terrorists:

The United Nations' human rights chief demanded Friday that Thailand investigate clashes in the south of the country that killed at least 113 people.
The investigation should be "swift and transparent," said Bertrand Ramcharan, the acting U.N. High Commissioner for Human Rights.

Security forces in southern Thailand killed 108 people, mostly young men wielding machetes, who attacked police and army posts on Wednesday. Three policemen and two soldiers were also killed in the bloodshed, the worst in years in Thailand.

Under U.N. treaties, security forces are "required to refrain from using force exceeding that strictly required by the exigencies of the situation," Ramcharan said. He said immediate action should be taken to ensure that everyone involved, including prisoners, are guaranteed their human rights.

Thanks for the advice, Bertie! Maybe next time they'll let you hold off the machete wielding wackos with just your snappy patter.

And here's some fun from Marni Soupcoff - Bored? Create a Better Planet:

If you're bored this spring or summer, not sure how to spend a free evening or Sunday afternoon, why not celebrate humanity?

Sounds like a real gripper - tell me more.

Okay, I'll admit, it probably won't be as fun as weeding the garden or picking the dirt out of your fingernails, but it's bound to be interesting. And since UNESCO--the United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization--is backing the humanity-celebrating enterprise of which I speak, you know it's going to be so tolerant, sustainable, and culturally diverse that you won't be able to turn away from it any more than a horrified bystander can wrest his attention from a bad car wreck.

Aw, not those UNESCO idiots again!

If you don't know what event I'm talking about, give yourself a pat on the back. You've clearly been neglecting your Guardian and have, therefore, managed to avoid the ridiculous news of the leftist activist crowd's latest efforts, a Universal Forum of Cultures set to open in Barcelona on May 9.

Road trip! The UN bureaucrats and their accompanying dung flies haven't had a hoedown in ages!

The Forum, according to a press release issued by its organizers, is "an unprecedented gathering of people from all societies to spontaneously and freely participate in creating a better planet based on the principles of cultural diversity, economic sustainability, and world peace."

Whatever it is, I don't think it's like getting a real job. Anyhow, Marni hits the Fourm website to find out what's in store for attendees.

For one, there will be "special foods for sufferers of gluten intolerance," which is always a crowd pleaser. Maybe if attendees are lucky, the crowd will even convene a free and spontaneous dialogue session about why people aren't more tolerant of gluten in the first place. Other highlights include a UN Environment Project/UNESCO exhibition that promises to "show that it is 'in' to 'be sustainable'" and a U.N.-sponsored "Peace Camp" that is "conceived for the children of today, who will have to manage the effects of globalization in 2015" (emphasis most certainly not mine).

Maybe they get to wear Young Pioneer uniforms!

Whether the Forum has anything worthwhile to say, however, is a different matter. There are dozens and dozens of "dialogues" planned for the event on a wide variety of topics, but it's almost laughably clear that the organizers have already come to their own conclusions before the discussions have begun. The globalization forum advises: "we all have a stake in ensuring responsible corporate stewardship in reducing the harmful side-affects [sic] of global economic development." The cities forum urges: "Do your part to ensure that civically conscious design shapes a meaningful urban environment before sprawl continues unabated."

That sure trips off the tongue, doesn't it? Now I know where all the slogan writers went when the Communists imploded.

Clearly, no one on the left need worry that these inclusive dialogues said to represent every member of society might result in a free-market, or even a creative, solution to any problem. However, they'll provide great future opportunities for leftist activists to claim that their views are representative of those of the people of the world community. Plus, the dialogues will be a really good time to hawk the gluten-free snacks.

Also no word on a vote of thanks to the American taxpayers for funding this nonsense. But what I really want to know is where do they find the wingnuts who think this stuff up? Wait, don't tell me! I'm suspicious that this is what modern higher education amounts to and I couldn't stand the disillusionment.

Here's another shocker!

Charities 'spread scare stories on climate change to boost public donations'. For "charities" read "leftoid pressure groups". The article's about the UK. You don't think the ecoweenies would try that in the USA do ya?

More United Nations Hijinks!

U.N. Big Eyed in Cover-Up:

In a new shocker in the United Nations' oil-for-food scandal, a letter written just two weeks ago suggests the U.N. official who led the program may be engaged in an ongoing cover-up, it was reported yesterday.

On April 14, U.N. oil-for-food chief Benon Sevan sent a letter to a company under investigation in the scandal asking it to stay mum, NBC reported.

Iraqi records allegedly show that Sevan got a voucher for 11.5 million barrels of oil through the program he ran - enough to make a profit of as much as $3.5 million. He denies the charges.

Kofi says it's news to him. Sure, pal.

Kofi's sure shoveling furiously on this one - GAO denied access to oil-for-food audits:

Dozens of internal United Nations audits of the troubled oil-for-food program in Iraq were routinely shown only to the U.N. official (Benon Sevan) now at the center of an international scandal over kickbacks from the regime of Saddam Hussein, a congressional investigator said yesterday.

Joseph A. Christoff, director of international affairs and trade at the General Accounting Office, told a House hearing that U.N. auditors had refused to release the internal audits to GAO investigators probing the scandal that poured an estimated $10.1 billion from secret oil sales and inflated contracts into Saddam's coffers under the U.N. program.

So what do all the UN fans have to say? You guessed it - U.N. Scandal: Dem's Denial:

What are the Congressional hearings to discover the truth about the United Nations' oil-for-food scandal? According to some of the committee's Democratic representatives, the hearings are a "misguided effort to discredit the United Nations."

Doesn't take much effort.

In other words - according to House Reps. Tom Lantos, Howard Berman and Gary Ackerman - it apparently doesn't matter what happened to the $2 billion worth of bribe money paid to 270 diplomats and politicians, or the $10 billion allegedly stolen by Saddam Hussein.

Why? Because the truth about France, Germany and Russia's opposition to the war in Iraq might not be helpful for Democrats in the 2004 elections. The party and their presidential candidate, who worship at the altar of "U.N. solutions" for world problems (including terror) might be forced to admit that the object of their continuing affection is a cesspool of anti-American, bribe-taking liars. Liars who are perfectly willing to stonewall any investigation - apparently with the blessings of certain Democratic committee members.

Ya think?

Today's Hoot!

Tim Blair's How to Pick Up Mullahs points us to a beauty - Female comedian outrages Muslim cleric:

The founder of suspected terror group Ansar al-Islam, normally cool under pressure, lost his temper when a female Muslim comedian jokingly lifted him off the ground before an audience.

Mullah Krekar, the former leader of a fundamentalist Islamic group of Kurds in northern Iraq, was participating in a debate over his new biography Tuesday evening. Krekar, a refugee in Norway since 1991, has become the country's highest profile Muslim after his repeated arrests, court cases, television appearances and now his book "My Own Words."

Comedian and women's rights activist Shabana Rehman - a well-known Muslim here as well - was in the audience for the debate and talked Krekar into allowing her to perform what she called a little test to see if he was a fundamentalist.

Pakistan-born Rehman walked onto the stage, grabbed the Mullah around the hips, and lifted him up.

"A man who can be carried by a woman can't be a fundamentalist," Rehman said to howls of laughter.

Krekar, who comes across as calm and tolerant in public appearances, exploded with rage and grabbed the microphone.

"She does not have the right to touch me. She is showing contempt for me. I can't accept this," the Oslo newspaper Aftenposten quoted Krekar as saying.

We should all chip in to get the mullah a lap dance.

The mullah threatened a lawsuit, and demanded that all the photographers in the hall erase any pictures of him being lifted. But the images were broadcast on television and published in newspapers.

Bwahaha! So far, the only online source of the pictures I have found is the NY Times.

You learn something new every day!

Germany plans to fine brothels with no apprentices. It's the usual suspects, of course:

The legislation drafted by the Social Democrats and their Greens coalition partners will fine companies that do not have one apprentice for every 15 workers.

Several members of the Greens party tried to allow an exemption for prostitutes but the Education Ministry responsible for the legislation blocked that, arguing it "would cause considerable difficulties", Der Spiegel said.

I suspect the parlimentarians will need some "in-depth" studies to determine the exact nature of the duties of the apprentices.

They're from the UN. They're here to help!

I missed ScamMaster Supreme, Kofi Annan, on Meet the Press; but I understand from others' comments that he was looking beaucoup shifty when Oil-for-Crooks came up. As well he might - Iraq oil-for-food kickbacks 'higher than suspected':

Kickbacks paid to Saddam Hussein's regime on contracts signed under the United Nations' oil-for-food programme were far higher than the 10 per cent rake-off previously assumed to be the norm.

But being a UN bureaucrat isn't just caviar and trips to Switzerland to deposit your personal stash of loot, there are amazing amounts of fun to be had:

U.N. officials, including General Secretary Kofi Annan, are so afraid of a new book detailing stories of U.N. sex scandals and drug parties, they have threatened the authors with termination if the book ever gets published.

Already, the book, "Emergency Sex and Other Desperate Matters" (Miramax Books) by Kenneth Cain, Heidi Postlewait and Andrew Thomson -- two current and one former employee of the U.N.'s peacekeeping operations -- has provoked a storm of controversy inside the world body.

Now two of the authors could be out of job if U.N. censors have their way.
...
The book is the personal memoirs of the trio chronicling their ten years together working in several U.N. peacekeeping operations, including operations in Cambodia, Somalia, Rwanda, Liberia, Haiti and the former Yugoslavia.

“Emergency Sex” is the first time such a book has been written from inside the U.N.'s peacekeeping operations and by two employees who are currently serving in the world body.

The book also may rank as one of the most sensational exposes of U.N. business -- including numerous, and supposedly true, stories of wild sex and drug parties involving U.N. officials.

Woohoo! Who knew the dull bureaucrats had it in 'em?

Meanwhile, the controversy over the book is reaching the highest levels at the U.N., and several ambassadors in the Security Council have requested copies of the "Emergency Sex” galleys to see what exactly the staffers are claiming.

I'll bet!

All of which reminds me of the Freeper comment of the day:

The only way I want to hear the words "Kofi Annan" is in a diner and followed by the phrase "English muffin please."

As usual, the laugh's on us

Erstwhile Presidential tall timber, John F*ing Kerry, is at it again. As a followup to the NY Times theme story, ScrappleFace says the Lurchster is getting some help - Kerry Needs Theme, Gore Suggests 'Love Story'. Bwahaha! But there's someone else he can turn to - Al comes in from the cold: Sharpton gets a speaking role, Kerry gets new set of problems:

A few months ago, back when he was an active candidate for his party's nomination, Al Sharpton told Democratic National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe that he intended to speak at the Democratic National Convention in Boston one way or another. "In the hall or in the parking lot," the Rev. Al said.

After Sharpton's weak showing in the primaries, it looked as if he would be setting up his soapbox among the sport-utility vehicles. But that changed on Thursday when John Kerry brought Sharpton in from the cold.

Who says you can't go though life being a fat, loud thug? And Jesse Jackson is so pissed!

Then there's continuing reverb from Lurch's medal tossing nuancing - Kerry’s ribbons:

The more John Kerry is asked about his Vietnam War medals, the more he resembles Bill Clinton answering questions about Monica Lewinsky.

Maybe Jane Fonda offered to show him her thong! And speaking of old comrades, the North Vietnamese trotted out ole General Giap for a press hoedown - Giap Recalls Vietnam Wins Vs. France, U.S.:

Speaking Vietnamese and French, he was relaxed and animated during a two-hour session, pumping his fist, wagging his finger, cracking jokes, thanking Americans who opposed the Vietnam War, and reminiscing about his days as a fighting revolutionary.

Not surprising since his grand strategy versus the USA was to keep taking punches until his opponent got stabbed in the back. I'm surprised Kerry didn't stop by to wish his old pal the best!

Speaking of which, the newsies were hoping General Giap would offer his sage counsel on Iraq and were rather disappointed that he merely trotted out the party line:

With critics of the Iraq war likening it to America's Vietnam experience, Giap's opinion was eagerly sought, but the man considered one of history's foremost military strategists prefaced his reply with caution, saying he didn't know the specifics of the Iraqi situation.

He offered this: "All nations fighting for their legitimate interests and sovereignty will surely win."

That didn't keep the original AP story from being titled Vietnam's Giap Gives Warning on Iraq and the (Australian) ABC from titling it Vietnamese general warns US doomed in Iraq. It's deja vu all over again!

And speaking of deja vu, from the fever swamps comes some "Dog bites man" news - The Power of a Peace Candidate:

When Ralph Nader announced his independent candidacy for president in February, he claimed his chief target would be "the giant corporation in the White House . . . George W. Bush." Two months later, a more plausible agenda is beginning to emerge. The adversary is not Bush but John F. Kerry; the main subject is not corporate greed but Iraq. And, contrary to the conventional wisdom of win- ter, Nader may be poised for a hot summer.
...
Why should voters choose Nader? Because Kerry, Nader told the reporters, "is stuck in the Iraq quagmire the same way Bush is." That leaves the independent as the sole choice for "the peace movement in this country."

I guess Ralphie's beef is that Lurch has forgotten his roots. C'mon Ralphie - he just has a nuanced approach.

The Micah Wright Fake War Hero Club

Mudville Gazette has the detailed version while Michele gets the pond scum by the throat. And Michele has more, including a link to a column in today's WaPo - Rangers Lead the Way in Exposing Authour as a Fraud.