What's more confusing than Barack Obama's family with all the various half-siblings and other relatives sired by his polygamous father and grandfather? What we really need to sort it out is a reality TV show:
With the Dunham-Hawaiian/Obama-Kenyan/Soetoro-Indonesian family tree, over the past few years it's become hard to keep track of all the president's Kenyan paternal cousins, step-grandmothers, half-brothers, half-sisters, aunts, and uncles.
To remedy that confusion, America may be willing to explore the exotic and agree to overlook molestation, DWIs, and illegal status for a couple of months, invite the Obama clan to a huge mansion in the style of the Bachelor Pad, and before the 2012 election really get to know what ancestral dysfunction shapes Barack's behavior.
The premise of the "Yes We Kenya Clan" reality show would be to see which family members can ingratiate themselves to the president to the point where he actually acknowledges that they're blood relatives.
Whoever survives for the duration will get to move out of his or her respective housing project, be granted amnesty, or be excused from jail time or probation.
On the finale, the president, under duress, will "share the wealth" by either inviting the winner to the White House for Thanksgiving, pulling some strings with the INS or British law enforcement, or volunteering to finance their living expenses by doubling his/her income from $1 to $2 per month.
Let's face it: for a president supposedly so concerned with fairness, there is a glaring inequity when it comes to relatives. Heck, Marian Robinson lives in the White House, eats kale from the organic garden, and globe-trots with daughter Michelle on the taxpayers' dime. Yet Barry's Aunt Janie hasn't even attended a backyard BBQ or slept over once in the Lincoln bedroom.
Come on, Barry! Man up for your father's family. After all, it is Father's Day. Still, I wouldn't let Uncle Samson be alone with the kids.