Monday, August 25, 2008

Boffo musical lineup for the Democrat convention!

Today's the start of the Democrat convention and although there's sure to be plenty of stultifying speechifying, the convention committee has plans to liven it up to prove to the worldwide audience that they aren't just a bunch of leftoid stiffs. Check out this press release detailing the musical numbers they have planned:


2008 Democrat National Convention Organizing Committee


August 25, 2008

While the 2008 Democrat convention will feature stirring speeches by party luminaries, the attendees and the TV audience will also be entertained by the musical talents of some of the thought leaders of the party. Below is a partial list of the planned musical entertainment - watch every single second of the convention to avoid missing any of it!
  • Former Senator John "The Millworker's Son" Edwards will wow the crowd with the ballad, "My Cheating Heart." A duet of "The Ballad of Lizzie and Johnny" was planned with his lovely wife Liz, but she had some last minute family issues that kept her from attending.
  • House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will get the house smiling with her Global Warming theme song, "A Bicycle Built for You and a Limousine Just for Me."
  • Former Vice President Al Gore will remind everyone that climate change is serious business as he leads the crowd in an ancient Aztec chant to the Sun God begging him to spare sinful humans. Note: the virgin sacrifice was canceled due to shortages.
  • Mayor Kwame "Pimp Daddy" Kilpatrick of Detroit will get the crowd jumping with his rendition of "Jailhouse Rock" backed by the famous Mayor's Mansion Strippers (except for the one that died mysteriously, of course).
  • Former Governor Don "Crazy Pants" Siegleman of Georgia is out on bail, so he will be able to deliver his soulful rendition of "Working on a Chain Gang." Also be sure to catch the wailing harmonica on Don's "Karl Rove is Out to Get Me Blues."
  • Crowd favorite Ted Kennedy will be sure to leave you chortling over his "Little Brown Jug (How I Love Thee)." Unfortunately, backup singers Mary Jo and Joan weren't able to attend because of prior commitments.
  • Former President Bill "Registered Sex Offender" Clinton will bring back the good old days with "Devil with the Blue Dress On" and a soulful rendition of "Women I Have Known and Raped Before."
  • Of course, the convention would not be complete without Senator Hillary Clinton delivering her stirring "I Am Woman (Hear Me Roar)" which she will late on whatever night she can be scheduled. Note from DNC Chairman Howard Dean: Clinton delegates are reminded of the need for them to vote on all ballots in their special venue in Casper, Wyoming, just a short walk from the convention hall.
Finally, the two stellar attractions:
  • Michelle Obama plans to get your fingers snapping and toes tapping with her covers of "Get Back Honky Cat" and "Up Against The Wall, Redneck Mother" before she leads the crowd in "Kumbaya" which won't leave a dry eye in the house. Then she will have you on your feet with a clenched fist salute as she leads the singing of "The Internationale." You go, girl!

Hmm, maybe there will be "A-team" reruns on some cable channel.