Monday, August 23, 2004

Meanwhile on Bizarro World

Hamptons Diary:
HUNDREDS of well- heeled guests found themselves traipsing through mud to get to John Kerry's $1,000-a-head fund-raiser at the home of venture capitalist Alan Patricof Saturday night, after the event was turned into a political Woodstock by bucketing rain.
No to worry, I'm sure Alan is already having a new lawn flown in.
Former model Christie Brinkley was overheard joking that the mud was a result of Republican campaign tactics.
She may only be an airhead model, but she is smarter than Janet Jackson's boob.
Meanwhile, first to collar the delayed presidential hopeful when he finally showed up was hip-hop mogul turned politico Russell Simmons, who pulled Kerry aside for a stern tete-à-tete on how better to relate to the voters.
Bwahaha! No, I'm not making this up!
Outside, Jimmy Buffett performed for the waiting crowd, which was awash in tequila.

But the buzz was almost amid [killed? - ed.] by Teresa Heinz Kerry's long-winded introduction, which finally ended soon after one heckler told her to sit down.
Drunken rowdies at a $1,000 a head fund raiser? Back off everyone, meltdown in progress!
Later, the Kerrys headed to the East Hampton home of "Sex and the City" creator Darren Star, who co-hosted a $25,000-per-person dinner with furniture designer Mitchell Gold. It was attended by 250 guests including Sen. Chuck Schumer, actor Peter Boyle, Infinity Radio chief John Sykes and marketing exec Robert Zimmerman.

Kerry thanked Star, telling the crowd that in this economy, "Sex and the City's" fictional character of Carrie Bradshaw wouldn't even be able to afford a $15 pair of shoes.
Which I'm sure brought a tear to the eye of every one of these swells.

The NY Times also covered the festivities and although they left out the good parts, there were still some gems:
At a tent party for 800 guests (minimum entry fee: $1,000) at the home of the venture capitalist Alan Patricof, women lost their high heels to the mud while a trumpet player resembling Ernest Borgnine led the band in "When You're Smiling." Dozens of people with dirty feet left early.

"I had $200 designer shoes that stayed in the car," said Grace Williams, a New Jersey resident who spent the weekend in Montauk. "I'm not ruining them."
Smart move "in this economy," Grace!
After the festivities, Mr. Kerry and his entourage drove to Gabreski Airport in Westhampton for the flight to Boston. One East End farmer, anticipating Mr. Kerry's route, propped a sign on an old pickup truck bidding farewell. It read, "Kerry Go Home."
Those pesky little people! They're everywhere!