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Saturday, October 16, 2004 No flies on them! “Conflicts-of-Interest-R-Us”: Over at the United Nations "Conflicts-of-Interest-R-Us" world headquarters, there's a new twist on the former Oil-for-Food program for Iraq. Secretary General Kofi Annan has now decided that the U.N.-authorized investigation into Oil-for-Food, the "independent inquiry" headed by former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker, will be funded with money left over in the administrative account of...Oil-for-Food.What technique! What style! Maybe they could open a school for bureaucrats.
It does make you wonder Exactly what planet do Lurch and his pals in the national Democrat party come from? It's like they have some alien chemistry that always yields the inappropriate response. In town the other day, I ran into the local Democrat candidate for state senator and frankly, it was hard to tell him from a Republican except for a certain fondness for the taxpayers' dollars. But his type of Democrat is a vanishing breed in the national party. I told him so. And the stories the national Democrats come up with! Dennis Becklin at SouthernOregonNews.com sums it up: From promises of miracle cures to claims of a renewed military draft during a second Bush term, Kerry and Edwards have gone loco. This isn't just electioneering...all politicians are prone to stretching it a bit. This is antisocial behavior.How did the national Democrat party become beholden to the residents of Bizarro World?
Time for a photo-op!  It's time for yet another goofy Lurch sports photo-op, but at least he skipped the suit and tie for a "regular guy" ranch coat. But all is not well on the photo-op front - Kerry cancels visit to West Virginia church: Huntington, WV - A visit to West Virginia by Democratic Presidential Candidate John Kerry has been put on hold.Oooops, the advance men didn't find the right religious shill to violate the law. The Kerry campaign says the church issue did not affect the decision to cancel the trip.Sure, we believe ya! Lurch was probably too busy sneaking into Cambodia, anyway.
Now, that's class!  Try one of these, Kim! NY Posts's Page Six: DEMOCRATS really are more open-minded about sex than Republicans. Take Kimberly Newsom, attractive Court TV anchor wife of handsome San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom. When her husband couldn't make it as scheduled to speak at Thursday night's Empire State Pride Agenda dinner at the Sheraton, the year's biggest gay rights fund-raiser, Kimberly filled in for him. She was eloquent and uplifting as she spoke of equality.Zzzzzzz. But she really brought the house down when she talked about her hunky hubby's anatomy. "I know that many of you wanted to see my husband and some of you had questions out there. Is he hot? Yeah. Is he hung? Yeah. Is he [she waved her hand to suggest bisexual]? Not unless you can give a better [she mimicked eating a banana] than me. Thank you very much." Then she left the stage to cheers and applause.One can't help but wonder how Gavin would provide an equivalent display. Oh, yeah: Unfazed by the bawdy humor were Cate Edwards, daughter of John Edwards, Jim McGreevey, Betsy Gotbaum, Alan Hevesi and a host of other Democratic politicians — and Mayor Bloomberg.Gosh, I hope Cate doesn't tell Mama. As for Gov. McGreevey - I wonder if he was there with his wife?
Friday, October 15, 2004 "Hit play to watch me work it" (Via Elephant Rants) Say Uncle alerts us to a, er well, new Hardee's commercial for a Western Bacon Thickburger. Indeed! Yikes, don't anybody show it to Liz Edwards!
Yet another clever plan goes awry! After reading about all the "blogging bucks" that were to be had, I rushed out and signed up for Google AdSense and made plans to appear in TV infomercials at poolside surrounded by damsels in bikinis. Unfortunately, the "sense" in AdSense means that Google scans my pages in order to post relevant ads. Swell, except it can't tell the difference between criticism and brown-nosing, so I'm stuck with a bunch of ads for the Kerry family. Not to mention Muslims for Nader/Camejo which must be a remarkable crew indeed. Something tells me I'm going to have to give the damsels a rain check.
I was gobsmacked! By the Guardian's "clever" plan, that is! They want to have primo UK wankers write to the "little folks" in the USA and tell them to vote for Lurch. But Tim Blair is on the case: The Guardian's Operation Clark County -- a letter-writing idea stolen from this site -- is off to a roaring start:Well, Halloween is coming. What could be more scary?By the end of the workday, the paper had received more than 3,000 requests for voters, whose names were culled from public voter-registration rolls, said features editor Ian Katz.Many of those requests were from opponents of the vote-influencing scheme, wishing to help Clark County residents avoid mail from pale, asexual, unevolved British socialists. Much more by following the link including a typical missive from Cranky Neocon and Tim's counterplan, "Operation Guardian."
Oh, the horror! Imre Salusinszky has some fun with the usual suspects - Collapse of Australian democracy turns the refugee tide: However, Mr Annan warned last night the real tragedy was yet to come – in the form of a refugee crisis as Australia's artists, intellectuals and public broadcasters flee their totalitarian nation in fear of persecution.The Hagfish (AKA Phillip Adams) and Margo make an appearance.
Thursday, October 14, 2004 Good thing morbid obesity didn't come up!  Are you sure you want to supersize it, Liz?
Er, Liz, probably not a good idea. Have another box of chocolates and think it over.
What's not to like? William Grim reviews Team America (also see the post below): Yes, it's very naughty and it liberally employs most, if not all, of George Carlin's infamous seven words, but "Team America: World Police" is the funniest, most politically incorrect, and most unabashedly conservative movie in a long, long time. The movie ridicules Muslim terrorists, Hollywood liberals and the French, and it does so in a joyous fashion. The movie reminds us that in addition to hot, young, blonde infobabes, conservatives have an almost total monopoly on humor.Intentional, that is. I don't want to give any of the details away, but let me just say that if you despise portly pinko Michael Moore, this movie is for you. If you think Sean Penn is an execrable airhead, this movie is for you. And if you believe that Alec Baldwin is as sleazy as the one character he always plays in the movies, then by all means, this movie is for you.More by following the link, and yes, it is naughty: Will the movie's theme song "America, F**k, Yeah!" get nominated for an Oscar; and if so, will it be performed on a seven-second delay at the Academy Awards?That would sure cause swooning in the aisles.
Minnesotans! Tired of your wingnut senior Senator, "Skip" Dayton? Well, he's up for re-election in 2006 and there's an obvious choice to replace him!  (Web site here, via Daimnation!)
Wednesday, October 13, 2004 Spot your favorite Hollyweirdos in Team America!  (click to supersize) Scylla & Charybdis has a review, Team America, F*ck Yeah, but be warned - it has spoilers about the sad fates in the movie of some of our favorite moonbats including those pictured above. Hot Damn! Movie website: http://www.teamamerica.com/
Today's Hoot! John Edward's new stump speech: And how about my middle-class people? Any middle-class people out there? Hey! Who's gonna be your next vice president? All right! Let's hear it for pot bellies and minivans and stinky disposable diapers! How about a shout-out to credit-card debt? I love it! I wish I could pinch your chubby little chipmunk cheeks! If you put John Kerry and me in the White House, we'll have each one of you in the driver's seat of a brand-new SUV. Your bosses will be less cranky, your children will be kept in trucker hats and iPods, and your TV screens will grow even wider. Those who are bald will wake up one morning and magically find themselves with thick heads of luxurious, silky hair. You'll open your refrigerators and 15-pound hams will tumble out. Your dog might even start to talk, and the first thing he'll say is "I love you." It'll be that good.Actually, it's The Onion, but it's rather hard to tell. (Hat tip: Best of the Web)
Smooth move, Nuance Boy! Michael Ledeen at The Corner: All Italy is abuzzing today about a Kerry gaffe aired last night on HBO in Italy. As reported in today's Corriere della Sera in Italy, Defense Minister Antonio Martino criticized John Kerry for an incredible remark that the conditions of the Iraqi Army were so bad that even the Italian Army could kick their a**es.The lad has a way with diplomacy, doesn't he?
What it's all about John Edwards: If you have an questions about what John Kerry’s made of (echo on “made of”)...From Red State's scoop on the final Swift Vets ads.
More fun with Mighty Nimrod!  Howie Carr in today's NY Post on Sportsman John: On top of everything else, Sen. John F. Kerry is an outdoorsman, although he wouldn't be so politically incorrect as to refer to himself in anything other than gender-neutral terms. So he's an "outdoorsperson."Snort. There's not much Kerry can do about his 20-year anti-gun voting record. (Just last year, he supported a Ted Kennedy measure to tax ammunition.) And the National Rifle Association is already running ads showing that despite his windy rhetoric, in reality he is about as pro-Second Amendment as he is pro-life.Wait for it. In July, he told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel that "I go out with my trusty 12-gauge double-barrel, crawl around on my stomach."Ruh Oh! But the best is yet to come: In the current issue of Field & Stream, the outdoorsperson was asked about the biggest deer he'd ever killed — er, harvested.More sports including lacrosse and marathon running by following the link. No mention of wanking and buffoonery.
The party of thuggery  Kerry spokesman Chad Clanton was interviewed by Linda Vester yesterday about the upcoming Sinclair Broadcasting Group program based on the documentary Stolen Honor: Wounds That Never Heal: Clanton issued what appeared to be a threat to the network when he told host Linda Vester, "I think they're going to regret doing this and they better hope we don't win." He missed his calling by about 70 years. But where have we heard little Chad's name before? Oh yeah! Back in August, he was trying to get Unfit for Command pulled from book stores. Of course, Lurch's memory has proved considerably faultier than the veterans criticizing him, which I'm sure is even more infuriating to pudgy bureaucratic thugs like Chad.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004 Today's Hoot! (featuring the Empress!)  At American Digest - Teresa Heinz Kerry Signs Historic November to January Lease on Versailles II, France: After a suitable luncheon consisting of a light salad, une morsel de fromage blanc, and six courses of white and red wine, Mrs. Kerry-Heinz took a tour of the villa which heretofore had been referred to under the code name 'Martha's Vineyard East.'Much more by following the link and while you're there, check out "The Note" -- for Dummies about our ole pal at ABC, Mark Halperin: Under no circumstances should this unfortunate lad be fed to the Drudge-besotted hordes of the blogsphere for mere run-of-the-mill media bias.Rather what I was thinking, too.
Think of the opportunities!  Cap'n TrVth may call it a healing cloth, but around here we call it a "prayer hankie." Now don't anybody tell the Donks about the special candles!
No word on the wine and the fish sandwiches  Drudge: Edwards: 'When John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve are going to walk. Get up out of that wheelchair and walk again'... Lurch's windsurfing ought to be greatly improved too. He wouldn't even need a board! (Hat tip: Bootyist Monk)
The Inside Scoop! John Hawkins at Right Wing News presents A Symposium On The Blogosphere & The Media: The participants in this symposium were (besides myself) Bill from INDC Journal, Ace from Ace of Spades HQ, Michele from A Small Victory, & Frank J. from IMAO.Lots of good stuff including the business of blog ads. I may have to start running them again!  I'm sure that'll bring in the bucks! And maybe I can get some wingnut Norwegians to buy a full page!
More Kumbaya from the Peanut Gallery  Captain Ed: In an odd move, a coalition of leftist politicians and artists from Norway placed an ad in today's Washington Post urging Bush to apologize to the Iraqis for ... liberating them?The obligatory (lute)fisking follows. What is it about the leftoid mind that loves this sort of foolishness? On the other hand, I'm sure the WaPo doesn't mind taking their money.
Monday, October 11, 2004 And their knickers are nicely knotted  The Sinclair Broadcast Group is going to run a program on John Kerry's antiwar activities based on a documentary titled Stolen Honor: Wounds That Never Heal, produced by Carlton Sherwood: [a] highly-decorated Marine Corps veteran [who] served in Vietnam and then returned home and covered John Kerry's anti-war activities for the Philadelphia Bulletin. In 1980, while at the Gannett News Service, he won a Pulitzer for an investigative report on a multi-million dollar misappropriation of funds by Vatican officials and a small order of monks in Pennsylvania. He later won a Peabody Award for his investigative work in television.Hmm, legitimate reporter, important subject, no phony documents, what's not to like? Lurch wouldn't have anything to hide, would he? The Kerry campaign has gone ballistic about "Stolen Honor," a documentary featuring interviews with former Vietnam POWs who recall their Vietnamese captors using Mr. Kerry's 1971 antiwar statements as instruments of intimidation and torture. Kerry spokesman Chad Clanton says the campaign will ask supporters to stage boycotts and demonstrations against the Sinclair Broadcast Group, which plans to air "Stolen Honor" on all of its 62 TV stations in prime-time just two weeks before the election. Democratic Senators Ted Kennedy and Dianne Feinstein are already writing a letter demanding the Federal Communications Commission investigate whether Sinclair is violating fairness guidelines and doing the bidding of the Bush campaign. I must have missed Ted and Di's letters about Rathergate. Hmmm, I guess a little free speech must be painful to the Lurchster. But why's that? I thought he was proud of what he had done? Bill Hobbs has more thoughts at the original link and you can watch excerpts of the documentary at the title link, as well as purchase copies. You might also want to drop a line to the folks at Sinclair (comments@sbgi.net) telling them how much you appreciate a media source that will dig for real facts. To find out if they have a station in your area, go here.
Wooing them in Wisconsin  Looks vaguely raunchy to me! Tim Blair alerts us to: Affable, vigorous, good-looking John Edwards exercises his famous charisma on Wisconsin's awed citizens.While you're there, check out Tim's latest on the Australian election.
Now there's a plan! Kerry Says Do-Not-Terrorize List Would End Nuisance: Democrat presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry today announced the details of his plan to completely eliminate the nuisance of terrorism.It's ScrappleFace, of course. More by following the link.
The polite description is that Kerry is so September 10  A less polite description is that he's a vacuous horse's ass who is all upset that the march to the gravy train has been interrupted by folks being a tad nervous about a bunch of wingnuts that are out to kill us. The really impolite description I won't post. A roundup of links here.
Let's have a few drafts on Terry!  From last Friday - McAuliffe to College Dems: Bush Will Reinstitute Draft: Republicans had no sooner shot down rumors of a military draft when Democratic Party Chairman Terry McAuliffe warned a group of College Democrats on Friday that President Bush would call them up for duty if re-elected.Notice how Terry doesn't seem to be spending much time on coming up with "possibilities" for a Lurch presidency? Follow the link to the article for some audience reactions. Not everyone was guzzling the Kool-Aid. And in a similar vein, a headline writer at the LA Slimes deserves some sort of award for Republicans Glad to Lose on Bill to Start New Draft. But here's a puzzle. I thought John Kerry was the mandatory national service guy? And all the crocodile tears about not enough troops reminds me of an oldie but goodie: Can you name this country?I'll spare you the suspense: THESE ARE THE AMERICAN MILITARY FORCES THAT WERE ELIMINATED DURING THE ADMINISTRATION OF BILL CLINTON AND AL GORE.Indeed.
As usual, the race card trumps the IRS We all know that IRS regulations prohibit churches from active participation in election campaigns. That is, unless your church has predominantly black members and is supporting a Democrat. So it's no surprise to see in the Miami Herald (annoying registration required) that Kerry courts black vote, vows to pressure Castro in a "religious" service at a "black" church in Miami: Flanked by the Rev. Jesse Jackson and one-time rival Al Sharpton -- both of whom turned a lively morning service at Friendship Missionary Baptist Church in Liberty City into a blistering indictment of the Bush administration -- Kerry sought to galvanize the black vote he needs to turn out in force in November.All the panderers and pimps were there! More from Michelle Malkin: On that basis, I'd say God's in bad shape.For every Goliath, God has a David. For every Calvary's cross, God has a Christ Jesus. To bring our country out of despair, discouragement, despondency and disgust, God has a John Kerry.-Pastor Gaston E. Smith, preaching from the pulpit yesterday during a campaign event with John Kerry at his Baptist church. After the big "religious" event, Lurch loosed some more whoppers: After his appearance, Kerry met with The Herald's editorial board for a wide-ranging interview in which he assailed Bush's policies in the Middle East and the Western Hemisphere. He accused the administration of ignoring Latin America and Haiti and said that as president, he would work with U.S. allies that do business in Cuba to bring pressure on Fidel Castro.It's another Global Test! You ever wonder if the Germans and the French have some naughty pics of the Lurchster and are blackmailing him? Kerry looked to cast himself in the hourlong interview as staunchly anti-Castro, calling the Cuban leader a ''brutal dictator'' and noting that on a trip to Cuba, he declined to meet with Castro at ``one of those one o'clock in the morning seances with Castro -- for him to sit around and play that game.''Ooooo! Can we feel your muscle, Lurch? More inanities by following the links.
"Live From N.Y.: A Republican!" Julia Gorin provides a load of laughs in yesterday's WaPo: I watch the forty-something couple survey our outdoor table from three feet away. The woman shakes her head and covers her mouth with one hand. The man speaks quietly into her ear. I imagine he's telling her not to be afraid, that everything will be okay. Even after I ask her to share her thoughts, she can't find her voice. The cause of her shock and awe? (Okay, "awe" may not be the mot juste here.) It's a "Bush-Cheney 2004" table that graced a street corner near Madison Square Garden for a dozen Saturdays recently.It was truly a cross-cultural experience. Some of the good parts: Then there was the middle-aged man who pulled at his hair every time someone actually bought something from us. "You're giving them money?!" he'd cry. When he first came upon us, his greeting was, "This is New York -- you don't belong here!"More by following the link.
Sunday, October 10, 2004 Lurch's favorite tipple  Aside from the clouds of nuance in the NY Times Magazine article mentioned in the previous post, there is one spot of "clarity": On an evening in August, just after a campaign swing through the Southwest, Kerry and I met, for the second of three conversations about terrorism and national security, in a hotel room overlooking the Ferris wheel on the Santa Monica pier. A row of Evian water bottles had been thoughtfully placed on a nearby table. Kerry frowned.Hmmm, I sense both danger and opportunity! I asked Kerry, out of sheer curiosity, what he didn't like about Evian.Opportunity! Sure, Lurch! We believe ya! ''You mean tap water?''Ruh oh! ''No,'' Kerry replied deliberately. He seemed now to sense some kind of trap. I was left to imagine what was going through his head. If I admit that I drink bottled water, then he might say I'm out of touch with ordinary voters. But doesn't demanding my own brand of water seem even more aristocratic? Then again, Evian is French -- important to stay away from anything even remotely French.Of course, he couldn't mention his real favorite among bottled waters. But not to worry Lurch, fans! It gets turned into a Vietnam reference as the "story" progresses!
Adopt this puppy!  Sure looks sensitive to me! The NY Times Magazine today has a larger version of the above snap as the cover photo for their obligatory pre-election puff piece, Kerry's Undeclared War: John Kerry has a thoughtful, forward-looking theory about terrorism and how to fight it. But can it resonate with Americans in the post-9/11 world?. Follow the link if for some reason your mind has excessive clarity this morning and you need to be befogged. The only reason I mention it, other than the fetching snap of Lurch, is that Daniel Okrent, the NY Times Public Editor (i.e ombudsman) refers to it in his protracted whine about how tough his job ia and how mean the readers are: (I can't wait to hear what readers think of the Kerry portrait today on the cover The New York Times Magazine, much less the article itself.) (Check that: Yes, I can.)Of course, my sympathy would be enhanced if he didn't produce howlers like: Here's the question for a public editor: Is The Times systematically biased toward either candidate?Gag me with a spoon. But there is one bit of fun while Dan is patting himself on the back. As nasty as critics on the right can get (plenty nasty), the left seems to be winning the vileness derby this year.They have a special talent for it every year, Dan-O.
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