Saturday Hijinks!

Wizbang suggests that you Show Your Support!

John Kerry is graciously offering you your very own web page on his campaign site. Shouldn't you take him up on it?

Be there or be square!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 6:10 PM -

 
Short and sweet

I had what I considered to be a short comment yesterday on Jimmy Carter's continued delusional ravings. The NY Post goes me one better - More Mush from the Wimp.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:22 AM -

 
And not a clue in sight

The Washington Times has a little fun with the Kool Aid drinkers at Newsweek - Newsweek piece 'doesn't add up':

With a gigantic IRS 1040 income-tax form covering a slightly ajar door presumably leading to a room filled with tightly guarded information, the headline of Newsweek's current cover story screams: "The Dirty Little Secret of the Tax Cut: Why It's Smaller Than You Think." Inside, the article greets the reader with the bold assertion: "Why Your Tax Cut Doesn't Add Up." But the only thing that doesn't add up is the article itself. It is replete with misstatements and distortions masquerading as the real-life experiences of Americans since President Bush's tax cuts were enacted in 2001 and 2003.

The article showcases three middle-class families and includes photos of smiling children and parents, who invariably are quoted as saying they have derived virtually no benefit from the Bush tax cuts. All are utterly misinformed. Newsweek's uncritical portrayal of their demonstrably false assertions amounts to nothing more than a reprehensible journalistic hit piece.

Newsweek first highlights "single-mom" Jennifer Evans and her 7-year-old son. Miss Evans earned $32,400 in 2003. "I kept hearing about these so-called tax cuts," Miss Evans says. "They're not benefiting regular working people," she declared, a patently false assertion that Newsweek chose to emphasize by placing it in boldface type. In fact, Ms. Evans' income tax was reduced by $1,000, or 45 percent.

Much more by following the links, but the best part is the tone of the whines:

Mr. Taverno boldly declares, "The tax cut to me was inconsequential" — which Newsweek dutifully placed in boldface.
...
Altogether, the Bush tax cuts slashed more than $2,800, or 44 percent, from the Tavernos' 2003 income-tax bill. This is "inconsequential"?
...
The Ellis family (two parents, two children) was next up. Ted and Erania Ellis earned $194,000 last year. "There's been no break for us," artist Ted tells Newsweek, which boldfaced the falsehood. "It feels like I'm being penalized for trying to run my own business. It doesn't feel like they're helping me. The tax cuts," he ignorantly asserts, "are benefiting major corporations who are downsizing and outsourcing."
...
In total, the Ellis family will save $6,899 from its 2003 income taxes. That represents a monthly savings of $575. "There's been no break for us," Newsweek allowed Mr. Ellis to assert falsely, showcasing the lie in boldface, no less.

Since these folks are getting such trivial tax breaks, I'm sure they wouldn't mind sending them to me.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:18 AM -

 
And while we're thinking about might have beens

During all the whining this week from the Donk members of the 9/11 commission and their media flying monkeys, I was bemused by the thought that if President Bush had immediately attacked Islamic terrorists after taking office, we would be hearing the same hysterical whine but with considerably different words. Gregg Easterbrook goes further down that path in An Alternative History.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 5:21 PM -

 
It's the mooncalf again!

Ordinarily I'd say something unkind about Jimmy Carter's latest eructation, but it's kind of like complaining about the cowflops after stabling the heard in the hall. What else could one reasonably expect?

It does, however, remind me of something I read recently that claimed that ole Jimmy sabotaged the Shah of Iran because he didn't get some lucrative business deals for his Georgia cronies. Since it's well known that he did sabotage the Shah's government, it would be comfortable to think he was merely a money grubbing crook, but I think that is just trying to put a rational gloss on his irrationality. We're damn lucky that the mooncalf didn't do worse than he did while he was in office.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 5:10 PM -

 
Some Down-Under Humor

Tim Blair discovers a new source of laser-like discernment

The dizzy female host on Channel Seven’s Sunrise program just announced: “The situation in Iraq is getting worse -- so is it time to send in the UN?”

He then astounds with Blog TV:

Tonight: ABC’s Mondo Thingo explains bloggers. Or interviews several of them, anyway, including me. As I said during taping: "Footage of people using computers -- it'll be a ratings bonanza!"

Indeed.

Meanwhile, Professor Bunyip has been hors de combat - blogwise that is:

A word of apology and explanation to the many friends of the Billabong who have inquired about the Professor’s health: There is no need for concern, as it is a sense of duty – inspired by this story – that has kept a dutiful Bunyip from his keyboard. If Britain’s Musselmen find a statue of a boar intolerable, how long must it be before the forces of multiculturalism turn on Sydney’s very own copy of the same handsome porker? So rather than posts, it has been sentry duty – tireless circuits of Macquarie Street, with a sharp eye peeled for the intolerant forces of tolerance that would make bacon of bronze.

Protect the Pig! That’s the Billabong’s war cry – and as with so many other selfless deeds, the pay-off has been unexpected. Since the Professor has been standing his solitary guard, there has been no time to become involved in something of a family crisis roiling Mrs. Bunyip’s side of the clan.

Limited blogging will now resume, the pace gathering as in-laws’ Mediterranean passions cool and various injured parties limp home from the causualty ward.

Our thanks to the Professor for his stalwart service. And don't anyone mention the Boarcam!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 11:50 AM -

 
A Moonbat Without a Clue

From the BBC - Mowlam: We must talk to al-Qaeda:

Mo Mowlam has called on the British and American governments to open talks with Osama bin Laden and al-Qaeda.

You may be thinking, "Swell, when do we hear from Joe Grobnik?" but ole Mo (who is a woman) used to be the Northern Ireland secretary in the British government.

And she says she will use her new one woman show to criticise government policy on Iraq and the Middle East.

She ought to check with Richard Clarke about book deals.

Here's the problem, Mo. Their first demand will be that you put a bag over your head. While most folks will be real easy with that, the second demand will be that we join their grand medieval delusion. That's going to be real difficult. And failing that, they want to kill us. All of us, including stupid fat hags. So shut your pie hole.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:40 AM -

 
"Liberal Radio Talks, Nobody Listens"

Byron York at NRO:

As the new liberal talk-radio network finishes its first week in operation, industry insiders say the most impressive thing about the effort is not its performance — that has gotten mixed-to-negative reviews — but the fact that the network, Air America, has received such extensive press coverage relative to the tiny size of its audience.

Gee, I can't think why a leftoid operation would get all sorts of media coverage, can you? Terpsboy has the pictorial details.

My favorite moment :

Things turned ugly on the new liberal talk radio network, "Air America," Wednesday night, with guest Ralph Nader blasting the Democratic Party's counterweight to Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly as "Hot Air America."

Nader got into an on-air tussle with "Air America" host Randi Rhodes, during which Rhodes repeatedly informed him she was "pissed" that he was running for president, complaining that he had "screwed up the last election."

The perennial candidate said the fact that Democrats couldn't hang onto what he described as their presidential victory was the party's own fault.

And for good measure, Nader blasted ex-President Clinton as a "draft-dodger."

It was all downhill from there, as Nader and Rhodes screamed at one another for the next 10 minutes.

My suspicion is that one of the outer circles of Hell is populated by Randi Rhodes screaming in her New Joisey accent. Ralphie got a premonition of his fate.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 11:39 PM -

 
It just shows what you can do when there's a shortage of medieval thugs

Where the Fighting Isn't

As violence in Iraq dominates the news, imagine a Middle Eastern country in which the government works in simple offices and spends its money on education, a state in which the prime minister still lives in his parents' home and builds libraries instead of palaces.

How about a Middle East in which young men and women study together at a university where no political party rules the campus, freedom of speech is encouraged and internet access is unrestricted.

Try, if you can, to imagine a Middle Eastern population that regards America with respect and gratitude.

It isn't a dream. It's a reality.

Welcome to free Kurdistan.

Much more by following the link.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 11:20 PM -

 
It is a puzzlement!

From Rantingprofs:

HOW IS THIS LEGITIMATE?
9/11 Commissioner Jamie Gorelick on Hardball. Now, keep in mind, they were pretty clear leading up to today that the reason they wanted Condi in public was so that the American public could see what they saw -- so that it would all be out in the open, even if some of what they would be going over with her would be repetitive. Fair enough.

Well, Gorelick has just come from the Commission's session with Bill Clinton. Bad enough that's a closed session. I'm prepared to say, unhappily, that the man was a president and should be given some special consideration. But Gorelick says, I'm not going to talk about what was said because we've agreed not to.

You have truly got to be kidding me.

Aw c'mon Jamie, give us some of the choice bits! That's what Ben-Veniste did with Condi Rice's previous closed door testimony.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 10:31 PM -

 
Reruns of the "Mob Lawyer" and Mr. "Poor Impulse Control"

A frightening story at Sine Qua Non:

I'm watching Dan Rather for the first time in years right now, not by my choice. They are featuring Richard Ben-Veniste (with applause) and Bob Kerrey. The only quote by Condi Rice was her saying "I don't remember..." Oh good, my mother-in-law just changed the channel. Conservation of momentum continues in the liberal media.

It's actually another law of nature: Conservation of assholism.

Channel flipped to Tom Brokaw and Tim Russert is now focusing on the families' response.

Yeah, the Teresa Heinz funded widows.

Looking at my earlier post on the subject, I could have predicted it. On the other hand, I couldn't have verified my prediction without help - I'm not allowed to watch the whining hairdos because it frightens the neighbors.

UPDATE: Isntapundit has a comprehensive post on the professional widows financed by Teresa.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:08 PM -

 
Golly, it's George Soros' Flying Monkeys!

Best of the Web:

Moving On Up
John Kerry's campaign has hired Zack Exley, now director of special operations for the far-left MoveOn Political Action Committee, to run his online operations, CNN reports. The MoveOn PAC is an offshoot of MoveOn.org, known for its shrill attacks on President Bush, as well as its harassment campaigns against its critics.

And also taking a lot of George Soros' unregulated campaign cash.

Writing for FrontPageMag.com, The American Spectator's Shawn Macomber notes that Exley was the brains behind a 2000 campaign site called GWBush.com, "which mostly made unsubstantiated claims about the Republican presidential candidate's alleged cocaine use":

The site remains active to this day, hawking bumper stickers and T-shirts with tender patriotic devotions emblazoned on them, such as: "Imperialism. A Way of Life Worth Bombing For"; "Regime Change Starts At Home"; "Bush is a Punk Ass Chump"; and, oddly enough, for a site selling wares, "Capitalism: It's Great in Theory, It Just Didn't Work in Practice." . . .

A class act for sure. But you better be careful Zackster, Big George might not approve of the last one! I'm also sure that now that ole Zack has joined Kerry, he won't violate the campaign laws by doing any illegal "coordinating" with his old MoveOn pals will he? Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

And speaking of Georgie's Furry Friends, how about this press release?

In a letter sent today, House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi, Whip Steny Hoyer, Representatives John Larson, Jan Schakowsky, and more than 120 other Democratic Members of Congress who support the Bipartisan Campaign Finance Reform Act (BCRA) emphasized to the Federal Election Commission that the law as enacted does not impose the same restrictions on independent political organizations that it requires of federal elected officials and candidates. The Federal Election Commission is scheduled to meet next week to address the issue of independent political organization expenditures and is expected to issue a ruling in May.

The Members who voted for BCRA did so to prohibit federal elected officials and political parties from raising and controlling soft money -- activities that have a corrosive influence on federal policymakers. BCRA was not directed at political organizations or public advocacy groups that are not controlled by or do not coordinate their activities with political parties or officeholders.

Blah, blah, blah. They apparently had a lawyer write it for them so it reads like the white pages, but here's a translation:



See how easy that was! Gosh, no one would want to keep a wingnut billionaire from buying an election would they?

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 4:52 PM -

 
Who was that 20 foot black woman?

The only question is who has the most boot marks on his butt - Richard "Mob Lawyer" Ben-Veniste or Bob "Poor Impulse Control" Kerrey. I also thought that the Teresa Heinz funded claque in the audience was a nice touch. Is there anyone lower than Kristen Breitweiser?

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 1:23 PM -

 
I thought the full moon was over?

Fruitbat Kathryn Cramer has her panties in a knot because ... no, that would take too long. Basically, she used her crack investigative skills to try to smear one of the murdered and mutilated contractors at Falluhjah, Michael Teague, by connecting him to a white supremacist. The only connection: they have the same name. Charles Johnson over at LGF called her on it and now she really has the vapors. She's abetted by her flying monkeys who have posted the personal details of a Charles Johnson in LA. The only connection: they have the same name. The problem is that in neither case are they the same person. They're crack investigators fer sure!

I'd suggest ole Kathyrn pick up the clue phone but it appears that she's afraid of mind control satellites or some such. Finally, Cory Doctorow from Boing Boing weighs in to protect his little pal from attack. I guess it's a foul attack to suggest that an "investigation" should involve a tad more than finding matching names on Google. But then Boing Boing hasn't been cool since it stopped coming out on dead trees. If then.

And speaking of the vapors, Anal Marie Cox (aka Wonkette) is imploding at a furious rate. Now she's into running contests on "Who's a Homo". Hmm, that doesn't sound real trendy and diverse. Over to Ace of Spades HQ for the details:

And remember-- none of this is actually homophobic or hateful! How can you tell?! Because we always end every sentence with an exclamation point! Sometimes several!!! Exclamation points = harmless cheeky snarking!!!

As I have observed previously, Anal Marie sucks! A lot!!!!!!!!! Anyhow, to help out the bumptious pissant, Ace is having two contests of his own:

Male Nominees: Liberal Men Who Just Might Know the Names of Both of the Pet Shop Boys

Female Nominees: Liberal Women Who Just Might Have an Intuitive Understanding of Basic Carpentry

(Remember-- don't say "Oliver Willis." )

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 9:17 AM -

 
High Bogon Flux Alert!

I haven't been keeping up with the story of the Claremont College prof who claimed she was the victim of a hate crime. Not to worry - Michelle Malkin has all the juicy details:

I've reported before on the hate crime hoax phenomenon at Arizona State University (where Muslim student Ahmad Saad Nasim faked assaults against himself to exploit the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks) and at the University of Mississippi (where black students falsely blamed racist vandalism against fellow black students on whites). The latest case of apparently manufactured racism involves left-wing academic Kerri Dunn. On March 9, the Claremont McKenna College visiting professor of psychology claimed she discovered anti-Semitic, anti-black, anti-woman epithets ("kike," "nigger lover" and "whore") spray-painted on her 1992 Honda Civic. The car's windows were smashed and the tires slashed. Dunn had been a vocal critic of other alleged racist incidents on campus. After she reported the incident, administrators and students rallied around Dunn; classes were cancelled at all five of the Claremont Colleges; local and federal authorities launched an investigation.

It's great when the community comes together for truth and understanding!

Things started smelling funny when so many students didn't even know what "kike" meant that the campus rabbi had to put out an explanatory press release.

Hmm, that was swell of him.

Dunn, for that matter, isn't even Jewish. She is a Catholic "considering" converting to Judaism. So how did Dunn's purported assailants know this? She explained that the attack -- which she called "a well-planned-out act of terrorism" -- must have been committed by her own students, who knew of her plans to convert. More irksome questions arose. How did the assailants know which car on the campus parking lot was hers? The students must have followed her, Dunn said.

I bet the students appreciated that.

And what about the $1,700 in property she told police had been stolen, which mysteriously turned up in Dunn's possession? No explanation.

Might as well make a little cash when staging bogus hate crimes, I guess.

Giving new meaning to the phrase "auto vandalism," two witnesses told investigators that they saw Dunn drive her car -- adorned with the offending graffiti -- into a parking lot and smash the car's windows and slash the tires herself.

That is something you don't see every day.

But here's the punchline:

As is typical in these cases, the perpetrator and her loyal supporters are in denial. Dunn, who was involved in past tangles with the law over shoplifting charges, blames the police for being irresponsible and "irreparably damag(ing) her reputation and emotional health." Minority students shrug at the fraud. "I'm not concerned with whether it's a hoax or not," said Pomona College junior Adam Briggs of the Pan-African Student Association.

Of course not. When it comes to smearing America, as Tawana Brawley taught us all so well, the end always justifies the manufactured means.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:33 AM -

 
More Flip-Flop Hijinks

Sandal whappers serenade Kerry

John Kerry had seen the tactic before - it emerged on the campaign trail last week - but few others seemed to understand what was going on.

Young Republicans wearing cheap sandals got in the front row and started clapping them together almost as soon as the Democratic presidential candidate took the stage at Sawyer Point on Tuesday.

Their message: that Kerry has flip-flopped on the issues.
...
Some union workers quickly surrounded the dozen Republicans with Kerry signs. Some elbows were thrown - as were some sandals - until two Cincinnati police officers broke it up.

I was wondering how long it would take for the union thugs to arrive. Up north they're thick on donk candidates like flies on cow flops.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:09 AM -

 
Why am I not surprised?

A typical puff piece from the NY Times - Push Is On to Give Legal Immigrants Vote in New York. As usual the "push" comes from the usual "activists" and "advocates".

"This would be seismic in its impact," said Roberto Ramirez, a political consultant and lawyer who has served as a state assemblyman and chairman of the Bronx Democratic Party. "Both parties would have to develop a different mindset to address policy issues for those residents who have historically not been part of the political process."

Maybe because they're citizens of another country, Brainiac. And then there are the places that want to give illegal aliens the vote.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:04 AM -

 
It just keeps getting better

Ole Lurch was running his mouth on NPR this morning:

In an interview broadcast Wednesday morning, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry defended terrorist Shiite imam Muqtada al-Sadr as a "legitimate voice" in Iraq, despite that fact that he's led an uprising that has killed nearly 20 American GIs in the last two days.

Not to mention the other Iraqis his thugs have offed.

Speaking of al-Sadr's newspaper, which was shut down by coalition forces last week after it urged violence against U.S. troops, Kerry complained to National Public Radio, "They shut a newspaper that belongs to a legitimate voice in Iraq."

In the next breath, however, the White House hopeful caught himself and quickly changed direction. "Well, let me ... change the term 'legitimate.' It belongs to a voice — because he has clearly taken on a far more radical tone in recent days and aligned himself with both Hamas and Hezbollah, which is a sort of terrorist alignment."

"Sort of," Waffle Boy?

But Kerry again seemed to voice sympathy for the Shiite terrorist when asked whether he supported al-Sadr's arrest. "Not if it’s an isolated act without the other kinds of steps necessary to change the dynamics on the ground in Iraq," Kerry told NPR, in quotes first reported by the New York Sun.

Dontcha just love the nuance?

But wait there's more - Kerry and the 2006 Chevette:

If John Kerry wins the presidency, most of us will be driving Chevettes -- or the modern-day equivalent, at any rate. The Massachusetts senator has proposed jacking up federal fuel economy requirements for new cars to as much as 36 miles-per-gallon as part of his plan to reduce U.S. dependence on foreign oil. The problem is that only subcompact economy cars are capable of achieving nearly 40-mpg. If the government put such a requirement into place, if would in effect be outlawing mid-size and larger passenger cars -- and all SUVs and pick-up trucks.

There is not a single 2004 model year pick-up or SUV that comes close to achieving 36-mpg. Mid-size family cars like the Honda Accord and Toyota Camry don't make the cut, either -- even in four-cylinder form. Equipped with V-6 engines, they're not even in the ballpark.

Better get your V-8, before it's too late…

Not to worry, folks! I'm sure there will be an exemption for bigwigs and ketchup heiresses.

And finally, it's deja vu - Where are those tax returns, Senator Kerry?. Over the years, Lurch's tax returns have been almost as scarce as his medical records. But here's some good news:

According to published reports, Kerry reported an income of $144,091 in 2002. He paid $29,946 in federal taxes and $7,286 in Massachusetts state taxes, and gave $18,600 to charity.

Nothing terribly surprising there, although it does show the extent to which Kerry’s lifestyle is subsidized by his wife; his income would not be enough to pay the property taxes on the houses they own.

The 2002 figures also show that Kerry has learned his lesson on the issue of charitable giving.

That was a problem several years ago, the last time Kerry released his tax returns.

In 1995, Kerry reportedly had a taxable income of $126,179 and made charitable contributions of $0.

In 1994, he gave $2,039 to charity. In 1993, the figure was $175. In 1992, it was $820, and in 1991, it was $0.

Look for his 2003 figure to be far better than that, perhaps exceeding his better-than-tithing 2002 contributions.

For reporters, however, the first order of business should be to break through the Kerry scam. If he has in fact “released” his tax returns for the past five years, journalists should ask, then where are they?

Kerry should do a mass handout of returns for those five years, or, better yet, post them on his website. Then he can make the “I have never not released my tax returns” claim, and actually be telling the truth.

I'm not holding my breath.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 3:41 PM -

 
"Hand over that lunch box, kid!"

Honey, I blew up the kids!

Kids in the U.K. have government looking over their shoulders – not to see if they're selling drugs, bringing weapons to school, or sticking snakes in their teachers' desks. No, at select schools in Plymouth, government officials are examining kids' lunchboxes to make sure the little moppets are munching the right morsels.
...
"We need to make sure that whatever children are eating at lunchtime is nutritionally balanced, whether that's school meals or from home," said one health official. "If they're having wholemeal bread with salad, fruit and perhaps water, not sugary drinks, that would be fine, but if it's lots of crisps and chocolate, no fruit and white bread with ham, that's different."

Hmm, I wonder if they're going to try body cavity searches to make sure none of the tykes is hiding a Twinkie?

There's lots more on the obesity wars by following the link, but my favorite is:

This serves the interests of obesity pimps like Yale's Kelly Brownell quite well. In his new book, "Food Fight," he claims we live in a "toxic" food environment. "Unhealthy food is cheap. It is also convenient, fast, packaged attractively and tasty," he says. Meanwhile, "Healthy foods are more difficult to get, less convenient and expensive ... [A]n epidemic of obesity is exactly what you'd predict."

If you check the article's snapshot of ole Kelly, you'll note that apparently he's no stranger to Krispy Kremes.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 9:13 AM -

 
Here's a puzzle

'Jackass' for Girls:

MTV has an unqualified hit on its hands with "I Want a Famous Face," the show about young people who go through painful, often grueling plastic surgery to look like their heroes.

Everyone needs a hobby!

Last Tuesday, the show followed a pretty but otherwise normally endowed Texas girl named Sha as she gets breast implants in order to look more like Pam Anderson.

Her goal is to pose for Playboy.

In earlier episodes, twins underwent surgery to look more like Brad Pitt, and a 21-year-old, plus-size model from Florida got a full-body tuck to look more like "Titanic" star Kate Winslet.

Nothing like striving to attain. And I don't want to know the details of a "full-body tuck".

"I Want a Famous Face" has been a surprise - and unlikely - hit for MTV.

The show has been ranked in the Top 10 shows for young viewers (people between 18 and 34 years old) nearly every week since its debut in late February. (In fact, two repeats last week were ranked in the Top 15, tied with the NBA game of the week.) And the success was almost totally by word of mouth.

Still, officials at the network have not decided if they will order a second season. The current flight has only three more episodes left - including a Chicago woman who undergoes surgery to look more like Jennifer Lopez and a guy who longs to be more Elvis-like.

"It is under discussion, but no decision yet," says an MTV spokeswoman.

That is practially unheard of in the TV world, where success is so rare that there is usually no question of whether to keep a hit going.

But some viewers seem to think that MTV is encouraging - even paying for - the expensive face lifts, lipo and implants these kids crave.

Maybe they could convert it to a "Psychiatry Case Files" show?

The producers have thrown in plenty of cautionary tales to warn off the less-than-committed. One whole segment is devoted to next week's star, Cassandra, getting her implants removed after suffering arthritis and memory lapses.

Sheesh. I seem to remember that about 20 years ago there was an MTV cable network that played rock music videos. I wonder what happened to it?

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:58 AM -

 
Today's Hoot!

Lurch on the campaign trail:

Sen. Kerry (D-Mass.), meanwhile, campaigned in Ohio. He has repeatedly claimed he'll create 10 million new jobs if elected, and yesterday, his campaign said 417,000 of those jobs would be in Ohio.

It's like a perverse freak show. Wait a sec and he'll pull something new and amazing out of his butt.

Protesters clapping together rubber beach sandals called flip-flops, met Kerry and he scolded them, saying, "Obviously, some young Republicans are proving that they're very rude and they have no manners. They don't want to hear the truth."

Bwahaha! They certainly came to the wrong place for that.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:49 AM -

 
Have you got what it takes to be an Ayatollah?

The Polipundit 'splains the requirements.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:39 AM -

 
All the usual suspects and their head cheerleader

Rantingprofs has some fun with the NY Times' response to the UN Oil-for-Palaces scandal:

You would think that the people who are so insistent on the ability of the UN to do just about anything would have to confront the institution's fundamental ineptness and, oh yeah, the enormous scandal of the Oil for Food debacle. The New York Times editorial page has been calling for the UN to run Iraq for months, and it's finally reached a point where even they have to deal with the scandal. But they are so committed to protecting the UN at all costs that their vision of what the scandal is and what it means for the future of the institution and its credibility is so distorted as to be virtually unrecognizable.

Hey, the news has to "fit" before they print it. More by following the link.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:22 AM -

 
"Quick, check all the bars!"

Apparently that old rumpot, Ted Kennedy, got away from his handlers yesterday and staggered into the Brookings Institution for a rant:

Democratic candidate John Kerry's chief surrogate, Sen. Ted Kennedy, accused President Bush of having the largest "credibility gap" since former President Richard Nixon.

Bwahaha! When Ted's in his cups it's always a hoot, but you know your campaign is in trouble when you have to make him your "chief surrogate." I hope Lurch made it real clear that the job doesn't cover Teresa too!

Bush "has broken the basic bond of trust with the American people. He's the problem, not the solution. Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam, and this country needs a new president," Kennedy, D-Mass., told an audience at the Brookings Institution.

Kennedy attacked the administration on the war in Iraq, a war he has said was predicated on a fraud devised to help Republicans in the 2002 and 2004 elections and divert attention from "the administration's deceptions here at home."

Kennedy and Vietnam - it does have a certain ring to it. And a conspiracy theory is always nice too!

After startling the wonkish crowd at Brookings, ole Ted then staggered into a TV studio where he remotely chatted up Larry King:

I believe that there is no way that this administration can develop the confidence internationally from any of the neighboring states in order to be able to build the kind of a policy where we could see the United States see a free and developed, independent Iraq and American forces brought home.

I think you -- there is no credibility left for this administration, and that part of the world needs a change.

Hmm, why not send Ted to Iran to enhance our credibility in the "neighboring states?" Maybe he can go bar hopping with the mullahs?

Speaking of credibility, over on FR a poster observed: "It took the 3rd ID and Marines less time to take out the Medina division of the vaunted Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to notify the police about his accident." But you have to admire Ted's chutzpah:

It's not in his book, but Brinkley learned in his research of a time in recent years when the senators shared a limousine along with Kennedy's ever-present companion, Splash, a Portuguese water dog.

Suave of him not to name the pooch, "Glug Glug."

When they stopped at a rest area on the Massachusetts Turnpike, Kennedy said his back hurt and asked Kerry to give his dog a little exercise. Kerry reluctantly confirms the story. "We got out, and I gave the dog a run and was throwing some tennis balls for him," the would-be president recalls.

Some things never change. Hey Lurch! Fetch!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 6:52 PM -

 
I wonder if he notices he's a parody of himself?

Kerry hits Bush on steel tariffs - but would not re-impose them

Democratic presidential front-runner John Kerry said Monday the White House should not have scrapped steep tariffs on foreign-made steel last year -- but would not put them back in place if he is elected.

Hmm, I'm glad that's definite!

Which reminds me - Esoteric Diatribe is sponsoring a Kerry Google bomb - Waffles. And catch the signage.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 4:23 PM -

 
Fat-Faced Punk Update

(Last installment here.) Looks like the Democrat National Committee and the Democrat Congressional Campaign Committee blog are still sponsoring the hateful tyke. Time for a reminder that when you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas. (Hat tip: Dorkafork)



And speaking of fleas, it looks like Markos finally got wannabe Congressman Jeff Seeman to cough up some cash for an ad. It turns out ole Jeff lists his occupation as peace activist and is the head of the Stark County (OH) Peace Coalition specializing in creative protests. He and Markos seem like a match made in heaven! But don't call us when you start stripping for peace, Jeff!

And speaking of dogs, Markos took his whine to Insane Jane Garofalo's new radio show. It's a vast conspiracy to persecute him, dontcha know? Zzzz. Which reminds me, ole Kos is sponsoring a Google bomb to make the new wingnut radio network number one on Google for searches on "Air America". Why not give the real Air America a bump and while you're at it, help out truth in advertising with a Fat-faced punk link?

And speaking of both dogs and fleas, trendy Wonkette apparently has a crush on Markos, but it seems to involve, er, um (how to phrase this without showing up on pr0n searches?) - "an approach via the nether regions". But she's insistent on her preference. Here's hoping her 15 minutes will be up soon!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 9:24 AM -

 
Fat-Faced Punk Update

In the continuing saga of Markos Moulitsas Zúniga, as of this morning, all of his individual candidate advertisers have decided that hanging around with the little wacko might be a poor plan. There still are a few odd wingnut advertisers left and then there are the Democrat National Committee and the Democrat Congressional Campaign Committee blog (for Demos running for the House of Representatives). Whew! John Kerry jumped ship but these folks are still on board! Nice to know where they stand.



But don't worry about ole Markos, he tells us he's got some hot prospects lined up like wannabe Congressman Jeff Seeman:



If I were Markos, I wouldn't get too close to that guy! He looks a bit tightly wound.

(Hat tip: Dorkafork)

UPDATE: A reader asks, "Why does Jeff Seeman's web site have a donation button with a Linux penguin on it?" Beats the heck out of me - maybe it's because he's a clueless loser and stole it someplace? Good thing he didn't steal this one.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 10:11 AM -

 
Today's Hoot

From Mark Steyn - No lie: Kerry's just a wannabe

For a year or so now, I've woken up to a ton of e-mails each morning with the subject marked BUSH LIED! -- or, to be more precise, BUSH LIED!!!!!!! I'm not one who thinks it helpful to characterize a policy difference as a ''lie.'' So, when John Kerry says he supports the Kyoto Treaty even though he voted for a bill that declared the United States would never ever ratify it, that doesn't mean he's a ''liar,'' it just means that, well, to be honest, I haven't a clue what it means, you better to take it up with him, now he's out of the hospital after his elective surgery. ''Elective surgery" means you vote to have the operation, and then spend the next year insisting you've always been strongly opposed to the operation.

Ole Lurch is just a nuanced kind of guy, I guess.

Anyway, as I said, I wouldn't call Sen. Kerry a liar. But I did get the vague feeling in the following exchange that, if it had gone on a minute or two longer, the candidate's nose would have cracked my TV screen, extended across the coffee table and pinned me to the wall.

Ouch - there's a picture that I can do without.

The time: last month; the place: MTV. The interviewer asks: ''Well, we know that you were into rock 'n' roll when you were in high school, and we know that you play the guitar now. Are there any trends out there in music, or even in popular culture in general, that have piqued your interest?''

''Oh sure. I follow and I'm interested,'' says John Kerry. ''I'm fascinated by rap and by hip-hop. I think there's a lot of poetry in it. There's a lot of anger, a lot of social energy in it. And I think you'd better listen to it pretty carefully, 'cause it's important . . . I'm still listening because I know that it's a reflection of the street and it's a reflection of life.''

Really? You're ''fascinated'' by rap and ''listening'' to hip-hop? You're America's first flip-flopper hip-hopper?

Pander alert!

The best riposte to Kerry came from an encounter a few years ago between his predecessor Al Gore and Courtney Love, lead singer of the popular beat combo Hole, when they chanced to run into each other at a Democratic party night in Hollywood.

''I'm a really big fan,'' gushed the vice president.

''Yeah, right. Name a song,'' scoffed Courtney. The panicked vice panderer floundered helplessly. Fortunately, his Secret Service guys moved in before he wound up completely riddled by Hole. As wise old campaign consultants always say, the politician's First Rule of Holes is: When you're in one, stop digging. Al introduced us to a Second Rule: When you're with one, stop pretending to dig her.

If only that MTV guy had said to Kerry, ''Yeah, right. Name a song.'' Think Kerry could've? Reckon if you bust into his pad and riffled through his and Teresa's CD collection you'd find a single rap album?

Bwahaha! But you might find his medical records!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:21 AM -

 
Just be Kos

In the continuing Markos Zuniga story, the Daily Kos web site is now showing just a blank page. With the room temperature IQ loons that inhabit the place having nothing to do, they are over at Fried Man trashing Roger for chilling dissent by suggesting to ole Markos' advertisers that just maybe they don't want to be associated with the little freak. Someone point 'em to the clue phone.

Meanwhile, LGF has some more details - Kerry's Site Delinks Daily Kos:

John Kerry's campaign site has removed their link to Daily Kos
...
Markos Zuniga has now officially become radioactive.

"Bring it on," said Markos.

UPDATE: Kerry's minions are not happy about this decision.

UPDATE: And meanwhile, Kerry's site still has a link to Democratic Underground, a loathsome loony left site with a level of sheer malevolence that makes Zuniga's comments look like pure patriotism.

I was wondering about that too.

More from LGF here and here.

UPDATE: That'll teach me to spend my Saturday working in the lower 40. I missed ole Kos trying to make light of the situation, but Jeff at Protein Wisdom fills us in - Kos we're still having fun, and you're still the one...

More "contrition" from the Prince of Pud:

So I said something pretty stupid last week. I served up the wingnuts a big, juicy softball. They went into a tizzy, led by Instapundit.

And for a while, I was actually pretty worried.

But the final tally was -- about 30 hate-filled emails, about 15,000 hate-filled visitors, and the pulling of three advertising spots that are going to be replaced in less than a week.

...Well, that and the 4 charred, mutilated Americans hung from a suspension bridge whose memory you all but pissed on. Don't forget to add them to your "final tally," bitch.

The Daily Kos: if it doesn't affect my bottom line, screw 'em.

Ole Markos really is a nice little piece of work, isn't he?

Jeff also reveals the reaction from Kos' butt buddy, Atrios:

So, Garofalo's new web mascot decided he'd better comment on the whole Kos dustup after all -- not directly, mind you (there's advertising revenue to consider here), but rather in that glancing, elliptical way favored by smug wannabe-hipsters drunk on their own preening irony. Unfortunately for him, the dainty slap he takes barely leaves a mark -- and even his most rabid readers practically ignored it, skipping past in a race to hear themselves froth and screech.

More by following the link.

UPDATE 2: More from Instapundit, Michele, and Roger Simon. Warning: the Flying Monkeys are really really pissed and are infesting any available comments section.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 9:31 AM -

 
"Kerry Gone Wild?"

The NY Times has more than I really wanted to know in The Very Long Legs of 'Girls Gone Wild' . It's in the "Style" section but it ought to be the business section since it's mostly about the ever expanding business of the "Girls Gone Wild" franchise. Example:

Mr. Francis spent more than $21 million on ads last year and was the largest advertiser for programs like "The Howard Stern Show" on the E! channel, according to TNS Media Intelligence/CMR, a New York company that tracks advertising and marketing information. Some in the advertising industry said sophisticated marketing was a factor in the success of the videos but noted that the brand's main appeal was that it showed real young women as opposed to actresses. The appeal is obvious to Mr. Francis, who appears to be guided by his own fantasies. "I love watching girls," he said. "That's what makes me get up in the morning."

Indeed.

In adddition to a forthcoming "Guys Gone Wild," he's also planning to open a chain of "Girls Gone Wild" restaurants but without the nudity. No, I'm not making it up.

And as expected, there are some interviews with the wannabe stars of the show:

On a chilly night in Daytona Beach during filming last month, Shannon, a 19-year-old from Temple University, was lifting her T-shirt in her hotel room amid the laughter and the "Oh, my Gods" of her disbelieving girlfriends.

"It's a very freeing feeling," Shannon said of her stunt.

But she admitted to being "pretty drunk" and added: "I'm pretty sure I'll see a downside tomorrow morning."
...

and John Kerry has jokingly proposed the release of a "Kerry Gone Wild" video.

His handlers better keep Lurch away from the schnapps!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:59 AM -

 
Wingnut Marching Season Alert!

Over at Silent Running, "Tom Paine" drops by the local wingnut protest franchise:

Another Harmonic Idiocy Convergence occured in Melbourne today. Palm Sunday march against Bad Stuff, which apparently includes not allowing anyone at all from anywhere at all, including Outer Jihadistan, to just march right into Australia and start demanding immediate welfare benefits and the vote.

Same old tune, no matter where they sing it. Besides the obligatory giant paper mache puppets, Tom discovers that you can't go undercover while wearing a NY Yankees cap.

All this is swell, but it's spring in the northern hemisphere and fall in the southern - the weather must be right somewhere for naked protestors! So where the heck are they? Well, there was one in Japan - Japanese man stages naked sit-in:

YONABARU, Japan, April 3 (UPI) -- A man in Japan staged a naked sit-in at the Yonabaru mayor's office because he was upset he hadn't gotten his welfare payments.

Sounds like a match!

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:40 AM -

 
That's weird! I thought they already surrendered. (#3)

Blast in Spain kills officer, 3 terrorism suspects

MADRID, Spain (CNN) -- A Spanish policeman was killed and 11 others injured when three suspected terrorists blew themselves up as police were closing in on them, Spanish Interior Minister Angel Acebes said.

Acebes said the suspects chanted in Arabic as they set off the explosion, which ripped through an apartment block, blowing out walls and windows.

Hmm, that appeasement thing is working out swell so far! (#2 is here)

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 8:24 AM -