Today's Hoot!

The Iowahawk Guest Commentary by Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi is chockful of rich creamy goodness, but I especially liked this part:

I’m serious, why does Zawahiri insist on making nice with these infidel college dickslaps? Okay, so a few dhimmis throw us a few bucks every month. But Holy f**king Prophet, otherwise they’re as useless as tits on an Imam. “Sorry, Zarkman, can’t help you with the wiring diagrams, my Ph.D. is in deconstructivist semiotics,” whatever the f**k that means. I mean, holy dung, how do these motards chew gum and protest march at the same time? And the ones that actually do get over here never want to volunteer for anything other than being a stupid hostage, and then they start whining for vegan meals and high-speed internet, and then they get all pissy and crying when you actually cut off one of the other’s heads. Helloooooo, Moby McMoonbeam: that’s what you f**king hostages are for. S**t, I swear the only victory we’ve had lately is when Team Satan came and took those Unitarian peace creeps off our hands. Your problem now, dawg.

Nothing that couldn't be solved by airdropping them without a parachute.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 7:54 PM -

 
Yet another gadget I didn't know I needed

Miller beer to be first to use (Cold Can) Technology:

The beer can is in for a technology makeover that will shake-up the beverage industry, and it’s being brought to you by a company called Tempra Technology, which has ambitious plans for their cold can technology.

The specially modified cans use proprietary engineering to create a temperature drop that will reduce the I.C. Can contents by a minimum of 30° Fahrenheit in just three minutes.

I guess you don't keep 'em in the fridge or you'll have a brick when you pop the top. Follow the link for technology details, but as for who's going to buy them:

The average American drinks 22 Gallons of beer annually, and even though this product would demand a large price premium over a traditional can, the convenience factor and bragging rights would make this a must have item. Camping and fishing will drive the initial sales, and as volumes increase more and more uses will be found.

Expect the first cans to show up on store shelves in mid-2007.

I've been fishing for a passle of years and somehow I have managed to survive without a self-cooling beer can. On the other hand, showing your beer buddies the trick ought to be amusing. Once. After that, the fact that half the can is taken up with the mechanism will undoubtedly make it grow old fast.

posted by Cracker Barrel Philosopher at 10:54 AM -